Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

TPD

denhaagenite wrote: »

Every second update a quote from Paolo Coehlo. I can also read books, thanks.

The worst are Paolo Coehlo's own posts, thousands of comments from people trying to sound deep, I'm guessing in the hope that he'll read them and feel inspired or some shit.

EarlERizer

"Thank you for logging in ...."

I hate everything about the poxy thing,absolutely hate it,and those that bang on about "I only use it for blah blah blah bolloxology" I cant stand how people have ....

d'yaknow what, I can't be ar$ed .

Farcebook - Fookoff! :mad:

Samich

A girl updating her status everyday "would love a chinese" or supermacs etc etc. Maybe that's why you're a beached whale.

HayZ 3426

"Just Sippin Some Protein Down Mmmmmm Delicous"
Thats one of the worst status updates in my friend lists

Ardennes1944

The one I hate is..."omg I'm never drinking again!"

Yes you will you ****in muppet you say the same thing every week!!! :mad:

lizardhunt

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

Was reasing this all day and what pops up on my fb tonight?
My 13 year old cousin posing in her school uniform with one of those duck faces (that she has in EVERY picture!) and the caption "Meh inn My Uniform Lookin Likee a Lurk :L"

So while I already had to question her ability to speak English I then had to try read the conversation below it:


I am ashamed to be related to her right now...
She is going to be one fun teenager!

Sounds like one of them will be on MTV's Teen moms.

jayteecork

When I play online poker and drink and inevitably lose my shirt well since Facebook is open beside me I of course go into a deranged rant on my status.

If you want an insight into the existential despair of a alco poker player then you're welcome to add me.

batistuta9

This isn't a status update but it's facebook stupidity

I've seen people recently start to delete some people on their friend list, the reason for this is that they think that some people on facebook are just on there to - "be nosey" according to them. A girl posted something along those lines then another replied that she agreed and "they don't even contribute to facebook".
Do you have to make a certain number of posts now to have a FB account?

Today girl 1 posted a status that she had deleted something like 140 people who are nosey & she dosen't chat online with, i've barely spoke to this girl in my life & never online but accepted her friend request because she's a family friend, so going by the fact she added me she probably added all these people in the first place

Apanachi

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

fckin foreigners your'e in our country now speak english

Ah, now if most native speakers would speak (or write) English as good as some of the foreigners do I'd be happy...

Seriously the worst English speakers (or writers) on my FB page have to be my relations in England, seriously folks, you're ENGLISH, you should be able to speak (write) you're own language.

Not that my Irish friends are much better, when I read some of the things that my old school friends write, I just can't believe the stuff they write, I'm talking about people that did honours English for the Leaving Cert who had the same teacher I did and learned the difference between "there/their/they're" just like me... It's not rocket science folks...

...on this note, not being loud is being QUIET not QUITE, how fecking hard can it be, you all went to to school (and yes, I know typos can happen, been prone to that myself a few time - but no, in the case of a lot of my friends they're not typos, they just can't spell, and once again no, they aren't dyslexic - just stupid....!!!!)

/rant over

So, off I go to block my cousin (well at least hide her from my news feed) because now she's back with here boyfriend, and I'm getting status updates from her like, "wish Michael was here now" "want to cuddle with Michael" "wearing Micheal's T-shirt to bed tonight" "love Michael soooooo much" "we just can't keep away from each other, can we" last week it was: "Michael is such a B*****, never want to see him again" etc... he then disappeared from her friends list only to reappear again 8this has been going on for months now, they're grand for two weeks all full of lovey dovey crap, then it's open war on Facebook, followed by deletion, than a week or two later it's back to lovey dovey, "re-friending" then war, then lovey.... (you get the jist, right) All this is of course written in some kind of cocked-up language that is supposed to be English that is next to near impossible to understand...

