Dry Spell

Phat Cat

.......as in how long have you gone without sex and do you think that your circumstances at the time had anything to do with it?

I was just discussing this with a few mates in the pub at the weekend and we all admitted to having various periods of dry spells throughout our lives, most for months but some for years.

I'm in my mid-thirties now but way back in my mid-twenties I went three whole years without sex, not for the lack of trying mind you. I then decided that I needed a change of scenery and went to London to work for a few years and actually had more sex that I ever imagined I would, I think I managed to treble the number of sexual partners over there in only a few years. So I think my circumstances back then ie: living in Dublin, probably held me back some what. Oh, and for the record I'm married now, not that that means that I'm getting regular sex or anything

So patrons of The Gentlemen's Club, how long have you gone without sex and do you think circumstances (ie: unemployment, lack of a social circle, crippling shyness etc) played a part in it?

stupidusername

I'm going to generalise here but i would say being in Ireland probably is something that contributes to a lack of sex more than social circles or any other circumstances. Women are deemed unapproachable and men don't approach them.
If i just want sex there's one friend i could call on,possibly more but not sure.and there's probably other women here would say the same so maybe it's just mens opinions are sought after here.
I would say though that living in a city as opposed to more rurally definitely would make a difference to how often you can get it.

Phat Cat

I would agree with you that living in Ireland does contribute to the lack of sex that some people experience and without turning this into a male vs female argument, it's much harder for men then it is for women. As I mentioned in my OP, I went three years without sex yet as soon as I moved countries I was pretty much instantly having regular sex. It was actually rather bizarre

Raze_them_all

Not that long, m month, definately not more than 2.

Phat Cat

Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I think it's fair to assume that there would be a significant difference between someone that is 35 compared to a 21 year old.

Raze_them_all

close, I'm 22, but you said you went 3 years in your mid 20's thats mad!!

Phat Cat

Yep, 23 until 26, worst period of my adult life I had a right forearm like Popeye! :pac:

stupidusername

So what do you think has to do with a lack of sex?

parker kent

I think it depends how hard you look for it. I've no real interest in going to nightclubs looking for one night stands any more, so it would have to come to me instead.

But there are definitely easy enough one night stands if you go looking. It's a numbers game, chat to enough girls and your numbers will come up eventually. I don't think girls are that unapproachable. Maybe my experience is skewed as things are a bit different in college and I'm not long out of it, but I'd feel that sex is there for anybody who wants it and uses a bit of charm.

I don't think I have anybody that I could just call up and hook-up with though. Well if I do, I don't know that I could.

The_Kew_Tour

went about 18 months without even a score about 6 years ago, but in past 3 years managed to be with about 40 or so girls.

Yes living in City helps but I think confidenece can help too.

stupidusername

I'd say confidence helps a huge amount.natural selection and all that...

Phat Cat

stupidusername wrote: »

So what do you think has to do with a lack of sex?

I think it has to do with peoples perceptions of sex. I really enjoy sex and if I don't get it I can become really frustrated and it effects others parts of my life like work or study etc. My friends pretty much said the same so I'd say alot of men would be of a similar mindset.

The thing is, outside of college I couldn't for the life of me get laid in Dublin and I'm not exactly sure why that is. I'm not ugly and I'm fairly approachable but even though I approached women, got phone numbers, kisses, second dates etc the sex was non-existent. I really have no idea why that was and what confuses me more is that my sex life suddenly ignited when I moved away.

parker kent wrote: »

I don't think I have anybody that I could just call up and hook-up with though. Well if I do, I don't know that I could.

I think this would be a luxury that very few men would have, but in saying that I know guys who have 'fúck buddies' but they are player types so I'm not surprised. I wouldn't say it's uncommon for single women though, if they really wanted sex it wouldn't be too hard to find.

parker kent

Phat Cat wrote: »

I think this would be a luxury that very few men would have, but in saying that I know guys who have 'fúck buddies' but they are player types so I'm not surprised. I wouldn't say it's uncommon for single women though, if they really wanted sex it wouldn't be too hard to find.

Yeah it's normally either player types or else somebody that was in a relationship and is still on good terms with the person.

