social pressure to drink

tribesman44

hi there. just a bit about me. wanted to see if anyone else has these things in common. i just turned 30 last month. my drinking in the past 2 years has come WAY down. can count on one hand the amount of times i've been drunk in the past 2 years. used to be a heavy drinker from the age of 18-28. last 2 years ive been into different types of whiskeys. really just drinking for taste though and not to get trashed. anyways, hangovers were always pretty terrible, but i noted that i am getting them easier and easier now. ive gotten to the point where i dont even want to touch the stuff anymore. had a few too many last weekend...first time in a WHILE i got the urge to drink. wasn't even drunk on the night, but woke up next morning with a massive migraine. i get these heart palpitations too called "holiday heart" (google it.) makes for a miserable day. feels like i have to concentrate on breathing. and on top of that im an irritable bastard. oh and i crave complete **** food. and the best part is, it doesn't end there. my hangovers last about 2-3 days now. im a really healthy guy. always eating well and going for my walks or bike rides. the drinking just doesn't fit into my way of life anymore. was wondering if anyone else out there is in the same place as me. my wife doesn't really enjoy drinking anymore either. this leads me to my next problem...social pressure. even my parents give me stink for not wanting a drink sometimes. never thought that day would come. and when i am at family gatherings, i feel the need to drink because i CAN NOT STAND being around drunk people when i am sober. sounds crazy, but i would rather just be on my own then with irritating drunk people. i just feel that theres so much more out there then getting pissed all the time. my new drunk is waking up at 8am and not having a hangover, LOL.

ballsymchugh

it's a strange situation in this country. i'm single, and have never drank, but trying to explain that to someone when they ask why i'm not drinking when out at the weekend is becoming a pain. it's just a choice, no other reason.

moved home from england in 09, and can think of 5 different girls who completely changed their tune when i told them i wasn't drinking. up til then, conversation was grand, but then i became the strange one! it's pathetic really. 2 of them said they'd never trust someone who didn't drink. 2 others tried to get me to drink by mixing what they were drinking with what i was drinking.

the last one was a vegetarian. i would've thought it was more naturally acceptable to eat meat than to drink alcohol (given the type of teeth we have and the headaches after a session) but it didn't even cross my mind to pick her up on it at the time.

tribesman44

ballsymchugh wrote: »

it's a strange situation in this country. i'm single, and have never drank, but trying to explain that to someone when they ask why i'm not drinking when out at the weekend is becoming a pain. it's just a choice, no other reason.

moved home from england in 09, and can think of 5 different girls who completely changed their tune when i told them i wasn't drinking. up til then, conversation was grand, but then i became the strange one! it's pathetic really. 2 of them said they'd never trust someone who didn't drink. 2 others tried to get me to drink by mixing what they were drinking with what i was drinking.

the last one was a vegetarian. i would've thought it was more naturally acceptable to eat meat than to drink alcohol (given the type of teeth we have and the headaches after a session) but it didn't even cross my mind to pick her up on it at the time.

yea, i hate when people are drink pushers. worry about yourself

didn't trust someone who didn't drink? shouldn't it be the other way around? haha. and i think people just can't come up with anything better to do, so they just drink like everyone else. i never liked drinking in front of non drinkers, but i would have never sneaked alcohol into their drinks. thats just mad!

most people are sheep. i guarantee if you polled drinkers, over 50% would say they don't really enjoy it. i think people just do it because everyone else does it. my parents for example...they never really drank when i was younger. now all they do is go out to eat/drink on the weekends. its a sad state of affairs, but at the end of the day its their lives. i just don't know how people can do nothing but work/drink/vegetate.

Econoline Van

Now that I've copped on, and considering that alcohol is a drug, it's actually mind-boggling that friends, family, work colleagues etc. will try to push you to drink. Shows just how ingrained in the Irish psyche it is, imo.

Life is short, so for me, if someone is only bearable to talk to with booze or if an event is only tolerable with booze, I'm going to walk away and go do something else.

tribesman44

Econoline Van wrote: »

Now that I've copped on, and considering that alcohol is a drug, it's actually mind-boggling that friends, family, work colleagues etc. will try to push you to drink. Shows just how ingrained in the Irish psyche it is, imo.

Life is short, so for me, if someone is only bearable to talk to with booze or if an event is only tolerable with booze, I'm going to walk away and go do something else.

i am originally from america and its not much better over there. seems like all people do is drink.

i like your outlook. i think i will follow suit.