...She's only 18 though, and I feel like telling her when she finally does grow up and cop on, she'll probably not be with him anymore and will have long forgotten him....

lamai

notwise wrote: »

A guy I know did this Iron Man competition, half way through:
"Just finished the swim and cycle, just about to start the run, it's tough but doing well"
What the F!ck!
turns out it was his girlfriend who did that but that's even Sadder!!

There's soo many people I should really delete, but the truth is they make me feel good about myself.. at least I'm half normal!

Beats stupid comments like "omg i'm soo hungover over"

You should train for an ironman and then you will know where he is coming from.;)

Sitec

If life gives ya lemons feck lemon juice go crazy on the lemons an bake a lemon cake


Actually wanted to break the laptop when I seen that.

secrecy_ie

Apologies if someone else posted this already:

http://www.lamebook.com

gubbie

hatetherain! wrote: »

I've know this girl for years and am friends with her on Facebook, in reality she good fun and quiet nice.
But when she's on Facebook she drives me bloody demented, I get so fukcing annoyed I want to slap her! Every status update or comment she makes is followed by ...xxx me!
We all know her bloody name is <name here> and that's it's not "me".

"had a great day at the beach today.....xxx me!"

"happy Christmas everyone ....xxxx me!"

"ok so hatetherain! I'll meet you at 2pm tomorrow ...xxx me!"

Everything she writes has her bloody name next to it.....or hasn't she noticed!

It make me so angry....I'm even angry now typing this out

Can't defriend her cause as I said she actually quiet normal and nice in real life

Facebook has cast a "your now a silly 34 years old woman acting like a 13year old girl" spell on her

You could just hide her posts. Problem, solved

metalfest

Sitec wrote: »

If life gives ya lemons feck lemon juice go crazy on the lemons an bake a lemon cake
.

Everyone knows it's, if life gives you lemons just say fúck the lemons and bail!

cactuspaw

"why is everyone putting up norway flags on their pages? was amy winehouse from norway?"

poor girl, shes known for missing the point often.

drdeadlift

Dear Mr. Kenny


Please find below my suggestion for fixing the Irish economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 400 thousand people over 50 in the work force. Pay them 1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. 400 thousand job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new car. 400 thousand cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy €100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ..... And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of the Dail pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances. If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. Also;

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay €600 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Mayo almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept and, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.

Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

---

Also;

Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Ireland to speak up!


Yours sincerely,


Fergus Hamill

orourkeda

WHO'S THIS GENIUS

Lambsbread

and no one has thought of this before :rolleyes:

drdeadlift

Lambsbread wrote: »

and no one has thought of this before :rolleyes:

eyes up to heaven

jonnyfingers

I challenge anyone to find one single flaw in this man's argument!

FatherLen

i tip my hat

SEPT 23 1989

Fergus's brother was in Star Wars

ScummyMan

You know, he might have something there...

Hedman

FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:

iMax

Is there 400,000 over 50s in the workforce? Seems like a lot.

Liam Byrne

Thread title fail.

If you're proposing ideas for the economy, it's probably best that you ensure that you can speak English first, otherwise you won't be taken seriously.

EDIT : Then again, we did have Bertie Ahern & Jackie Healy Rae in the Dáil, so maybe I'm being a little harsh.

smash

jonnyfingers wrote: »

I challenge anyone to find one single flaw in this man's argument!

€5,200 a year on alcohol/tobacco per person for the rest of their life? With only €1,000,000 after paying a mortgage and buying a new car and sending kids to college and then actually living?

€1,000,000 is not a lot of money!

drdeadlift

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Thread title fail.

If you're proposing ideas for the economy, it's probably best that you ensure that you can speak English first, otherwise you won't be taken seriously.

EDIT : Then again, we did have Bertie Ahern & Jackie Healy Rae in the Dáil, so maybe I'm being a little harsh.

Its the internet don't take it so serious

minidazzler

jonnyfingers wrote: »

I challenge anyone to find one single flaw in this man's argument!

