Massive problems

LegacyUser

My life is a complete mess, I lost everything, my girlfriend, my friends, everything! I used to run this place, everyone looked up to me. I got alot of abuse growing up from my alcoholic parents and went trough ALOT of stuff. I self-medicated with drugs. Then I was in a car accident and my friend chocked to death on his blood. I ended up on heroin and got strung out, it was a release for me from life, then I went on methadone, now i'm on 115mls of methadone and stay in my bedroom all day everyday. I'm lonely as f*ck I got no female attention. When I used to go to places, most of the girls kinda liked me but now i'm lonely.

I don't know what to do, because I lacked attention from my mom, it's left my really ****ed up in relationships. I can't care about anyone anymore no matter how nice she is because i'm afraid she's going to hurt me.

I need to start going back out again, I just need help but no one will help me. If I die here it's their fault (my parents) I've seen everything, from armed robbery to ak47's.

I just want a normal life, why did my mam hurt me so bad like this.

How can I trust woman again, I just can experience the emotion that's called love anymore.

Oryx

I would like to remind everyone that our aim here is to help the op, I think that this may be a thread which will provoke strong feelings, so please try to keep replies constructive and helpful. Thank you.

Kimia

Sounds like you've been dealt a few tough blows over the years OP, I'm sorry for you. I can understand why you feel battered and unable to see the light.

However, it is time for you to realise that you have to take responsibility for your life and your mistakes. Noone forced you to take drugs, noone is forcing you to stay in your room every day, and it's not anyone's fault if you decide to stay in your room and die. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but it's your life and you're living it the way you chose unfortunately. I know that you can't see the wood for the trees right now but you have to escape from the blame/fault mentality.

You've taken the first step by posting here, so what you need to do now is start small and start thinking positively. Everyone has a past, some people have had the most horrific childhoods, but they don't end up on heroin. It's an excuse and I think deep down you know that.

Start going out once a day, even for 10 minutes for a little walk. Start reading some self help books, and start going to group therapy (I'm sure they offer these at the methadone clinic?). Take control of your life because no one is going to do it for you.

LegacyUser

OP, I know what you're going through. My mother went through the same (bad childhood, bad parents, drug abuse, alcohol abuse etc). She had me (very young) and it changed her. Now, I'm not saying have a child, far from it but what I'm saying is that there is ways out of even the worst situation.
The key is mindset. Posting here means you have already realised that you're in a mess which is a step in the right direction. The next step is help. Find yourself a good drug abuse support group and join it.
There is nothing, I repeat, nothing you can do about the past. You can't take it back. However you can fix it.
How old are you OP? Are you old enough to cut complete contact with your mother? If you are, do. It'll be healthier for you.
After that, it's all about willingness to change. You're problems aren't as massive as you think. They are to you since you are in them but once you get out, it will just be a life experience you had the misfortune to experience. Generally, the people who do get out of these things come out better people on the other side.
Remember, there is always someone to help you but you have to find them. They don't know you exist if you shut yourself up.
Go out, get help and take control of your own life as it's yours to control. Not anyone elses