Do you regret having children?

Ayla

black francis wrote: »

Seriously, what did I do with that time?

Wondered whether or not to have kids

metrovelvet

black francis wrote: »

The only thing I regret about having kids (2 qnd 4yrs old) is not appreciating all that free time I had before we had them.

Seriously, what did I do with that time?

YOu had a lot more sleep.

babygirlz

murphyaii wrote: »

Stil have resentment issues towards my girlfriend as she's from tallaght and i was from the southside.different classes as well.

Shocking :eek:

You weren't worried about her ' class ' when ye conceived were you???

I can't believe you had the gall even to write such a post.
I hope you have met someone from your own ' class ' and are very happy :mad:

babygirlz

barbiegirl wrote: »

As someone struggling to have children in the first place, despite the fact I haven't travelled the world, won the lotto, my career will suffer, I'll have no sleep and constant worry. I won't regret it, if I finally get there, and I have to say I have yet to meet any parent who has, whether older or younger parents.
Over the last number of years if there is one thing I've learnt and it is that there is nothing more important than family, including yourself.

I hope you get there soon barbiegirl.

cbyrd

We're on our 4th. .. and i have to say if i had to 'plan' a child i more than likely wouldn't have had one. You can make it up in your own mind how hard it will be or what you would do differently to your parents or even your friends.

No-one can make the decision for you, not even your husband.
You only become isolated if you stay indoors and don't mingle with friends with kids or other child friendly groups.
I was 23, knew my now husband for 3 months when we discovered we were pregnant. He moved to my town got a new job in the Nov and baby came along in Feb. By god what a shock we got. But we put our heads down and got on with it.
Yes it's tiring it hard to get up a 4am when your knackered from a days work and have to do it all over again the next day, but you do it, cos the feelings that your baby brings out in you make you want to do it for them..
You'll never be ready, I'm still wondering when somebody is going to tell me i'm making a hash of it:D But the fun i have now that the girls are older is great, i'm remembering my teens through my eldest's behaviour and i get to look forward to all the fun of them all growing up.
Our 4th is due in Sept, and i'm breaking out in a cold sweat wondering how i'll cope. .. just like i did with the first, the second , the third. . . . you are never ready

stovelid

murphyaii wrote: »

Stil have resentment issues towards my girlfriend as she's from tallaght and i was from the southside..

Hopefully your resentment abated somewhat when you realized that Tallaght is also on the southside?

metrovelvet

stovelid wrote: »

Hopefully your resentment abated somewhat when you realized that Tallaght is also on the southside?

Lol. I'm sure he means the other southside.

How you resent geography is beyond me.

@murphai - Is what you mean that you resent conceiving with someone you perceive to be beneath you?

stovelid

metrovelvet wrote: »

Lol. I'm sure he means the other southside.

The one that's a state of mind as opposed to a geogrpahical location?

Pixie Chief

You have my sympathies! I never wanted kids at all but got pregnant at 19. Hated the notion of being a parent right up until she was born. Smitten. Then found out that she had two holes in her heart = hardest year of life! Had two more kids because husband desperately wanted them. They both have ASD. Husband gone now. This was not a great loss. Still, do I regret having them? That's pretty much a double edged sword for me. I love my little people, they are amazing and would never for a second dream of wishing them away but that is because I know and love them. If they had never been born, I wouldn't have known and loved them - and I don't think I would have missed what I never knew.

Being a parent is pretty crappy. Sharing your life with little people you love is fantastic. They are two different things. I do not regret having my children but I wish my life had been different, that I had made different choices. Biological imperatives aside, I do think there is more to being a woman than spitting out children like some sort of genetic gatling gun. I'm not really a 'babies' person. I didn't love making mud pies and pictures. My kids are older now and it's really only in the last year or two (15 years) that I can say I'm starting to enjoy being a parent, partly because I now have parts of my own life again and partly because they are old enough for us to do stuff I enjoy too - the older they get, the more time we spend happily together and thats the fun bit, but 15 years is a long time!

Incidentally, I wouldn't consider having children just because husband/partner wants them. Children are for life. He could leave/something awful could happen etc etc etc (not wishing it on you, incidentally) and there you are caring for children alone. Children deserve to be loved - maybe more importantly by a happy Mommy too. I would wait until I felt I wanted them for me because it is very difficult not to feel trapped and resentful if you do it for any other reason.

wolfpawnat

I do not regret having my child, I regret the age I was when I had him (22). No college career, no freedom. I am jealous of all my friends going on J1's and a few years in Oz, (though I wouldn't go there, I would love to option). I always wanted to live in London and Africa for 1 year, but now I can't.

I get stressed out at being tired, the constant cleaning, the constant need to be responsible for another person.

