Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

Nib

"proudmum.com" clinched it for me.

Silly cow. Hasn't worked a day in her life and gets everything handed to her by the SW.

LynnGrace

implausible wrote: »

+1, if you need to pick from a list suggested by facebook that you're feeling excited, then you're not very excited. And anyone who's 'feeling blessed' I generally want to do physical damage to. It usually can be translated as 'feeling like showing off'.

That is for sure.

Dolbert

"Facebook friends....but pass you by...or dare to make eye contact on the street. ..just weird and shallow. .....very shallow"

From a Facebook business page :rolleyes:

HeidiHeidi

Dolbert wrote: »

"Facebook friends....but pass you by...or dare to make eye contact on the street. ..just weird and shallow. .....very shallow"

From a Facebook business page :rolleyes:

That doesn't even make sense

snaphook

Someone got new shoes from her "bestest hubby".

Friend: What did you do to deserve them?

Poster: Ah sure just being da usual fabulous person that I am!!


Sweet sufferin' Jaysus.

Fiolina

No matter how pretty you are, your poxy stuck up personality makes you the ugliest bitch ever.. Live a little Maybe if u ate half of the make up on your face it would make u pretty on the inside too?? Witches everywhere

sullivlo

"6 months today to Christmas Eve xxx"

*unfollow*

honerbright

Someone I know is currently "on root'" to somewhere :pac:

desultory

snaphook wrote: »

Someone got new shoes from her "bestest hubby".

Friend: What did you do to deserve them?

Poster: Ah sure just being da usual fabulous person that I am!!


Sweet sufferin' Jaysus.

Translation: she gave him a blowjob.

Photo-Sniper

Seen this on facebook earlier but may have been a repost...but nonetheless, the facebook status really exists.

"Gonna be sum amazing weekend 14 lads/31 gallons of beer/5 days....MENTAL!"

Someone had posted underneath it

"31 Gallons =248 pints
248 pints between 14 lads is 17.7 pints per person
17.7 pints over 5 days =3.5 pints a day.

3.5 pints a day..... Yeah id say its going to be ****ing mental stuff altogether.

Chattastrophe!

Disclaimer - I am not friends with this person - I just happened to see them on another friend's page and the profile name was (e.g.) "Steph and Billy", so I had to click in to see what kind of gobsh!tes would have a joint Facebook account (someone should really let them know that it's free to open a second account.)

Anyways ...

"haha jealousy is ah terblie thing get over urself love ya dont bother me in what ya say or anybody else ither , my daughter wasnt brought to the world for jealousy she was brought here cause she was wanted , anyway the whole town yah can talk cause cudnt give ah fuk bought any yeah , only the 1s i love me hubby and me daughter love to yeah tah bitz xxxxxx"

Fiolina

Wen a fat bird walks in d doors of a club giving it socks like she's stunning

This gem was posted by a friend of a friend who obviously sees himself as God's gift. His page is full of pics of him showing off his latest tattoos and his "guns".

He got a bit of stick from a few girls but came back with this..

Ah no but like out straight no mess I can understand a fat girls exciment wen she walks into Burger King or kfc but wen ur walking into a nightclub jus relax urself

yerwanthere123

"phones broke people.thats why im never online. im in an internet café in town drinking Flagon waiting to go to court for robbery depressing not the word. bruree hurry up before I snap. 5 months good rehabilititation is well on the cards haha im a f*ck up at the moment. I used to be like Tyson now im like gazza haha. wish me luck or else il rob ur shop haha messing"

They just keep coming.

Paddy Cow

Fiolina wrote: »

Wen a fat bird walks in d doors of a club giving it socks like she's stunning

This gem was posted by a friend of a friend who obviously sees himself as God's gift. His page is full of pics of him showing off his latest tattoos and his "guns".

He got a bit of stick from a few girls but came back with this..

Ah no but like out straight no mess I can understand a fat girls exciment wen she walks into Burger King or kfc but wen ur walking into a nightclub jus relax urself

I bet such a sensitive reply defused the situation lol

Taylor365

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

"phones broke people.thats why im never online. im in an internet café in town drinking Flagon waiting to go to court for robbery depressing not the word. bruree hurry up before I snap. 5 months good rehabilititation is well on the cards haha im a f*ck up at the moment. I used to be like Tyson now im like gazza haha. wish me luck or else il rob ur shop haha messing"

They just keep coming.

Aka your ''friend''.

:pac:

Chattastrophe!

