Building confidence

Ave Sodalis

I have a bit of a problem, that I can't seem to get my head around and I'm hoping someone here will help..

In a stable I work at, I also teach a girl of about 13-14 years old. It's not a riding school, it's a private yard and I'm teaching her just the basics as she can't really afford lessons. She uses the only pony broken properly as we usually take in, break and school horse before selling again.

The problem is that she can't get rid of her nerves. I was never a nervous rider so I can't compare my own experience. Today, as she was going into trot (something that she has been doing for months), the pony twisted in defiance and kicked out. Admittedly, the pony doesn't usually kick out going into trot but she does twist. It used to do that with me ever since the girl started riding but I stopped it as I knew it wasn't pain, just taking a hand.
The girl jumped off the horse because the horse kicked out and burst into tears, refusing to get back on again.

She has fallen off once (last month), when the same pony took off and she hadn't her balance and became loose in the saddle. Since then, I've been giving her exercises to improve her balance and her seat, thinking that if she was more comfortable in the saddle, it will improve her confidence... I was mistaken on that. I tried to teach her how and when to use the whip properly but she's too afraid to even tap the horse when it twists, incase it takes off again.

She agreed to come back again tomorrow but I haven't a clue what to do if the same thing happens again. I know the pony is only doing it because she knows it's a beginner on her back and it stops when I get on. Is there anything I can do in the next few weeks to improve her confidence? There isn't any chance of changing the horse as it's the best for her out of all the ones we have.

richy1

Hi i have been riding for 15 years.. I cant begin to count the amount of times I have fallen of, maybe 100's.. From what I read I imagine these are very harmless falls, like the pony is only trotting. Il give you the advice that i was thought when i had this problem at that age. First of all she needs to keep being put up on the pony when she falls off, no giving up. This may be hard as your not her parent and cant really force her,but tell her if she wants to ride she has to be prepared to fall. Alot of riders give up on the ponies and just slide off them she needs to stay on till the pony gives in. Tell her pull his reins this can help stop bucking. Let her know falling off ain't a big deal, i mostly laughed when i fell off. Make sure she is on soft ground so it cant possibly hurt to fall off. I know these are hard tips to do, as you are her trainer and not her parent.. My best advice would be to get a safer pony that doesnt buck, and let here ride it without stirrups to improve balance and leg strengths, but that may not be feasibly. Good luck

Ave Sodalis

richy1 wrote: »

Hi i have been riding for 15 years.. I cant begin to count the amount of times I have fallen of, maybe 100's.. From what I read I imagine these are very harmless falls, like the pony is only trotting. Il give you the advice that i was thought when i had this problem at that age. First of all she needs to keep being put up on the pony when she falls off, no giving up. This may be hard as your not her parent and cant really force her,but tell her if she wants to ride she has to be prepared to fall. Alot of riders give up on the ponies and just slide off them she needs to stay on till the pony gives in. Tell her pull his reins this can help stop bucking. Let her know falling off ain't a big deal, i mostly laughed when i fell off. Make sure she is on soft ground so it cant possibly hurt to fall off. I know these are hard tips to do, as you are her trainer and not her parent.. My best advice would be to get a safer pony that doesnt buck, and let here ride it without stirrups to improve balance and leg strengths, but that may not be feasibly. Good luck

Hi, thanks for the advice. The thing is, she's only fallen off the once. She did get straight back on again and she is very much aware that falling off is apart of riding but is still terrified of it. Yesterday, she just got off and I had a harder time trying to get her on than when she fell. She also rides in a sand arena, so she does have soft ground. Although admittedly, I have borrowed a bombproof horse to take her around the road in an attempt to improve her confidence. I can't get this horse again as it was sold. I'd rather she didn't pull on the reins too much as the pony has a good, sensitive mouth. I've tried telling her keep the pony's head busy, but she just jerks on the reins when she panics and forgets what I tell her.

I have tried to get her a safer pony as I know the one she is on isn't suitable for beginners but it's the best out of the once we have. She has gone with out stir-ups and without reins. She has stood straight up in the stir-ups in walk and trot. Working on her balance hasn't improved her confidence as I had hoped.

Thanks for the reply though, it's appreciated

richy1

sounds like you have quite the problem

Horsemania

Hi, Well done to you, this is an very generous thing that you are doing for her. I just wonder could you do some lunge lessons and maybe not having to control the pony would help for a while, she could then just concentrate on her own position. Although maybe this pony may not be up for this. Also does she bring the pony from the field, tack up or groom, this I think all helps build confidence.:)

Ave Sodalis

Horsemania wrote: »

Hi, Well done to you, this is an very generous thing that you are doing for her. I just wonder could you do some lunge lessons and maybe not having to control the pony would help for a while, she could then just concentrate on her own position. Although maybe this pony may not be up for this. Also does she bring the pony from the field, tack up or groom, this I think all helps build confidence.:)

Thank you, Horsemania!
I'm afraid the pony does the same thing in lunge! It's very annoying..

The pony is usually kept in until summer but the girl stays for the rest of the day grooming and feeding and generally working around the horses. Unfortuantly, she's afraid of this pony in the stable too for reasons I cannot comprehend. I think it's because it jumped one time when she put on the rug.

