Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

yerwanthere123

"Good friends are like the stars in the sky,
even if they are VERY far away their light can still get to you xx"

Also, 12 people were tagged in the status so we can all know just HOW MANY friends the OP has :rolleyes:

yerwanthere123

"TIME TA TAKE A BUKET ND GT STONED SUM FUKIN PRIKS OU TER"

"ITZ TRUE WA TEY SAY U DNT NO WA UVE GOT TILL ITZ GNE MISSIN SUM1 NW HOPE TEY OK ND C YA SOON"

"HAPPY FATHES DAY TA MY DAD ERE ND FUK U MY REAL DAD WHO I NEVER SAW HPE UR LIEN DEAD SUM WERE"

:eek::eek::eek:

Festy

From the same person..



"Love to ****in flattin someone dis mornin gettin stopped for I'd an I nearli 23 years of age its a ****in joke"

Follwed by

"They send me 8 letters sayin court at 10 an I still havnt went in arrrrrgh so annoyin an I got DAT butterfly pukie feelin in my stomach if I'm not in after 11 goin home **** tat lik"


:rolleyes:

Caribbean Cat

Is everyone idiotic or is it just me
Just wait until they see World War Z
Bam!! Shotgun rifle right in the face.
That's how I roll... Bitch(spit) call me tho xxxx

Super-Rush

On the way t see the boss HON THE RI RI

Piss off.

Liam McPoyle

Got this ace idea for a children's story called 'Little Johnny Two Spoons' about a boy with teaspoons instead of arms, and whenever someone tries to talk to him he abruptly shouts ENCORE UNE FOIS and then runs away crying. I'm a mother f*cking visionary bro

On a friends status this morning.

He cracks me up.

krudler

Coleman Slawski wrote: »

On a friends status this morning.

He cracks me up.

Thats actually funny though

Liam McPoyle

Imagine if the T-1000's arm had been found in an Apple factory instead of Cyberdyne systems. The films would have been called iKill or something. Skynet would be a big Mac Book. Imagine what the Terminators would look like.

Another recent gem from the same guy.

kunst nugget

Caribbean Cat wrote: »

Is everyone idiotic or is it just me
Just wait until they see World War Z
Bam!! Shotgun rifle right in the face.
That's how I roll... Bitch(spit) call me tho xxxx

Sigh... the rhyming meter went out the window at the end after showing such promise. I would have finished it like this:

Is everyone idiotic or is it just me
Just wait until they see World War Z
Bam!! Shotgun rifle right in the face.
Splattered brains all over the place
Bitch (spit) you know that's how I roll
Fantasizing while being on the dole
Lying on the couch living in denial
Flicking off to the ladies on Jeremy Kyle.

Festy

Festy wrote: »

TAMPIN FUMING RAGIN I'm seriously gonna ****in burst someones head open one of these days awoke at this hour one a ****in Sunday if mom was here der wud have been world War 2 some peoPle have no ****in cuntin respect ! !

Okay I give up, what is "tampin"?

PizzamanIRL

bluewolf wrote: »

Okay I give up, what is "tampin"?

Tamping: To bury an explosive device underground so it deals more damage to the surrounding area. Commonly used in strip mining.

In this case though it means mad or furious. Thanks urban dictionary.

spankysue

Is ya commin to bed hun its cold brrrr

This showed up in my newsfeed, one of my friends posted it on her husband's wall, 'cause obviously calling down to him was just too much effort and then nobody would know about it :rolleyes:

dar100

El Weirdo wrote: »

When FB started getting really popular and all the txtspking morons migrated from Bebo I changed my name and put my profile on the highest privacy settings possible. I then went on a friend purge. I don't use a photo as my profile picture and I have (to some degree of success) managed to avoid much of the twattery.

If someone I don't wish to overtly offend requests me as a friend, I add them and immediately remove them from my news feed and then after a couple of weeks block them from receiving any updates from me. I then remove them completely in one of my regular purges.

