Are these the Rambling Thoughts of Someone who is Mentally Ill?

LegacyUser

I would appreciate if everyone could bare with me for this post because I find it extraordinarily difficult to transfer my thoughts into words.

I feel slightly disconnected from everyone and I just can't seem to put my finger on it. Everyone seems to be operating on a different wave length like they know something that I don't. I find it increasingly difficult to socialize with people. I feel like I am becoming less intelligent and occasionally I have difficulty trying to find the words that I need to use. I am reading all the time and continuously trying to improve on this but I feel that I suffer from a distinct lack of intelligence that is always going to hold me back. However, this was not always the case. I used to be very bright, I used to be able to win any argument and keep an audience captivated. I really do not know where I have gone astray.

Furthermore, I am becoming increasingly disillussioned with the actions of humanity in general. I am beginning to conclude that 99% of people are self-serving, cruel and cunning. I sometimes feel like everyone around me is employing their own tactics to gain an advantage in whatever situation we find ourselves in. I mean, I spend a lot of time considering if a person is employing methods to gain advantages and occasionally consider how I could implement my own methods so why would others be different?

I have also become very cynical. I find it hard to believe that 99% of people are genuine and I believe that every act is for a self serving purpose. I believe they are exceptions to this such as cases of acts done by a parent to a child for example but for most acts the doer has a self-serving ulterior motive.

I have high morals and I am not willing to sacrifice them but sometimes I think I may have to in order to be successful. It seems that all those around me have absolutely no conscience and give little thought to others.

I am 21 and so completely confused that I think about this regularly. This has been going on for 2 years now and still I have absolutely no idea what exactly I am trying to say....Please help me

LegacyUser

You are not alone. You say that for 2 years you have felt like this. Who have you started hanging around with in these 2 years?

Sometimes you end up in a group of friends by circumstance, these people would be totally different to you which can make you feel exactly like this.

Don't worry about it, you are not the problem. I don't know what advice to give you, but you will find plenty of kindred spirits out there.

Naikon

weirdthoughts? wrote: »

I would appreciate if everyone could bare with me for this post because I find it extraordinarily difficult to transfer my thoughts into words.

I feel slightly disconnected from everyone and I just can't seem to put my finger on it. Everyone seems to be operating on a different wave length like they know something that I don't. I find it increasingly difficult to socialize with people. I feel like I am becoming less intelligent and occasionally I have difficulty trying to find the words that I need to use. I am reading all the time and continuously trying to improve on this but I feel that I suffer from a distinct lack of intelligence that is always going to hold me back. However, this was not always the case. I used to be very bright, I used to be able to win any argument and keep an audience captivated. I really do not know where I have gone astray.

Furthermore, I am becoming increasingly disillussioned with the actions of humanity in general. I am beginning to conclude that 99% of people are self-serving, cruel and cunning. I sometimes feel like everyone around me is employing their own tactics to gain an advantage in whatever situation we find ourselves in. I mean, I spend a lot of time considering if a person is employing methods to gain advantages and occasionally consider how I could implement my own methods so why would others be different?

I have also become very cynical. I find it hard to believe that 99% of people are genuine and I believe that every act is for a self serving purpose. I believe they are exceptions to this such as cases of acts done by a parent to a child for example but for most acts the doer has a self-serving ulterior motive.

I have high morals and I am not willing to sacrifice them but sometimes I think I may have to in order to be successful. It seems that all those around me have absolutely no conscience and give little thought to others.

I am 21 and so completely confused that I think about this regularly. This has been going on for 2 years now and still I have absolutely no idea what exactly I am trying to say....Please help me

I don't think of myself as very smart or anything, but I do operate on a different wavelength. I understand your situation somewhat. Genetics plays a part. John Nash has mathematically summed people up. Have a read up on Game Theory. Interesting stuff indeed.

LegacyUser

If this has been going on for two years you need to get help fast.
I imagine that because of this you are not interacting much with people and instead choosing to hit the books.

