First Date Etiquette; When 'The Bill' comes

Twee.

metrovelvet wrote: »

How about non drinkers having to split bills with drinkers?

Depends whether they're drinking tap water or Red Bull/Lucozade/Cokes/Non-alcoholic beers! Not all non-drinkers stick to water.

MIN2511

Twee. wrote: »

Depends whether they're drinking tap water or Red Bull/Lucozade/Cokes/Non-alcoholic beers! Not all non-drinkers stick to water.

Wouldn't it be easier if everyone got individual bills

Malari

MIN2511 wrote: »

Wouldn't it be easier if everyone got individual bills

I would consider that more stingy. Unless someone has clearly had a LOT less just split it equally.

MIN2511

Malari wrote: »

I would consider that more stingy. Unless someone has clearly had a LOT less just split it equally.

Ah it depends, we went out for dinner and a girl who's vegetarian ordered a salad and the rest of us ordered 3 course meals + wine...

This vegetarian doesn't drinks so she had a glass of coke, when the bill came they expected her to pay €45 like everyone else on the table... She was gonna pay but i insisted that it was ridiculous... Her salad and coke was less than €20:eek:


I wonder if people do it on purpose or just conveniently forget

CathyMoran

MIN2511 wrote: »

Ah it depends, we went out for dinner and a girl who's vegetarian ordered a salad and the rest of us ordered 3 course meals + wine...

This vegetarian doesn't drinks so she had a glass of coke, when the bill came they expected her to pay €45 like everyone else on the table... She was gonna pay but i insisted that it was ridiculous... Her salad and coke was less than €20:eek:


I wonder if people do it on purpose or just conveniently forget

With me I tend to eat from the a la carte (but eat less volume) and do not drink, I hate splitting the bill, it is fairer to pay for what you eat.

I did go on a date with a guy who not only "split the bill" and ordered really expensive options (and ate from my plate too) but pocketed the tip as well...there are some bad ones out there.

Twee.

If I was having dinner with friends or on a date and was drinking wine (by the glass) with my dinner, and others were drinking water or Coke I'd definitely throw in extra money for the cost of my drinks! Whenever me and the girls go for dinner, usually a few share bottles of wine, so we take the wine out from the total cost, and just split the food cost, everyone looking after their own drinks. Off topic a bit there, sorry!

eilo1

Am I the only one that finds it all very awkward if the guy pays?
I mean in theory it is very sweet and a really nice thing to do, but when it actually happens I get all shy and uncomfortable about it. I feel like I then somehow own him and wont be happy until I have bought at least a couple of rounds of drinks or paid for the next date.

Ironically though I like treating my partner sometimes.

Twee.

eilo1 wrote: »

Ironically though I like treating my partner sometimes.

I used to take my ex for dinner every month when I got paid! Not somewhere crazy expensive now, I was only working part time, but it was just something I enjoyed doing.

Waterloo Sunset

A first date should be about spending time with someone you want to spend time with and no girl should expect any monetary compensation for doing so. Money shouldn't come into it at all and everyone should pay their own way.

WindSock

ibarelycare wrote: »

Slightly OT I know, but does anyone else have a couple that they are friends with, but who only see themselves as one unit when it comes to buying rounds??? My ex's friend and his girlfriend were on a night out with us one night and I bought the first round, my ex bought the second round, the friend bought the third round and when he was finished his drink told my ex to get the drinks in again. It wasn't until the second time that their round came around that I noticed this. Stingy wagons :mad:

I don't know any women like that, but If I ever find I am in the company of a woman who is not used to buying drinks I may bring it to her attention (subtlety depending on stage of the evening :pac:...) that it is her round though.

You know, in a way I guess there are probably some women out there who have been conditioned to not buy rounds, it may have never crossed their minds to buy drinks as they are so used to having them plonked down in front of them all the time. Not a good way to be in this day and age though and I guess it wouldn't hurt them to realise they look stingy.

Plenty of guys who duck out of rounds too though. I don't mind a tat if they can't afford it and are getting their own of course, it is the ones who accept everyone elses drinks then 'disappear' or keep quiet when its their round.

Personally, if I have been dragged into a round and can't afford to keep up, I will buy for whoever bought me and try to get out of it.

Lady von Purple

WindSock wrote: »

You know, in a way I guess there are probably some women out there who have been conditioned to not buy rounds, it may have never crossed their minds to buy drinks as they are so used to having them plonked down in front of them all the time. Not a good way to be in this day and age though and I guess it wouldn't hurt them to realise they look stingy.