Haha, real James Bond stuff that! why not just refuse the initial request

Lisha

spankysue wrote: »

This showed up in my newsfeed, one of my friends posted it on her husband's wall, 'cause obviously calling down to him was just too much effort and then nobody would know about it :rolleyes:

That is just cringe

Would love to hack into husbands account and reply with location set to a lap dancing club saying 'sorry love am up to my eyes busy at work really busy, xxx to you and kids . . See ya later '

No doubt hilarious 'fcuk, there all wasters, bbz, pm me' replies would ensue

SuperGrover

16 year old boys asks his Mom: "Mom, what are you going to get me for my 18th birthday?"
The Mother answers, "son that's still a long way" ...

The boy turns 17 & one day he faints.

His Mom takes him to the hospital & the doctors says "Madam your child has a bad heart". Being the child On the stretcher the child Says, "did he tell you I'm going to die?".

Mom Starts crying" ......

The boy finally recovers on his 18th Birthday, he comes home & on his bed was a letter his mom had left him .

The letter said "Son if you are reading this its because everything went well.

Remember the day you asked me what was i giving you on your 18th birthday & didn't know what to Answer you?

"I gave you my heart" take care of it and happy Birthday Son ♥

Nothing is bigger than MOM's Heart.

krudler

SuperGrover wrote: »

16 year old boys asks his Mom: "Mom, what are you going to get me for my 18th birthday?"
The Mother answers, "son that's still a long way" ...

The boy turns 17 & one day he faints.

His Mom takes him to the hospital & the doctors says "Madam your child has a bad heart". Being the child On the stretcher the child Says, "did he tell you I'm going to die?".

Mom Starts crying" ......

The boy finally recovers on his 18th Birthday, he comes home & on his bed was a letter his mom had left him .

The letter said "Son if you are reading this its because everything went well.

Remember the day you asked me what was i giving you on your 18th birthday & didn't know what to Answer you?

"I gave you my heart" take care of it and happy Birthday Son ♥

Nothing is bigger than MOM's Heart.

Does this mean she literally gave him her heart? cos there's not a surgeon in the land who would do that.

This would be a good testing point for friend deletion though, anyone who likes or shares that is obviously retarded.

SuperGrover

krudler wrote: »

This would be a good testing point for friend deletion though, anyone who likes or shares that is obviously retarded.

Yep.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Barred out of super macs again as if I'd give a flyin fiddlers fuk shove your mc fukkin buger up your mc fukkin hole you fat mc fuk.

Replies then being all like "ya mad bitch, what did you do" to which she replied
"Trew a packet of hot chips at a lads face sure was only messin"

Aspiring

SuperGrover wrote: »

16 year old boys asks his Mom: "Mom, what are you going to get me for my 18th birthday?"
The Mother answers, "son that's still a long way" ...

The boy turns 17 & one day he faints.

His Mom takes him to the hospital & the doctors says "Madam your child has a bad heart". Being the child On the stretcher the child Says, "did he tell you I'm going to die?".

Mom Starts crying" ......

The boy finally recovers on his 18th Birthday, he comes home & on his bed was a letter his mom had left him .

The letter said "Son if you are reading this its because everything went well.

Remember the day you asked me what was i giving you on your 18th birthday & didn't know what to Answer you?

"I gave you my heart" take care of it and happy Birthday Son ♥

Nothing is bigger than MOM's Heart.

Lyk if u crry everytim.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Aspiring wrote: »

Lyk if u crry everytim.

I cryd bbz so sad hope ur ok

Festy

From the Things Travellers Say page



:pac:

DipStick McSwindler

This post has been deleted.

kunst nugget

Festy wrote: »

From the Things Travellers Say page



:pac:

That's older than the snot crystallizing underneath the top of my work desk.