If you isolate yourself from people you will start coming to your own conclusions about things, especially negatively.

I cant stress enough how important it is to get help early. This could have a really damaging effect on your life, big time.

Get help, learn why you are thinking this way, I found CBT very effective and efficient, even after only 10 sessions.

First go to a good GP....and be honest with him about what is happening.

If you dont get help ASAP....the worse you get the less likely you will be to accept help.

There will be many others who are in the same boat. And a lot of what you are experiencing can be explained, dont try and do it yourself through books, let the professionals help you out.

Best of luck

Sardonicat

Hi there, OP

I'm not qualified to tell you if what you are descrbing are the thought patterns assoicated with a mental illness or not. Even if someone who is qualified reads this, s/he will not be able to comment or advise professionally.

Do you mind my asking what you do, OP? Are you at college/on a course or working, or are you out of work right now and forced to spend a lot of time alone? I have found isolation can cause my self confidence and self-identity to take a bit of a hammering, particularly in relation to communicating with others. Being out of work or being under or over employed can make you question your level of intelligence and abilities. I'm asking these questions so you can address any of these issues if they apply to you. That way you can see if these are contributary factors, or not.

As another poster has mentioned, the latter half of your post sounds like what a lot of intelligent, thinking people go through at about your age.
What I would suggest though, is that if you drink too much alcohol or smoke too much mellow stuff or dabble in chemicals generally these can exsasperate feelings of parannoia and disconnection. This is something most if us learn through experience. Again, if this applies to you, it is something you can address yourself to see if it makes a postive difference to you.

Ultimately, if you are concerned, the best thing to do is seek professional advice. If you are at college there should be a free counselling service. I think counselling is the way to start. If it is that your are at a difficult life stage (and don't underestimate how difficult this transitionary stage of life can be) you will gain some valuable insight and coping skills that will stand to you throughout your life. If it is something a little more serious you will be in safe hands and helped to access the right channels in order to get it addressed.

Best of luck to you, OP.

Naikon

mr prevention wrote: »

If this has been going on for two years you need to get help fast.
I imagine that because of this you are not interacting much with people and instead choosing to hit the books.

If you isolate yourself from people you will start coming to your own conclusions about things, especially negatively.

I cant stress enough how important it is to get help early. This could have a really damaging effect on your life, big time.

Get help, learn why you are thinking this way, I found CBT very effective and efficient, even after only 10 sessions.

First go to a good GP....and be honest with him about what is happening.

If you dont get help ASAP....the worse you get the less likely you will be to accept help.

There will be many others who are in the same boat. And a lot of what you are experiencing can be explained, dont try and do it yourself through books, let the professionals help you out.

Best of luck

Sorry, but maybe it's just a personality trait? Just because somebody sees the world for how it really is, does not mean counselling is required. I empathise with the OP. I have some idea of what the OP is talking about. However, I don't attribute this style of thinking to automatically mean someone is "depressed". Personally, I would avoid counselling like the plague. I ****ing hate labels and paper trails, but that is just me. Does not mean someone is "weak" or anything, it's just I don't like talking to strangers. Alarms bells aren't ringing here.

mr prevention - Are you a drug rep? Just wondering...

Sardonicat

Naikon wrote: »

Sorry, but maybe it's just a personality trait? Just because somebody sees the world for how it really is, does not mean counselling is required. I empathise with the OP, I know what he is talking about. However, I don't attribute this style of thinking to automatically mean someone is "depressed". Personally, I would avoid counselling like the plague. I ****ing hate lables and paper trails, but that is just me.

He won't get labelled by simply going to counselling. I agree, this could just be the OP's personality. But he is concerned and counselling can help put his mind at rest that he is perfectly normal.

Naikon

Sardonicat wrote: »

He won't get labelled by simply going to counselling. I agree, this could just be the OP's personality. But he is concerned and counselling can help put his mind at rest that he is perfectly normal.

