Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

El Weirdo

fussyonion wrote: »

How come your swear-word wasn't starred out?!
#AreYouTheChosenOne?

No, I'm just fucking brilliant.

Sinfonia

fussyonion wrote: »

"me baby stopped breathin earlir and me da gave him mout 2 mout an saved his life i owe u evrythin da jesus me nerves wer shot now i tink i dsrve a few bulmers an hope the little shi*bag dosnt stop brthing again cos me das gon da pub"

New hobby: Take these posts, and delete all but the words that are written correctly (maybe with some license).

Then call it poetry:

baby stopped and gave
saved his life
i owe

nerves shot now
a few hope the little stop again

shannonman81

'up since 3.20...the joys of pregnancy... FML'

This from a girl who publicly thanks her husband everytime he does anything for her.

'thank you (insert name) for cooking dinner'
Thank you (insert name) for my lovely breakfast in bed'

Someday I'm gonna crack and just ask why she doesn't thank him in person....

Maphisto

shannonman81 wrote: »

'up since 3.20...the joys of pregnancy... FML'

This from a girl who publicly thanks her husband everytime he does anything for her.

'thank you (insert name) for cooking dinner'
Thank you (insert name) for my lovely breakfast in bed'

Someday I'm gonna crack and just ask why she doesn't thank him in person....

Puke :pac:

I think this is obviously some fiction that the woman on FB has created for her friends any dipstick who will "friend" her.

In the real world her husband has probably legged it with a Polish plasterer and who would blame him.

Muise...

shannonman81 wrote: »

'up since 3.20...the joys of pregnancy... FML'

This from a girl who publicly thanks her husband everytime he does anything for her.

'thank you (insert name) for cooking dinner'
Thank you (insert name) for my lovely breakfast in bed'

Someday I'm gonna crack and just ask why she doesn't thank him in person....

Simple mistake - she is not actually thanking him; she is keeping accounts. What you are seeing is the credit side.

HeidiHeidi

Sinfonia wrote: »

New hobby: Take these posts, and delete all but the words that are written correctly (maybe with some license).

Then call it poetry:

baby stopped and gave
saved his life
i owe

nerves shot now
a few hope the little stop again

You forgot (da) pub. She managed to spell that correctly somehow!

Wilberto

Maphisto wrote: »

In the real world her husband has probably legged it with a Polish plasterer and who would blame him.

I would have said a Polish milkmaid....




:pac::D

Sinfonia

HeidiHeidi wrote: »

You forgot (da) pub. She managed to spell that correctly somehow!

Yeah, I left out 'him' and 'pub', and left in an uncapitalised 'i'.
But hey, I'm an artist :P

beano345

shannonman81 wrote: »

'up since 3.20...the joys of pregnancy... FML'

This from a girl who publicly thanks her husband everytime he does anything for her.

'thank you (insert name) for cooking dinner'
Thank you (insert name) for my lovely breakfast in bed'

Someday I'm gonna crack and just ask why she doesn't thank him in person....

Probably just to show all her female friends what a good husband/slave she has

Fozzydog3

Evalyn Spoiled Unicorn wrote: »

Him: mama mia wit my sexy woman luv u bby wit all my heart ur my world cant wait for our bby to b born roll on september xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: i luv u 2 my gawjus hubby..u nd r bby r my life i cudnt wish for mre..sep cnt cme fast enuf 2 meet r lil 1 bby ul be a bril daddy..love u mre than anytin bbe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Him: and ul b d bst mammy in d hole world im countin dwn d days til im wit in in d labour wardOffice and u callin me all d names under d sun lol only jokin my sxc woman me luv u lng tym me so ****** xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: thanks bbe.haha il have u strangled bby..dey'l av ta call a doc for u 2 huni nly messn huni iwudnt do a ting lyk dat!!haha dat ryt me lve u lng tym 2 my sexi man mwah mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fixed

Thwip!

Evalyn Spoiled Unicorn wrote: »

Him: mama mia wit my sexy woman luv u bby wit all my heart ur my world cant wait for our bby to b born roll on september xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: i luv u 2 my gawjus hubby..u nd r bby r my life i cudnt wish for mre..sep cnt cme fast enuf 2 meet r lil 1 bby ul be a bril daddy..love u mre than anytin bbe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Him: and ul b d bst mammy in d hole world im countin dwn d days til im wit in in d labour ward and u callin me all d names under d sun lol only jokin my sxc woman me luv u lng tym me so ****** xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her: thanks bbe.haha il have u strangled bby..dey'l av ta call a doc for u 2 huni nly messn huni iwudnt do a ting lyk dat!!haha dat ryt me lve u lng tym 2 my sexi man mwah mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So which one is having the affair?

Muise...

Thwip! wrote: »

So which one is having the affair?

The bby. It has its adoptive parents ready and waiting.

Delira

Great nit though !!

-ur stunning luv the dress zzz
-Oh thanks babe xxx great nit x

what a fab day/nit/morning !!

Girlie nit in Mallow !!

This girl bugs (pun intended) the hell out of me! Just add a fecking E on and then I won't have mental images of nits every time you post a bloody status! UGH!!