SerialComplaint

IrishFeeney92 wrote: »

People are such retards

Ever think it might be time to stop using 'retard' as a derogatory term?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T549VoLca_Q

DipStick McSwindler

This post has been deleted.

kunst nugget

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Ever think it might be time to stop using 'retard' as a derogatory term?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T549VoLca_Q

That video is so gay…

krudler

IrishFeeney92 wrote: »

"Rumour has it they found Bin Laden in the tunnel at Northside shopping Centre hahahah"

Pretty sure hes dead around a year pal.

this status has 3 likes already

People are such retards

someone hasnt seen Zero Dark Thirty then, or y'know watched the news in the past couple of years

extra gravy

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Ever think it might be time to stop using 'retard' as a derogatory term?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T549VoLca_Q

It's ironic that this campaign is running in a country famous for the retardedness oops sorry, I meant stupidity of some of its inhabitants.

danslevent

This is a funny video making fun of the "lik if you cried" stories they used t have on bebo!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcn1Q9fWahM

danslevent

This is a funny video making fun of the "lik if you cried" stories they used t have on Bebo and Fb!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcn1Q9fWahM

Aspiring

danslevent wrote: »

This is a funny video making fun of the "lik if you cried" stories they used t have on Bebo and Fb!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcn1Q9fWahM

Theres another one called 5ever. The voice gets me every time.

ronan45

AHhhhhhh

"lets see how many friends i got..
Plz put a "like" if ur my friend"

Festy

Done being nice to ****in people I think da problem is I'm too nice to ****in people u ask dem to do 1 thing an they make a huff an puff about it after u randomely take dem shopping buy them a new tracksuit subway and keyring for da so called girlfriend ! Tampin fumin ragin



For the day that's in it.:pac:

MurdyWurdy

What is with the popularity of the word tampin? I've only seen it in this thread. Where the hell did it come from?

Festy

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

What is with the popularity of the word tampin? I've only seen it in this thread. Where the hell did it come from?

Don't have a clue.

I've posted a few of her statuses in the past though.Her page is just pure comedy.:pac:

rawn

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7353518848/hBACF0751/

Don't you hate it when your friends rally around you when you're in the hospital but are nowhere to be seen in the hour it took you to find your receipt? A-holes!

leggo

rawn wrote: »

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7353518848/hBACF0751/

Don't you hate it when your friends rally around you when you're in the hospital but are nowhere to be seen in the hour it took you to find your receipt? A-holes!

I love statuses where people publicly call out all of their friends. You can practically smell the petrol from them burning bridges.

Do keep me updated on any receipt-related issues with this guy, though. I'm enthralled. He had me at chritmas.

shruikan2553

I don't hate u, I just hope ur next period starts wen ur swimming with sharks!! ****tard!! >:(

As you can imagine this person was going to let everyone know what was wrong through chat

krudler

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Ever think it might be time to stop using 'retard' as a derogatory term?

Means the exact same thing as idiot, which nobody bats an eyelid at. words only have power when people give it to them, and its the context used as well.

rawn

leggo wrote: »

I love statuses where people publicly call out all of their friends. You can practically smell the petrol from them burning bridges.

Do keep me updated on any receipt-related issues with this guy, though. I'm enthralled. He had me at chritmas.

That screenshot was from a while back that I uploaded to failbook, no one ever replied to him. No one ever replies to anything he says, shocking considering his compelling updates:

just had a skins chipper for the first time and its the first chipper i have fully finished in ages, burger was awesomely tasty and the chips were also awesomely tasty

Thank you (Friend 1) and (Friend 2) for the get well soon card, it came today, i'm feeling much better, but i still find it hard to walk around the town i was out today to sign on and get my money and it took alot out of me just doing that much

Glad to be home from the hospital, the operation went well nothing twisted it was just inflamed, i just have to take easy over the next few days, can't do anything that causes me to have strain or clench

me and my girlfriend spend 3 hours making an awesome snowman, we were freezing and wet afterwards we then made tea and cuggled up next to the raditor lol

Did I mention he was in hospital for a twisted scrotum? Though he was sure to inform everyone that didn't ask that it was indeed just inflamed.

thefasteriwalk

"advice fr neone goin fon shopn avoid post ofice day only sel xpensiv fons dat av awkwrd minds of dar own. fair a9n."

"Leavin on a jet plane duno wen ill b bk again, sum buzzz!!!"

"Sum1 shoot me. 1st person t like gts d honour n prilage of a dubl barel n my location."

