5 year old boy Picking Skin/Scabs

bigneacy

Sorry for the really long post. We're at our wits end here - we don't know what to do and I wanted to give all info to get a good response. Ok. I'll start from the start.

This all started about a year ago - he bumped his head and ended up with a cut on his forehead.

He starting picking at it constantly - we gave out to him, told him to stop, sat him down and explained why he needed to stop, that it would leave a scar, could get infected and it was disgusting. In the mean time (being a little boy) he got another cut on the back of his neck and another one on his cheek - he also started picking these.

Everytime we saw him picking we told him to stop, he resorted to doing it in bed or in the morning time when he was playing on his own.

After about six months of this picking we started applying sudocream, plasters and bio-oil religiously about 5 or 6 times a day. They would be almost healed and then he'd stick his fingers under the plaster and pick away again.

EDIT: I should also say, that this is the only thing he really ever defied us on - he's a very good boy, always does what he's told - is very careful and mindful of danger. So it seems to be a compulsion, but not a sub-concious one because he is aware that he is doing it.

We started using smaller blister plasters that were harder to get off - he started pulling them off (AND EATING THEM!) Its also about this time that we found out he eats his scabs also.

We have tried the carrot method - he'll get a playstation, a trip away, a new bike, a new tree house etc. etc. etc. if he stops picking. He stopped for almost two weeks on the promise of the playstation - then started again. None of it worked.

We have tried the stick method - he'll get various items taken away, he won't get this, he won't be allowed to do that. None worked. Family members have tried aswell. They are always making a fuss when they see him they say either "oh great, you didn't pick your spots (that what he calls them) you're such a good boy" or "awh, why did you pick them - thats very bold, it'll leave a scar"

There's loads of communication in our house - he is very vocal about his feelings and is not afraid to speak his mind if he feels he has gotten a raw deal or being treated unfairly and we talk to him very openly about everything. He knows he can tell us anything and he often does, but no amount of talking to him or reasoning with him seems to work. He's the type of child who will say anything in a situation that needs to be said in order to get him out of said situation - and every time its brought up he promises not to do it again.


In the last week or two now he has started to bite at his skin, in order to make new scabs to pick at - he now has 4 scabs on his left hand, one on his forehead, and one his neck.

All in very visible places - none hidden. His mother confronted him on this yesterday - he says he likes having spots because people always talk to him and ask him what happened his head.

We don't know if this is the real reason - as I said he says whatever he has to in a situation. His mother said (trying some reverse psycology or taking away the attention factor) that she doesn't care anymore - he can pick them if he wants.

Now apart from this he has no problems at all - he's an only child currently, but he's very outgoing, kind, considerate - hates seeing anyone else sad - has loads of friends in school and is doing well academically, is very smart and witty. Plays team sports, which he does well at. We are expecting a baby in the next week or so, we thought it might have had something to do with this - but it started before herself was pregnant.

We don't know what to do. Our doctor is useless (we are in the process of switching but can't do so until after baby comes + 6weeks)

Any help would be really appreciated!!!

Morag

So there is a new baby on the way and the 5 year old has found away to get lots of notice from you both and from other people? Clever kid.

bigneacy

Sharrow wrote: »

So there is a new baby on the way and the 5 year old has found away to get lots of notice from you both and from other people? Clever kid.

Yeah, thats the obvious reason, but like I was saying my first post this all actually started before she was pregant.

She became pregnant last Augst, we told him in October, but he started picking last March/April.

And he's the centre of attention anyway. Really and truly - he always has a captive audience and he really grabs it with both hands. Pure drama-prince like.

cynder

MY brother did that as well, picked scabs and ate them, he stopped eating them around age 7 however he is 32 now and still picks scabs. He was that bad at picking scabs that when the cat came home after fighting with other cats she would sit on his lap and let him pick her scabs, thats the only time she ever wanted attention of him, was to pick her scabs.


Some people are scab pickers others are not......


Just on a note my 4 year old picks his nose and eats it...... thinks is just a phase that kids go through.

I recon him just sitting there picking away, is a way of relieving stress/anxiety it makes him feel better, its calming. He isnt doing it to be bold/naughty its actually quite relaxing.

