Miss my dog so much after breakup

Roro4Brit

Long story short... I broke up with partner of 7 years 3 months ago.

We had got the most adorable puppy 2 years earlier.

Since I left I feel so so bad about my baby. I miss her so much everyday. I can go see her whenever I want, but I figured it was best for both if I didn't.

Apparently she had some funny behaviour when I left first, spending an over an hour or so at night sitting on the bottom step of the stairs before she'd go to her basket to sleep...but that has passed now.

I would love love to see her, but I don't want to confuse her and then for me to go again for another month or so. Also (for another forum) I think it will be super hard for me to leave her again after spending an hour with her. It will be like leaving all over again.

Any advice from anyone in this position?

Thanks.

seamus

I know some people have come up with a "shared custody" type solution where the animal moves from home to home for a week or two weeks at a time. Dogs like stability, but they do get used to it, especially if everyone follows the same rules and a similar routine in both homes.

Though it does tie you to your ex, but it sounds like you get on OK with them. If nothing else it allows each person to keep seeing their dog, but also gives them the freedom to go away for weekends and so forth when the dog's not there.

Roro4Brit

seamus wrote: »

I know some people have come up with a "shared custody" type solution where the animal moves from home to home for a week or two weeks at a time. Dogs like stability, but they do get used to it, especially if everyone follows the same rules and a similar routine in both homes.

Though it does tie you to your ex, but it sounds like you get on OK with them. If nothing else it allows each person to keep seeing their dog, but also gives them the freedom to go away for weekends and so forth when the dog's not there.

Yeah I don't want to do this to the dog. My ex is fantastic with her and there was no question who would take her as he has the luxury of being able to spend a lot of time with her, whereas my schedule would not be even half as flexible. When my ex needs to be away for more than 6 hours she goes to his parents house which she loves this as she loves their dog but I think adding a 3rd venue to her routine is too much, and I want whats best for her.

I'm just worried that jumping in to see her ad hoc will upset her and her routine and I don't want her pining for me and as I can't commit to taking her regularly I think it's best if I just deal with missing her.

MeerKat17

Hey OP!
Sorry to hear about your break up and the difficult situation you are in. I had the same problem, broke up my my partner in September and we had a beautiful dog for the last 2 years.
After the break up I tried to keep my distance for a bit but I missed the dog so much that after a couple of months I went back to see him. I got the biggest welcome off him ever, I've never seen a tail wag so much, or been licked as much, it was great! Now I make sure I go visit him when ever I can, I'm on good terms with my ex which makes it a lot easier. I visit every week or 2 and take the dog for a night or 2 when ever I can, and if my ex is away for a night, and I am free to take him I do. Its great to spend time with him and he loves coming to visit me. Its not an ideal situation but it gets easier with time!
My ex kept the house we lived in and I moved out so it made sense at the time for him to keep the dog so as not to uproot the dogs life.
I guess just like children, every dog is different, but my dog quickly adapted to the situation. I don't know how it will pan out in the future, I would imagine when the time comes that my ex or I get a new partner that it will be a lot more difficult for me to visit and take him, but for now I intend to keep on visiting and taking him for long walks whenever I can!

montane

Roro4Brit wrote: »

Long story short... I broke up with partner of 7 years 3 months ago.

We had got the most adorable puppy 2 years earlier.

Since I left I feel so so bad about my baby. I miss her so much everyday. I can go see her whenever I want, but I figured it was best for both if I didn't.

Apparently she had some funny behaviour when I left first, spending an over an hour or so at night sitting on the bottom step of the stairs before she'd go to her basket to sleep...but that has passed now.

I would love love to see her, but I don't want to confuse her and then for me to go again for another month or so. Also (for another forum) I think it will be super hard for me to leave her again after spending an hour with her. It will be like leaving all over again.

Any advice from anyone in this position?

Thanks.

Terrible that you miss your dog so much. Hope you get to see her. It would be terrible if you had to use the excuse of missing your partner to go and visit your dog

doubleglaze

I don't see any problem with introducing "a third house": your ex's, his parents' and your gaff.

Take the dog whenever you can. It will get used to the new shared arrangement.

You really love that dog!

tazwaz

hi, my own personal story....

few years ago i was living with then bf when we decided to get a puppy, we had been going out with good few yrs at the time. bout a year later we broke up and he moved out, i keep the house on so the dog (taz) stayed with me.
taz missed his other owner like mad and he in turn missed him so we tried the shared ownership to see what would happen...
taz would go to the ex's house every thurs morn till sat eve and he got well used to it, i know this sounds crazy but every thurs morn it was like he knew he was going, he'd be waiting by the door..i reckon he loved the new routine and it was much better than seeing him look out the window every day wondering where his other owner had gone.
from my personal point of view it was hard at the start seeing the ex every wk so we decided it was easier if i dropped him off or he picked him up when the other person wasnt there, over time we actually became friends again (to a certain extent) which wouldnt have happened if there was no dog involved.
this went on for 5 years until taz passed away last year and i must say it was a great arrangment. taz never needed to be put into boarding kennels as he had 2 homes

Meteoric

Just my take on it but dogs live in the now, they know how they are now and they know what happened in the past. In my experience of dogs if you visit the dog is delighted to see you and then knows "well things changed, but sometimes this person comes back" then they don't miss you as much because they know you do come back and are not lost forever.
They are not like people who will over-think the future, you are with them now and you will be again 'cause you came back once. It's like leaving them in a kennel for holidays, the first time they worry so much because they don't know if you are coming back, the next time they know that you do come back, they don't worry about the future just enjoy the now.
I'm open to be contradicted but that is my experience of many dogs over more than 20 years.
So OP if you can bear it, I'd go visit the dog, if it would hurt you too much don't, the dog will stop missing you sometime and you don't need to hurt yourself over and over but if you can be happy to see her whenever you can all she knows is that she loves you and she gets to be happy to see you whenever it is.

purity

My sister is in a very similar situation she broke up with her partner of 6 years and together they had 5 dogs. The dogs have been with them since they got together and she is heartbroken. She thinks it is best she avoids her partner and the animals as she feels there is no hope of reconciliation.
Time is a healer and wouldn't it be worse if it was a child? As an animal lover I seriously understand where your coming from but all you can do is realise that she is loved by your ex. Maybe you should get a dog too and that will take your mind off everything.

Tanya1988

The poor doggie must be hurting, they never forget an owner. I would take him weekends!!

Wisco

I ended up with one dog and my ex has the other. I would have preferred to have both, but as it was a very unamicable breakup and I just never wanted to see him again it seemed like the easiest way for me. If you and your ex have a decent relationship you might be able to work something out.
Take comfort in the fact that she loves the dog too though- it's what gets me though things when I miss my puppy- I know she's well treated and looked after. And I do miss her, even 2 years later.
Hope things start to look up for you soon. Take care-