This is true. Though I would still ask if they have tape recorders in the background (just kidding). Just be clear with what you will and won't allow. It works both ways. Honeslty, "mr prevention" just wants to make a quick buck I think. Can't blame the man in this economy.

nyarlothothep

No, I don't think so. I agree that there is a lot of willful stupidity and cruelty in the world. People like to seek out that which confirms their world view, you see it here on boards all the time. Even though a poster may be patently shown up for the illogicality of their arguments they'll continue to defend their position no matter how invalid it is. On that note I think we all do this to some extent or another. Even with game theory there are exceptions which basically invalidate its universalizing claims, same with evolutionary psychology which gets bandied about a lot on internet forum boards because it offers an easy catch all and cynical explanation for human behaviour. Its very easy to be cynical or to claim to bepragmatic, not so much to envision a better world because again people often have their self interest invested in an existing state of affairs even though such a state may be malfunctioning. They'll defend it and say everything is reasonable and in place. My point is essentially that if you seek out information which supports your world view you'll become more convinced of it. But that doesn't mean that its actually the truth, as I think there is no such thing, just what is observed. This in itself is quite liberating, it means we have a choice in what we want to believe and how to react to it.

As for the debating point, often times a person may appear to win a debate on a superficial level but it doesn't mean they've won it in terms of content, ie if you got them to write out their responses you'd find that a lot of it might be empty rhetoric and grandstanding, rather than real argument backed up by reasoning and evidence.

gugleguy

Something along the lines of this was proposed in the "kanniving masses" . One way of looking at it. I don't dwell on this too much myself. Actually,I concentrate more on positive experiences like for instance the non Irish waiter in a well known Dublin City Centre hotel who struck up a conversation with me about the new mini camcorder I had just bought.
These days an attitude seems to grow in society that you cover your own backside.
mmmmmmmmm

And yes, I said some things to the waiter as well about what I felt the Irish Society was going.. nuff said for my own good.

Like I said:D, I don't dwell on this.

irishh_bob

weirdthoughts? wrote: »

I would appreciate if everyone could bare with me for this post because I find it extraordinarily difficult to transfer my thoughts into words.

I feel slightly disconnected from everyone and I just can't seem to put my finger on it. Everyone seems to be operating on a different wave length like they know something that I don't. I find it increasingly difficult to socialize with people. I feel like I am becoming less intelligent and occasionally I have difficulty trying to find the words that I need to use. I am reading all the time and continuously trying to improve on this but I feel that I suffer from a distinct lack of intelligence that is always going to hold me back. However, this was not always the case. I used to be very bright, I used to be able to win any argument and keep an audience captivated. I really do not know where I have gone astray.

Furthermore, I am becoming increasingly disillussioned with the actions of humanity in general. I am beginning to conclude that 99% of people are self-serving, cruel and cunning. I sometimes feel like everyone around me is employing their own tactics to gain an advantage in whatever situation we find ourselves in. I mean, I spend a lot of time considering if a person is employing methods to gain advantages and occasionally consider how I could implement my own methods so why would others be different?

I have also become very cynical. I find it hard to believe that 99% of people are genuine and I believe that every act is for a self serving purpose. I believe they are exceptions to this such as cases of acts done by a parent to a child for example but for most acts the doer has a self-serving ulterior motive.

I have high morals and I am not willing to sacrifice them but sometimes I think I may have to in order to be successful. It seems that all those around me have absolutely no conscience and give little thought to others.

I am 21 and so completely confused that I think about this regularly. This has been going on for 2 years now and still I have absolutely no idea what exactly I am trying to say....Please help me

i know mentally ill people and you are not mentally ill

petethebrick

You don't come across as mentally ill. But you do come across as very very condescending. Yes there are some cynical morally corrupt folk out there but the vast majority of people are decent and kind. Maybe try getting down off your high horse

SugarHigh

Read about the effects of social isolation.
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1898

We form our basis of reality from interacting with other people.