I do love him, but I get depressed for what I no longer can do. But I was too young. At 30 you have experienced life, and you can even have another year or two before you even need consider trying to planning to conceive.

Fittle

I must say Pixie chief, that I agree entirely with you about not being a baby-person myself. I love my son with all my heart, and never thought I was capable of a love like it. But I detested parenting when he was a baby. Perhaps it's because I was doing it alone, but the boredom of it nearly crippled me. I have hazy memories of wearing sunglasses to playgrounds, even when there was no sun out, because I knew I would end up with tears in my eyes and counting down the minutes until we could get out of that playground (l still hate playgrounds!!) All of that colouring and clay modelling and looking for ways to keep him busy until bedtime in those early years, used to drive me insane!!! I'd say when he turned about 5/6 things began to improve - and only this year (he's 9 now) am I even begining to feel that I am getting a small piece of me back:). I have no clue what I would do without him and don't regret him for a second, but by god did I hate those baby-years too!!!

kaa

i found out i was pregnant at the end of my first year of college and was with my bf for only 3months.....i remember thinking and saying to the college doctor that i should be drinking my own bottle at 3 in the morning not giving a baby one. i was 19 when i found and was 20 having my daughter who is now 3.

i went back to college for 2nd year but dropped out after that because i could not study and mind a child....eventhough i would talk to my friends and all that and be jealous of them going out with out a care and getting drunk and not worrying about giving a night feed or dealing with a baby the next day and honestly i did think why do i have a baby and i did want my old life back and i felt like that for the 1st month after she was born....but been honest now i dont regret having my girl best thing that happened to me. i love it...times can be hard but its so worth it.

i know you worried about what type of parent you'll be but you really dont know untill have one....and yes you do think alot more when you are new mother but after a week or two you will be flying.

Fittle

I think if we are honest, there are alot of us who regret the situation we find ourselves in since we have had children - the circumstances surrounding our work/our home/our relationships and how they impact on trying to be the best parent we can be.

But i also think there are few (if any) who regret having the actual child.

RIRI

Fittle wrote: »

I think if we are honest, there are alot of us who regret the situation we find ourselves in since we have had children - the circumstances surrounding our work/our home/our relationships and how they impact on trying to be the best parent we can be.

But i also think there are few (if any) who regret having the actual child.

So true Fittle. Absolutely don't regret it for a second but if I knew then what I do now I would certainly have done things a little differently. If anything I struggle with always trying to be the best Mother, Wife & employee I can be and am often frustrated at trying to achieve balance & feel guilty when sacrifices have to be made.
IMHO OP there are very very few who regret having smallies. Good luck whatever you decide

LegacyUser

QUOTE:

"was dating my girlfriend for 3 months when she told me she was pregnant.
I had to relocate to the country from dublin leaving my family and friends behind.
Stil have resentment issues towards my girlfriend as she's from tallaght and i was from the southside.different classes as well."


I don't see a problem with this post. It's hard enough to have kids, it's harder to have them when are not planned, but to have them 3 months into a relationship and with someone with different values and background from yours??? It must be a nightmare.

Although "class" is a politically incorrect word, no one would want to have an unplanned child with someone that didn't share the same values and goals as theirs. Just ads to the torment. So I think I understand where the poster is coming from.

Orion

I approved the last post but I'll say right now that if this turns into a thread about class, values or goals I'll close it. It's about regretting having children or not - not about my shirt is whiter than your blue one. There are some posts above this one discussing class - no more after this post please. There are other forums for that.

jmbkay

I don't regret having kids. But I often wonder what it would have been like to have an interesting career and money and no endless housework.

David Matthew

I found the following articles that I thought might be of interest to users posting here:

Two Is Enough

Exceprt:

For all the stories written by and for women on this issue—and there are few—men are more likely to be absent from the public dialogue about intentional childlessness. Why aren’t men’s stories also being heard?

Does Having Children Ruin Your Life?

I really find this thread very interesting, and thanks to all those posters who have (sometimes painfully) poured out their experiences for the benefit of others (me among them).

chloek

I have never regretted having my kids, they are the best thing in my life.
I hope to have more children in the future.

I have friends who cannot have children and it is sad for them but I also have friends who decided not to have children as they wanted to travel and that is their choice.

trustno1

chloek wrote: »

I also have friends who decided not to have children as they wanted to travel and that is their choice.

I have two children and had the first when I was 24, neither were planned so it was a bit of shock - but I don't regret them for one nano second. When your child makes you laugh (really belly laugh) or comes to you for comfort when they are sick or tired or they just want a hug - you can't begin to describe that level of affection that they have for you, it's incredible.

Also, the whole 'travel' issue (which has been mentioned a few times) is nonsense, I am a single parent and we go on about 3 trips a year.. so if you want to travel, just bring them with you! which makes the experience more memorable!!..