Eighteen and Pregnant - What next?

LegacyUser

Hi Posting anonymously because I haven't told anyone yet.

My boyfriend of two years and I are pregnant. I'm eighteen. I suppose I just want to hear some reasons why it could be okay. I want to keep it and there is no point being sad because it won't change anything, so I guess I want to be positive and enjoy my pregnancy etc.

How do we tell our parents? Can we stay in college? (We live together at the moment btw.) Is there any money support for childcare in college (NUIM)? Has anybody else gone through this?

Any tips, advice? What happens now? Can we still travel the world? Is that a stupid question?! It's a lot to think about all at once

LegacyUser

Hi Anon girl, I couldn't see this and not reply to you - I know exactly how you are feeling.

I am 19, had my first baby 5 and a half months ago at 18. For me personally abortion or adoption was never an option - I was in a good relationship and I had always wanted kids with my partner (although we didn't plan for it to happen quite so early!). I felt that undoubtedly it would be easier to get college out of the way, get a good job maybe our own house first BUT that wasn't how it happened. I did my leaving in June, got my course and chose to defer for a year. Had my little one in December and I have been a full time mum to her since.

Regards going back to college it can be done, and is by many. For me, a full time course is no longer an option due to creche fees/finances but I hope to do the same course part time instead! I know that some of the bigger colleges do have partially subsidised student creches, I'm not sure specifically about NUIG.

You are right, it is a LOT to take in all at once. I think that positive thinking is the only way to deal with it ( it was for me anyway) from the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew that I would do whatever I could possibly do to make the best out of it for my child.

I waited until after my exams to tell my parents, I thought it would be less stressful for me that way. It is the one thing I regret. Despite what you might think about your parents reaction you might be suprised. When it all came down to it mine were smitten from the second they held and saw their grandchild. I suppose the advice there is not to take their immediate responce too much to heart (be it anger/disappointment/shock/disbelief or congratulatory if you're lucky! :P) Think about it - this most likely isn't what they planned or wanted for you, so it will take a while to come to terms with it like it will for you.

Oh and can you travel the world? Sure you can, just give it an extra few years.

To sum it all up - Do I regret it? no way. Could the timing have been better? Definately! but she is the best thing that has or will ever happen to me, without a doubt. It could be the worst day in the world but her gummy smile just brightens it right up

bulmersgal

Congratulations!

Right first off go to doc and get it confirmed, then booked into a hospital and get your scan organised.

Regarding college as far as i know there are usually subsided childcare places in most colleges. Even just ring up as a new student and ask?

Telling your parents its totally up to yourselves, maybe arm yourself with answers to all there questions. Like what will happen to college? etc.. When I told my da he went mad for few hours or so, now my daughter a year. And he is mad about her, in complete love with her. So they will come around, just be prepared for a bad reaction.

Tips... Start saving even the smallest amounts will makes difference, look around on websites for bargains a lot of people give or sell stuff that hasn't been used much. You dont need to buy too much for baby, I bought loads and didn't use most of it. So keep to the basics.

Regarding travelling, its so possible. I've 3 holidays planned this year with my daughter and she's only 1. I'm also a single parent so if I can do it, nothing stopping you and your boyfriend. Its a matter of telling yourself yes its possible to do x y and z. Maybe i won't be out drinking till crack of dawn but i will be on holidays enjoying the sun and having great time with my child.

If you have any more questions or want any tips please pm me.

Moonbeam

NUIM does have a student subsidised creche.
Congrats and book hospital asap.

dollybird2

Get to Chemist & pick up some Folic Acid or Pregnacare vitamins.
Then into GP & get checked & have pregnancy confirmed. Don't worry about the cost of GP you will be covered as it is due to pregnancy.

Things will work out if you make them. Be positive and be prepared. Your parents will likely be mad/disappointed/supportive? As OP said have your answers to show them that you are being mature about the situation and once your bump begins to show and the baby arrives they will come around more and more.

Congratulations to you and your partner, I hope the pregnancy goes well for you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies guys

Well another thing I'm very worried about. Haven't gone to the doctor yet but I reckon I'm due around the first week of January, when we are likely to be at home for Christmas/just back doing exams (if our parents don't disown us... nervous laugh), so do I plan to have the baby in a hospital in Dublin near where boyfriend and I live, or in Galway closer to where we're from? And it would be an awful pain to have to travel for appointments and everything. This is just so awkward.

Orion

AnonWorriedGirl wrote: »

so I guess I want to be positive and enjoy my pregnancy etc.