Morag

Have you tried telling him that scabs are yucky and that they mean a person is hurt or sick and it makes you both sad to see that he's hurt and you want him all mended?

Some kids just like scabs, I had scabby knees and elbows for about 7 years constantly.
Many of them grow out of it and eating them is normal too, but I would be worried about the causing fresh ouches/injuries.

Are there other adults who can also talk to him about this if it has been ongoing for so long, ie aunts/uncles/grandparents who can all reinforce that scabs are yucky and he shouldn't hurt himself.

I've often told my two when they are going out to mind themselves, that I grew them for 9 months and they were prefect and they are not to damage themselves by being silly or reckless.

Rochester

I used to do that when I was a kid - I just liked doing it. I repeatedly worked on one of the knuckles on my finger (boy am I sorry now) and had a perpetual scab. Then I stopped as suddenly as I started.

bigneacy

Sharrow wrote: »

Have you tried telling him that scabs are yucky and that they mean a person is hurt or sick and it makes you both sad to see that he's hurt and you want him all mended?

Some kids just like scabs, I had scabby knees and elbows for about 7 years constantly.
Many of them grow out of it and eating them is normal too, but I would be worried about the causing fresh ouches/injuries.

Are there other adults who can also talk to him about this if it has been ongoing for so long, ie aunts/uncles/grandparents who can all reinforce that scabs are yucky and he shouldn't hurt himself.

I've often told my two when they are going out to mind themselves, that I grew them for 9 months and they were prefect and they are not to damage themselves by being silly or reckless.

Yeah, I mean communcation is a huge thing in our house. We always talk both as a family and one on one.

We have both approached the situation in various ways - telling him that its not nice and that people will think he is sick if he always covered in cuts.

He knows all about sickness and the fact that they will cause scars that will never go away - but it doesn't stop him.

We don't mind about him getting scrapes and bruises, because we know it'll heal but if he picks at his healing scabs, we are concerned about scars and infection.

Family members have talked to him several times also yes.

cynder

bigneacy wrote: »

In the last week or two now he has started to bite at his skin, in order to make new scabs to pick at

Recon a trip to see a psychologist may be on the cards.

My brother was a bad scab picker but he didn't injure himself on purpose so he could pick scabs.

Penny Dreadful

I was a dreadful scab picker when I was a kid. My mum has often said it was a great thing that I was so very very sick with chicken pox that I was too weak to pick and scratch otherwise I'd have destroyed myself.
Now at the ripe old age of 33 I find that I have stop myself from attacking any scabs or such like that I may get. Its icky I know but I'm just a picker. I don't do it much BUT I do pick the skin at my thumbs and it has now become something I do when distracted and/or nervous.
My niece is the same. Some people are pickers others are not.
My dad had a friend that had really really bad acne scars and when I'd pick my scabs he'd tell me that I'd end up looking like Mr. X and THAT stopped me more often than not. I didn't know they were acne scars ( I was too young) but I did know that they didn't look nice and I didn't want them.

bigneacy

grindelwald wrote: »

Recon a trip to see a psychologist may be on the cards.

My brother was a bad scab picker but he didn't injure himself on purpose so he could pick scabs.

Afraid you may be right...

January

I'm a scab picker too... my dad is also... it's just a habit... I'd never intentionally give myself a scab just to pick it though... I think you need to bring your son to the doctor...

CrazyRabbit

1. Cellotape/tie some mittens to his hands. He can't pick at scabs with them on.

2. Show him a picture of a person/child with serious scarring to their face. Tell him that this is what will happen to him if he persists.

I know this is drastic, but if he never lets the injuries heal, then his skin will become scarred. And he can pick up a lot of illnesses through all these open wounds.

RachaelVO

I think he told you the truth in a way! He is delighted with all the attention he is getting. People ask him what happened and he is happy to chat away about whatever happened. He's clearly a social child and loves it.

I would just stop drawing attention to it, good or bad! Get him some badges so people can ask him about them, rather than the scabs, A different badge for everyday, or a few badges for each week. Give it a variation so he has something to look forward to, drawing attention away from his scabs. Once people stop talking about them, he'll stop picking them.

carwash_2006

I would say all the attention that has been given to this issue has fueled it to the extent it now is. Like eating, issues like this are best ignored and monitored without the child's knowledge and they will mostly grow out of it.