"Woz At Clinic Tadaii Told Me If I Dont Go Be4 Tuesdaii Dare Bringing Moii In Wednesdaiii Moring At 8 O Clock Tah Start Moiii , Please God I Go MeSelf Witou Dum Prodin And Prokeing Me , So HopeFullii Il Start MySelf Please God"

Seriously, is it not an awful lot more difficult and time-consuming to type like that? I don't get the point!

banie01

desultory wrote: »

Translation: she gave him a blowjob.

Nah.....
She's married! Wive's dont do that once the cake is eaten :P
Unless they are really really expensive shoes!
Or its not their Hubbie :P

dee_mc

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

"Woz At Clinic Tadaii Told Me If I Dont Go Be4 Tuesdaii Dare Bringing Moii In Wednesdaiii Moring At 8 O Clock Tah Start Moiii , Please God I Go MeSelf Witou Dum Prodin And Prokeing Me , So HopeFullii Il Start MySelf Please God"

Seriously, is it not an awful lot more difficult and time-consuming to type like that? I don't get the point!

Miss Piggy is pregnant?

coolhull

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

"Woz At Clinic Tadaii Told Me If I Dont Go Be4 Tuesdaii Dare Bringing Moii In Wednesdaiii Moring At 8 O Clock Tah Start Moiii , Please God I Go MeSelf Witou Dum Prodin And Prokeing Me , So HopeFullii Il Start MySelf Please God"

Seriously, is it not an awful lot more difficult and time-consuming to type like that? I don't get the point!

And this "person" is going to be a parent?
Of a real child?
And who is 'Moiii? Is she pregnant as well?

December2012

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

"Woz At Clinic Tadaii Told Me If I Dont Go Be4 Tuesdaii Dare Bringing Moii In Wednesdaiii Moring At 8 O Clock Tah Start Moiii , Please God I Go MeSelf Witou Dum Prodin And Prokeing Me , So HopeFullii Il Start MySelf Please God"

Seriously, is it not an awful lot more difficult and time-consuming to type like that? I don't get the point!

Pretentious? Moi?

Chattastrophe!

coolhull wrote: »

And this "person" is going to be a parent?
Of a real child?
And who is 'Moiii? Is she pregnant as well?

It's interesting how it goes from Me to Moii to Moiii ... perhaps there is some subtlety of knacker-grammar we're missing out on here?

ElvisChrist6

Friend of mine passed her exams meaning she got her degree and will be graduating in September. Her status honestly made me laugh:

"honour degree in music composition. went out to my dad in his workshop crying with relief and he put his arms around me and said 'is this about suarez?' Nice."

Paddy Cow

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

"Woz At Clinic Tadaii Told Me If I Dont Go Be4 Tuesdaii Dare Bringing Moii In Wednesdaiii Moring At 8 O Clock Tah Start Moiii , Please God I Go MeSelf Witou Dum Prodin And Prokeing Me , So HopeFullii Il Start MySelf Please God"

When I read that I honestly thought it meant she had to check in at the psychiatric unit and if she didn't go voluntarily on Tuesday, they would force her on Wednesday

Fluxfan

A girl who I went to school with posted up a pic of her toddler playing in a low shelf of a wardrobe, right under a shelf of aerosols. On closer inspection, she had a can of deodorant in her hand, the lid of it thrown on the floor. Now I don't have a child but what?!?!?! Who does this?!

Comments were worse:

"Fab photo hun xXx"

"Sooooooo cute"xxxxx

Same person shared a post today that said"

"Delete me if I'm wrong! All of us have 1,000 wishes! To be thinner, stronger, much, sh1te, bla, more bla. A cancer sufferer has only 1 wish. Only 3% of this will share this in support. Share if you care!"

- I think she needs to be deleted

Jikashi

ppcperson wrote: »

I think she needs to be deleted

Agreed. Not unfriended; actually deleted from existence. Child'll probably be safer too

fussyonion

I *think* this is something that's meant to be inspirational or perhaps even a quote from Martin Luther King.....who knows?

"""Ppl just dnt stop!!! Ur in the past for a reason!!! U wont be in my future for an even better reason>>> so y does my present bother u!!!! ‪#‎upwardsandonwards‬"
15 people like this.

Commenter: Bitches be tripping haha

OP: Lol them hoes are drippinnnnn!!! Haha

Commenter: They still aint LOYAL!!!!!

Commenter: I know the feeling.. head high girl

OP: Lol leave them to it im still havin the last laugh lol

OP: Bitch were not loyal haha

OP: he wont make a broke bitch rich(<<<<coz he's a DOLE DOSSER) haha

The OP is also on the dole yet feels it's different to insult another dole dosser.