NecroSteve

Next time someone tries to get you to drink, ask them (a) why they want to drug you and (b) if they work for Diageo.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Most Irish people are addicted to booze in the same way they're addicted to tea/coffee. In both cases they don't realise it because there aren't any real visible effects.

When you come up to them not drinking it freaks them out. If you can enjoy a social occasion without booze then why the hell can't they?

tribesman44

i think we need a support group, lol

Kojak

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

When you come up to them not drinking it freaks them out. If you can enjoy a social occasion without booze then why the hell can't they?

That's the main issue drinkers have with non-drinkers. They seem to think that going out HAS to involve alcohol - maybe in the back of thier minds they realise that they shouldn't be drinking as much, but are unwilling to admit it.

From my experience, I have only ever gotten grief from people who would be classed as heavy drinkers - not the 1 or 2 pints a night person.

tribesman44

Kojak wrote: »

That's the main issue drinkers have with non-drinkers. They seem to think that going out HAS to involve alcohol - maybe in the back of thier minds they realise that they shouldn't be drinking as much, but are unwilling to admit it.

From my experience, I have only ever gotten grief from people who would be classed as heavy drinkers - not the 1 or 2 pints a night person.

yea, thats what drives me nuts. people can't think for themselves and just go along with what the majority does.

i get grief from my parents and they only drink 2-3. i guess they feel weird drinking in front of people who don't drink. they are coming to visit soon and im dreading getting it in the ear from them because i dont want to go out to eat/drink. i am gluten intolerant, so eating out is a nightmare too, lol.

Bassfish

tribesman44 wrote: »

yea, thats what drives me nuts. people can't think for themselves and just go along with what the majority does.

i get grief from my parents and they only drink 2-3. i guess they feel weird drinking in front of people who don't drink. they are coming to visit soon and im dreading getting it in the ear from them because i dont want to go out to eat/drink. i am gluten intolerant, so eating out is a nightmare too, lol.

That's nuts about your parents giving you grief. My mom is only delighted to see me off the drink and my dad doesn't care either way.
Had my first weekend away alcohol free last weekend with my girlfriend and another couple. It was great. No-one gave me grief because 1) they're my friends and 2) they liked having someone to drive them between cool little rural pubs by the sea:D

tribesman44

Bassfish wrote: »

That's nuts about your parents giving you grief. My mom is only delighted to see me off the drink and my dad doesn't care either way.
Had my first weekend away alcohol free last weekend with my girlfriend and another couple. It was great. No-one gave me grief because 1) they're my friends and 2) they liked having someone to drive them between cool little rural pubs by the sea:D

they are happy i am off the drink, i just think they want drinking partners, lol. owell, if i want to drink i will drink for me, not them.

hats off to you there. my worst nightmare is having to be a DD for people, lol

Bassfish

tribesman44 wrote: »

they are happy i am off the drink, i just think they want drinking partners, lol. owell, if i want to drink i will drink for me, not them.

hats off to you there. my worst nightmare is having to be a DD for people, lol

Ya we went for a big meal and stuff so there was no clubbing or anything which i couldn't have hacked:rolleyes:

languagenerd

I think sometimes being the only sober one in group of happy drunks is good fun! (Only if they're happy drunks - aggressive, clingy or sleepy drunks, not so much).

It kind of rubs off a little bit but you remember everything and don't have the hangover the next day I suppose it's different if you used to drink (I never did, just never started), but the best night out I've had in a while was with a group of very drunk classmates while we were away - they were hilarious! Followed by at least an hour laughing hysterically the next morning while we had the "so, do you remember...?" conversation.
There was no social pressure there at all - they all looked a little bewildered at first- but it honestly didn't matter to them.

I think if you're not acting "I'm better than you...", most people will be fine with it

ballsymchugh

languagenerd wrote: »

I think sometimes being the only sober one in group of happy drunks is good fun! (Only if they're happy drunks - aggressive, clingy or sleepy drunks, not so much).

It kind of rubs off a little bit but you remember everything and don't have the hangover the next day I suppose it's different if you used to drink (I never did, just never started), but the best night out I've had in a while was with a group of very drunk classmates while we were away - they were hilarious! Followed by at least an hour laughing hysterically the next morning while we had the "so, do you remember...?" conversation.
There was no social pressure there at all - they all looked a little bewildered at first- but it honestly didn't matter to them.