AlwaysAnyTime

Delira wrote: »

This girl bugs (pun intended) the hell out of me! Just add a fecking E on and then I won't have mental images of nits every time you post a bloody status! UGH!!

Now you're just nit-picking.

marcbrophy

Delira wrote: »

This girl bugs (pun intended) the hell out of me! Just add a fecking E on and then I won't have mental images of nits every time you post a bloody status! UGH!!

Where do you propose to put this E?
The word is "NIGHT" :pac:

Muise...

marcbrophy wrote: »

Where do you propose to put this E?
The word is "NIGHT" :pac:

Not an E but a NI!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTQfGd3G6dg

banie01

Muise... wrote: »

The bby. It has its adoptive parents ready and waiting.

Muise... wrote: »

Not an E but a NI!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTQfGd3G6dg

For feck seck Muise.....
Would ya stop posting funny quips and hilarious retorts!
Your making me want to break my one hard and fast rule in life and get all carnal with the funny chick :P

Muise...

banie01 wrote: »

For feck seck Muise.....
Would ya stop posting funny quips and hilarious retorts!
Your making me want to break my one hard and fast rule in life and get all carnal with the funny chick :P

Look who'd get up on a Monday morning! If it helps, I'll go all Dorothy Parker on your technique. :P

Delira

marcbrophy wrote: »

Where do you propose to put this E?
The word is "NIGHT" :pac:

Yes, am aware of how the word night is spelled thanks! :pac: My point is, if you MUST use text speak on facebook, at least make it somewhat intelligible and not the same word as fecking head lice! And seeing how she's too lazy to add in an E, I was thinking that looking for two whole extra letters (GH) may be asking waaaay too much

marcbrophy

Delira wrote: »

Yes, am aware of how the word night is spelled thanks! :pac: My point is, if you MUST use text speak on facebook, at least make it somewhat intelligible and not the same word as fecking head lice! And seeing how she's too lazy to add in an E, I was thinking that looking for two whole extra letters (GH) may be asking waaaay too much

That makes sense

skirtgirl

"Wonder if skools of fridy besause of votin"
The irony of this post gave me a little laugh!

desultory

These people that share everything with those "Comment and share to win" things.
There's a local takeaway near me that has a special deal of a pizza and chips for a fiver, they have a picture up every night with that "comment and share to win" and without fail there will be 40 or 50 shares.

It's a fiver lads, go out and buy the fecking thing will ye.

Ciderswigger

desultory wrote: »

These people that share everything with those "Comment and share to win" things.
There's a local takeaway near me that has a special deal of a pizza and chips for a fiver, they have a picture up every night with that "comment and share to win" and without fail there will be 40 or 50 shares.

It's a fiver lads, go out and buy the fecking thing will ye.

And its always "Nom nom. Wud luv dis. Me pleez. Hope I win" in the comments. Nom nom? Are you serious?

Applause

1 hr ·
Got stuck out in that thunder and lightening......f*ck I thought I was gonna end up on a youtube video.....silly b*tch gets hit buy lightening while paying the esb....talking about irony lol ‪#‎rantover‬.!!!!!!

:pac:

batistuta9

Ciderswigger wrote: »

And its always "Nom nom. Wud luv dis. Me pleez. Hope I win" in the comments. Nom nom? Are you serious?

The same kind of twats that have food orgasms no doubt

Ciderswigger

batistuta9 wrote: »

The same kind of twats that have food orgasms no doubt

Hashtag foodporn

massdebater

This popped up on my newsfeed this morning

'Hi Keiran this is John the taxi driver you did a runner on. I have your phone.'

Lol

Sirsok

Maybe it's just me but I found this hilarious posted on a selling forum for the county

"I want to ring a cousin in England off the house phone but since the number is +44 I can't get the + on the house phone. Can anyone help?"

Custardpi

Some cowboy has obviously sold him a cheap phone that can't make international calls due to the missing + sign. Fortunately the modern landline system can perform certain technical tasks by voice activation (a useful feature to help telecoms engineers in their work). Tell him to shout "plus!" immediately before dialling 44. The exchange will recognise this command & connect you internationally.

shruikan2553

A girl I know met a guy 7 months ago and is now putting all sorts of crap up about marriage. Shares pictures of marriage stuff including "<name> keep calm, I love you, marry me" in the style of those carry on photos.

Newaglish

shruikan2553 wrote: »

A girl I know met a guy 7 months ago and is now putting all sorts of crap up about marriage. Shares pictures of marriage stuff including "<name> keep calm, I love you, marry me" in the style of those carry on photos.

Are they engaged?!

ratmouse

shruikan2553 wrote: »

A girl I know met a guy 7 months ago and is now putting all sorts of crap up about marriage. Shares pictures of marriage stuff including "<name> keep calm, I love you, marry me" in the style of those carry on photos.

Dear God!

shruikan2553

Newaglish wrote: »

Are they engaged?!

Nope. She has just got the idea of marriage in her head. Was tempted to comment "run bro, run!" But then there would be hourly updates on crying and passive aggressive statuses aimed towards me for days.

