First Date Etiquette; When 'The Bill' comes

God...

Feeona wrote: »

It wasn't a point of view, it was a personal insult


EDIT : And to be honest, I expect more from a person who calls him/herself God : p

Look, first dates and special occasions obviously I would pay and I wouldn't mind paying most of the time anyway!!

But if a woman starts EXPECTING things to be paid for she is nothing but a leech and wouldn't be my cup of tea as it says a lot about her personality and views.

metrovelvet

Wondering... do dads still pay for their daughters weddings?

Ickle Magoo

Not sure, why don't you ask on the weddings forum?

Feeona

God... wrote: »

Look, first dates and special occasions obviously I would pay and I wouldn't mind paying most of the time anyway!!

But if a woman starts EXPECTING things to be paid for she is nothing but a leech and wouldn't be my cup of tea as it says a lot about her personality and views.

You are well entitled to your opinion, but a personal insult is not an opinion.

Ickle Magoo

Feeona, the post was dealt with by the mods, if you want to carry on this discussion, take it to PM.

Feeona

God... wrote: »

Look, first dates and special occasions obviously I would pay and I wouldn't mind paying most of the time anyway!!

But if a woman starts EXPECTING things to be paid for she is nothing but a leech and wouldn't be my cup of tea as it says a lot about her personality and views.

No worries Ickle Magoo. Back on topic.


@ God : That's your opinion and your entitled to it. My opinion is that men who make a big deal out of paying for a first dinner date (and who would usually instigate the date) are stingy or have a chip on their shoulder.

Vinta81

I'd offer to go halves and it's up to himself if he wants too or not.

Ickle Magoo

Feeona infracted for ignoring request to take it to PM.

Skuxx

As a guy I'd always insist on paying on a first date, especially for a meal or something like that, if we went for a few drinks then I'd be happy for her to pay for the odd one if she wanted too although I wouldn't just sit there waiting for her to buy the next round!!

Shane732

Rocket19 wrote: »

To be honest, and I guess I'll be slated for this, I would expect a guy to pay on the first date.

It has nothing to with money,I have money, I just think its good etiquette. I know that guys shouldn't be expected to pay, its unequal, sexist, blahblahblah, but at the same time, if on the first date, he didn't offer to pay, I would definitly think he was a bit scabby.

Last time I was on a date, the guy pretty much paid for everything. We just got food, drinks, cinema and for everything I was like "nonono, it's ok, I can pay for myself!" but he insisted. I ended up sneaking to the bar and buying him a couple of drinks in return anyway, which is what I would usually do.

The point is though, if he didn't at least offer, I would definitely think he was being cheap. I know its not fair, but meh. I think most men with any sort of class are going to offer to pay for a girl on a first date. I'm sorry but its just manners. (It certainly wouldn't apply for relationship though, which is totally different territory.)

I actually have to agree with a lot of this post even if it is perhaps a bit old fashioned.

Generally speaking, If I'm taking a girl out for the first time I'll pay for everything. if the girl offers to pay half I'll say your ok, this is on me etc... Naturally if she continues insisting (which has happened and was slightly awkward) then I'll let her go half. Generally speaking I'd offer to pay for everything for the first few dates. If it moves on to a relationship then I wouldn't mind going halves etc... but even then it wouldn't be something I'd pay much attention to, if I ended up paying for the night out then so be it.

Even if I'm on a night out and there's a few girls at the table I'll get everyone a couple of rounds during the night. There wouldn't be any level of expectation or anything like that, I just don't see the point in being tight and for the sake of saving a couple of €uro.

I agree with Rocket that it is mannerly for the guy to foot the bill.

The_Morrigan

Shane732 wrote: »

I actually have to agree with a lot of this post even if it is perhaps a bit old fashioned.

Generally speaking, If I'm taking a girl out for the first time I'll pay for everything. if the girl offers to pay half I'll say your ok, this is on me etc... Naturally if she continues insisting (which has happened and was slightly awkward) then I'll let her go half. Generally speaking I'd offer to pay for everything for the first few dates. If it moves on to a relationship then I wouldn't mind going halves etc... but even then it wouldn't be something I'd pay much attention to, if I ended up paying for the night out then so be it.

Even if I'm on a night out and there's a few girls at the table I'll get everyone a couple of rounds during the night. There wouldn't be any level of expectation or anything like that, I just don't see the point in being tight and for the sake of saving a couple of €uro.

