Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

sadie06

"Saturday night…..I can smell the carnage peeps". Posted every f*cking Sat night.


"Oh God….I have the fear". Posted every f*cking Sunday.

Age of person: 33

Muise...

sadie06 wrote: »

"Saturday night…..I can smell the carnage peeps". Posted every f*cking Sat night.


"Oh God….I have the fear". Posted every f*cking Sunday.

Age of person: 33

Next Sunday at the crack of dawn, tag him/her in hundreds of random posts and pictures, so the notifications will add a heart attack to the hangover.

Tetra

"Well that's a bit odd - in Starbucks, some dishevelled looking guy comes in and sits beside me…he looked at my giant cookie and said "that looks great...I'm starving, would you mind if I sampled a bit?"! I was a bit taken aback but I felt sorry for the guy so I broke it in two and gave him half...he kept saying "thanks a million, you're a star"...So I was chatting to him for a minute and he said he usually goes to the homeless shelter for food every day but it is closed on bank holiday Monday... then a staff member came over and told him to leave and he started shouting that "working for a corporation like Starbucks is stupid"…"

shruikan2553

Im not sure who is worse, the girl that puts up a status every hour on average, half of which are telling us why she is crying or the girl who has to put up something that made her happy today.

emz8

"If iv a job does that mean I'm self employed ? I hate filling out forms without help"

She's in her twenties.

Her updates are some of my FB faves.

mightyreds

What are the summer months my friend thinks it starts in may I think it's June!! Pleaz help!!!

spitfireIRL

"I'm loosing the plot the missus just turns the lights out an I can't see fuk all then I thought my hair in my face was the fukin cat now as it's 4:20 somewhere excuse me an goodnight y'all"

i don't even...

Muise...

spitfireIRL wrote: »

I'm loosing the plot the missus just turns the lights out an I can't see fuk all then I thought my hair in my face was the fukin cat now as it's 4:20 somewhere excuse me an goodnight y'all

i don't even...

Ah.

Newaglish

spitfireIRL wrote: »

"I'm loosing the plot the missus just turns the lights out an I can't see fuk all then I thought my hair in my face was the fukin cat now as it's 4:20 somewhere excuse me an goodnight y'all"

i don't even...

They're stoned and they think it makes them super cool

shruikan2553

Just saw a picure on facebook about human trafficking. Signs that say "Real men dont buy girls" being held by hipsters. I was about to hop out to tesco and pick one up but then I saw and thought "you know what, maybe it is wrong", Im going to go tell every man I know to stop buying girls. Better remind them rape is bad too.

Custardpi

Damn it, there goes my plans for the weekend! Why did nobody inform me of this sooner???

cynicalcough

Jeez not going to link to it but has anyone been following developments on that page that was mentioned a little while ago? Crazy. That poor family.

December2012

Yeah it's quite disturbing. I hope it all gets peacefully resolved eventually.

Newaglish

What's this then?

sara1

This post has been deleted.

Muise...

cynicalcough wrote: »

Jeez not going to link to it but has anyone been following developments on that page that was mentioned a little while ago? Crazy. That poor family.

December2012 wrote: »

Yeah it's quite disturbing. I hope it all gets peacefully resolved eventually.

Newaglish wrote: »

What's this then?

sara1 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Oh noes. With this coy half-publicness, we are become facebook. :mad:

Chattastrophe!

Me three!

Chattastrophe!

Muise... wrote: »

Oh noes. With this coy half-publicness, we are become facebook. :mad:

Hope ur ok hun

Newaglish

You're all vagueboarding

wildlifeboy

clairethemammy escaped from a maximum security prison through a skylight.

EoghanIRL

So glad were not true to da next round

dee_mc

Works at 'bein a fcukin boss'
(17 year old schoolgirl)

Custardpi

dee_mc wrote: »

Works at 'bein a fcukin boss'
(17 year old schoolgirl)

I'm calling it now - our first female Taoiseach!

How so Joe

Custardpi wrote: »

I'm calling it now - our first female Taoiseach!

Nawh man, she's a madam. That makes way more sense!