"Had a preminition las nite, mad ****."

"Decided 2 tke her fingr ou n gt her likl self a job. Shokn i no. If i break a nail il av 2 claim.."

"I BROKE A NAIL, SERIOUS ISSUE!!!"

"cool calm colective al my life nt fukin it up nw"

"ne1 fancy blackn dare arse n goin mad wi me? iv com 2 terms wi d quiet life is nt 4 me.."

"is comin 2 grips wi wat ud cal d quiet life."

"ne1 fancy winein dinein and 69nin??"

yerwanthere123

thefasteriwalk wrote: »

"advice fr neone goin fon shopn avoid post ofice day only sel xpensiv fons dat av awkwrd minds of dar own. fair a9n."

"Leavin on a jet plane duno wen ill b bk again, sum buzzz!!!"

"Sum1 shoot me. 1st person t like gts d honour n prilage of a dubl barel n my location."

"Had a preminition las nite, mad ****."

"Decided 2 tke her fingr ou n gt her likl self a job. Shokn i no. If i break a nail il av 2 claim.."

"I BROKE A NAIL, SERIOUS ISSUE!!!"

"cool calm colective al my life nt fukin it up nw"

"ne1 fancy blackn dare arse n goin mad wi me? iv com 2 terms wi d quiet life is nt 4 me.."

"is comin 2 grips wi wat ud cal d quiet life."

"ne1 fancy winein dinein and 69nin??"

WaT d fUk dId I jUst rEEd

Vicar in a tutu

A man I know in his late 20's constantly posting about how he needs a hug:) and is anybody coming out today:):) ... and no i'm not being harsh, he just thrives on attention he gets from his ''wacky'' statuses.

December2012

thefasteriwalk wrote: »

"advice fr neone goin fon shopn avoid post ofice day only sel xpensiv fons dat av awkwrd minds of dar own. fair a9n."

"Leavin on a jet plane duno wen ill b bk again, sum buzzz!!!"

"Sum1 shoot me. 1st person t like gts d honour n prilage of a dubl barel n my location."

"Had a preminition las nite, mad ****."

"Decided 2 tke her fingr ou n gt her likl self a job. Shokn i no. If i break a nail il av 2 claim.."

"I BROKE A NAIL, SERIOUS ISSUE!!!"

"cool calm colective al my life nt fukin it up nw"

"ne1 fancy blackn dare arse n goin mad wi me? iv com 2 terms wi d quiet life is nt 4 me.."

"is comin 2 grips wi wat ud cal d quiet life."

"ne1 fancy winein dinein and 69nin??"

Good gravy, the only thing she typed fully and correctly was the serious issue about the broken nail.

Duck's hoop

krudler wrote: »

Means the exact same thing as idiot, which nobody bats an eyelid at. words only have power when people give it to them, and its the context used as well.

So many examples prove this to be nonsense. It's just you choosing which words you feel are offensive and derogatory and which words you don't.

mackeire

2 winners on euro millions 1 was Irish heart was goin 90 till looked at me numbers and wasn't me "" hope yes choke on yes r 93 million each yes ***** hahahahhaha

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Duck's hoop wrote: »

So many examples prove this to be nonsense. It's just you choosing which words you feel are offensive and derogatory and which words you don't.

Eh? A word only holds as much power as you give it. So technically if the word "retard" offends you then you're choosing which word offends you.

Duck's hoop

Doesn't offend me in the slightest. It does however stigmatise and perpetuate a stereotype of a sector of the population.

The word is not even used in its original context for these very reasons. Hasn't been for some time.

You know, in the same way people don't ordinarily, in civil speech, refer to black people as ****, gay people as queers or travellers as knackers.

I'm pretty sure if you did use these terms (derogatory and insulting terms) on this site, you'd be banned.

LizT

Mod

There's actually a thread in Feedback about the use of the word retard. If you want to discuss it, I suggest you do it there.

SerialComplaint

kunst nugget wrote: »

That video is so gay…

Ok so - is this video butch enough for you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfMlrTV_5vY