Obsessed parents

John Mason

Fittle wrote: »

You're wrong - we all had no children ourselves at one point you know - and none of us were interested in listening to people drone on about their kids for 30 minutes either, so we do understand. I said earlier, this isn't a 'them vs us' scenario.

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okay fair enough but then why do my friends with children have no interest in my life?

i have had more then one friend say to me, i cant understand how you go out and then stay up until 6am in the morning, talking, partying etc. going by what you said they should understand my life too?

BostonB

Theres endless possible answers to that one.

Understanding something and having an interest in it, are not mutually inclusive.

I am a friend

CK2010 wrote: »

was just making a point that sometimes no matter how many hobbies you have you still end up talking about your child!

But to what level do you think it's normal when not with the other parent of the child?

If you are out with a group of people for dinner do you talk about topical issues, sports etc or do you talk about your kids and assume ( not trying to insult you) that other people want to know all about the child.

With one particular friend who talks about all things kid related full-time, I have had to subtly hint that I dont want to talk about my own pregnancy for hours on end. Guess I just don't have the same interested in kids that she does...

Fittle

I am a friend wrote: »

But to what level do you think it's normal when not with the other parent of the child?

If you are out with a group of people for dinner do you talk about topical issues, sports etc or do you talk about your kids and assume ( not trying to insult you) that other people want to know all about the child.

With one particular friend who talks about all things kid related full-time, I have had to subtly hint that I dont want to talk about my own pregnancy for hours on end. Guess I just don't have the same interested in kids that she does...

I very much doubt your friend has an 'interest' in kids. I imagine her kids are a huge part of her life, she spends most of her time with them and therefore, it's her main subject of conversation. With the best will in the world, you will also find yourself talking alot about your child and you will realise that it's not right or wrong. Perhaps this particular friend you mention is a full-time mum, at home? How could she not talk about her children, when for the moment, they are her life?

cbyrd

I'm a hairdresser, a mens hairdresser, you wouldn't believe the varied and different conversations i have day in day out... i have 3 kids and yes sometimes they come up in conversation and we have a laugh about the funny things they do. Sometimes when a new daddy finds out i have 3 they sometimes ask for a bit of advice about something or if i find out they have older kids than mine i can ask how they handled various situations... sometimes people like to talk about their kids and sometimes they just want to get away from the subject altogether..

The trick is to know when to shut up and talk football which i have no interest in but a good conversationalist knows when they're losing their audience.
I have very little interest in other peoples lives full stop...unless it's something i have experienced personally i cannot truely express an opinion.. i can listen and give a fresh point of view but cannot empathise.

I get to talk about holidays the weather, football, the soaps, the state of the econony, politics,over and over and over... but occasionally, you get a subject and a person that makes it interesting and turns out to be hilarious, and yes sometimes its about kids, sometimes its something completely different..
My life is not defined by my job, children or my husband. Its defined by my attitudes to all of the above.

If i know someone who loves sailing and talks about it all the time and i know nothing about sailing.. yes that's going to be one boring conversation to me, to the other person it was a great conversation.. :rolleyes:

The flip side is when you have kids and you chat with other parents you do swap information, ways of dealing with situations and tips on how to cope..

I mean isn't this whole forum just one big parental conversation that people with no children can say "oh my god all you do is talk about your kids!!!":pac:

I am a friend

Fittle wrote: »

I very much doubt your friend has an 'interest' in kids. I imagine her kids are a huge part of her life, she spends most of her time with them and therefore, it's her main subject of conversation. With the best will in the world, you will also find yourself talking alot about your child and you will realise that it's not right or wrong. Perhaps this particular friend you mention is a full-time mum, at home? How could she not talk about her children, when for the moment, they are her life?

She seems to be interested in kids to the level she even tells me about her friends kids, who I don't know and what schools they are looking at, what cold / infection the kids have had etc. It's not wrong but there is a time and a place.

She has a full-time job...

You don't seem to be willing to see any logic other than your own. It's mind over matter and you can choose, even after having a kid, what to talk about... We will never agree on this. I know my own kid will be interesting TO US and to others for a minimum amount of time but I will never cod myself that anyone else will find the day to day details of my Childs life interesting dinner table conversation.

Fittle

I am a friend wrote: »

She seems to be interested in kids to the level she even tells me about her friends kids, who I don't know and what schools they are looking at, what cold / infection the kids have had etc. It's not wrong but there is a time and a place.

