6yr old boy..

qwertytlk

My sister in laws son is 6years old and is not interested in any typical boys things. If getting a new toy he will want barbie, a doll or some other toy for a girl. She is at her wits end and doesnt know how to handle it. She brings him to the toy shop every week or 2 for a small treat and its only lately shes given into his demands for girls toys as any toys typically for boys she has bought him, he never plays with and has no intetest in. Its not just toys, if he goes out to play with the other kids he will go straight to the girls and play with them with their dolls etc. Before anyone suggests it might be a phase, i dont think it is because as early as 2yrs ago he was crazy about makeup and had a bag of lipstick and other cosmetics. She has no problem with him being gay in later life, as would i not, but for now she does not know how to handle it. She has asked for my advice and i said i would probably try to ignore it to an extent and not make a big deal of it. As for his wanting to buy and play with girls toys,iv told her she shouild probably let him decide which toys he plays with and not make a fuss over which sex they are suppossed to be for or to force typical boy toys on him as it will probably only make him want the girls stuff more. However i dont have kids and am unsure if this is the right thing to do. Has anyone got any experience in a simar situation? What advice would you give in this situation or how would you handle it yourself?? Thankyou.

KittyeeTrix

I would say that your advice is pretty spot on there......

The child will play with whatever he is inclined to play with no matter how much she attempts to make him play with "gender appropriate" toys (I don't believe there are actually such a thing but hopefully ye get my drift)..

If indeed the lad is gay and I'm not saying that playing with "girly" toys means this, wel,l he will sense over the years the efforts to convert him so to speak and possibly in the future prevent him from being able to feel open about his gayness if in fact that turns out to be the case!!

Hope that makes some kind of sense:o

RachaelVO

totally agree with fluffyorganic1 you said the right thing.

If she draws more attention to the fact the wants a barbie over a car she will just put a divide between them, and this is something she doesnt want. He needs to know he can be himself with above all people his mother. It could well be a phase, it could have a bigger meaning, but you won't know that for a long time, and in the mean time she needs to keep their relationship together so he
can come and talk to her about WHATEVER it is he needs to. Not just the possiblitly he is gay, but if he's being bullied or if he's not happy about something she needs to know.

You're advice was spot on IMO

Chuchu

Agree with all of the above, another option (and I try to do this with my own girl who is only 1 and half and has not fallen prey yet to gender marketing!) is to encourage gender neutral toys/play... drawing, arts and crafts, marla, gardening in the summer months... I want my girl to know she can play with anything she wants pink, blue or green

cbyrd

I have the opposite, an 8 year old girl who has always played with boy toys and all her friends both at school and at home are boys, she wears tracksuits or jeans and i've to wrestle her into a dress. . . So she's called a tomboy and no-one passes any remarks.
I think to try to label a child as young as 6 as gender confused or gay is a bit premature, just let him get on with it and if it turns out he is gay well, at least his mam is prepared

kelle

cbyrd wrote: »

I have the opposite, an 8 year old girl who has always played with boy toys and all her friends both at school and at home are boys, she wears tracksuits or jeans and i've to wrestle her into a dress. . . So she's called a tomboy and no-one passes any remarks.

Actually I was looking through old school photos recently and I spotted a former classmate of mine sitting in a row with all boys. I remember that was because the photographer thought she was a boy - and she didn't correct him. Infact she was delighted! She played football, cowboys and indians, wore boy's clothes and had her hair short.

It was amazing to see her a few years later with long hair, pierced ears and wearing dresses and high heels! And she still dresses quite elegantly.

OP, I'd say that little boy likes girl's things because they are more appealing to look at than boy's toys. He'll more than likely change his train of thought as he gets older, maybe get into fashion or art!

rainbowtrout

cbyrd wrote: »

I have the opposite, an 8 year old girl who has always played with boy toys and all her friends both at school and at home are boys, she wears tracksuits or jeans and i've to wrestle her into a dress. . . So she's called a tomboy and no-one passes any remarks.
I think to try to label a child as young as 6 as gender confused or gay is a bit premature, just let him get on with it and if it turns out he is gay well, at least his mam is prepared

I was exactly like that when I was a kid. Any doll I was given was swiftly decapitated and thrown under the bed. I wouldn't voluntarily wear dresses or anything pink. It's funny, it's ok for girls to be tomboys but when boys start playing with toys or have interests that are perceived as girls toys etc, they are immediately labelled as gay. No wonder so many of them just give up eventually and fall in with the rest of the herd.

BostonB

I have no advice to offer. I'm just curious is the dad play much of active role. I find my kids copy me. But at the same they can be completely oblivious to gender marketing depending what they want at the time. One might copy me playing football, the others might have no interest. Same with getting on a bike, or an interest in cars.

Sleepy

My only worry for him would be that "girls" toys don't seem to be nearly as useful for education as "boys" toys like Lego etc. Perhaps your sister in law could try encouraging such toys that he can build anything he likes with e.g. houses for the barbies etc.

One other thing: a new toy every two weeks? Am I alone in finding that a little excessive?

BostonB

excessive yes.

Deliverance

qwertytlk wrote: »

My sister in laws son is 6years old and is not interested in any typical boys things. If getting a new toy he will want barbie, a doll or some other toy for a girl. She is at her wits end and doesnt know how to handle it. She brings him to the toy shop every week or 2 for a small treat and its only lately shes given into his demands for girls toys as any toys typically for boys she has bought him, he never plays with and has no intetest in. Its not just toys, if he goes out to play with the other kids he will go straight to the girls and play with them with their dolls etc. Before anyone suggests it might be a phase, i dont think it is because as early as 2yrs ago he was crazy about makeup and had a bag of lipstick and other cosmetics. She has no problem with him being gay in later life, as would i not, but for now she does not know how to handle it. She has asked for my advice and i said i would probably try to ignore it to an extent and not make a big deal of it. As for his wanting to buy and play with girls toys,iv told her she shouild probably let him decide which toys he plays with and not make a fuss over which sex they are suppossed to be for or to force typical boy toys on him as it will probably only make him want the girls stuff more. However i dont have kids and am unsure if this is the right thing to do. Has anyone got any experience in a simar situation? What advice would you give in this situation or how would you handle it yourself?? Thankyou.

From experience: I have a nephew who was the same at that age, barbie dolls etc. He even went on to do disco dancing in his pre to early teens, he did not care about what anyone thought he had character enough to know what he wanted and just did it.

Nobody in our immediate family were particulary worried about gender issues due to this, nobody in the family tried to turn him to more boyish things etc. He was encouraged in whatever he did and is actually admired for his character and self drive that was just his nature.

He turned out to be very focused and determined in whatever he chose to take up and was / is very successful at everything he takes up.

For example in his teens he took up gymnastics and was recommended as a candiate for the 2012 olympics for the Irish sqad.

He was chosen from his class to do a multimedia course as an added thing that the school did for students that they thought would be interested in this area.

He is interested in history, culture and is an avid researcher in said topics.

He does hang out with girls more, maybe because girls are more mature at an early age? So I think that he naturally gravitates to more intelligent feedback and maturity that might be lacking in other boys the same age as himself.

He does not get bullied at all because he stands by his choices, succeeds at what he takes on and does not care what other peers think. If anything his peers admire him. I think that is pretty damned good for a kid of his age.

Plus I think that he is lucky as well to have a supportive family around him that got him his barbies, brought him to his disco dancing classes and watched him win a few trinkets (trophies), and then brought him to his gymnastic classes and attended his events. If anything he knows that we are bloody proud of him.