Human beings are also naturally curious. Drastically reducing the amount of "normal social interaction, of reasonable mental stimulus, of exposure to the natural world, of almost everything that makes life human and bearable, is emotionally, physically, and psychologically destructive" (2) because it denies us the ability to ask questions and seek reasons and information to form explanations that allow us to understand ourselves as well as our world and our place and purpose in the world. It is logical that we feel less stable and secure overall when the things that our brain and body rely on to connect to and understand our surroundings are taken away from us.

In class, we have occasionally discussed how we check in with other people to get an understanding of ourselves. In one extreme example, we recalled a final scene of the movie "A Beautiful Mind" in which Professor John Nash asked a student to verify that there was a man standing there talking to him. Because Nash's schizophrenia often caused him to hallucinate, he relied on other people to assure him what he was seeing was not just his own reality, but the reality of the world (including other people). We all do this to a certain degree, though probably to check much less subtle information than whether a person is or is not actually a hallucination.

Social isolation has a similar affect on all people who go through it. Read my link about how it affects prisoners. Don't consider the fact you are on a different wave length to be a defect it's simply the result of being socially isolated. It's a perfectly normal human reaction.

You might feel less intelligent because you are less mentally stimulated. Social interaction is actually very mentally demanding and is good for brain functioning. This will be quickly remedied once you begin to socialise so don't worry.

have sometimes gone for hours and even days with very minimal human contact. As a result, I experienced anxiety, depression, and a feeling of being disconnected from the world around me, even though I had complete freedom to go wherever I wanted. Prisoners who are isolated for prolonged periods of time have been known to experience "depression, despair, anxiety, rage, claustrophobia, hallucinations, problems with impulse control, and/or an impaired ability to think, concentrate, or remember." (2) Studies have also shown that isolation can cause "impaired vision and hearing... tinnitus [(ringing in the ears)], weakening of the immune system, amenorrhea [(absence of menstrual periods in women)], premature menopause... and aggressive behavior in prisoners, volunteers and animals." (1)

Previously healthy prisoners have "develop[ed] clinical symptoms usually associated with psychosis or severe affective disorders" (2) including "all types of psychiatric morbidity." (4) Many have committed suicide.

Don't worry all of these things you are feeling are normal and are quickly reversed. Go to your GP and ask for help. You can do CBT to help your anxiety and you can do Social skill courses to help you interact with people. Help is available.

I was isolated for 2 years and went periods of up to 8 weeks without ever even stepping into my garden. It really does affect how you think especially if you had a tendency to over analyse in the first place. I began to really look down on everyone. Everything seemed pretentious and like you I felt had an ulterior motive to manipulate me. For example of would be very cynical of peoples likes a dislikes because I would read too much into them. I would assume anyone who likes Sigur ross was simply doing so to appear cultured anyone who liked classical was only doing so to look intellectual and anyone liked "The Clash" were only doing so to seem rebellious. While I still sort of hold these views I realised it was completely self defeating to think this way, that it was too reductive.

After I built up my social skills and started to interact with people I found that I had more empathy for them and I just started to like people more. One of the reasons I decided to seek help was because I feared that I was going to start harming people. I was starting to relate to many serial killers who isolated themselves from society and then attacked it. I never had violent thoughts but I just felt that I was in a vulnerable position where something like that could develop and take hold. When you aren't part of society and have no empathy for society it is easy to harm those within that society. In much the same way an American Soldier can kill people from Iraq because that is a completely different society to his own.

You are a victim of circumstance that have lead to you being isolated. You can get help and you will be able to develop meaningful friendships with other people. This was something I convinced myself wasn't possible for me but it was.

Maple

OP, nobody here can diagnosis you with mental illness.

Please speak to a professional, the first port of call would perhaps be your GP.

Best of luck OP & take care.

Maple.