Telling boyfriend I'm bi

MitchKoobski

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Being in a relationship involves ruling out - even suppressing on occasion - any other urges.

Bisexual people have more choices/options, but if they're not going to act on them, why bother telling ?

Whaaaaaaat!?

So I'm in a relationship and I still think the girl across the room is attractive. But I can't say "Hey, that girl is attractive", because I need to suppress my urge and if I'm not going to act on it, why bother telling?

The OP is bisexual. Big whoop! It doesn't affect the relationship at all! And to quote your other post above, she hasn't "chosen one over the other". She chose her boyfriend. She chose THE PERSON not the gender! A bisexual person doesn't sit there and think "Hmm will I go for a guy or a girl?". They go for whoever they are atrracted to and like.

OP, it's completely up to you. My best friend is Bi and she makes it a point to tell anyone she gets close to. If they ever have a problem with it, they're not right for her. To date no one has ever had a problem with it, because she's chosen them over anyone else she could go for, boy or girl, it doesnt matter.

GoldCobra

If my GF told me she was BI, while I wouldn't have a problem with people being BI, I'd be taken back as to why she'd just come out with it and I'd be insecure about it or something. Is she telling me this because she wants to break up and be with a girl? I guess it depends on the couple and the relationship though.

LighterGuy

Dare I be the blunt one to say it.

Most blokes would like if their girlfriend were bi. Because of the threesome possbilites with another woman. Hey lets be honest here :pac:

And despite him saying how its weird how his friends girlfriend is bi ... most likely he'd be singing a different tune if you wanted a 3some with another girl.

LighterGuy

sunflower27 wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Most people I know in relationships don't go around thinking about threesome opportunities.

1, people would rarely tell friends that they and their partner had a 3some.
2, trust me, most guys want a 3some with 2 women if it could come about. its just a guy thing. dont ask me why. Sure, some guys wouldnt. But 'majority rules' as they say ... and most guys would if their gf was bi and wanted one.

LighterGuy

Dont twist things sunflower.
The issue the op raised was that she is afraid to tell her boyfriend she is bi because of a statement he said about his friends girlfriend.

Look at my first post above. I mention how just because he said it was weird the way she (friends gf) is bi .. doesnt mean he'd feel the same about his gf (op) being bi.

Kimia

The reason I would want to know is because your sexuality is part of who you are, it's not something you do, or think about something - it's an essential part of your being. Not sharing that with someone you're supposed to love is fúcked up and imo a whopping big secret to keep.

LegacyUser

For a smart bunch you lot are coming out with some crazy theories 0.0

Threesomes?! Cheating?! You guys seem to have low opinions of a lot of people that come here asking for advice. Last time I checked this wasnt After Hours like :rollseyes:

Call me selfish or call me whatever you want. All I wanted to know was if I should tell him? I dont know how guys react to this sort of thing. I dont plan on hiding it, I dont plan on dumping him, I dont plan cheating on him. I plan on being his girlfriend who hopefully one day he'll be in love with.

I'm a strong person and can hold off on the desires. Give me some bit of credit like. I'm not the evil twisted witch like most women are deemed to be

If I want crazy theories I'll hit AH. For now I just wanted simple normal answers that can help me decide to tell my boyfriend and if it'll react badly with him.

Honesty really is the best policy though

spinandscribble

to all the people saying she needs to be able to point out hot women to her bf, do you think its typically to point out hot guys to your bf? Seems a bit strange to me... I mean sure everyone notices someone they could be sexually attracted to but why feel the need to dwell on it by making it into a conversation with your OH?

If it was me and a bf was bi but didn't tell me I'd feel sad he felt he needed to hide it or I didn't need to know. I would want to know who he really is. So I think the op should tell her bf.

Monkey61

Hmm...personally, I don't know if you should. Obviously if you have a burning desire to mention it then go ahead, if you absolutely feel that you have to. But if I were him, I would probably question why you were mentioning it.

I know it has been mentioned that it is a part of you etc, but for me, I think it is kind of irrelevant once you are in a relationship with him. For instance, if you have decided that you love your boyfriend and want to be with him and be faithful to him forever, then you are never going to be doing anything with women. Ever. And in that case, does it really matter whether you also fancy women as well as men? Really?

Different strokes for different relationships and all, but it doesn't matter to me who I might find attractive etc, I would never be having that conversation with my girlfriend. Everyone might look, but it is not something that we would talk about. Is talking about women you fancy with him that important?

I may be underestimating your boyfriend, but knowing what a destructive thing sexual jealousy can be, I just have a feeling that once you say this to him it will wreck his head and worry him a lot. What if all he can focus on is the fact that you are into something sexually that he can never do for you? Especially since you haven't been with a woman before, he will always wonder if it is something that you may someday want to try.

If you love him, think about the effect it will have on him, not just on you.

mixed up

Tell the lucky ****er he'll be begging you for a threesome

Morag

Undecidedwhattodo! There is a LGBT forum here which also as unreg posting,
you might get more helpful less biphobic answers there.

Ickle Magoo

mixed up warned for unhelpful posting.

Please note, this is PI - not After Hours - could posters please refrain from the juvenile three-some responses and read the OP's posts and give advice based on that rather than just making assumptions.

Please take the time to read the [URL="http http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter and abide by them.

LegacyUser

Can I ask for this thread to be closed and locked?

If you lot wanna craic smart ass jokes at me then pull it somewhere else. Its unfair of ye to even suggest this crap. As I said earlier...if I want smart ass replies I'll hit After Hours. Judging by the way most of you replied here ye shouldnt be posting here anyway. Problems are not to be made fun of.

Try being in my position. Then ye might gather a bit of sympathy. A bit of advice isnt too much to ask for here is it?

I'm leaving this thread more confused now. Thanks lads!