Advice needed about my Dad ...

Jessie.Ox

Hello, thanks for taking your time to read this.

I think my Dad drinks way too much, and it's worrying the hell out of me. I'm quite young and I really don't know what to do about it. I don't know where to go either. I've talked to my mam about it, but she can't do anything as my parents are split up. I stayed the week with him for Easter and every single night he drank 6-8 cans of beer.

When he's drunk, he sways on the spot, stumbles often and he just talks about stupid things. I've also noticed that he makes up alot of stories. It was only last night when he fell up the stairs when it really got to me. I barely got a wink of sleep last night thinking about it.

People may say that it's okay, but I really don't think it is. I mean, he drinks every single night of the week, and I think it's extremely excessive. It couldn't be too good for his health, either. I actually don't think people need alcohol, and I've never even bothered to try it like the rest of my friends. I've asked him before if he thinks that he needs it, but he keeps denying it. I partially blame his aunt (who he lives with) as she keeps giving him money to buy the cans. Again, I feel I'm too young to tell her to stop.

My Dad used to be taking tablets for his depression, but he stopped it about 4 years ago. I don't know if he's using alcohol to make him happy. His girlfriend doesn't seem to be too bothered about it because she doesn't be in the house all day.

I've noticed during the day when he's not drinking that he's kind of aggressive with my little brother. Every now and then he hits him, and it really upsets me. He has never laid a hand on me, though. I really disagree with violence, especially with children.

I just really want to get everything solved, but I'm a hopeless case when talking with my Dad. He gets really angry with me every time I try talk to him about anything, so I don't even bother anymore.

I really care alot about my Dad, but I feel that his new habit of drinking is making me begin to dislike him. I've always preferred my Dad over my Mam, but now it's turning the other way around. My Mam doesn't drink at all, and because of that I feel that she's more there for me.

I would be the most thankful girl in the world if someone could just tell me how to handle it, or point me in the right direction. I don't know if I'm over-reacting though, so please tell me if you think so. Thanks in advance. By the way (I don't know if this matters), but I'm under 18 years old so that's why it makes it more difficult.

Taltos

OP - you should not have to be dealing with this.

As a minor your parents are both meant to be there to protect you - however the reality is that sometimes adults are just too messed up themselves.

I don't know if you are under court order to spend time with your father - but if this is upsetting you this much you really only have one clear choice - and it is not going to be nice so sorry.

You need to sit your mother down when there is nothing going on and tell her everything - and I mean everything you told us here, most especially about your father hitting your brother.
Tell her you need her help - and that as long as this is going on you are not willing to spend time with your dad.

Your mum has to take action here - and she needs all these details in case there is a court order in place and she needs to get aid from her solicitor.

There are also many support groups out there for relations of alcoholics - pick up the phone and reach out to one. Please.

Last thought - NONE of this is your fault - so never for one instant feel guilty or bad about asking for help. No matter what anyone says to you - your dad chooses to drink and to hit your brother. If it helps I went through this with my mum - but she was never violent to me. Eventually years later she sorted herself out and we now have a great relationship - however - if she ever slips back then I will permanently cut ties - its the only way to protect myself now. Remember - talk to your mum - and INSIST that she helps you - bring everything you have above and more - whatever - remember someone has to ask for help - and right now you need her to help you...

LegacyUser

There is AA for the family members of alcoholics. This will help you see you are not alone and to see how things can progress, good/bad. Having a parent be an alcoholic is one of the loneliest things for a child to bare with. The worry, the guilt and feeling completely and utterly cut from that parent can really affect you. I know because I grew up with one.

I really recommend attending some of those meetings in your area. As you're under 18, its difficult to distant yourself but if he is violent/drunk his place is not a safe place for you to be.

Hun, I know exactly what you're going through. I remember the night my mother fell down the stairs, the thought that she might have died and the agony when even that didn't drill any sense into her.
I will offer you some hope. After about a year of distancing myself/calling her on her behaviour she started to accept there was a problem. She is now for the most part sober and on the wagon. I won't lie, she still slips up but her health has improved so much. I like you preferred my alcoholic parent to my non alcoholic parent for most of my life. I haven't been able to rebuild the closeness yet and I don't think i'll ever have the same relationship with her but I'm ok with that. I know the real her now, warts and all.

I wish you the very best and above all else, no matter what you tell yourself or anyone else, it is not YOUR fault or your brother or your moms.