I'm the youngest of a large family- in some situations you're actually not allowed buy a round!
And when I'm out with friends we usually get our own drinks in.

In a rounds situation though, I'll always get a few rounds in; it just might take me a little while to remember! Genuinely though, I have to remind myself.

metrovelvet

The rounds system stinks anyway. Some people dont drink and some people only drink cocktails and everyone drinks at their own pace too.

coffee_cake

metrovelvet wrote: »

How about non drinkers having to split bills with drinkers?

It doesnt generally come up for me I think, most of my friends would also have soft drinks at dinner with me, but if it was getting excessive like loads of wine vs 1 diet coke I'd pipe up and say no offense but I'm not paying for your drinks.
They're all very fair minded though, like one time we went for dinner and they all got big meals and I got a sandwich or something (ok not actually a sandwich but something very small) so they insisted on reducing my share.

As for rounds I don't do them, everyone drinks something different and at different paces so I'm just not interested.

copacetic

WindSock wrote: »

Plenty of guys who duck out of rounds too though. I don't mind a tat if they can't afford it and are getting their own of course, it is the ones who accept everyone elses drinks then 'disappear' or keep quiet when its their round..

You would seldom see a guy get away with that, at least among a group of men that knows each other at all. It would soon be loudly pointed out to get to the bloody bar.

sugarplumkin

Malari wrote: »

I would consider that more stingy. Unless someone has clearly had a LOT less just split it equally.

I don't think it's stingy, when I go out with friends we just automatically split by what we had, just makes sense really! Then a bit extra for tips

metrovelvet wrote: »

The rounds system stinks anyway. Some people dont drink and some people only drink cocktails and everyone drinks at their own pace too.

Rounds can get messy, I try avoid it unless it's a usual group of friends. I find you end up drinking way more than you intend when people are just popping drinks down in front of you!

Malari

sugarplumkin wrote: »

I don't think it's stingy, when I go out with friends we just automatically split by what we had, just makes sense really! Then a bit extra for tips

Fair enough. When I go out with friends we just split it equally. You go out every so often it evens out. I have a €12 pasta meal one night, I might have a €20 fish dish another night. If I pay €17 both nights that's ok with me. When one person in the group grabs the bill and starts totting up and announces they owe €15.25 it just annoys me.

sugarplumkin

Malari wrote: »

Fair enough. When I go out with friends we just split it equally. You go out every so often it evens out. I have a €12 pasta meal one night, I might have a €20 fish dish another night. If I pay €17 both nights that's ok with me. When one person in the group grabs the bill and starts totting up and announces they owe €15.25 it just annoys me.

Yeah I understand what you mean, that would be quite annoying. We just round it off quickly, if I owed €15.25 I'd just put in 16 or 17. But I see where you're coming from.

ibarelycare

If my friends and I go somewhere like Eddie Rockets, where you can go up to the till and pay individually, then we all just pay for our own.

However if we're out for a proper dinner, with wine and all, we all just split the bill regardless of who ordered what. If someone wasn't drinking, they'll just tot up what they had, and the rest of us will split the balance equally, then we all just throw in whatever change we have for tip.

Up-n-atom!

I've learned the hard way that if you're going out for dinner with a group where you know that the bill is going to be split equally regardless, it's best to go along with what everone else is doing. If a couple of people want wine, go in with it. If most people are having a starter/dessert/coffee after, have some, coz you're going to be paying for it anyway! And it's less stressful too as you don't end up resenting people for what they're scoffing at your expense.

sugarplumkin

I heard on the radio today a research shows that the better looking a girl is the more she will expect you to pay on a date... Don't think that speaks well for me

PAULWATSON

Nothing like a bit of selective equality.

Ickle Magoo

PAULWATSON, you have already been banned from this forum once. If you have nothing to add to the discussion bar throwing in a disparaging jibe, don't bother posting.

purity

Personally I hate mean men and would dare not date one. The 1st date is always the mans treat but I will admit the 1st time I went on a date was to the cinema and I paid for my own ticket, He took me out for dinner the following week and paid.
It was always the gentlemen way the man paying but after that the bill should be split

Newbie87

On the 1st date if he's asked me out then I wont pay but go halves every time after that...If he wants to ask me out then I expect not to have to pay anything towards the 1st date

magneticimpulse

I cant believe women expect a guy to pay for the 1st date? I always pay my way on any date.