I agree with Rocket that it is mannerly for the guy to foot the bill.

Do you equate it to be nice regardless of whether it is romantically linked?
I'll always buy rounds of drinks, or pay for dinner etc and i'm not bothered by the whole guy has to pay thing. It's nice of course but it isn't a deal breaker for me.
I've had two guys pay for my dinner before - neither of them were dates

Shane732

The_Morrigan wrote: »

Do you equate it to be nice regardless of whether it is romantically linked?
I'll always buy rounds of drinks, or pay for dinner etc and i'm not bothered by the whole guy has to pay thing. It's nice of course but it isn't a deal breaker for me.
I've had two guys pay for my dinner before - neither of them were dates

I suppose to a certain extend yes. I wouldn't have any problem paying for a friend's meal even if there was absolutely no level of expectation. Having said that if I thought I was just being used it would only happen once.

The_Morrigan

Shane732 wrote: »

I suppose to a certain extend yes. I wouldn't have any problem paying for a friend's meal even if there was absolutely no level of expectation. Having said that if I thought I was just being used it would only happen once.

That is always an issue to think about alright!

HellFireClub

God... wrote: »

Look, first dates and special occasions obviously I would pay and I wouldn't mind paying most of the time anyway!!

But if a woman starts EXPECTING things to be paid for she is nothing but a leech and wouldn't be my cup of tea as it says a lot about her personality and views.

God has spoken! :D:D Not trolling, just had to get that out!

Feeona

bluewolf wrote: »

you what

I think men should pay for the first date. However, if the guy doesn't know the girl all that well, he might end up paying for dinner for a girl who will do a runner once the expensive date is over.

Galvasean

If I do the asking I'll always pay for the first date. It seems funny to ask someone on a date and expect them to pay. Virtually every woman I have been on a first date with has tried to spit the bill. Epic struggle ensues. Usually ends with a compromise of, "Okay, you can buy me a drink later if you want". I think that's fairly fair.

However, if a girl asked me on a date I'm damn well not paying for the whole thing (chivilry schmivilry, that sounds like a scamola!). I'll fight to the death to 'go Dutch' tough (see aforementioned struggle).

Poor Craythur

Galvasean wrote: »

However, if a girl asked me on a date I'm damn well not paying for the whole thing (chivilry schmivilry, that sounds like a scamola!). I'll fight to the death to 'go Dutch' tough (see aforementioned struggle).

Well, like you said, whoever asks should pay. If a girl asks you, she should pay fully.

Emme

I always offer to pay half, and 9 times out of 10 the offer is accepted. I'm cool with that as I think it's normal for each party to pay their share these days.

Rocket19

Shane732 wrote: »

I suppose to a certain extend yes. I wouldn't have any problem paying for a friend's meal even if there was absolutely no level of expectation. Having said that if I thought I was just being used it would only happen once.

I think it sort of depends. You kind of know when there's nothing behind
an offer. For example, I was out on Thursday night in this bar. I went up to the bar with my friend (we know a couple of guys who work there) and when we ordered he was like "i'll get these for ya". We obviously let him as it was just a friendly thing and there was no 'expectation' there.

On the other hand, was out on Saturday night and this guy offered to buy me a drink. I didn't fancy him or whatever, so basically said no thanks, he went off. Bumped into him later in the night, he asks again, I say "no". He got the message then. I don't understand girls who will take a drink from a guy who is clearly using it as an ice-breaker, and then act 'surprised' when he won't bugger off :rolleyes:

Kinda depends on the situation.

sam34

on a first date i'd always offer to pay half and tbh would prefer if that was accepted by the guy. if it wasn't, then I would buy the drinks for the rest of the night (not just the first round).

Malari

I've read this thread with interest because I've avoided this whole "first date" thing my whole life! I've only ever been on one first date - my current boyfriend. Other than that I've known the guys I've been in relationships through college, sports, mutual friends, etc. When I'd go out for drinks or food with them (and others) before we got together it was always splitsies, so naturally it was the same when we started going out. Oh, and with my current boy, he bought coffees, I bought the next round, he bought cinema tickets and I bought the goodies.

I do have one friend who doesn't seem comfortable with the idea of girls going to the bar. His wife never does. When we are out together he is always genuinely impressed that I ever buy him a drink

ibarelycare

Malari wrote: »

I've read this thread with interest because I've avoided this whole "first date" thing my whole life! I've only ever been on one first date - my current boyfriend. Other than that I've known the guys I've been in relationships through college, sports, mutual friends, etc. When I'd go out for drinks or food with them (and others) before we got together it was always splitsies, so naturally it was the same when we started going out. Oh, and with my current boy, he bought coffees, I bought the next round, he bought cinema tickets and I bought the goodies.

