Unusal situation re: single parenthood!

LegacyUser

Im not sure if this is the correct forum but mods please fell free to move this!

Im in an unsual situation - I will try to explain it as best I can so please bear with me! I have just had a baby (well he is 6.5mths old now) and am currently waiting to be assessed for single parent family payment. The baby's father and I have never been a couple but we have lived together for the last 3 years as flatmates. Obviously one night we had a few drinks and one thing led to another, and now we have a baby! While we are on very good terms, we are not together and are not going to ever be more that just friends and co-parents. (is anyone else in a similar situation?)

While I was pregnant we still lived together but he has since moved out as we didnt think that we would be able to live together without arising suspicion that we are actually a couple. I am not earning at the moment, but do plan on returing to work if I could get some. The babys dad works in construction and so is out of work more often than not at the moment. He doesnt actually pay maintinance but he does supply nappies, formula ect on a weekly basis. I have informed the rent allowance people about this and they are deducting the value from my rent allowance just the same as if I was recieving a cash maintenance payment.

Now I am awaiting a vist from the social welfare to asses my need as a single parent. The Dad stays over some nights in the spare room, if I am going out or have an apointment in the morning. We get on very well and this set up works for us - he is now living with 2 flatmates so I would not be happy for my son to stay over in that house, as they all smoke and its not as baby friendly as my house.

Some of his stuff is still ere, ie. some spare clothes, washbag, ect. And he himself is often here throughout the day spening time with his son. This is great, as he and my son have a very close bond and he is an excellent father. But, the inspector from the social welfare is due to make a call to the house to talk with me. I am a nervous wreck at the moment as they dont tell you they are comming and so I am on tenterhooks the whole time he is here as I am afraid that they will call and see him or his stuff and this will affect my claim as they will assume we are lying!

I dont know what to do? Should I ask him to remove all traces of himself and stay away for the time being? The inspetor may not call for weeks yet, so I am loathe to ask him not to call over as this will affect the amount of time he spends with our son. Him collecting our son and taking him out is not really viable either as funds are low, there is not that much you can do all day with a 6 month old baby, and he doesnt have family near, so cant bring the baby to his parents house.

I was hoping that somone that might be in the same situation may be able to offer some advice? I dont want to 'con' the dole or anything like that but I am afraid that if they call and see him here or see some 'man' stuff they will not grant me single parent family allowance which I really really need at least for the next few months until some work comes up. I am unsure of what to expect from the interview with the inspector, will he/she want to see every room in the house? Will they look in wardrobes ect? Are they legally entitled to open pressies/drawers ect? Should I tell them that the dad stays over some nights? I am so worried about this I am finding it hard to sleep at night. I am beginning to feel like I really have something to hide, when in fact I dont, its just a pretty unusual situation.

Sorry for the epic post but I wanted to make sure I didnt leave anything out. Thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, congrats on the little man! I was living with my husband and he had a mental breakdown and was too unstable to live with the kids, so I had no choice but to get the OPFA when the recession took my job.
The social welfare inspector called without warning one morning. My friends car was outside and he wanted to know who owned the car! He was nice but because of fraudsters(robbers)
he had to ask loads of questions. My husband's things were no longer in the house and the Inspector took a good look around downstairs. He did not open drawers.
My advice to you would be to take no chances with having any signs of male friends.
I have a few male friends and I just told them not to call in until SW visit was done as I knew that it just invites questions.
There is such an amount of fraud that SW are really looking out for it.
You are trying your best, but be aware that it is better to take the baby over to his dad's house until the SW visit is over. And I would never let him sleep at your house because it just looks suspicious to your neighbours.

Sleepy

Maybe ask Dad to bring his stuff in a sports bag or whatever and bring it home with him for the time being? It's no great inconvenience for most lads to live out of a suitcase for a while.

Oryx

Theres something in the back of my head about the dad of a child being entitled to stay over in the childs home for x amount of the time. I will try and check this out for you.

LittleBook

Oryx wrote: »

Theres something in the back of my head about the dad of a child being entitled to stay over in the childs home for x amount of the time. I will try and check this out for you.

I thought so too but I googled and googled but can't find anything to confirm this. I think there may have been a proposal that a new partner could stay over but not the other parent.

OP, I would follow Hopalongcassie's advice and take no chances. And definitely no sleepovers until the visit is done.

Pandora2

Oryx wrote: »

Theres something in the back of my head about the dad of a child being entitled to stay over in the childs home for x amount of the time. I will try and check this out for you.

Having worked in this field for 8.5 years and having been a OPF in the past myself, fathers are not entitled to stay even one night!! The 3 nights a week is an urban myth. I know of one case where Dad was visiting, middle of the day as Mum was ill, he answered the door with child in arms, "claim denied"...Went all the way to oral appeal before being granted and that can take up to 2 years at present depending on what benefit you are trying to access. There were moves afoot to allow recipients to pursue relationships when Seamus Brennan was SW Minister but, given the economic climate, that seems to have gone quiet. Any excuse to refuse seems to be the norm at the moment, the onus is very much on the applicant to prove their "Lone" status, suspicion is enough for the Department to get awkward about such things!! Good Luck!!

metrovelvet

Wow. They go out of their way to make sure a child doest have two parents living with them. Very ****ed up system, encouraging split homes through policy.

mikemac

metrovelvet wrote: »

Wow. They go out of their way to make sure a child doest have two parents living with them. Very ****ed up system, encouraging split homes through policy.

It wouldn't be much of a system if couples claimed one parent family allowance.
The clue is in the name and there are other welfare schemes for other situations

Big Bag of Chips

But if the father is involved, and very much so it would seem.. are you then actually NOT a one parent family? You are infact a two parent family, where the parents just live apart?