Lucifer MorningStar

dee_mc wrote: »

Works at 'bein a fcukin boss'
(17 year old schoolgirl)

Then she'll be a Full-Time mad bastard when she leaves school. :rolleyes:

Zzyzx

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

Then she'll be a Full-Time mad bastard when she leaves school. :rolleyes:

Works at: Full time mummy xxx

EoghanIRL

#bring back our girls

ivytwine

EoghanIRL wrote: »

#bring back our girls

A guy I know is always skating towards the line of good taste (and usually leaves it far behind lol) anyway, he put up a picture of the Spice Girls yesterday with the #bringbackourgirls hashtag.

I laughed!:pac:

Georgie13

One of the most irritating things on Facebook has to be when people keep sharing these big long stories that are obviously not real! There's an idiotic "Brad Pitt on loving his wife" one that I always see people liking/sharing, accompanied by a picture of him and Angelina Jolie, and it's clearly not written by him. It's obviously written by someone whose first language is not English because a lot of the sentences don't even make sense. It's also kind of sexist because it says things like "the woman is the reflection of the man", yet I always see girls sharing it and saying how romantic it is, like what the hell?

stop animal cruelty

someone "hit" off your wans buggy with the child inside it....

"Whoever Bumped Off That Beautiful Child .. If Ur Reading This Im Telling You Ill KICK YOU UP AND DOWN *La La Land*. First off whatever prob you hav with *maryann* is between ye, that beautiful baby boy has nothing to do with it. Go round them again and I promise you when i get bk der ill pull u by da top ov da head owt ov ur house and you will no all about it. Thats my friend and Best Friend {Baby Brother's} child. Your a sik bitch anyway to touch off a child. My Fighting days are over but ill fight for who and what I believe in. I dare ya to go round dem again.... *maryann* Mail Me Hun xx"

shruikan2553

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

someone "hit" off your wans buggy with the child inside it....

"Whoever Bumped Off That Beautiful Child .. If Ur Reading This Im Telling You Ill KICK YOU UP AND DOWN *La La Land*. First off whatever prob you hav with *maryann* is between ye, that beautiful baby boy has nothing to do with it. Go round them again and I promise you when i get bk der ill pull u by da top ov da head owt ov ur house and you will no all about it. Thats my friend and Best Friend {Baby Brother's} child. Your a sik bitch anyway to touch off a child. My Fighting days are over but ill fight for who and what I believe in. I dare ya to go round dem again.... *maryann* Mail Me Hun xx"

Stupid bint probably had some huge 4x4 and ploughs straight through everyone.

Muise...

Georgie13 wrote: »

One of the most irritating things on Facebook has to be when people keep sharing these big long stories that are obviously not real! There's an idiotic "Brad Pitt on loving his wife" one that I always see people liking/sharing, accompanied by a picture of him and Angelina Jolie, and it's clearly not written by him. It's obviously written by someone whose first language is not English because a lot of the sentences don't even make sense. It's also kind of sexist because it says things like "the woman is the reflection of the man", yet I always see girls sharing it and saying how romantic it is, like what the hell?

u dint cryed?

milltown

https://scontent-b-mad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/t1.0-9/1609702_686151714776132_9212296993840341703_n.jpg

Saw this beauty the other week.

"Well, it's way past my bedtime. Will I see you in the morning?"

Him: mama mia wit my sexy woman luv u bby wit all my heart ur my world cant wait for our bby to b born roll on september xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: i luv u 2 my gawjus hubby..u nd r bby r my life i cudnt wish for mre..sep cnt cme fast enuf 2 meet r lil 1 bby ul be a bril daddy..love u mre than anytin bbe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Him: and ul b d bst mammy in d hole world im countin dwn d days til im wit in in d labour ward and u callin me all d names under d sun lol only jokin my sxc woman me luv u lng tym me so ****** xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: thanks bbe.haha il have u strangled bby..dey'l av ta call a doc for u 2 huni nly messn huni iwudnt do a ting lyk dat!!haha dat ryt me lve u lng tym 2 my sexi man mwah mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

spitfireIRL

Kill them with fire!!!!!

reap-a-rat

Evalyn Spoiled Unicorn wrote: »

Him: mama mia wit my sexy woman luv u bby wit all my heart ur my world cant wait for our bby to b born roll on september xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: i luv u 2 my gawjus hubby..u nd r bby r my life i cudnt wish for mre..sep cnt cme fast enuf 2 meet r lil 1 bby ul be a bril daddy..love u mre than anytin bbe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Him: and ul b d bst mammy in d hole world im countin dwn d days til im wit in in d labour ward and u callin me all d names under d sun lol only jokin my sxc woman me luv u lng tym me so ****** xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: thanks bbe.haha il have u strangled bby..dey'l av ta call a doc for u 2 huni nly messn huni iwudnt do a ting lyk dat!!haha dat ryt me lve u lng tym 2 my sexi man mwah mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sexy, sxc and sexi all making appearances. Why does he use two different spelling for it?! What the fudge is wrong with these people?! Tell them how great they are TO THEIR FACE GOD DAMN IT. Jesus.