She has a full-time job...

You don't seem to be willing to see any logic other than your own. It's mind over matter and you can choose, even after having a kid, what to talk about... We will never agree on this. I know my own kid will be interesting TO US and to others for a minimum amount of time but I will never cod myself that anyone else will find the day to day details of my Childs life interesting dinner table conversation.

I can see the logic - in fact I previously said that baby-bores tend to be boring in other parts of their lives too. I just find you very dismissive of your friend, and I fail to see why you are friends with her person at all, when she bores you so much and you are not one bit willing to accept that her children are her life, and accept her for who she is.

reitseal

I am a friend wrote: »

She seems to be interested in kids to the level she even tells me about her friends kids, who I don't know and what schools they are looking at, what cold / infection the kids have had etc. It's not wrong but there is a time and a place.

She has a full-time job...

You don't seem to be willing to see any logic other than your own. It's mind over matter and you can choose, even after having a kid, what to talk about... We will never agree on this. I know my own kid will be interesting TO US and to others for a minimum amount of time but I will never cod myself that anyone else will find the day to day details of my Childs life interesting dinner table conversation.

Yes I agree with this. Fittle I just don't get the logic by which you think just cos you're the child's main carer and spend the vast amount of time you do with your child, that you have to talk about that child constantly, especially when you're NOT with him. That's a pretty narrow view of the world....
I am my kids' main carer and even though they're the centre of my world at the moment, the minute I'm on my own free time, I am ME again the way I was before I had them, capable of carrying on reasonable conversations about the many interesting things going on in the world! Why would I not be?
Also, if I'm out with a mixture of sprogged up people and singles or people with no kids, I make a point of ensuring the conversation is nicely varied and NOT taken up with kid talk. Anything else is just plain rude imo.
My experience of baby bores though, is that they're just bores anyway, it just happens to be 'baby boringness' in this case!

i am a friend, maybe that friend isn't for you anymore? Sometimes we move away from our friends because of stuff like this and imo I agree with you, it's not acceptable that she doesn't see anything wrong with going on about her children (and even other children you don't even know ffs!) to the point of mind-numbing boredom. I wouldn't be up for that at all, and that's having kids myself!

Fittle

reitseal wrote: »

Yes I agree with this. Fittle I just don't get the logic by which you think just cos you're the child's main carer and spend the vast amount of time you do with your child, that you have to talk about that child constantly, especially when you're NOT with him. That's a pretty narrow view of the world....

Nowhere did I say that anyone HAS to talk about their child just because they are the main carer.
What I have tried to say is that I understand why someone might talk about their kids alot, when they spend alot of their time with them and that while it bores me too, I completely 'get' why some people talk about their children all the time. But I have failed miserably in trying to explain that...I won't be back here, again, another parenting thread that ends up bashing parents:rolleyes:

reitseal

Fittle wrote: »

What I have tried to say is that I understand why someone might talk about their kids alot, when they spend alot of their time with them and that while it bores me too, I completely 'get' why some people talk about their children all the time.

I understand what you're trying to get across. I 'get' it too but to me it's unacceptable. There's such a thing as basic conversational etiquette and it's rude to take over a conversation with stuff that other people are unlikely to be interested in, like your kids, but other examples were given above.

I'm certainly not bashing parents, I'm one myself so why would I? But let me put it this way, there were people in my life who just wouldn't can it about their kids and I've distanced myself from those people. When I do get opportunities for adult company, I want balanced and mutually rewarding conversations ta very much!

Oh and by 'carer', I just meant people who spend a lot of time each day with their kids, like yourself and myself and lots of other parents. Wrong word maybe...

BostonB

reitseal wrote: »

...There's such a thing as basic conversational etiquette and it's rude to take over a conversation with stuff that other people are unlikely to be interested in, ......

As you say thats not exclusive to parents, and all parents don't do it either.

ppink

I am a friend wrote: »

She seems to be interested in kids to the level she even tells me about her friends kids, who I don't know and what schools they are looking at, what cold / infection the kids have had etc. It's not wrong but there is a time and a place.

She has a full-time job...

You don't seem to be willing to see any logic other than your own. It's mind over matter and you can choose, even after having a kid, what to talk about... We will never agree on this. I know my own kid will be interesting TO US and to others for a minimum amount of time but I will never cod myself that anyone else will find the day to day details of my Childs life interesting dinner table conversation.