Muise...

shruikan2553 wrote: »

Nope. She has just got the idea of marriage in her head. Was tempted to comment "run bro, run!" But then there would be hourly updates on crying and passive aggressive statuses aimed towards me for days.

Do you need to be connected to her for work or friend-of-friend reasons? Cause she sounds like a headwreck even at facebook feed distance.

Last night a "friend" of mine posted that she needed boys' names for her imminent newborn. She said she would announce the winner later on. The then said "I'm serious".

This morning she announced baby had arrived. When asked what she was calling baby she said she didn't know yet as she'll have to study the names suggested on facebook.

Seriously.

ratmouse

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Last night a "friend" of mine posted that she needed boy's names for her imminent newborn. She said she would announce the winner later on. The then said "I'm serious".

This morning she announced baby had arrived. When asked what she was calling baby she said she didn't know yet as she'll have to study the names suggested on facebook.

Seriously.

Speechless!! Or is it just me?!

Larianne

I guess it saves her reading through a whole book of baby names! :pac:

fleet_admiral

ratmouse wrote: »

Speechless!! Or is it just me?!

Nah I dont like that name

jousting with chairs

She got fed up with reading the names as well so the one with the most likes wins

ArtyM

Deleted User wrote: »

Last night a "friend" of mine posted that she needed boys' names for her imminent newborn. She said she would announce the winner later on. The then said "I'm serious".

This morning she announced baby had arrived. When asked what she was calling baby she said she didn't know yet as she'll have to study the names suggested on facebook.

Seriously.

Hopefully she doesn't name him newsfeed or timeline.

shruikan2553

Muise... wrote: »

Do you need to be connected to her for work or friend-of-friend reasons? Cause she sounds like a headwreck even at facebook feed distance.

Nah, she is purely for the entertainment value. Ive been tempted to post some of it here but dont want to spam the thread.

Newaglish

shruikan2553 wrote: »

Nah, she is purely for the entertainment value. Ive been tempted to post some of it here but dont want to spam the thread.

You better start spamming, bro

Paddy Cow

ArtyM wrote: »

Hopefully she doesn't name him newsfeed or timeline.

One woman named her baby girl Hashtag

Aidric

I thought I'd seen it all in the dumb status updates until this morning when I saw a woman check in from a hospital about her seriously sick daughter.

Ciderswigger

A friend of a friend once posted a photo of her house on fire at 3am, with the fire brigade on the scene. Proper flames, not just smouldering or anything.

I promptly unfriended her.

Pawwed Rig

Ciderswigger wrote: »

A friend of a friend once posted a photo of her house on fire at 3am, with the fire brigade on the scene. Proper flames, not just smouldering or anything.

I promptly unfriended her.

Why? That is actually news that you want to hear about rather than the inane waffle that most of us are subject to on a daily basis.

fussyonion

Friend posted: "Thanks for all your well wishes on the birth of our new baby girl who arrived today. Will share the name and pictures soon, we just want to keep her to ourselves a little longer!"

Erm, you're hardly Beyonce and Jay-Z and to be honest, I've seen babies before and they pretty much look the same...and I know what people will comment under each photo: "She's beautiful" "She's gorgeous"...

Well yeah you're hardly going to say: "She's a minger", now are you?
Not interested in this big secrecy thing around the name either.

desultory

fussyonion wrote: »

Friend posted: "Thanks for all your well wishes on the birth of our new baby girl who arrived today. Will share the name and pictures soon, we just want to keep her to ourselves a little longer!"

Erm, you're hardly Beyonce and Jay-Z and to be honest, I've seen babies before and they pretty much look the same...and I know what people will comment under each photo: "She's beautiful" "She's gorgeous"...

Well yeah you're hardly going to say: "She's a minger", now are you?
Not interested in this big secrecy thing around the name either.

It's absolutely noones business but their own what the name is and if they want to keep the pictures and that to themselves for now then more power to them, better than the people who share all over Facebook before they've even had a chance to look at their child.

fussyonion

desultory wrote: »

It's absolutely noones business but their own what the name is and if they want to keep the pictures and that to themselves for now then more power to them, better than the people who share all over Facebook before they've even had a chance to look at their child.

I agree, but this whole "We will show you pics but not yet" thing is pointless.
Either keep the photos to yourself OR show them; why say something like "We want to keep her to ourselves for a bit"? like she's a trophy or something.

To be honest though, I wish parents wouldn't share their baby photos on Facebook. It's beyond boring and once someone has had a child, their whole timeline becomes a running narrative on what said child is doing with accompanying dull pics.
Bore off!

desultory

fussyonion wrote: »

I agree, but this whole "We will show you pics but not yet" thing is pointless.
Either keep the photos to yourself OR show them; why say something like "We want to keep her to ourselves for a bit"? like she's a trophy or something.

To be honest though, I wish parents wouldn't share their baby photos on Facebook. It's beyond boring and once someone has had a child, their whole timeline becomes a running narrative on what said child is doing with accompanying dull pics.
Bore off!

Probably because they wanted to thank people for well wishes and knew people would in turn be asking for pictures, like people do.
To be fair the child probably is like a trophy, to them.

But yeah agree with the photos. It's very annoying