Access & Maintenance

Debs85

Does anyone know what would me reasonable access for me 2 give my ex we have 4 daughters aged 5, 3 and 6 month old twins? Also i was wondering how much maintenance would be sufficient 4 him 2 give me? We were together 8years i thought everything was fine i was busy looking after newborn twins plus a 5 and 3 year and he was cheating on me....he issued court procedings against me on friday 25th and only broke up with me on sunday 27th totally out of the blue. Any advice would be really appreciated.

Spear

Newbies and FAQ is for questions about boards.ie itself.

Never mind PSNI was here first.

Shield

Moved from Newbies & FAQ with redirect expiring in 7 days.

iguana

Not really a Weddings, Marriage &Civil Partnership post either. Moved to Parenting, apologies if it's in the wrong place.

Daisy M

Go to a solicitor nobody can really tell you it depends on your financial situation. As for the access seek mediation advice, try and put the childrens needs first when it comes to that. I really sympathise with you and hope things get easier.

Orion

You really should speak to a solicitor. If you can't afford one you can talk to FLAC for advice.

They also have a leaflet about this: http://www.flac.ie/download/pdf/maintenance_09.pdf which would be a good place to start.

Splendour

Depends OP,if you're both working then imo it should be 50/50 access but if you are a stay at home Mom it's different.
Has your ex stated when he would like to see them? This is something you should discuss between yourselves really. When I separated years ago, my ex was quite happy to only see the children every second weekend but in your case your ex might want to see the children more often-every situation is different.

Debs85

I am a stay at home mum and he works monday to friday so i offered him access every sunday and 1 afternoon/evening during the week depending on what time he's finishes work at (he's a hgv driver so it varies)....but he's adamant about going 2 court because he thinks he'll get more access there. Ive never been in this situation before so i have no idea what access would be reasonable?

Klingon Hamlet

Debs85 wrote: »

I am a stay at home mum and he works monday to friday so i offered him access every sunday and 1 afternoon/evening during the week depending on what time he's finishes work at (he's a hgv driver so it varies)....but he's adamant about going 2 court because he thinks he'll get more access there. Ive never been in this situation before so i have no idea what access would be reasonable?

What about every weekend? That way the access isn't affected by his varying finishing times. You can sign an agreement and have it rubber-stamped by the judge. You can also get free mediation services to help you talk things over.

Best of luck!

metrovelvet

Debs85 wrote: »

I am a stay at home mum and he works monday to friday so i offered him access every sunday and 1 afternoon/evening during the week depending on what time he's finishes work at (he's a hgv driver so it varies)....but he's adamant about going 2 court because he thinks he'll get more access there. Ive never been in this situation before so i have no idea what access would be reasonable?

He might. He might not.

I think the accepted thought on young kids, in terms of what's best for them, is short frequent visits [probably more applicable to the three year old and the twins].

Is he coming to your house or is he taking the kids?

Daisy M

Just wondering if you have asked the older two what they would like to do in regard to seeing their father. He has treated you very badly but he is still their father. Have you any serious misgivings regarding letting them stay with them the full weekend? If ye could come to a mutual agreement it would be much better.

up for anything

Every weekend is a bit much to give him when the OP might actually like to do weekend things with all her daughters. I would imagine the five year old is in school or going in September and the three year old heading off to Montessori/equivalent so it would end up with her doing all the routine things and none of the fun stuff.

Every second weekend would be fairer and get it in writing what happens when birthdays/Easter/Christmas/Communions/Confirmation/family occasions fall on the other person's weekend - make sure there is room to negotiate. I know my great-niece has missed lots of our family occasions because her father is not prepared to negotiate weekends. It's easier now that she is older and can ask for herself but there are times when he still is intractable about it.

Good luck with it, OP. You must be absolutely shattered by this on top of a different kind of shattered looking after such young children.

amiable

So he only broke up with you on Sunday?
He's in a situation where he's known about this for a while.
Get yourself some good legal advice OP.
I wouldn't make any decisions at the moment as you're unlikely to be able to make a clear decision at the moment.

Good Luck OP

Kildrought

There's too much information here we don't know

were you married?

do you own a house together?

are all your children his?

(there is no offence intended here, blended families are quite common, but it does matter in relation to child maintenance)

Debs85

No we were not married and yes the 4 children are is. We didnt live together as he worked very long hours as hes a hgv driver so i stayed with my mum so she could help me when the twins came along he just stayed over in my mums house when he wasnt away with work...it was the easiest solution all round. I dont mind him having the kids mayb 1 day every weekend because i do feel he needs to have regular contact with them...i just wouldnt be happy if he had them overnight as they have never been away from me so all they know is 2 wake up 2 me every day and for me 2 put them 2 bed...Does anyone have any ideas on this?

Thank you all so much for your advice i really appreciate it as ive said before this is all new 2 me so i havent a clue whats best.

Stheno

as you weren't married the only maintenance that he has to pay is for the children, it can be up to €150 per week per child in the District court, but is usually less.