First Date Etiquette; When 'The Bill' comes

enol

I can't believe there isn't already a thread on this so here goes:
Whats the general consensus on the guy paying for a meal on a FIRST date? If the guy initiates the date and picks the location, should he pick up the tab when the bill comes? If you offered to pay your share and it was accepted without hesitation, would you find it unimpressive?
Both the man & woman are 30-ish and in full time employment and only met once before the date.
I'd love to get the opinions from other Irish women on the dating scene, thanks.

Am I the only one who immediately thought this thread was going to be about what you should do if your first date gets arrested?

I don't understand why a woman would be unimpressed if the man accepted the suggestion she put forward about paying the bill. I mean paying their share.

thebiggestjim

Guy should pay for the first date, no matter who did the asking out. For the record I am a guy.

Silverfish

I presume this was posted in tLL specifically to hear from the ladies, if anyone wants to start another general thread in Humanities or TGC

The last thread we had on this nearly ended up in the Ranting and Raving forum, with no replies from ladies but plenty of posts from men who've been stung and assume we're all the same!


In my opinion, I always offer to go halves on a first date. Especially so if there isn't going to be a second date. If he's picked up the bill, and there will be a second date, I'll get that one.

However, if he has asked me out, and he's picked the venue, it's not fair to assume I will automatically be able to afford half the bill if he's picked somewhere expensive.

Likewise, if I do the asking out, I'll expect to foot the bill fully.

cantdecide

thebiggestjim wrote: »

Guy should pay for the first date, no matter who did the asking out. For the record I am a guy.

+1

I don't think it's appropriate to split the bill for a first date. It's a bit unromantic. I don't think a woman should pick up the whole tab the first time round. It's not errrr.... chivalrous, IMO. That means it's the blokes responsibility.

If there's a post dinner drinkie, that's up for negotiation.

Cecil Mor

As a guy I'd make the effort of paying but if she insisted on doing dutch, I'd naturally let her:D

Fluorescence

Whoever sets up the first date pays for it (or at least offers to pay).

coffee_cake

Always look to split half

squeakyduck

bluewolf wrote: »

Always look to split half

+1

The_Morrigan

If the woman offers then she should be prepared to have that offer accepted, especially considering the economic hardship most are experiencing now.

I personally don't expect anyone to pay for me anywhere and I will always offer if it is not accepted, I'll be first at the bar for the round of drinks etc.

themadchef

thebiggestjim wrote: »

Guy should pay for the first date, no matter who did the asking out. For the record I am a guy.

Split it, 2 professional people, not teenagers, no need to impress anyone. Be adults. Get all down with your chivalrous self if she goes on the second \ third date. Not the first.

I would run a mile tbh.

panda100

On the last few dates I've gone on the guy has sneakily gone off and paid the bill without me noticing!I would always insist in paying for the drinks afterwards then.

liliq

Silverfish wrote: »

In my opinion, I always offer to go halves on a first date. Especially so if there isn't going to be a second date. If he's picked up the bill, and there will be a second date, I'll get that one.

However, if he has asked me out, and he's picked the venue, it's not fair to assume I will automatically be able to afford half the bill if he's picked somewhere expensive.

Likewise, if I do the asking out, I'll expect to foot the bill fully.

+1 on this...

newbee22

For the first date, the guy should pay, after that it should be split!

Kya1976

I always make sure to pay my share. Wouldn't want it any other way:)

jokettle

I'd definitely pay my share; if he insisted on paying the whole bill then I'd buy the drinks (assuming there's a pub afterwards!), or I'd pay for the next one.

Ickle Magoo

I always insist on splitting the bill on a first date - I don't like feeling like I'm indebted to someone that I may not wish to see again or if I want to go home immediately after the meal. If things are a bit further along and there looks like being potential then I'm happy to take turns or him pay for a mean, me drinks/cinema/whatever...

Chinafoot

I'm a 50/50 type of girl when it comes to this stuff, no matter if its the 1st, 5th or 10th date. If paying my half isn't possible on one occasion (due to being skint) then I will definitely get the next one.