Pawwed Rig

The poor child has no hope

Muise...

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

The poor child has no hope

They'll probably plug its umbilical cord into a socket.

mathie

Evalyn Spoiled Unicorn wrote: »

Him: mama mia wit my sexy woman luv u bby wit all my heart ur my world cant wait for our bby to b born roll on september xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: i luv u 2 my gawjus hubby..u nd r bby r my life i cudnt wish for mre..sep cnt cme fast enuf 2 meet r lil 1 bby ul be a bril daddy..love u mre than anytin bbe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Him: and ul b d bst mammy in d hole world im countin dwn d days til im wit in in d labour ward and u callin me all d names under d sun lol only jokin my sxc woman me luv u lng tym me so ****** xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: thanks bbe.haha il have u strangled bby..dey'l av ta call a doc for u 2 huni nly messn huni iwudnt do a ting lyk dat!!haha dat ryt me lve u lng tym 2 my sexi man mwah mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I rolled my eyes so hard and so many times that I just saw the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Liam McPoyle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-6wQFXXXp4

Was singing this freaky old tune to myself today. Had to hunt down the vid. Scary minty bastard.

.

Brian_Zeluz

I've seen a few people post "no toilet paper, goodbye socks". I think we've got ourselves a new 'awareness' status.

IvyTheTerrible

Brian_Zeluz wrote: »

I've seen a few people post "no toilet paper, goodbye socks". I think we've got ourselves a new 'awareness' status.

One would hope so.

fussyonion

Post from today::

"me baby stopped breathin earlir and me da gave him mout 2 mout an saved his life i owe u evrythin da jesus me nerves wer shot now i tink i dsrve a few bulmers an hope the little shi*bag dosnt stop brthing again cos me das gon da pub"

:mad:

Wilberto

fussyonion wrote: »

Post from today::

"me baby stopped breathin earlir and me da gave him mout 2 mout an saved his life i owe u evrythin da jesus me nerves wer shot now i tink i dsrve a few bulmers an hope the little shi*bag dosnt stop brthing again cos me das gon da pub"

:mad:

Why do these people feel the need to sustain the world's population??

fussyonion

Wilberto wrote: »

Why do these people feel the need to sustain the world's population??

This girl is 27 and has four children. 'Nuff said.

coolhull

fussyonion wrote: »

Post from today::

"me baby stopped breathin earlir and me da gave him mout 2 mout an saved his life i owe u evrythin da jesus me nerves wer shot now i tink i dsrve a few bulmers an hope the little shi*bag dosnt stop brthing again cos me das gon da pub"

:mad:

A call to Social Services Child Welfare Dept. is the only option in this case. What sort of parent calls their own baby a 'little sh*tbag?
Also, I notice that those are about the only words spelt correctly in the whole post.
There definitely are some people who shouldn't be allowed to procreate :mad:

Pawwed Rig

coolhull wrote: »

What sort of parent calls their own baby a 'little sh*tbag?

Alot of parents would call their children all sorts of vulgar names in my experience. Often to their face.

coolhull

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Alot of parents would call their children all sorts of vulgar names in my experience. Often to their face.

If that the case, they're hardly worthy of the name 'parents' :eek:

El Weirdo

coolhull wrote: »

A call to Social Services Child Welfare Dept. is the only option in this case. What sort of parent calls their own baby a 'little sh*tbag?
Also, I notice that those are about the only words spelt correctly in the whole post.
There definitely are some people who shouldn't be allowed to procreate :mad:

coolhull wrote: »

If that the case, they're hardly worthy of the name 'parents'

Really? Do you think my son should be taken into state care because I call him a little bollocks every now and then?

Get a fucking grip.

fussyonion

El Weirdo wrote: »

Really? Do you think my son should be taken into state care because I call him a little bollocks every now and then?

Get a fucking grip.

How come your swear-word wasn't starred out?!
#AreYouTheChosenOne?