Happened upon this thread and found it quite interesting.

In the last month I have met 2 friends who have kids.

Mother no 1 had not met her in 6 months, she spend 1.5 hours talking pretty much non stop about her kids. never even asked really abotu me. she is stay at home..not sure if this is relevant.

Mother no 2 had not met her in nearly a year. spoke for 30 mins about us and life. she mentioned she is pregnant again, i wished her luck and asked about her other child, she said all is well thank god......and then asked about me and we chatted generally again. she has a busy career.

From these 2 mothers no 1 has nothing in her life apart from her kids, no job or career so her whole life is taken over with one thing.
no 2 has her business and career and loads to talk about with that and other activities.

not sure if those are the reasons but its what stands out for me.

reitseal

ppink wrote: »

not sure if those are the reasons but its what stands out for me.

I doubt if it's relevant tbh. I'm not working right now and am with the kids all the time when they're not in school, and I still don't have the urge to talk about them apart from in passing when I'm not with them, even if I love them to pieces. It's a little mental break for me to be away from them and I'd like to find out what interesting stuff other people have been at. Among my close mates who are mums, none of them are baby bores and they're a mixture of working, home with the kids etc. The biggest baby bore I ever met was a friend (well ex-friend, there were other issues!) who worked fulltime... but her working fulltime was not the cause or reason for her boringness, that was just her character.

BostonB

This is not exclusive to Parents. I know plenty of people single, married, with kids, without kids, who fixate solely on themselves, and what they are doing in conversations. I even know two who married each other. I can only imagine how they communicate. Its not just baby obsessions, either, there people who obsesses over all sorts of things, sport or work is another common obsessive topic.

KittyeeTrix

BostonB wrote: »

This is not exclusive to Parents. I know plenty of people single, married, with kids, without kids, who fixate solely on themselves, and what they are doing in conversations. I even know two who married each other. I can only imagine how they communicate. Its not just baby obsessions, either, there people who obsesses over all sorts of things, sport or work is another common obsessive topic.

I for one am not suggesting that the ability of parents to obsess over their children lies exclusively with them but for me I would rather listen to someone describe in minute detail the process of paint drying than have to sit down with some of the parents I know and listen to tell drone on about every blasted detail of little "Saoirses" or "Bens" week.........

People have the tendency to obsess over many topics, we know but the topic at hand here is "OBSESSED PARENTS" and hence, we are discussing it, not obsessing over it as you put it in a previous post , merely discussing it:)

Some people genuinely don't get when to switch a subject. I'm back in college and regularly yap to my friend about what we are at but remind myself that she has no interest in subjects I am studying so I reign it in and chat about the funnier parts of my day that she would have interest in.

That is what some parents lack, the ability to know what to chat about with regards to their children, and what not to chat about....

BostonB

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

...
That is what some parents lack, .......

Its what some people lack...

KittyeeTrix

BostonB wrote: »

Its what some people lack...

Again, we know this but in the context of THIS thread we are discussing PARENTS and their (in some cases-not all) inability to converse with other people (who may or may not have kids) about anything other than their KIDS.

I can't make this any clearer

BostonB

And I'm making the point how is this different to people who drone on endlessly about football, or soaps, or the X-Factor.

ppink

you know its actually funny but I dont know anyone who drones on about anything as much as those who go on about kids. probably out there alright but in my experience few and far between.
I think there are lots of mothers in particular who have kids and the kids are then their lives and while they are a big part they should not be the sum total.

BostonB

I think thats the difference. Theres few things in life that take over quite like kids. But not all kids have the same impact, even within the same family some are more demanding than others. Also some people are happy to lose themselves in their kids. Others are not.

Theres always people who talk at you, rather than with you. Theres also people who just get target fixation on something. Like someone in a serious relationship who forgets anyone else exist for a while. Things like that.

username123

I personally think that some people just dont have interests and when they have children its something for them to be interested in and talk about.

Of all my friends with kids only 2 are baby bores and in both cases they are people with little education (not saying they are not intelligent - they are, but were never interested enough in anything to study it full time), have no interests or hobbies, not interested in exercise, film, books, etc.. and have never travelled extensively. In both cases they would have quite narrow outlooks on life and not have a lot of diversity in friendships or personal interests (conservative in dress, hairstyle, general outlook).