As for random hook ups, with experience comes confidence. The more you talk to people, the more confident you get. Then the more you hook up, the more confident you get. I'd compare your dry spell with a striker in soccer on a dry spell in front of goal. You get the yips and start doubting everything you do.

Speaking as somebody who has encountered both forms of dry spell, I think that's a good comparison :pac:

Phat Cat

I like that comparison, kind of like Fernando Torres for Chelsea right now :pac:

As for confidence, I was always a fairly confident person and I used to approach women that I fancied without much hesitation, it was just persuading them to jump into bed with me in Dublin that was my only stumbling block.

parker kent

Just like Fernando Torres, except the his problem is in the Chelsea kit, not in Dublin

donfers

parker kent wrote: »

I think it depends how hard you look for it. I've no real interest in going to nightclubs looking for one night stands any more, so it would have to come to me instead.

But there are definitely easy enough one night stands if you go looking. It's a numbers game, chat to enough girls and your numbers will come up eventually. I don't think girls are that unapproachable. Maybe my experience is skewed as things are a bit different in college and I'm not long out of it, but I'd feel that sex is there for anybody who wants it and uses a bit of charm.

I don't think I have anybody that I could just call up and hook-up with though. Well if I do, I don't know that I could.

i agree with that, it's there for anyone who really wants it, some guys are willing to have sex with any woman, some guys with any woman they are even remotely attracted too, some understandably are anxious about the approach and then drink enters the equation, some live in big cities where there are more possibilites, some in small towns where there are less, some think adding another notch to the bedpost is what makes them a man, some need to get to know a lady and have decent chemistry with her before they feel like having sex with her

so all in all i'd say it's an easy thing to get if you are prepared to try or if you are not on the look out for angelina jolie every night and are willing to sleep with moderately attractive girls, and of course if you are not a natural ladies man/charmer then then booze will always help, and you don't even have to be amazingly good-looking, a bit of charm and confidence (even if it is false/temporary) and some kind of style/pride in appearance and an ability to talk/banter and it truly is on a plate - not saying every woman will automatically want to jump into bed with you but if you do want it badly then the key is to play the numbers game and the absolute key is to make sure that a few knockbacks don't cause you to lose heart/confidence and re-examine your worth to the ladies - the amount of guys i know who are broken after 1 knockback is unreal, what they fail to realise is that male models get knockbacks, brad pitt gets knockbacks, so ultimately i guess the secret is not to care too much if you get it or not, don't play it like you're about to win the lotto or you'll get nervous and fcuk it up in some way by overthinking it, again the amount of guys i have seen who are all but in with a lady but manage to fcuk it up at the last minute is amazing, these are the 5 number lotto guys, they do everything right up to the last moment then when sex is on the menu they freeze like a rabbit in the headlights - why? because they value sex too much, it's too important to them and they lose their cool

having dry spells is ok - having lots of sex with different girls doesn't make you a man, maybe subconsciously you are not ready for it, don't feel like it, are not "in tune" for it - it certainly wouldn't necessarily cause me to question my interactions with women, rather it would lead me to look at my own attitudes to sex and if i really wanted it enough or felt like it during that time because the reality it is relatively easy to get whenever you feel like you are ready for it - of course how much you are attracted to the lady and how much you enjoy it and how much it makes you feel good/bad about yourself is a whole other story

to conclude i would say the true sign of a man is not how many women he beds but how many potential sexual encounters he rejects because he has the courage to admit to himself that it's not right for him at that precise moment in time

HavingCrack

Phat Cat wrote: »

As for confidence, I was always a fairly confident person and I used to approach women that I fancied without much hesitation, it was just persuading them to jump into bed with me in Dublin that was my only stumbling block.

Dublin does seem to be an odd one. I was up in Belfast a few months back and I shifted/scored/whatever slang is in these days 3 girls in a night, something I'd never done in Dublin. Granted none of them ended in sex but I just thought it was really strange. Maybe I've a bit of a mental block in Dublin that goes away elsewhere?

stupidusername

Trying not to take offence at the angelina jolie/moderate girls comment.its a matter of taste.i find her quite plain really despite the artificial enhancements.