I'm also at a loss as to why she put this status up. It's obviously an inside joke or something that happened but instead of telling people about it OR keeping her mouth shut, she decides to post mystic things like that.
Why?

Taylor365

fussyonion wrote: »

I *think* this is something that's meant to be inspirational or perhaps even a quote from Martin Luther King.....who knows?

"""Ppl just dnt stop!!! Ur in the past for a reason!!! U wont be in my future for an even better reason>>> so y does my present bother u!!!! ‪#‎upwardsandonwards‬"
15 people like this.

Commenter: Bitches be tripping haha

OP: Lol them hoes are drippinnnnn!!! Haha

Commenter: They still aint LOYAL!!!!!

Commenter: I know the feeling.. head high girl

OP: Lol leave them to it im still havin the last laugh lol

OP: Bitch were not loyal haha

OP: he wont make a broke bitch rich(<<<<coz he's a DOLE DOSSER) haha

The OP is also on the dole yet feels it's different to insult another dole dosser.

I'm also at a loss as to why she put this status up. It's obviously an inside joke or something that happened but instead of telling people about it OR keeping her mouth shut, she decides to post mystic things like that.
Why?

A simple case of feeling low and wanting attention.

When the human species feel down and low, they cry out for attention.

Exhibit A:

"""Ppl just dnt stop!!! Ur in the past for a reason!!! U wont be in my future for an even better reason>>> so y does my present bother u!!!! ‪#‎upwardsandonwards‬"

They receive what they crave and immediately show gratitude.

Exhibit B:

Commenter: Bitches be tripping haha

Exhibit C:

OP: Lol them hoes are drippinnnnn!!! Haha

Once this occurs, the need is fulfilled and they return to their natural behavior for the cycle to begin once more (aka ''digging for that gold yo bitch'').

OP: Lol leave them to it im still havin the last laugh lol

OP: Bitch were not loyal haha

OP: he wont make a broke bitch rich(<<<<coz he's a DOLE DOSSER) haha

:pac::pac:

THEZAPPA

#‎quinoa‬ ‪#‎avocado‬ ‪#‎wine‬ ‪#‎nomnom‬

[Insert photo of food]

Feckin hashtags!!!!! I've a friend once who posted about 40 hastags in one post...

Muise...

THEZAPPA wrote: »

#‎quinoa‬ ‪#‎avocado‬ ‪#‎wine‬ ‪#‎nomnom‬

[Insert photo of food]

Feckin hashtags!!!!! I've a friend once who posted about 40 hastags in one post...

They can keep their quinoa and avocado, but I hate it when people post pictures of food without an open invitation to come over and join in. Everything I share can be listened to or read. Until facebook is hooked up to the Starship Enterprise's replicator, sharing food pics = selfish pigs!

fussyonion

THEZAPPA wrote: »

#‎quinoa‬ ‪#‎avocado‬ ‪#‎wine‬ ‪#‎nomnom‬

[Insert photo of food]

Feckin hashtags!!!!! I've a friend once who posted about 40 hastags in one post...

#so #unnecessary #makesthemlookstrange #lookingforattention

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

My old English teacher, such a nice woman but clearly is an attention seeking idiot on Facebook.
Last week she posted up on Facebook how she likes to be open and honest, and told the story of how a few weeks before she had been told they couldn't find her babies heartbeat, and then after that how she collapsed and was rushed to hospital with a head injury. Naturally everyone started commenting offering condolence on the lost baby and wishing her well, some even telling her she could try again when she was feeling better (wtf?! You can't replace a baby).

Anyway...
Last night she posted this gem how she was apologising in advance to those of us on her friends list she was deleting, but unless you appeared on her newsfeed and interacted with her on Facebook she would no longer be keeping you as a friend. "You know who you are, just on for a nose." Que all the lickarses liking and commenting how she was "dead right hun" probably out of fear of bring deleted lol.

She's an English teacher!!! More sense?!?

im blue daba dee

Schools out for summer and by school I mean work and by summer I mean half day

rawn

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

Seen this on facebook earlier but may have been a repost...but nonetheless, the facebook status really exists.

"Gonna be sum amazing weekend 14 lads/31 gallons of beer/5 days....MENTAL!"

Someone had posted underneath it

"31 Gallons =248 pints
248 pints between 14 lads is 17.7 pints per person
17.7 pints over 5 days =3.5 pints a day.

3.5 pints a day..... Yeah id say its going to be ****ing mental stuff altogether.