Both very nice people but almost as though they had voids, and the children fill these voids.

BostonB

ppink wrote: »

you know its actually funny but I dont know anyone who drones on about anything as much as those who go on about kids. ...

You're lucky. I know a few. Fav subjects are,

themselves
job
degree
their current sport

Small doses only or going postal is a distinct possibility.

KittyeeTrix

BostonB wrote: »

And I'm making the point how is this different to people who drone on endlessly about football, or soaps, or the X-Factor.

Oh, I get ya!!!!:)

I suppose essentially it is no different but in my own case as a mum of 17 years to 4 kids the last thing I want to hear about incessantly is stories of other peoples kids. I don't mind a little but not non-stop as I find it incredibly boring....

BostonB

username123 wrote: »

I personally think that some people just dont have interests and when they have children its something for them to be interested in and talk about.

Of all my friends with kids only 2 are baby bores and in both cases they are people with little education (not saying they are not intelligent - they are, but were never interested enough in anything to study it full time), have no interests or hobbies, not interested in exercise, film, books, etc.. and have never travelled extensively. In both cases they would have quite narrow outlooks on life and not have a lot of diversity in friendships or personal interests (conservative in dress, hairstyle, general outlook).

Both very nice people but almost as though they had voids, and the children fill these voids.

Funny enough, the People I know (who are obsessive) are in the main the exact opposite of that. TBH I kinda thought it was because they were obsessive and single minded, that they were so successful. As they they hardly ever distracted, or side tracked.

CK2010

I am a friend, I feel that i should tell you i dount actually talk about my child non stop! i get that from my posts it looks like im defending myself as an obsessed parent, im actually not! i just wanted to show why people would be like that.
if im honest, i dont see my friends that often, and when we do get together i dont have alot to talk about because my activities are done alone- gym, woodturning, yoga- so i dont think that would be interesting either!

i tend to listen to what my friends get up to because lets face it, their lives are a bit more exciting! thats not to say its better, they just experience more varied lives than i would. and i like to hear what kind of things go on for other people- and to an extent what i have to look forward to when i finally have time to start my masters and have more time for myself. i enjoy hearing what they're getting up to. but ive always been the kind of person whos happy to sit back and listen as opposed to talking.

i was just making the point that i know my child is my world right now- peppa pig, dinner, washing up, spongebob- thats my life right now. regardless of the fact that ive an honours degree under my belt and many different hobbies that i enjoy- my day consists mainly of my daughters hobbies for now, so i can see why some parents only have that kind of thing to discuss.

its hard when your life is intertwined with a childs because you really do go a little insane and when you find yourself in adult company you almost forget what its like. for people with full time jobs, or enough support to get 'me' time its kind of hard to understand but for alot of stay at home mums im sure it sounds familiar. and im talking from experience because i went from 5 days a week in college from 10-6, to all day every day at home with my daughter.

LegacyUser

i can do one better then obsessed parents - obsessed aunt.

i am at home with an ectopic pregnancy, probably our last chance.

a friend dropped around yesterday, as i have been stuck in the house for the last 2 weeks.

she has no children (desperately wants one but never met the right man) anyway, she spends two hours talking about her nieces and nephews - not a mention of us and our situation.

BostonB

Sorry to hear that. Your friend probably doesn't know how do deal with the situation. We found that in similar difficult situations, many people didn't know how to deal with it. Its really not the time to be near insensitive people, but sometimes they are unavoidable especially if family.

I am a friend

I just spotted on one of the very well-known pregnancy websites an article called 'are you a baby bore?'. Its basically the musings of a self confessed 'baby bore' and how she works it now….

cbyrd

I am a friend wrote: »

I just spotted on one of the very well-known pregnancy websites an article called 'are you a baby bore?'. Its basically the musings of a self confessed 'baby bore' and how she works it now….

Yes i just read it. . . it's amazing how her attitude changed after she had her own child, how little she truly understood how parenthood would change her. . :rolleyes:

http://www.eumom.ie/blog/2011/05/02/are-you-a-baby-bore/?utm_campaign=TwiceMonthly+20110501&utm_medium=Email&utm_source=customerminds.com&utm_content=Html+email&utm_term=Are+you+a+baby+bore%3f

BostonB

Why the roll eyes. Its does change some people like that. Some it doesn't. Not everyone has the same experience.

Thats life.