My friend said her guy always pays for things (she pays for holidays here and there for him)...however she totally expects guys to pay for her on dates....ive no idea why she has a boyfriend or why he puts up with that?

Newbie87

My first date with the guy Im with now...(Over 2 years) was in a pub, he bought the drinks all night and on our second date I paid for everything but beyond that point we have always gone halves for everything. He was the one who asked me out, so if he was willing to do so he should make the effort to keep up the chivalrous attitude, Im very traditional in that sense but am very much an independant individual at the same time. For example we are going abroad at the end of the month and I paid for my half and am bringing my own spending money but if it is his birthday I will buy him a gift, take him out for dinner and gladly do so. Its a good system to work out if he is the right guy you want to be dating, someone generous who respects what you believe in..simple as that.

DonalK1981

montane wrote: »

I know of one attractive girl who goes out on a Saturday night. She lets men buy her drinks for most of the night, and gathers numbers.

Then on two or three nights of the following weeks she organises dates, and gets fed for free in nice restaurants. She doesnt really have much intention of pursuing anything with these men.

She'll get old and haggard and fat(from all the good eating), won't be as desirable and won't have as many good men willing or able to buy her dinner. She'll try to catch a guy and marry the wealthiest she can find, as she is clearly a good digger, and settle down to cook M&S food for the rest of her life. She will get pregnant and then buy all the designer stuff associated with newborn babies, hoping it's a girl as it'll all be pink gear she will have bought. The nursery is pink etc. etc. She will doll her up and raise her as a little princess and teach her all the traits she has shown to possess. Teach her how to snare unsuspecting men to buy her dinner and drinks, all the while secretly regretting that she wasn't fulfilled by paying her own way and working for what she gets! :):)

I edited this and refrained from name calling

chicken fingers

Background: I'm 28, self made guy, these days I suppose I am rich, but I came from nothing (orphaned), I know what its like to go hungry and not have two tuppences to rub together.

I'm not sure where I stand on this. I generally pay for any dates, but seeing the attitudes of some of the girls on here....

A lot of girls on here are admitting to (fake) offering to pay or saying that they just wouldn't pay. Same, drinking in rounds. The only reason why couples try to make themselves count as one drink is because the female doesn't dip into the purse to buy drinks ever, and the guy doesn't want to pay doubling up. (my mind is open to be changed on this, please enlighten me if there are other reasons this might occur)
I'm very sorry to say this and I hope I do not appear mysoginistic, perhaps I could articulate this better, but does it not make you feel weak? Does it not make you feel beholden to the gentleman who is paying your way?

My girlfriend is a beautiful, strong minded, stubborn so and so and she will always insist on buying a round for everybody if shes in rounds with myself and friends or people from my work.
Enough so that she would try to run herself broke buying fancy whiskeys for my boss because he bought her a beer in an earlier round. She doesn't earn a lot of money but she does work very hard. She would try to spend a weeks wages on upscale rounds on a Friday with some of the bigwigs from my job. And when I see her defying these stereotypes it just makes me feel great to have her. A true intellectual and social equal, neither of us is subservent to the other.

Of course I insist on paying for anything connected to my job or whatnot as thats something like a "business networking expense" that is part and parcel of the job.

coffee_cake

chicken fingers wrote: »

Enough so that she would try to run herself broke buying fancy whiskeys for my boss because he bought her a beer in an earlier round. She doesn't earn a lot of money but she does work very hard. She would try to spend a weeks wages on upscale rounds on a Friday with some of the bigwigs from my job. And when I see her defying these stereotypes it just makes me feel great to have her. A true intellectual and social equal, neither of us is subservent to the other.

No offence but spending a week's wages that you can't afford doesn't sound too smart to me, regardless of who you are

magneticimpulse

^^ agreed. Why would anybody try that hard in life to impress someone, not even a partner in life? Thats beyond silly. Not very grown up. Maybe if your 20 you might be that foolish.

Seriously thats not very clever to spend a weeks wages on alcohol on a night out. No matter who you are, who your dating or who your trying to impress.

Only one way to be in life and thats to be yourself. That doesnt mean skimming money out of anybody, or being foolish and throwing your money away on alcohol. It just means your a confident enough person to have fun with the people you love/like regardless of how much money you have/dont have. Anybody who acts beyond this is fake and not being true to themselves and it will catch up with them one day.