MIN2511

First date = dinner = he pays
First date = drinks -> first drink = he pays and then alternate rounds

Second date = dinner = I pay
Second date = drinks AGAIN = alternate rounds


And if we halve dinner on the first date, I'm sorry but NO to a second date

I'm old school


Oh i should add; i wouldn't just sit there i'll offer to pay...

enol

Thanks for all the replies, very welcome and appreciated from everyone! There is so much on this if googled but not much from Irish daters, until now:) Thanks

Faith

See, these kinds of threads are pointless because the only people who will generally post are those who are saying the "correct thing". There's hundreds of women who'll read this who would fully expect the man to pay, but they won't post because they'll get pulled over hot coals about it. So in the end, you get a completely skewed result. Same thing happened on the recent binge drinking thread and dozens of others. So, OP, don't assume the responses you get here are reflective of the general population .

krudler

MIN2511 wrote: »

First date = dinner = he pays
First date = drinks -> first drink = he pays and then alternate rounds

Second date = dinner = I pay
Second date = drinks AGAIN = alternate rounds


And if we halve dinner on the first date, I'm sorry but NO to a second date

I'm old school

What if you ask a guy out? does he still pay?

maglite

Man initates the pay on the first date.

I would hope the girl at least offers.
There is the polite "I'll get this",, if she asks again we go dutch

If there is no offer of dutch on 1st or Second. I'm not that interested in a 3rd,

cantdecide

Faith wrote: »

See, these kinds of threads are pointless because the only people who will generally post are those who are saying the "correct thing". There's hundreds of women who'll read this who would fully expect the man to pay, but they won't post because they'll get pulled over hot coals about it. So in the end, you get a completely skewed result. Same thing happened on the recent binge drinking thread and dozens of others. So, OP, don't assume the responses you get here are reflective of the general population .

What about a poll? There aren't infinite options to this one. I think that would be actually useful.

montane

I know of one attractive girl who goes out on a Saturday night. She lets men buy her drinks for most of the night, and gathers numbers.

Then on two or three nights of the following weeks she organises dates, and gets fed for free in nice restaurants. She doesnt really have much intention of pursuing anything with these men.

Snoopy1

I would never expect for a guy to pay for everything on the first date.
I would always offer to go halves, or do alternate rounds.
Id feel awkward if he paid for everything to be honest

enol

Faith wrote: »

See, these kinds of threads are pointless because the only people who will generally post are those who are saying the "correct thing". There's hundreds of women who'll read this who would fully expect the man to pay, but they won't post because they'll get pulled over hot coals about it. So in the end, you get a completely skewed result. Same thing happened on the recent binge drinking thread and dozens of others. So, OP, don't assume the responses you get here are reflective of the general population .

really? thats a bit of a relief actually, because a lot of the 'correct replies' are in total contradiction to the feedback I've got from friends so far. Most people I have spoken to; men and women, said they'd agree that the guy should shout the first date, then dutch after that.

MissFlitworth

montane wrote: »

I know of one attractive girl who goes out on a Saturday night. She lets men buy her drinks for most of the night, and gathers numbers.

Then on two or three nights of the following weeks she organises dates, and gets fed for free in nice restaurants. She has no intentions of pursuing anything with these men.

Right. So assuming she goes out for dinner with a min of 2 of these guys a week she has to have dinner with over a hundred complete randomers every year. And also waste every single Saturday night out filling her contacts list for her next weeks free dinners. Well doesn't that sound like a little slice of hell. Mayhaps you should organise an intervention for your 'friend' and get her the help she needs to break free from this clearly destructive behaviour?

I have no 'given' as to who pays for the first date. Depends on where we go, who arranges it, whether I have the money to be going out for dinner/drinks etc. Prefer to pay my way at all times though.

MIN2511

krudler wrote: »

What if you ask a guy out? does he still pay?

In my life I've asked 2 guys on dates and both had girl friends

So i dunno

montane

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Right. So assuming she goes out for dinner with a min of 2 of these guys a week she has to have dinner with over a hundred complete randomers every year. And also waste every single Saturday night out filling her contacts list for her next weeks free dinners. Well doesn't that sound like a little slice of hell. Mayhaps you should organise an intervention for your 'friend' and get her the help she needs to break free from this clearly destructive behaviour?

I dont think the behaviour has been going on for a year. It's a useful side-effect of someone with too active a social life. It's not my place to intervene in anyones behaviour.

MissFlitworth

montane wrote: »

I dont think the behaviour has been going on for a year. It's a useful side-effect of someone with too active a social life. It's not my place to intervene in anyones behaviour.

Oh, I'm sorry, I think I was being a bit too subtle. What I was getting at is that you're telling complete porky pies about this 'friend'. Funnily enough every single time a thread gets started on boards about women and what they should pay for or expect to have bought for them someone pops up with a similar 'friend'. Dublin is seemingly crawling with these women out Thursday to Saturday scabbing free drinks and Sunday to Wednesday for their free dinners