I do have one friend who doesn't seem comfortable with the idea of girls going to the bar. His wife never does. When we are out together he is always genuinely impressed that I ever buy him a drink

Slightly OT I know, but does anyone else have a couple that they are friends with, but who only see themselves as one unit when it comes to buying rounds??? My ex's friend and his girlfriend were on a night out with us one night and I bought the first round, my ex bought the second round, the friend bought the third round and when he was finished his drink told my ex to get the drinks in again. It wasn't until the second time that their round came around that I noticed this. Stingy wagons :mad:

Malari

ibarelycare wrote: »

Slightly OT I know, but does anyone else have a couple that they are friends with, but who only see themselves as one unit when it comes to buying rounds??? My ex's friend and his girlfriend were on a night out with us one night and I bought the first round, my ex bought the second round, the friend bought the third round and when he was finished his drink told my ex to get the drinks in again. It wasn't until the second time that their round came around that I noticed this. Stingy wagons :mad:

In fairness for this couple, he is pretty generous with jumping up to the bar, plus she doesn't drink that much so I don't feel too hard done by

It did make me wonder though about how their dating went! It's kind of old-fashioned. My mom never actually goes to the bar, she hates it

MIN2511

ibarelycare wrote: »

Slightly OT I know, but does anyone else have a couple that they are friends with, but who only see themselves as one unit when it comes to buying rounds??? My ex's friend and his girlfriend were on a night out with us one night and I bought the first round, my ex bought the second round, the friend bought the third round and when he was finished his drink told my ex to get the drinks in again. It wasn't until the second time that their round came around that I noticed this. Stingy wagons :mad:

Happens regularly

And then they order double vodka's and redbulls...
I stay away from rounds when there are couples involved...

metrovelvet wrote: »

How about non drinkers having to split bills with drinkers?

Ah this wrecks my head too!

When you go to birthday dinners and then most people expect the non drinkers to pay the same amount as the drinkers/the people who order Steak/the most expensive item on the menu...


When i ask for a separate bill i'm labelled as stingy!

metrovelvet

How about non drinkers having to split bills with drinkers?

Emme

ibarelycare wrote: »

Slightly OT I know, but does anyone else have a couple that they are friends with, but who only see themselves as one unit when it comes to buying rounds??? My ex's friend and his girlfriend were on a night out with us one night and I bought the first round, my ex bought the second round, the friend bought the third round and when he was finished his drink told my ex to get the drinks in again. It wasn't until the second time that their round came around that I noticed this. Stingy wagons :mad:

These are the people who bring one bottle of wine to a party or one present to a wedding while single people have to do the same - meaning Mr & Mrs Stingy pay 50% of what a single person has to pay.

CathyMoran

MIN2511 wrote: »

Happens regularly

And then they order double vodka's and redbulls...
I stay away from rounds when there are couples involved...

I would only have one drink (of mineral water) for the night so prefer to keep out of the rounds thing, as does my husband who does not drink much.

In terms of the first date I think that the woman should always offer to pay halves and say the guy pays the tip on top of that. Having said that if one party is obviously short on cash and did not pick the location then it would be politer if the other person paid in full.

metrovelvet

Emme wrote: »

These are the people who bring one bottle of wine to a party or one present to a wedding while single people have to do the same - meaning Mr & Mrs Stingy pay 50% of what a single person has to pay.

Lol. Mr and Mrs Stingy.:D

Ickle Magoo

ibarelycare wrote: »

Slightly OT I know, but does anyone else have a couple that they are friends with, but who only see themselves as one unit when it comes to buying rounds???

I never understand that mentality - single or couple, I'd tot up from the bill what I owe and pay that plus a share of the tip. It's the same as people who order a bottle of wine, three courses and a chaser while their friends buy a salad and soft drink and then insist on dividing the bill equally...

Malari

metrovelvet wrote: »

How about non drinkers having to split bills with drinkers?

I'm a main course kind of gal. Just 9 times out of 10 will not be able to eat starter or desert and don't order any sides. But I'll have a glass of wine or two. So if my "date" has a 3 course meal and a side of skinny fries with a coke, then YES we are splitting the drink bill!!

Hypothetical of course