Would be interesting to get the opinion of some guys who've lived in other irish cities and dublin.IME i havent had as many men chat me up in dublin as in limerick,but then in dublin i've only really been out with male friends.(dont get me started on that)

Emme

Phat Cat wrote: »

I think this would be a luxury that very few men would have, but in saying that I know guys who have 'fúck buddies' but they are player types so I'm not surprised. I wouldn't say it's uncommon for single women though, if they really wanted sex it wouldn't be too hard to find.

It's not as easy for women as you might think, particularly if we don't want players.

amacachi

I'm 22 and haven't managed it yet, not sure when to measure the start of the "spell" from though. :pac:

Raze_them_all

amacachi wrote: »

I'm 22 and haven't managed it yet, not sure when to measure the start of the "spell" from though. :pac:

When you think "**** i haven got laid in a while"

amacachi

Raze_them_all wrote: »

When you think "**** i haven got laid in a while"

Since I was 13? Any advances on 9 years so? :P

Raze_them_all

amacachi wrote: »

Since I was 13? Any advances on 9 years so? :P

When you start to wonder if even hookers would??

amacachi

Raze_them_all wrote: »

When you start to wonder if even hookers would??

Can't imagine thinking that, it's not that there haven't been opportunities.

Otis Driftwood

Currently on a 3 month dry spell.Thats the longest its been in a good many years.

In my early to mid 20s it lasted a couple of years tbh.I wasnt overly confident when it came to women and as a result I drifted into the dreaded friend zone more times than I care to mention.:mad:

Pepe LeFrits

I can't really say I pay it attention anymore. I'll go through phases where I'm like a dog in heat, other times I'm not arsed and won't so much as make eyes at a girl for months.

My current spell actually came up in conversation with a mate and his girlfriend the other day. They knew how long I'd gone without, while I got it wrong - shows how much it matters. I thought the last action I had was on NYE; I forgot it was actually on my birthday in Feb, with a mate of theirs, hence them knowing (yeah, I'm a real catch...!).

parker kent

Emme wrote: »

It's not as easy for women as you might think, particularly if we don't want players.

But that is his point I imagine. If we purely think in terms of how easy is it for women to get sex, it is definitely easier for women. However, that doesn't mean sex with a nice guy, somebody you like, somebody suited to you etc. It simply means that women could have sex with *somebody* if they really wanted to. With men, it can take a bit more effort.

stupidusername is right though about going out with friends of the opposite sex. I'd fairly often head out with female friends and you instantly look like a couple. So that can be a barrier for some people. Big difference in the amount of girls I'd talk to on a lads night out. When I'm out with any of the girls, I might not talk to any other girl on a night out.

Phat Cat

Emme wrote: »

It's not as easy for women as you might think, particularly if we don't want players.

parker kent wrote: »

But that is his point I imagine. If we purely think in terms of how easy is it for women to get sex, it is definitely easier for women. However, that doesn't mean sex with a nice guy, somebody you like, somebody suited to you etc. It simply means that women could have sex with *somebody* if they really wanted to. With men, it can take a bit more effort.

parker kent is correct, that was my point.

The vast majority of women will always have the option of no strings attached sex while men rarely have an option like that open to them.

stupidusername

Yeah i was just going to say women maybe able to get sex when they want it but it doesn't mean its going to be good

Very VERY VERY few men know how to make a girl happy

donfers

stupidusername wrote: »

Yeah i was just going to say women maybe able to get sex when they want it but it doesn't mean its going to be good

Very VERY VERY few men know how to make a girl happy

err it takes two to tango

sex = not solely for the purpose of making a woman happy, nothing worse than a woman lying there like a sack of spuds expecting you to rock their world, puts me right off


also maybe you've just had very bad luck with your sleeping partners

parker kent

stupidusername wrote: »

Yeah i was just going to say women maybe able to get sex when they want it but it doesn't mean its going to be good

Very VERY VERY few men know how to make a girl happy

In terms of one night stands, I don't think either the man or women make each other happy. It's normally drunken, selfish sex. That's not a recipe for Double-O Heaven.

I think you only have good sex once you get the know the person and their individual likes. If I did the exact same things with 2 different women, one might love it and the other might hate it.