400,000 x 1,000,000 = 400,000,000,000

mathie

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Fergus's brother was in Star Wars

The 'gay robot is his brother' slur campaign begins early.

drdeadlift

smash wrote: »

€5,200 a year on alcohol/tobacco per person for the rest of their life? With only €1,000,000 after paying a mortgage and buying a new car and sending kids to college and then actually living?

€1,000,000 is not a lot of money!

I think its a solution to jump start a ruined economy not a long term fix.It wouldnt work with the level of corruption here,

foxyboxer

jonnyfingers wrote: »

I challenge anyone to find one single flaw in this man's argument!

instead of giving billions of pounds :rolleyes: to the banks......


there's one right there.

Liam Byrne

drdeadlift wrote: »

Its the internet don't take it so serious

....ly :rolleyes:

chillywilly

smash wrote: »

€1,000,000 is not a lot of money!

Any chance of a lend of a few quid?

smash

drdeadlift wrote: »

I think its a solution to jump start a ruined economy not a long term fix.It wouldnt work with the level of corruption here,

It's wouldn't work EVER

chillywilly wrote: »

Any chance of a lend of a few quid?

no

g'em

OP I have no comment on your post but just wanted to let you know I tidied it up. The lack of formatting was driving me farking bonkers. This issue is more important to me than any cow tracking device.

Also;

g'em

daniels.ducks

WOW!

drdeadlift

g'em wrote: »

OP I have no comment on your post but just wanted to let you know I tidied it up. The lack of formatting was driving me farking bonkers. This issue is more important to me than any cow tracking device.

Also;

g'em

cheers!! Sorry it was a quick copy and paste

EIREHotspur

I don't care if any of these points will work or not....I say impliment them and make Fergal The Minister For Everything.

You can only live in one house though Fergal and no Pub Openings or the like for you.....sit around and think up some more of this.....hell write a book.

M.J.M.C

g'em wrote: »

OP I have no comment on your post but just wanted to let you know I tidied it up. The lack of formatting was driving me farking bonkers. This issue is more important to me than any cow tracking device.

Also;

g'em

Title needs attention also.
Should have changed it to "Saw this..." rather than "Seen this..."

Anyway, a funny read.


EDIT: thanks for changing

mathie

Just one minor question .... where do we get the four hundred billion euros for this?

Plazaman

I find a number of flaws in this plan.

1. You got it off Facebook
2. .....

OK just 1 flaw....

EIREHotspur

Lets borrow it off the IMF.

We can also promise the IMF that we will impliment a new Prison levy for the pensioners in prison as they won't then be paying for Nursing home accomodation.

Frig it I think that was a good idea so I am now going to be Minister for Transport % Communications and Fergal can now be Minister For Everything else....unless anyone else can come up with some ideas here.....Cabinet Positions up for grabs lads.

Samich

What if you don't drink or smoke? What if you don't have enough money to pay the mortgage?

Gary4279

1,000,000 Less a car, Mortgage/House, Education isn't a lot of money to live off for the remaining 25-30 years of your life.

Also 400,000 X 1,000,000 = A Lot of money to just dish out.

Samich

also there are 5 million people in the country, instead of all these slight increases in taxes, why not have a work for free week. Pay all your wages to the country, everyone would be in the same boat. It'd raise loads of money.

boogerballs

Samich wrote: »

also there are 5 million people in the country, instead of all these slight increases in taxes, why not have a work for free week. Pay all your wages to the country, everyone would be in the same boat. It'd raise loads of money.

Ah Bless!! Do we not pay enough taxes out of our wages already without having to then work a week for free?

stellios

Send all the non working and jailbird FOREIGNERS home! how much would this save the state??

EIREHotspur

Gary4279 wrote: »

1,000,000 Less a car, Mortgage/House, Education isn't a lot of money to live off for the remaining 25-30 years of your life.

They could go get a part time job in Europe.

Also 400,000 X 1,000,000 = A Lot of money to just dish out.

Well thats what we said about the money we gave the banks....have we seen much of that money around since?

parc

100 a week on alcohol and tobacco...?!

lol