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Is physical/sexual attraction necessary in a relationship?

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Comments

  • #52
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    belle2011 wrote: »
    Hi OP here again.

    7Sins - to answer your question i met him on a night out (i didn know him before at all) and for the first few dates i fancied this guy. If i could write a list of how i wanted my "perfect" guy to act and the things i wanted him to say then he would tick every single box. Yes we have slept together but it didnt go so well on his part and since then i lost all attraction towards him even though i really like him as a person.

    Sorry to hear about this. It's horrible when something like that happens but did you try again? If the attraction GREW during your first few dates then well and good, but if it GREW LESS then that was a bad sign. However, in the first post you say you weren't attracted to him and maybe you didn't turn him on that way either if things didn't go well when you slept together first. I take it he couldn't get an erection. Or maybe he was nervous and needed to get to know you better.
    belle2011 wrote: »
    I broke it off with him on Friday night and since then my head is all over the place. I cant think straight and he is constantly on my mind. I lie awake at night thinking about him and what happened. I have thoughts going through my mind like maybe i should have given it more time to see what happened and maybe i would have been attracted to him again but i dont know maybe it is a gulity conscious cos he is such a genuinely lovely guy. We have not been in contact since then but i still cant stop thinking about him.

    You can't turn back the clock OP (Emme shaking head sadly)
    belle2011 wrote: »
    I was kinda thinkin of contacting him and saying something like should we give it another go for another month or so to see how we get on or should i just leave him be. I still dont think i'm attracted to him at the moment though. I also dont want him to end up getting hurt if i still feel the same in a few weeks time.

    Any advice apprecaited cos i am feeling totally confused and miserable!!

    You can contact him and see if he'd meet up, check out the vibes and take it from there but it's unlikely that he would give it another shot under the circumstances. If he does then you would be very lucky and you might appreciate him more in every way (that includes attraction) next time round. But don't make a fool of him, only contact him if you're serious about pursuing the relationship further. He doesn't deserve to be messed around for a few more weeks and dumped again.


  • #53
    justplainme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭justplainme


    Hi Op. not sure I can be of any help but I've been in your situation. I haven't had much experience of relationships and my first proper one was last summer. He was a really, really nice guy & I loved spending time with him yet I always felt there was something missing. I kept saying to myself give it time but I was only fooling myself. I think there has to be something else there other than liking spending time together and being a really nice guy - If not then what distinguishes a friend whose a boy from a boyfriend (apart from sleeping together of couse). (Maybe this is where I'm going wrong :rolleyes:)
    Anyways I broke up with said guy after about 2 months and for ages afterwards I kept replaying it in my head & thinking that maybe I was wrong to break it off. I constantly thought about him for a good while afterwards and like you thought maybe I should contact him & arrange to meet up so that I'd know then if I saw him one last time etc. I didn't and 6 months later I know I made the right decision. It wouldn't have been fair on him if I had let it go on.

    some of my friends told me I should have given it longer, others said, when I explained something was missing, that it grows etc but I guess we all have our thoughts on what it should feel like and if that's missing or not matched it won't work. (I kinda have issues about the whole "love" thing anyways so maybe I'm way off). I don't know but in this situation I now know I was right to end it.

    I guess it helps in my situation that I've met him occasionly on random nights out and we just had a casual "how are things" chat and I don't ever get the feeling that I want to be with him. I think you made the right decision in breaking up with him and in a few weeks or months I hope you find it was the right decision for you. sorry for long post and hope you feel better about it soon. :cool:


  • #54
    doctorwhogirl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭doctorwhogirl


    I rarely comment on these things, but physical attraction is SO important. As someone has pointed out already, unless you "want" the person you're in a friendship. And for someone who doesn't realise that's the case, they're heading for fall.

    But if you can't stop thinking about him, something is lurking there. whether it be guilt or unidentified attraction! But you need to figure that out. Your first time sleeping together doesn't sound like it went well. TBH, from reading your posts it sounds to me like you had generally high expectations of what you thought of as "your perfect guy". Maybe it was the case that while you do like him, he's not living up to these?


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