I also think women sometimes overlook that sex might not actually be any good for a man either.

stupidusername

donfers wrote: »

err it takes two to tango

sex = not solely for the purpose of making a woman happy, nothing worse than a woman lying there like a sack of spuds expecting you to rock their world, puts me right off

also maybe you've just had very bad luck with your sleeping partners

Of course it takes two, what's that got to do with anything?

probably has been bad luck. but no need to be so defensive. of course lying there like a sack of spuds is the wrong way to go, but where did i say I do that? never said it was solely about making a woman happy, but it's also not solely about making the man happy, and that's what I was saying. every man seems to think it's all about them. but you're probably right about the bad luck. haven't been with enough to say it's widespread, yet.

of course if I was **** at it all myself I wouldn't expect much from the guy, but again, where did i say that?? I'm not going to defend myself to a stranger, I know what I'm like. I was simply saying that almost every man i've been with (which is a low enough number) has been selfish.....

parker kent wrote: »

In terms of one night stands, I don't think either the man or women make each other happy. It's normally drunken, selfish sex. That's not a recipe for Double-O Heaven.

I think you only have good sex once you get the know the person and their individual likes. If I did the exact same things with 2 different women, one might love it and the other might hate it.

I also think women sometimes overlook that sex might not actually be any good for a man either.

...and this includes boyfriends.... have only had one drunken ONS and i hated it for many reasons. I would agree that getting to know the person is part of it, but it'd be my opinion that it shouldn't be based on how well you know them. I mean, what's the point doing it if you're not enjoying it. it's probably going to be said that i could've spiced things up if i was bored etc, but if he's into what he's doing i'm not going to stop him and say how about you do this for me...

i've only had one experience where I thought it wasn't good for him, and that was the messy drunken ONS.

but i don't mean this to start a discussion on all that... bit off topic.

donfers

stupidusername wrote: »

every man seems to think it's all about them.

rest of your post is fair enough but that part is just ridiculous

beks101

stupidusername wrote: »

Yeah i was just going to say women maybe able to get sex when they want it but it doesn't mean its going to be good

Yeah I'd agree with this. Sure, women would have an easier time getting no-strings sex if they want it, but IME there are far fewer women who actually want NSA than men. The women who actually want to find something more meaningful can have a harder time, especially in early - mid 20s, when a majority of single males just want to fcuk around. So ultimately it balances out in my opinion.

I'm a woman, I've never had any problem getting laid when I'm in the mood but most of the one-nighters I've had have been crap to mediocre sex, little regard for my satisfaction (and I'm not a sack of spuds type) and a world of awkward the next morning...a night full of me-time would often have been more satisfying. So, easier, maybe, but that's not necessarily a good thing.

Poor Craythur

parker kent wrote: »

Double-O Heaven.

That is all.

Knasher

Dry spell??? I'm living in a fecking desert.

Dravokivich

Phat Cat wrote: »

So patrons of The Gentlemen's Club, how long have you gone without sex and do you think circumstances (ie: unemployment, lack of a social circle, crippling shyness etc) played a part in it?

Just short of 3 years now...

...I'm a lazy git.

Poor Craythur

Dravokivich wrote: »

Just short of 3 years now...

...I'm a lazy git.

Oh my God, Drav, get laid, FFS!!! :eek::p

stupidusername

donfers wrote: »

rest of your post is fair enough but that part is just ridiculous

It may be ridiculous but its my experience so can't really argue.i've had sex with 4men so yeah its not very fair to be so general.can't wait to be proven wrong

Oh and just in response to dravs post there-are you just not bothered or what? I mean IME if you're too lazy to do somethin its because you dont really want to do it. Oh and drav you're first on my love list

Dravokivich

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Oh my God, Drav, get laid, FFS!!! :eek::p

To be honest, I don't really see the point in doing it for the sake of doing it. Which is all it's been when ever I've done it. Found it completely meaningless and had no desire for it at all.

I'm in no rush to chase "it" down...

S.U.N:

As I said... the sex itself isn't really what I'm looking for...

Poor Craythur

Dravokivich wrote: »

To be honest, I don't really see the point in doing it for the sake of doing it. Which is all it's been when ever I've done it. Found it completely meaningless and had no desire for it at all.

I'm in no rush to chase "it" down...

S.U.N:

As I said... the sex itself isn't really what I'm looking for...

Fair nuff!

parker kent

Poor Craythur wrote: »

That is all.