I think if you're not acting "I'm better than you...", most people will be fine with it

to be honest, most of my good friends are like that. they know i won't be the one rehashing stories the next day unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. but as i said above, it's the people that i meet for the first time that just don't seem to get it.
but, as another poster said, i do find people who don't drink tea a bit shifty!

languagenerd

ballsymchugh wrote: »

to be honest, most of my good friends are like that. they know i won't be the one rehashing stories the next day unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. but as i said above, it's the people that i meet for the first time that just don't seem to get it.
but, as another poster said, i do find people who don't drink tea a bit shifty!

The rehashing stories depends on how funny they are :P. I'd never post them on Facebook or tell people who weren't there, or anything like that - talking about em amongst people who were there is ok.
Yeah, I know what you mean. They have all these preconceptions of what a non-drinker is and it's hard to get past that. (Boring/ disdainful /holier-than-thou etc.)
Hahaha I actually don't drink tea :cool: It's coffee or nothing!

Fluorescence

languagenerd wrote: »

The rehashing stories depends on how funny they are :P. I'd never post them on Facebook or tell people who weren't there, or anything like that - talking about em amongst people who were there is ok.
Yeah, I know what you mean. They have all these preconceptions of what a non-drinker is and it's hard to get past that. (Boring/ disdainful /holier-than-thou etc.)
Hahaha I actually don't drink tea :cool: It's coffee or nothing!

But that's just a severe personality flaw of yours we tolerate

I do drink, but not much (rarely more than 2 on a night out) and I'm convinced most people see me as dull and a terrible bore at alcohol-fuelled events, but that's more because those events are ones I find terribly boring. I don't like pubs or clubs, and I will not dance :mad:. It's all about finding a scene that suits you I suppose. If you frequent typical alcohol venues then of course it'll be seen as somewhat strange if you're not drinking, but same goes if you frequent stables but don't ride horses.


I'm not entirely sure what point I was trying to make here.

languagenerd

fluorescence wrote: »

But that's just a severe personality flaw of yours we tolerate

I do drink, but not much (rarely more than 2 on a night out) and I'm convinced most people see me as dull and a terrible bore at alcohol-fuelled events, but that's more because those events are ones I find terribly boring. I don't like pubs or clubs, and I will not dance :mad:. It's all about finding a scene that suits you I suppose. If you frequent typical alcohol venues then of course it'll be seen as somewhat strange if you're not drinking, but same goes if you frequent stables but don't ride horses.


I'm not entirely sure what point I was trying to make here.

Well hello, flourescence, what are you doing in the Non-Drinker's group? :P

The trick with the dancing is to buy a drink (like a 7up or something) and keep it in your hand - then you are not required to move your arms .

Skuxx

languagenerd wrote: »

The rehashing stories depends on how funny they are :P. I'd never post them on Facebook or tell people who weren't there, or anything like that - talking about em amongst people who were there is ok.
Yeah, I know what you mean. They have all these preconceptions of what a non-drinker is and it's hard to get past that. (Boring/ disdainful /holier-than-thou etc.)
Hahaha I actually don't drink tea :cool: It's coffee or nothing!

I've no problem with people who don't drink as long as they are like that! I had one friend who was a non drinker and he would spend the night updating facebook from his phone telling the world how drunk we are, who's getting with who etc.. He even used to bring out a camera and flood facebook with pictures the next day! He was a prick!! If you were talking about someone he'd bring it up in front of them "that's not what you were saying about him last night" type of stuff!! I refuse to go out if I know he's going to be there!!!

Sunnyisland

alan 1990 wrote: »

I've no problem with people who don't drink as long as they are like that! I had one friend who was a non drinker and he would spend the night updating facebook from his phone telling the world how drunk we are, who's getting with who etc.. He even used to bring out a camera and flood facebook with pictures the next day! He was a prick!! If you were talking about someone he'd bring it up in front of them "that's not what you were saying about him last night" type of stuff!! I refuse to go out if I know he's going to be there!!!

Well he is probably just a prick whether he drinks or not

Fluorescence

languagenerd wrote: »

Well hello, flourescence, what are you doing in the Non-Drinker's group? :P

The trick with the dancing is to buy a drink (like a 7up or something) and keep it in your hand - then you are not required to move your arms .

I lurk around here a lot. I find most of the topics applicable to me even though I do drink occasionally.

tribesman44

here is a major problem i am having. as i said before, im originally from america. with not being a big drinker/pub lurker, i can't seem to find any friends. i am self employed as a photographer, so never get a chance to meet people. kind of sucks. i am 30 and all my friends are back home. i dont even know how to meet people anymore, lol

kjl

I think I get a contact high when I am out. Sometimes people I have only just met are shocked to hear I am not drunk. I think it's kinda liberating, because people are drunk so you can pretty much do or say anything you want to them. You can dance like a mad man and nobody remembers. I don't drink anything except water and normally drive on a night out, so it works out very cheap for me.