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/a-wild-week.jpg

:pac:

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Yes dearie, you can have my leftovers. I don't play with broken toys.




PLEASE LET THAT GIRL BREAK HER FINGERS SO SHE CAN NO LONGER POST

Shane-KornSpace

"I am now supporting America in the World Cup because some of them could be irish people who were sold by the nuns"

ArtyM

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

"I am now supporting America in the World Cup because some of them could be irish people who were sold by the nuns"

Where is the button to vote for Post of the Day?

shruikan2553

The girl I mentioned before obsessed with marriage has been blocked by her boyfriend on Facebook.

I have popcorn in the microwave and preparing my eyes to be rolled.

Shane-KornSpace

shruikan2553 wrote: »

The girl I mentioned before obsessed with marriage has been blocked by her boyfriend on Facebook.

I have popcorn in the microwave and preparing my eyes to be rolled.

Keep us posted!

Days 298

"man caught with 72 plants of weed for medical use for hes health gets a 5 year sentence while a fella caught with 20,000 euro worth of heroin gets a suspended sentence.... makes no sense what so ever"

Yup a guy I know thinks that someones growing at least 50 ounces of weed for medical use. Given each ounce is worth €300

honerbright

So (childs name) watching telly and bull on it turns around and goes have you seen my friend bee we are twins he's a bee and I'm a bull wtf thought twins were same — feeling confused.

Ignoring the fact it's you know, a cartoon with talking animals :rolleyes: :pac:
Comments include:

Person 1: Maybe they're not identical xx
OP: A bull and bee could never be twins not same animal:/

Tardful Slakerly II

Days 298 wrote: »

"man caught with 72 plants of weed for medical use for hes health gets a 5 year sentence while a fella caught with 20,000 euro worth of heroin gets a suspended sentence.... makes no sense what so ever"

Yup a guy I know thinks that someones growing at least 50 ounces of weed for medical use. Given each ounce is worth €300

tbh weed isn't my thing but it isn't harmful compared to a lot of legal stuff like alcohol. It's insane that the guy gets prison time. It's being decriminalized and legalised these days, very slowly but surely.

Heroin is a horrible drug on the other hand that destroys people.

AulBiddy

A friend of a friend posted a "twerking" video... Cue massive shxtstorm from other people commenting saying "you're only going to get a name for urself hun dis is awful dere are so many perverts out der" etc etc... Eventually the poster of the video comments back "who de fuk do u tink u are bullyin a fukin 16 year old girl HANDICAP!!!! " Her friends were all "don't mind her hun she's a creep".. Best part was the 16 year olds own MOTHER commenting saying "don't mind them girl shake wat ya momma gave ya der just jealous hun Xxxx"..

Bipolar Joe

Kind of missing the point.

rockbeast

"The phoenix park
t'was a lovely place to spend my sunday afternoon"

Planemo

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

"I am now supporting America in the World Cup because some of them could be irish people who were sold by the nuns"

Thief!

ConstantJoe

Planemo wrote: »

Thief!

DOD posted it on Facebook too to be fair. Could just be quoting that.

Photo-Sniper

**** me. This one takes the biscuit. Someone on my wall always posting quotes

"You know you love someone when you save their texts and reread dem when no one is watchin ya - Marilyn Monroe"

Eh......Text messaging wasnt even invented when Marilyn Monroe died you absolute doughnut.

dee_mc

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

**** me. This one takes the biscuit. Someone on my wall always posting quotes

"You know you love someone when you save their texts and reread dem when no one is watchin ya - Marilyn Monroe"

Eh......Text messaging wasnt even invented when Marilyn Monroe died you absolute doughnut.

Hahahaha they are either secretly brilliant or very, very gullible!

Zed Bank

Photo-Sniper wrote: »

**** me. This one takes the biscuit. Someone on my wall always posting quotes

"You know you love someone when you save their texts and reread dem when no one is watchin ya - Marilyn Monroe"

Eh......Text messaging wasnt even invented when Marilyn Monroe died you absolute doughnut.

"The best thing about the internet is you can make up quotes and attribute them to anyone"-Abraham Lincoln

Liam McPoyle

STUMBLEUPON: some cat pics
STUMBLEUPON: boring political news report
STUMBLEUPON: picture of a volcano
STUMBLEUPON: iphone hints & tips

~Emma walks up behind me~

STUMBLEUPON: hardcore pornography
STUMBLEUPON: blowjob pictures
STUMBLEUPON: midget fisting
STUMBLEUPON: nuff gay porn

Gah

Emma is his bird.