That's the first step. Positive thinking is important. Congratulations

How do we tell our parents? Can we stay in college? (We live together at the moment btw.) Is there any money support for childcare in college (NUIM)? Has anybody else gone through this?

Any tips, advice? What happens now? Can we still travel the world? Is that a stupid question?! It's a lot to think about all at once

Parents: Just tell them. They'll find out eventually. Just bite the bullet and do it. They might even surprise you and be completely supportive

Travelling the world will be out for now I'm afraid. But you're only 18*. You can do that later - when your child is 18 you'll only be 36/7. That might seem old now but it's not really. You'll have plenty of time to travel the world.

*(bloody hell - when did I become the old fart?)

Lucyfur

Hi and congrats:D

I was slightly older than you, 19 when I got pregnant with my son:)

As the others have said, get yourself to the docs and start taking your folic acid (VERY important).

College and travel....you can do anything if you're determined enough. 9 years later, I'm still studying and working. Gonna go slightly against the grain...my personal opinion, yes you can still travel the world. It'll take more money if you're gonna bring baba, but if you plan is right, you can do anything;)

As for the parents....I had it all planned out. We'd cook her (my mum) a nice dinner, sit back and relax in front of a nice open fire and tell her over coffee when she was suitably relaxed. Sounds right, eh? Unfortunately, I got a bad case of verbal diarrhoea as soon as she walked in the door;

''MUMI'VESOMETHINGTOTELLYOUI'MPREGNANTPLEASEDON'TKILLME''

She was shocked but hid it well, she surprised me by congratulating me and giving me a huge hug:D

You'll be grand;) Congrats again x

Moonbeam

I would pick a hospital nearer college then home.
As an nuim student you have free doctors visits in Primacare,I found them good there.
If you need someone to talk to I also live in Maynooth and have a baby and a 2 year old so feel free to pm me.

loveacca

Hey
You guys are all great, Its brilliant to see such support.
Same thing happend to my sister 2 years ago and she told her sister and brother first to have one of them there when she told the parents.
Absolutely bricking telling the parents but they were great and now love the baby
The hardest part I think will be telling the parents but after that most other people will be delighted (kind of.......) for you

Get to the doctor and get the telling the parents out of the system

Good luck

crazy cat lady

Congratulations to you and your boyfriend. You're going to love being parents! It'll be hard work, but so worth it!

Lots of people go to college whilst being parents! I went to school wih a girl who was 16 when she got pregnant and is now a solicitor.

Our situation is a little different. I've got my career under control, but my husband had just gone back to UCD as a full time Enginneering student when we got pregnant with our little angel. She was due the end of December so we were panicking that she would arrive early during his end of semester exams (she didn't thank god!) I only work part time so we certainly aren't rolling in money on just one income, but we're so happy and we have our little girl to thank for that. She makes us smile 100 times a day! I think that because we want her to have the best from life is a great incentive for my husband to work really hard at his studies, even though he does find the course really difficult, and the travelling from wicklow to Dublin 5 mornings a week is tough going.

I personally don't think it matters what age you are telling your parents! I was 26 when we got pregnant and even though we are married and settled, it was still the scariest thing I ever had to do. I burst ino tears telling them! They must've though I was mad! They will support you and they will dote on their grandchild! If you are happy then they will be happy. Don't tell them that you have news, tell them that you have great news! Make it positive and they will be positive!

Of course travelling is possible with a child! If anything, having a child is going to enrich your holidays! We're off to portugal in 3 weeks and I don't think I've ever looked forward to a holiday so much because I know we are going to have so much fun with the little lady!

Moonbeam

I was 26 good job,nice house,my own car and waited until my mother was in Peru to tell her:)

SarahC11

Congrats! dont worry its not the end of ur life you can still do all the things you want like travel you will just have to have a different plan to someone with no kids! well im not as young as you im 24 so my ma was delighted when i told her i was preggers (just over 8months now) i told her on facebook chat!! simply because i was signed in and she started chatting to me a few mins after i did the tests! i just couldnt help myself! she actually said 'that sister of urs better not get any idea's' and low and behold my sister got pregnant she's 19 (6 months gone now) she was a bit more shocked/disappointed because she's only 19, i rang my ma and told her cos my sis was too scared cos she was warned a few weeks beforehand! but my ma's delighted for both of us now! were both having girls and my ma's been great she has bought so much clothes and all the things we need for the hospital ect. God im rambling now! i would suggest just telling them,there's never going to be a right time so just get it out there,then they'l have more time to adjust!!