I would say at the stage it's at you probably need to talk to a child behaviorist to find out whether ignoring it now is advisable or if the child needs to see a specialist about it, I would be inclined to go have a chat with someone without the child present at first for advice, then if they feel it's necessary you can bring the child to them.

LadyMayBelle

bigneacy wrote: »

They are always making a fuss when they see him they say either "oh great, you didn't pick your spots (that what he calls them) you're such a good boy" or "awh, why did you pick them - thats very bold, it'll leave a scar"


..... His mother confronted him on this yesterday - he says he likes having spots because people always talk to him and ask him what happened his head.

You've an answer there in front of you OP.
I think is worth ignoring the behaviour for a time, and noticing other good behaviour "I really like the stars you've drawn in that picture", "It makes me feel really happy when I see you've eaten all your dinner/enjoyed being out on your bike" or whatever. Reward him with specific praise from specific things, which may take the emphasis off the scab picking. He's a bright kid who has sussed out how parents work

It's important that he begins to understand that he doesn't need to pick and eat scabs to get a reaction from parents/family/friends. He's 5 right? His brain has not developed yet to a point where he can fully understand reason, which can be tricky.

You can also consider contacting your GP for a referral to CAMHs, or consider seeing a play therapist even as a 'holding space'.

Just a question; are there certain times he increases the times he does this? Before visitors come, the night before school, around meal times, mornings, etc? Would love to know.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

I think you are making this worse by the constant focus on his scabs. He has slowly escalated what he does. When it started it was just typical kid behaviour, picking at scabs. Lots of kids have scars from picking at scabs, part of childhood. You obsessed about this, pleading with him, reasoning with him, offering him rewards, putting consequences in place. You turned a molehill into a mountain by making this a big deal and seeing this as defiance, when it is developmentally very normal. I doubt he has any psychological problems. There is a baby coming, things are changing and he knows how to get your attention...create scabs and pick at them. If I were you I would never mention the scabs again, pretend you don't even see them and ignore (no positive or negative comments) any behaviour related to the scabs and it will likely stop.

Pearson

MY 7 year old boy has chicken pox. he had no bother at all with them. no itching at all. his spots are npow starting to heal. he had one on his chin that the scab accidently came off - afraid of my life it will not heal again and leave a pox scar. i have being using vitamin e oil on it and sudocream. any other suggestings what is good for healing? other sites say coca butter / or coconut oil and to take vitamin a? any sugestions

qwertytlk

I would agree with previous posters advice to completley ignore the scabs, the picking..the whole lot of it. For example if he shows you a scab or something then just ignore it, if he trys to bring something related to it up in conversation then change the subject. He sounds like a smart kid so i reckon if you do this for even a few days he will start to be less interested in the scabs/picking, and more interested in another way he can get attention. Of you are going to do thos then obviously make sure any friends/family or anyone who comes into contact with him ois aware they are to ignore the picking etc and not ask why he has a bandage or plaster on. Good luck

we'llallhavetea_old

im honestly shocked that picking scabs was ever an issue in the first place. i'm a picker myself, don't think i have any actual scars though. even if i did, so what? bodies are meant to be decorated over the years i think :P

i think there was a big deal made over nothing, ignoring it is not an option now that he has started to hurt himself. i would definitely talk to a child psychologist and see what the next move should be.

Voltex

tbh..I used to have one on my head, under my hair from about the age of 4..right through to about 10 or 11 maybe that i would pick at. I still remember doing it secretly because my mum and dad would be at me had they seen me at it.

If im right I used to do it cause it was a form of comfort...like a child with a favourite blanket or a soother...something that would help the mind relax...but Id be very confident that your child will grow out of this behaviour.

snickerpuss

I've got quite an impressive pox scar on my forehead, like a little hole. It doesn't really matter though, it's only a mark. And I'm saying this as a girl. I don't know how many scars I have from picking off scabs, my knees are in tatters. But who cares? Tis what you do as a child!