Best friend got enagaged, shouldn't I be happy?

sunnymoon

My best friend got enagaged, although i'm happy for her, but i'm just so disappointed for myself, is this normal? i feel like such a terrible person to be longing for it to be me and not her, i'm with my bf nearly six years and she's with hers only two and half years.

I really want to be super excited for her like all our other friends are but i can't stop being disappointed, i always thought we'd be first and now this has just really thrown me. I obviously have hid my disappointment when talking to her on the phone or any of our other friends, but i'm seeing her this weekend and i'm afraid my feelings will show when i see her face to face. I'm nearly resenting all the celebrations that lie ahead and i know i should be looking forward to them. I'm just so dissapointed even though i know i should be happy and i feel like slapping myself and saying stop being so selfish but even when i do try to cop myself on the disappointment/jelaousy returns!



Am i terrible? or has anyone else ever felt like this??

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I totally know where you are coming from. One of best friends just got engaged and I couldn't believe how jealous I felt when she told me (obviously I kept it hidden!). During college I was always the one with the boyfriend and she was always single. I am now single and after an amazing whirlwind romance she's engaged. Of course I am delighted for her but a little bit of me keeps wondering why this hasn't happened for me.
Part of me was dreading their engagement party (I was the only single girl there) but I actually really enjoyed it. Seeing her so excited and happy and so obviously in love has confirmed just how happy I am for her really.
I think it is perfectly normal to feel some upset that good things seem to be happening faster for friends but the important thing is not to let it impact on your friendship. It is hard though when you get updates on the date, the band, the hotel, etc. But she's your best friend and she deserves her happiness. I'm sure you know this but I just wanted to say don't feel alone when you don't always feel this!

Wibbs

More suited to here I reckon.

Walls

Hon, feel free to just give her a sentence explaining how you feel. Even to joke that 'I'm mad jealous, thought I'd be first! But you'll make a beautiful bride, so you will' will at least remove the tension you feel of having to act one way and feel another.

You obviously feel ready to be engaged, by the way. Ever feel like having a discussion with your other half to see what the story is?

fghijkl

Hon, feel free to just give her a sentence explaining how you feel. Even to joke that 'I'm mad jealous, thought I'd be first! But you'll make a beautiful bride, so you will' will at least remove the tension you feel of having to act one way and feel another.

Absolutely don't do this. It's not fair to tarnish your friends happiness by making her feel guilty for celebrating what should be a really happy time for her. This is your problem, not hers, and it's not fair to make it hers.

Am i terrible? or has anyone else ever felt like this??

That's not to say i think you're being terrible OP, your only human it's a natural reaction and i completely understand where you are coming from, if it were me in your situation, i'd absolutely feel the same way you do.

i'm with my bf nearly six years

Hope i'm not being out of line, and you may have a perfectly valid reason but: After 6 years with your bf though OP, this may be the perfect opportunity/excuse to probe him a bit, do you not think maybe it's time to sit him down and have a proper heart to heart as to why after 6 years he hasn't committed to you yet? I mean i'm sure he must know by now if he wants to marry you or not?

sunnymoon

well i've completely kept this reaction to myself (that's why i came on here), i haven't actually said it aloud to anyone, i know my boyfriend senses it and even asked am i disappointed it was not us. It probably is a natural reaction and just nobody says it out loud or speaks honestly about it???

I know it will happen for us, we spoken about it, but I obviously completely expected to come sooner for us seeing as were going out much longer.

I'm just disappointed in myself to react like this.

I am a friend

Ah don't beat yourself up about it - it's more natural that people will admit. You don't wish it didn't happen to her, you just wish it happened to you too.

You are happy that it will happen so just sit back and take all the tips and hints from her as she organises her day and then you will get to have yours

LegacyUser

I know it will happen for us, we spoken about it, but I obviously completely expected to come sooner for us seeing as were going out much longer.

well if both you and your boyfriend want to get married, what's stopping you exactly? No time like the present and all that!
If you know it's going to happen for you then just try your best to enjoy it and it may even help you when you're planning your own wedding

sunnymoon

Thanks 'I am a friend' you've probably hit the nail on the head i'm not unhappy it happened to her at, i'm just sad it didn't happend to me!! but thanks that's a very good way of putting it!!! :rolleyes:

thecookingapple

Hey completely normal, look at the positives, you have a Bf and he seems comitted to you (6yrs) so focus on that, i will say one thing, maybe you may not even know you could be doing it, but sometimes when this happens the friend:you, puts awful preasure on her bf to get engaged thus leading to problems in the relationship, just friendly advice.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend... He knows your disappointed because it wasn't ye two. Now he can't even propose for a long time even he wanted to because it will look like he did it just to make you happy.

And OP, I think it is wrong of you to feel this way.. You're with a guy six and a half years, who cares what other people are doing. Don't say it to her, she will guaranteed hold it against you and rightly so.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a few pangs of jealousy. Most people would feel the same as you in your situation. I think you're handling it well by trying not to let it show. fghijkl pretty much covered it to be honest. Don't say anything to her, but talk to your boyfriend about where you stand. Obviously if anything does happen with him you'll have to wait until after your friend's news has died down, but other than that, just concentrate on the good things in your life and try to be happy for her. You sound like you've already got it sorted anyway!

And don't feel bad about being disappointed, it just means you're human

sunnymoon

perhaps jelaousy is a part of life, i just keep trying to justify my reaction, thanks for all your comments i apperciate them greatly. And in relation to feeling sorry for my boyfriend, if i can't be honest and open with him who can i be open and honest with?? hiding my reaction from him is like lying to him isn't is??? many thanks guys

Gannicus

Hi OP,

Completely understandable. She's your best friend. You probably feel like you're losing her. In away you are but in saying that you'll still be best friends at the end of it all. It's life she'll probably feel similar when you're getting married. Talk to her about it. she should understand. do it in a jokey way. maybe agree to meet up once a week for a girlie night or girlie weekend once a month. so you can still have time together as friends.

I am a friend

sunnymoon wrote: »

perhaps jelaousy is a part of life, i just keep trying to justify my reaction, thanks for all your comments i apperciate them greatly. And in relation to feeling sorry for my boyfriend, if i can't be honest and open with him who can i be open and honest with?? hiding my reaction from him is like lying to him isn't is??? many thanks guys

There is no need to justify it....

In fairness though, her news will have died down in a few months so there is nothing stopping him then...