Thank you very much, that line is copyright of Parker Kent :pac: I thought it had slipped under the radar!

Oh and I just read my posts again, I sound like a mildly ONS obsessed person. They are actually crap, had 2 but wouldn't do it again. Possibly a controversial opinion for a man, but I'd rather no sex to bad sex.

parker kent

stupidusername wrote: »

...and this includes boyfriends.... have only had one drunken ONS and i hated it for many reasons. I would agree that getting to know the person is part of it, but it'd be my opinion that it shouldn't be based on how well you know them. I mean, what's the point doing it if you're not enjoying it. it's probably going to be said that i could've spiced things up if i was bored etc, but if he's into what he's doing i'm not going to stop him and say how about you do this for me...

i've only had one experience where I thought it wasn't good for him, and that was the messy drunken ONS.

True, but everybody should be able to talk before and after and do enough that both people are kept happy. It's not like a race or one single thing. I read this post the other day and it pretty much summed up what I think.

The_Morrigan wrote: »

Sex is not one act, it is the whole experience from teasing to foreplay to penetration and various repeats of actions before the bliss of closeness after both parties have collapsed in a heap of exhaustion.

stupidusername

Yep but again it depends on how receptive your partner is.

Poor Craythur

parker kent wrote: »

Thank you very much, that line is copyright of Parker Kent :pac: I thought it had slipped under the radar!

Oh and I just read my posts again, I sound like a mildly ONS obsessed person. They are actually crap, had 2 but wouldn't do it again. Possibly a controversial opinion for a man, but I'd rather no sex to bad sex.

From my experience, ONS can be crap OR they can be great for uninhibited experimentation.

If they're of the drunk variety, they're always crap. But if not, they can be fun!

parker kent

stupidusername wrote: »

Yep but again it depends on how receptive your partner is.

Well yeah I should have added that, kinda assumed that since I was thinking that in an earlier post, everybody else would be thinking it :pac:

Some people suit your style, some don't. And with some, it comes, but all in it's own good time.

parker kent

Poor Craythur wrote: »

From my experience, ONS can be crap OR they can be great for uninhibited experimentation.

If they're of the drunk variety, they're always crap. But if not, they can be fun!

Must arrange some of option B for myself....:pac:

entropi

Longest dry spell was over 6 years...yes you heard me correctly! Still a dry spell going on now, dwarfed in comparison to that other one...

Partizan

Master of Nothing wrote: »

Longest dry spell was over 6 years...yes you heard me correctly! Still a dry spell going on now, dwarfed in comparison to that other one...

Get a hooker mate...

seriously

Partizan

I'm on a bit of a dry spell meself for about 6 months, one of my longest. Last g/f dumped me rather unceremoniously just before Xmas and it hurt like hell. It took me a few weeks to get my **** together and my confidence back. Since then I have dated 3 women but nothing came of it. 1 admitted to being a bit of a bike, another was an emotional car crash waiting to happen while another I genuinely liked but her being a single mum put the kibosh on things. I met 2 of the 3 online after I decided to give the online thing a go.

I have always found it easier to score abroad. I lived for a period of time in EE and most weekends my arse was going up and down like a fiddler's elbow. The dial on the White God factor-ometer just went off the scale. However I found it alot harder to get a sniff of anything here in Dublin. That said I'll be heading off East again soon so the drought will end. Back to Candyland.

Dravokivich

Partizan wrote: »

Get a hooker mate...

seriously

Partizan wrote: »

I'm on a bit of a dry spell meself for about 6 months, one of my longest. Last g/f dumped me rather unceremoniously just before Xmas and it hurt like hell. It took me a few weeks to get my **** together and my confidence back. Since then I have dated 3 women but nothing came of it. 1 admitted to being a bit of a bike, another was an emotional car crash waiting to happen while another I genuinely liked but her being a single mum put the kibosh on things. I met 2 of the 3 online after I decided to give the online thing a go.

I have always found it easier to score abroad. I lived for a period of time in EE and most weekends my arse was going up and down like a fiddler's elbow. The dial on the White God factor-ometer just went off the scale. However I found it alot harder to get a sniff of anything here in Dublin. That said I'll be heading off East again soon so the drought will end. Back to Candyland.

er... follow yer own advice?