I think the biggest problem is people have forgotten that you can still have fun while sober. So it has just become a social crutch, but in fairness they have been brainwashed by our culture into thinking that it is a social norm. Someone above mentioned about everybody being addicted to a drug, and that's what it is.

The bad part is that I genuinely think it's making people stupid. Over the years I have noticed that the short term memory of most of my friends is completely gone, and they barely remember any of the stories that I tell them from the past, but that's obviously not a scientific observation.

bitter

Sadly the Irish have a backward attitude towards alcohol, they enoy & laud a person who gets very drunk & makes a fool out of themselves. The Irish boast about their heavy drinking which to other people sounds like a village idiot boasting about his stupidity. Nothing wrong with having a drink or two to unwind & relax but sadly most Irish people drink to get drunk. The English like a drink as well but they can hold it better than the Irish and will stop if they think they are getting stupid & messy. Back in 2000 Bertie Ahern gave a speech about alcohol abuse in Ireland and when Gorbachov visited a couple weeks later Ahern shove's a pint of Guinness into his hand for a photo-op. The Irish will scream racism about being stereo-typed about drunkenness yet they will happily fuel that stereo-type everytime. Australians are pretty much the same in fairness.

bitter

kjl wrote: »

I think I get a contact high when I am out. Sometimes people I have only just met are shocked to hear I am not drunk. I think it's kinda liberating, because people are drunk so you can pretty much do or say anything you want to them. You can dance like a mad man and nobody remembers. I don't drink anything except water and normally drive on a night out, so it works out very cheap for me.

I think the biggest problem is people have forgotten that you can still have fun while sober. So it has just become a social crutch, but in fairness they have been brainwashed by our culture into thinking that it is a social norm. Someone above mentioned about everybody being addicted to a drug, and that's what it is.

The bad part is that I genuinely think it's making people stupid. Over the years I have noticed that the short term memory of most of my friends is completely gone, and they barely remember any of the stories that I tell them from the past, but that's obviously not a scientific observation.

great post :cool: It was proved a few years back that the Irish have the lowest IQ in europe and way below Britain due to the effects of alcohol on the brain and also that the Irish especially the catholic Irish are an emotional peeople rather than an intellectual people.

derealbadger

bitter wrote: »

great post :cool: It was proved a few years back that the Irish have the lowest IQ in europe and way below Britain due to the effects of alcohol on the brain and also that the Irish especially the catholic Irish are an emotional peeople rather than an intellectual people.

i was going to click on your friends tab but then i thought its probably would be a wasted trip for my mouse and with batteries costing what they do the cost benefit analysis just wont add up

Dave!

Relax guys

No more trolling please

merlie

Op, well done in cutting out or attempting to cut out the 'demon' drink from your life. It is a hard task, but you will get there. My late father had a drink problem, he would come home from time to time drunk and it wasn't a pleasant sight, and I was only a kid at the time. It used to upset me very much. He used to drink, brandy, whiskey or vodka, sometimes straight. It did affect his health badly and he had serious issues with his liver.

Op, you need to tackle this head on. Your health is being affected, as you have noticed it as mentioned in your original post. It is terrible that you should feel social pressure to drink. Myself, as a non drinker all my life, I have been asked many a time to 'take a sip' or 'go on it won't harm ya!' This sort of thing annoys me no end and I just tell them where to go, as I feel it is a form of disrespect to me.

All the symptoms you experienced as described by yourself, are classic symptoms, which can also be warning signs. You need to look after yourself. Yes, you are right, there is way more to life than just getting drunk. Many people drink or start for many reasons, but the hardest part is giving up and staying off from it. You should stand your ground at social and family gatherings. Don't feel pressurised to have a drink. Just feel happy doing what your doing for yourself and for no one else.

You'll get there

Desire.

I get called a "slap" and a "pussy" for not drinking so I can see what you're saying alright... and I'm only fifteen. :rolleyes:

bitter

Desire. wrote: »

I get called a "slap" and a "pussy" for not drinking so I can see what you're saying alright... and I'm only fifteen. :rolleyes:

I admire your courage & intelligence, jusst be yourself no matter what.

languagenerd

bitter wrote: »

I admire your courage & intelligence, jusst be yourself no matter what.

This +1.

People are idiots. Don't start drinking just to fit in! If you do eventually start, let it be for the right reasons .

I'm 19 and I don't drink. It's never really been an issue, as long as I don't make a big deal of it!