So are you claiming fraudulently anyway? Or does one parent family allowance be paid in a situation where 2 parents are involved, just not living as a couple?

I'm not being arsy about this by the way... I'm genuinely asking!

Ickle Magoo

Moved from PI - think you'll get better advice here and there is more scope for discussion...

:cool:

CK2010

Big bag of chips- OPFP is for parents that do not live together. you are entitled to be in a relationship with the father and still claim the payment as long as you live seperately and are honest and upfront about it and all maintenance paid etc. hope this clears it up for you.
ETA: forgot to say the person claiming must be the carer of the child for the majority of the time. the child must basically be living in that one household.

as for the whole inspector thing- when i was applying for this while living with my parents to get me through college, i actually went to the officer with the father of my child to ensure that they were aware and that i was still entitled, we explained that we were in a relationship etc. and he was also there when the inspector came to the house. if you're honest and genuinely give every bit of info re. income and outgoings (which will reduce your payment accordingly) then they cant really penalise you, if you're genuinely entitled. perhaps its different nowadays though...

Fittle

Times have changed dramatically since a while back, when the 'inspector' could practically search wardrobes and bathrooms to check if there was a male living with a single (female) parent:rolleyes:

There IS definitely an entitlement that allows the father of the child to stay for a certain number of nights per week - I can't find the link myself, but I know of 2 women who were checked recently, and both CWO's referred to this (new-ish) entitlement and neither were penalised in their rent allowance or One Parent Family Allowance due to the fact that the father stayed in the home sometimes...

Sounds like a great arrangement for your child by the way, long may it last:)

cbyrd

Don't know if this is any use to you but i found this info in the citizens information . . .

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/social_welfare_payments_to_families_and_children/one_parent_family_payment.html

It's not very specific but maybe if you call them or the other numbers at the bottom they could give you more indepth advice.
It would be a great pity if you were penalised, but i suppose they see so many cases of fraud that they have to be tough..
Good luck with it

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much for the replys. My nerves are not much better! I have talked to the dad and he will take his stuff to his own house and try not to call around until the eve, which is a shame because my son will miss him im sure. However it shouldnt be long before the inspetioni is over and we can go back to normal. Now im worried that im not entitled to be getting opf because we are both parenting the child? I dont want to con anyone, i only want a little help until i find some work. Even if i do find work, im not sure how i will afford childcare, although il cross that bridge when i come to it.

Apart from this issue, im very happy. My son is a joy, I cant tell ye how happy i am to be a mammy even though i didnt plan it and if i had I would have liked to at least be in a relationship with the babys dad! I feel very lucky that the babys dad is so involved and that we get on so well, he really is a wonderful dad to our little man. For them both, i am truly blessed!

upinthesky

op the sw inspector may be hanging around your area at the minute so they will already know your situation!
if your saying what is true you might be ok

LegacyUser

lisar816 wrote: »

op the sw inspector may be hanging around your area at the minute so they will already know your situation!
if your saying what is true you might be ok

What?? Is this true? God feel more than paranoid now! Do you think they are watching all the comings and goings to my house? Lol - Iv nothing to hide but I still dont like the thoughts of being 'spied' on like that!!

upinthesky

well it is a possability? not sure if this is more when your actually on the payment and they are reacessing you but i know it happens

Fittle

There is not a hope that the inspectors are watching the 'comings and goings' of your house:rolleyes: Honestly, they have enough to be doing without acting like spies - those behaviours when assessing single parents have long gone thankfully. The only way they might 'spy' on you if if you living with the father of your child, on a full-time basis and you are reported for cohabiting. And in my experience, even if you were reported, it takes a very long time for SW to begin and investigation.

If you have declared maintenance from him, then he is entitled to stay in the home of his child X nights per week and you have nothing to hide.

metrovelvet

Fittle wrote: »

There is not a hope that the inspectors are watching the 'comings and goings' of your house:rolleyes: Honestly, they have enough to be doing without acting like spies - those behaviours when assessing single parents have long gone thankfully. The only way they might 'spy' on you if if you living with the father of your child, on a full-time basis and you are reported for cohabiting. And in my experience, even if you were reported, it takes a very long time for SW to begin and investigation.

If you have declared maintenance from him, then he is entitled to stay in the home of his child X nights per week and you have nothing to hide.

What do you mean by entitled? I presume this means by invitation only?

Fittle

metrovelvet wrote: »

What do you mean by entitled? I presume this means by invitation only?

Of course.

pickarooney

If the father has rent slips from his own accommodation would this not serve as proof that he is not living with you?

bulmersgal

When I claim last year, the inspector called to my house. She rang the day before to check that I would be in. It was about 4 months from when I put my application in. She was really lovely ask me question about ex not mad question just general ones like is he still involved at the time he was. I had everything ready for her birth certs etc, said she didn't need them but then requested them by post a week later. Didn't look around my house as its my parents house so just went on my word that I was telling the truth.

paddy147

Fittle wrote: »

There IS definitely an entitlement that allows the father of the child to stay for a certain number of nights per week - I can't find the link myself, but I know of 2 women who were checked recently, and both CWO's referred to this (new-ish) entitlement and neither were penalised in their rent allowance or One Parent Family Allowance due to the fact that the father stayed in the home sometimes...

Sounds like a great arrangement for your child by the way, long may it last:)

Hi,sorry to drag this back up,but can you provide the link to this information please??

I need this info over a serious matter of a persons human rights that I feel SW may possibly be breeching.

Thanks.:)

Orion

You already have this going in the State Benefits forum. There's no need to drag up a year old thread here too.