sons friend stealing from him

planetX

Everytime a certain friend comes over, my son loses things. The most recent being a ds game, and this is the second one. Also lego minifigs from sets. I'm can't be 100% sure, so I don't want to say anything to his mum, but I only have one child and a small house and we're sure the games are gone. They are both crazy about pokemon at the moment, and the game that's gone is my sons pokemon ds, with all the legendaries on it.
I don't feel like having this kid over anymore, but it's tricky as I'm friends with his mum and I sometimes mind him as a favour. She has enough on her plate, and anyway she wouldn't know whether stuff he has belongs to him or not, his dad buys a lot.
I hadn't said anything to my son, but he's come to the same conclusion by himself.
I'd love to know how people would deal with this.

samhail

What kind of age are they ?
i think it would be worthwhile to pick him up on it when he is in the act.
Not punish since he hasnt done anything. just say this is not your
(if you can catch in the act that is)

planetX

They're 10. I can't really catch him in the act which such tiny (but expensive)things unless I search his pockets when he leaves.

barbiegirl

Next time he's over say something like "you know things in the house have been disappearing, we think there's a thief so we're going to keep a really good eye out and if we catch someone i don't know we'll have to talk to the guards maybe". I think that will be the end of it . No direct confrontation but hopefully dealt with.

HxGH

barbiegirl wrote: »

Next time he's over say something like "you know things in the house have been disappearing, we think there's a thief so we're going to keep a really good eye out and if we catch someone i don't know we'll have to talk to the guards maybe". I think that will be the end of it . No direct confrontation but hopefully dealt with.

Sly... I like it.

Either that or directly ask him if he's seen X, Y and Z? He might confess under pressure....

cbyrd

Why not say to his mum that your son lent him X Y or Z a few days earlier and could you get it back. Sometimes taking the direct approach is the best solution.

I'm fairly sure if the child knows that you are aware of what he's doing he'll soon stop. And just a quiet word to him out of mothers earshot along the lines of 'i don't tolerate people stealing from my house' can scare them enough to stop;)

CrazyRabbit

Place an item in a room and leave the kid there on his own for a few mins. If it's gone when you return, you've got evidence. Set up a 'sting'.

LegacyUser

cbyrd wrote: »

Why not say to his mum that your son lent him X Y or Z a few days earlier and could you get it back. Sometimes taking the direct approach is the best solution.

I'm fairly sure if the child knows that you are aware of what he's doing he'll soon stop. And just a quiet word to him out of mothers earshot along the lines of 'i don't tolerate people stealing from my house' can scare them enough to stop;)

I agree with the first statement - that might help.
Or talk with the parents directly and honestly say what you think.

I am not sure about the other one. Children don't think reasonably or logically.





I was in a similar situation, just my daughter is only 3 and her friend (next door neighbour) is 7. She used to come and play with my daughter and each time she was at my house sth disappeared... I saw her twice taking some stuff (toys, even money), she immediately put them in her pockets and wanted to leave straght away. When I told her I had seen her taking the stuff she sweared to God she didn't!!!
I didn't have enough courage to search her pockets but I told her she was not allowed in the house anymore. Now they only play together outside the house. I don't like the girl, I treated her like my old child, I invited her for dinner several times but she was stealing our things, she was walking around the house as it was her own, touching everything, she was really nosy, bossy and gready, not a nice person. Once she went into my daugher's bed with filthy feet, legs, hands as she was previously as playing in a park without her shoes on).

Shame my daughter really loves her but she is too little to undestand the other person's evil character!

Orion

meee wrote: »

the other person's evil character!

I would hesitate before calling any child evil. Children only do what they've been taught or what they're allowed to do. In fact even calling a child bad is incorrect imo. When my children misbehave I call their actions bad - not them. You shouldn't label children that easily.

Kildrought

I think the approach to the child's mother of 'John lent Joe his XXX last week, I wonder would you mind having a look in the house for it, thanks so much' is the way to go.

I certainly wouldn't use the word stealing at this point.

It's not quite the same thing, but my (then primary-school aged) daughter once came home with an expensive item and when I asked her about it she insisted that her friend gave it to her as a present.

I wasn't entirely sure what to do, but anyway I returned to the parent saying that it was a very kind gesture for Molly (her daughter) to make, but it was an expensive item and perhaps she might like to keep it for now. It seemed to me the best way of dealing with it.

Parent apparently tore into Molly for giving it away and Molly insisted my daughter had stolen it; of course this blows into school and all over the school-yard and she's branded a thief. You can imagine the misery this caused.

Fast forward a few years and Molly & my daughter meet up at another event; Molly (after all this time) apologises for all the grief - turns out she was given the item as a present, but hated it & parent insisted on her wearing it, so she gave it to my daughter to get rid of it.

So anyway, moral of the tale is - be careful what you do, no matter what you never really have the full story.

Bride2012

Kildrought wrote: »

I think the approach to the child's mother of 'John lent Joe his XXX last week, I wonder would you mind having a look in the house for it, thanks so much' is the way to go.

I certainly wouldn't use the word stealing at this point.

It's not quite the same thing, but my (then primary-school aged) daughter once came home with an expensive item and when I asked her about it she insisted that her friend gave it to her as a present.

I wasn't entirely sure what to do, but anyway I returned to the parent saying that it was a very kind gesture for Molly (her daughter) to make, but it was an expensive item and perhaps she might like to keep it for now. It seemed to me the best way of dealing with it.

Parent apparently tore into Molly for giving it away and Molly insisted my daughter had stolen it; of course this blows into school and all over the school-yard and she's branded a thief. You can imagine the misery this caused.

Fast forward a few years and Molly & my daughter meet up at another event; Molly (after all this time) apologises for all the grief - turns out she was given the item as a present, but hated it & parent insisted on her wearing it, so she gave it to my daughter to get rid of it.

So anyway, moral of the tale is - be careful what you do, no matter what you never really have the full story.

Scary. I'd go with the I think X lent something etc. too.

LegacyUser

Macros42 you're right. I shouldn't have written that. It seems children learn all the time and don't realise what's wrong and what's right or they don't think about the consequences. They will only understand their past mistakes when they are grown-ups.


I've met some children who know that stealing is a bad thing and when they see e.g. money in sb's house they know they are not supposed to touch it, and they were told so at home. But other parents don't bother to explain things to their children or they believe that their children are smart and good and know exactly what they can/cannot do and don't have to be taught by adults.

planetX

thanks for replies, I haven't said anything - just avoiding having him over. I'd feel so bad if it wasn't him.
I really like the idea of a sting though! All ds games are going to get marked from now on;)

bohsboy

I like the "we've had a few things stolen in the house but we know who did it" approach.

Should terrify most kids but then again, most kids these days would probably laugh in your face.