Do you think I should give up and see if she works it out for herself? Or keep trying to build her confidence myself?

monflat

oh god its a difficult suitation
What are the girls reasons for being around horses ?
Maybe she could go back to the very basics and just observe the horse when he is in his stable look at the way the horse is with others and the body language of the horses in the field.

she needs to ask herself what she wants from this as if she is doing this through fear she may forget it as it will not work out that way as the horses will sence fear as you know .

notsobusy

It's a very very difficult situation. I think you need to stop teaching her and make her come to you and 'beg' you for lessons. My friend who has two children that both ride and hunt took this philosophy with them. She wouldn't take them anywhere unless they begged her too. The older girl is 11 and she is very confident now admittedly the pony is good but also very strong and when she complained the mother said no problem I won't take you hunting anymore. The child thought about it for a few minutes and responded well actually the pony isn't that strong and hasn't complained since but learned to control the pony properly after seeking advice.

You can't make them do it and I think the more you make someone do something that scares them the worse they will get!!!

timewilltell

That is definitely a tricky situation. She definitely needs to around the pony more. Is he vicious? Is she afraid of him like?
I taught a little girl who was TERRIFIED of me letting go. Eventually I started to distract her by chatting away during the lesson.
Another thing is using the child to teach the pony. Thinks like changing direction, standing, walking on, halting on the spot. If the child gains evena little more control, perhaps her confidence will grow this way.
Hope this helps!

EGAR

I would start at the beginning, no saddle, lead reins, let her do gymnastics on the horse, as in lying backwards on its back whilst you lead it etc. Bare back riding on lead rein is a great confidence giver. Once she gains a bit of confidence and gets a better feeling for the movement of the horse without the saddle, give her the reins with the rope attached for you to lead and let her keep the mouth busy, tell her you have control over the horse via the rope so she can concentrate on the reins and keeping the mouth/head busy.

Also, grooming the horse at the beginning of the lesson is a great way of letting her bond with the horse.

People are way to quick to jump on a horses back without knowing any of the basics such as grooming, picking hooves etc.

Esroh

I think her fall may have effected her more than you think
I went thru this with a girl years ago(her pony was a B**tch for kicking out) and now the same girl would ride anything from 1st time ridden to schooling racehorses over fences and everything in between

As your not a riding school you can do things slightly differently than if you were being paid.
But I would have a quiet word with her parents as if she is staying round to held out they do realise she is really into horses and you are doing them a big favour in the longrun re cost of lessons

I am afraid this will mean alot of longing but in the longterm if she stays enthusiastic you will have a rider who does things your way which down the line is a great asset in the yard

Exercises like 'Round the World' and Half Sicssors are the best thing in the world to teach confidence and the ability to relax and sliding off becomes common place .

Going without reins is another thing. Learning to seperate the arms from the rise movement in trot is the hard thing for alot of people so she will learn to keep her hands still.

And as her confidence builds even go to what we always called Jockey length. To be able to even walk while standing up in short stirrups is a great confidence boost.

And one last thing but a sheet of paper in the tack room where ye can mark off her falls so she can see how many more she needs for the 10+ falls before you can say you can ride total.

Most of the above would get you in trouble in a Riding School or even the Pony club now with Health and Safety but they will either have her riding with confidence in a few weeks.
Good luck with it as I think you will get the longterm benifit:D

Ave Sodalis

Thanks for the replies guys.

@ monflat... I shall ask her that tomorrow and get a good answer. I asked her that when she started and she said that she just wanted a horse since she was 3.

@notsobusy... She does ask every friday if it's ok for her to come on the saturday. I've never made her do anything. I ask at the start of every lesson if there is something in particular that she wants to do and if she's okay with doing this or that.

@timewilltell... as I said, she is afraid of the pony. The thing is, she's been riding for nearly a year now and she has good control. I made sure she could stop and turn before I ever let go. I do talk to her, but she uses it as an excuse to stop... In that period of time, she's has spent the whole day in and around horses from when she arrives just before the lesson, to when she leaves just after we lock up for the evening.

@Egar... There is no hope of doing gymnastics on this horse I'm afraid. I would but I wouldn't let a beginner chance it. I had suggested bareback, but she was dead against it. Also, she does all the grooming and the tacking up while I keep an eye on her.

@Esroh... She was like this before her fall although I know the fall didn't help things. I have had her going without reins, without stirrups, standing in the stirrups and she has done around the world too. They were all used to build her balance which, as I've said, didn't work. I've told her it takes so many falls to be a good rider and that falling is apart of the sport but she doesn't believe me.


I'm sorry to be contradicting most of your advice, it really is good advice. The thing is, I'm starting to believe she just isn't going to be confident around horses.. It feels as if I've tried everything and it's very frustating when we get so far, only to be flung back to square one if the pony side steps or even moves wrong.

Kamili

Its a very tough one!
would you consider letting her bring a friend or family member with her? maybe then she can "show off" what she can do to them while they praise her and tell her that she's brilliant or whatever? It a wonder what a little praise from someone she looks up to can do for her confidence!

If not is there someone around her age that you can introduce her to that would know horses and might be able to help her while you are giving her a lesson?
That way she might start to see that someone her own age is doing it with no problems and it might just change her mindset towards the pony and how she handles him.

champie

I teachs kids too:) it can be very frustrating when you end up with a child like that I found a great way of building confidence is the game traffic lights they don't realise how much they learn and because it's a game they don't feel any pressure game goes as follows

red > Halt
red flashing > while halted stand up in stirrups and salute
Orange > walk
green > trot

when confidence starts improving introduce orange flashing then green flashing without salute!!!!

I find going from red to red flashing quickly they start to giggle a bit which is great to relax them and they start enjoying themselves which is what it's all about!!!

I think it is better to keep parents away while confidence is low parents let kids give in to quick and can make life difficult for instructors:rolleyes:

Best of luck if that doesn't work maybe a break from riding but still let kid come up and help around yard