My nephew is 12 wants to play with 6/-10 year olds

LegacyUser

I am writing because I am worried about my nephew.

He has always been an open, happy and calm little boy. He went to the creche since he was 2 and has had trouble in school with mathematics etc. He has been diagnosed with a learning disability and gets additional learning support. He is in 6th class now and preparing for secondary school.

The problem is, he has disengaged from his peers. He says that it is "easier" to be amongst younger children as he finds it easier to talk to them. I find this very difficult to accept as I know this will only lead to problems in his language use (such as, I visited my sister when it was dinner time he said "going to having dinners now isn't we?" and I pulled him up on it.) The children he plays with are half his age and on several occasions he has been told not to be around them as they are too young.

He is a bit of a dreamer and does tend to go into his own world a lot. I am worried and do not know what I should do in this situation, as already I have spoken to him about it in a calm and friendly manner.

I would fear for his secondary school days, what if the other children pick up on his inability to engage with them?

If there are other parents out there who can advise, please do. His mother seems to think it's a phase he will simply grow out of.

Morag

I've seen the same with my son, he's happy in the company of adults or chidldren who are younger then them then the confusing interactions with young teens his own age.
He doesn't see the point in the mornic status games they play, the slagging which he sees hurts people and the cursing and bad manners they display.

He has started 1st year and is doing ok, but still keeps mostly to himself as he doesnt' like the interactions with his peers, then again neither did I at his age.
Teens can be very cruel and if he is choosing to opt out of interactiosn with them until he is older then whats wrong with that?

byhookorbycrook

Much will depend on the secondary school he will be going to. Are there many of his classmates going to it?Is there a child that would look out for him?Some children are more content in their own company or with younger children and I don't see a problem with that, once he does not get picked on as a result Some schools run a kind of mentor programme where older students look out for the first years .

In cases where a child has a learning difficulty, the support teacher might do some extra work with the child to prepare them for the transition. Woprth checking out.

LegacyUser

thanks guys ,I am aware of a prefect system but not of a mentoring program as of yet. There was nothing at the information evening said about anything like this so I will have to look into it. The majority of his current classmates are going to different schools, so he's in male minority with regards his classmates, two girls who are in his class will be attending the school so hopefully they will look out for him but you can never be too sure.

My main concern is that when he speaks out in class, this association with younger children has already made his speech a little distort, there is no speech difficulty found, the tests run showed he has a mild disability with reading and mathematical reasoning.

He has a very bad temper when he is feeling pressured and he gets stressed quite easily so I fear he'll be a target for bullies either way, it's bad enough that he only has very young friends. The problem is that my sister got word from one of the children that the parents had told him not to be around my nephew because he is simply too old for them, which in itself is a fair point, it's hurtful to hear but you can understand the perspective of the parents when it comes to age and different lifestages and developments etc.

I don't know how I can help other than to speak to the school and hope he settles in well. Over the summer he'll be at home, as will these children.

There has already been a couple of occasions where the children who live on his road and who are his age have excluded him because of his association with the younger kids.

CrazyRabbit

I can't really offer any suggestions, but for what it's worth, most of my friends around that age were also 1-3 years younger. I to had difficulty interacting with others my age. I couldn't stand the macho behaviour and all these new teenage 'social' norms that I had to adhere to. Too much hassle.

I turned out ok, so I wouldn't worry too much.