[Writing Contest] - THE ARENA

Mr E

Both great, but alfa's gave me goosebumps.

coffee_cake

alfa beta wrote: »

note for next story: include puppy

(no matter what the ****ing subject matter is...!!!)

Space: the final frontier
Also, puppies

coffee_cake

bluewolf wrote: »

Well I am happy to lose to such a lovely story :cool:
And hopefully the place has been livened up again too

Congrats!!

El Guapo!

I thought they were both really good stories and I enjoyed them both.
Alfas one just pipped it for me though.

FudgeBrace

When can one challenge the winner ?hehe

alfa beta

FudgeBrace wrote: »

When can one challenge the winner ?hehe

looks like daemos wants to have a shot first fudgebrace.

he/she posted something to that extent just under my story

FudgeBrace

alfa beta wrote: »

looks like daemos wants to have a shot first fudgebrace.

he/she posted something to that extent just under my story

I'll just have to wait then , no worries

Daemos

So how does this work? I've never done this before

FudgeBrace

Daemos wrote: »

So how does this work? I've never done this before

You think of a theme and when the winner accepts you write until 24 hours have passed, that's all I think

Daemos

Okay, sounds good to me. How about:

The Wheels on the Bus

Turtwig

Daemos wrote: »

Okay, sounds good to me. How about:

The Wheels on the Bus

Thank you for ensuring that song would be stuck in my head for the rest of the evening.:mad:

coffee_cake

The wheels on the bus go 2 pi r, 2 pi r, 2 pi r, the wheels on the bus go 2 pi r, all day long



http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=74086397&postcount=36

Damn, I need to learn some new tunes

alfa beta

Daemos wrote: »

Okay, sounds good to me. How about:

The Wheels on the Bus

happy to give that a shot - but unfortunately coz of work commitments it's gonna be wednesday before I'll manage to find a couple of hours to think/write.

tell you what - I'll post a 'formal' acceptance of your challenge here late tonight (tues) and then have something written by wed night - that ok with everyone??

sorry bout that daemos - I'm just completely up the walls with work and stuff at the mo so need to push back slightly.

Daemos

No bother at all, take all the time you need

alfa beta

thanks daemos

ok - got a bit of time on wed i think - so I'm ready to give your theme a shot

throw up a reply here whenever you see this message and we'll give ourselves 24 hours from that reply

ok?

Das Kitty

Missed the vote over the weekend.

I liked both stories, but alfa beta's pipped bluey's for me in spite of lack of puppy. I liked how the topic/theme was used and it caught me by surprise. I think bluey's narrative was more immediate and, eh, storyish, and there was more substance to her character, but the central idea in alfa beta's grabbed me.

Still though, d'awh, puppeh.

coffee_cake

Das Kitty wrote: »

I think bluey's narrative was more immediate and, eh, storyish,

hee hee
"Crap, I need a story NOW. 15 mins will do it" :pac:

Agent Weebley

Jolly good stories bluewolf and alfa beta!

Das Kitty and bluewolf: I hope you realize that Agent Weebley, being the seemingly crazy guy he is, really does care about you, as well as all Irish and ex-pats. He is a humble chap, and won't post anything here about the last stories, but he did make a mention of it here - so it is up to me, it seems . . . [ foxwhistle ]

And since I am right here right here now, it seems that I need to ask Zach Glickman to scopie out his pocketies for his cell phone. I hear he's going phishing, so he'll be needing his phone.

Oh, and the consensus around our neck of the woods was that the puppy was a Golden Lab.

Daemos

alfa beta wrote: »

thanks daemos

ok - got a bit of time on wed i think - so I'm ready to give your theme a shot

throw up a reply here whenever you see this message and we'll give ourselves 24 hours from that reply

ok?

It's on

alfa beta

THE WHEELS ON THE BUS

Ger Maguire’s the name. Painter by trade. Handyman by nature! Retired now. But still tinkering away. Can’t not, y’know. Wood and metal. Nuts and bolts. It’s in my veins. It’s what I do.

I’ve a wee little workshop down the garden there. Built it myself. Ship-clad walls and torch-on felt. That’s where you’ll find me these days. I’d say the missus’d be wondering what I get up to in there. Never comes near the place. Unless she’s calling me for the dinner!

Anyway, what was I gonna tell you? Oh yeah, I remember. Now, there I was, y’see last summer. Looking after the small fella one evening. The daughter’s young fella. Drafted in last minute when she couldn’t find a ‘real’ baby-sitter.

Now Billy’s a grand little lad. Easy going, y’know. Four years old. Not a bother on him. You’d hardly know he was there. But that evening, wasn’t he playing with this little wooden bus he had, pushing it along the floor, making the little engine noise, y’know. And didn’t the older sister come running in, not looking where she was going, and land her big size three right onto it.

It was an accident of course. But d’ya think that mattered! Jaysus, I didn’t know the little lad had the lungs. He screamed the house down. ‘It’s my favourite,‘ the poor fella kept shouting, for ages, tears and everything, till his mother came home - looking at me as if twas I’d stepped on his bus!
‘We’ll fix it, Billy,’ I kept saying, nice and soothing like. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll fix it. I promise’
‘Pleeeeease, granda, It’s my favourite.’
‘We will. We’ll fix it.’

---

Well, you know how things are. Between the jigs and the reels the bus was put on a shelf in the kitchen and that’s where it stayed, looking a bit forlorn if truth be told. Twas actually December when it hit me. I could fix it for him for Christmas. That’d be better than going into town with herself and buying some plastic rubbish. So without anyone noticing, I picked up the bus one evening and brought it back to the workshop.

The axles were damaged, the cogs on ‘em were sheared and the wheels bent out of shape. They’d been cast out of some cheap metal. I got to work. Carefully removing the broken parts. Repairing what I could and rummaging through my old ‘bits’n’pieces’ for replacements. Shur, I was in my element. Figuring things out. Fixing things. The wheels were the trickiest part though. In the end I decided to make new ones out of wood.

Now, here’s the thing, a piece of wood’s like an uncut diamond. It’s not until it’s cut and polished that you really see what you’ve got. Tis true. When I’d finished carving and painting the little tiny details on those four wheels, I felt the pride of a job well done. They sparkled. To me they were diamonds.

I showed herself the result. ‘Ah he’ll love it, well done, love,’ she said.

---

Christmas Day came and there we were in my daughters house. Santa’d been of course and there was stuff everywhere. Y’know yourself. Anyway, I handed Billy his present just after we arrived and waited to see the look on his face when he unwrapped it. I don’t know now. Maybe I was just expecting too much.

As soon as he saw what it was he smiled. He definitely smiled. He examined the new wheels and said ‘Wow Grandad, you fixed it.’ But, y’know, there was just something. Something missing. What it was, well, I’m not sure. The way the smile didn’t light up his face maybe...didn’t quite reach his eyes.

‘You said twas your favourite’ I urged. I could hear this tiny, I dunno, quiver or something in my voice.
‘It is. It is,’ he insisted.

He put the bus gently on the table and came over and gave me a hug. It didn’t last as long as I hoped. Then he turned and ran into the living room where his dad was putting batteries in a new remote control car.
‘My turn, my turn,‘ I heard him shout. Excited like.

My daughter had been looking at me the whole time. Rachel’s her name. Did I mention that? She’s a good girl, Rachel.

‘They grow up quickly Dad,’ she said.

She said it like an apology. But she didn’t need to apologise. No-one needs to apologise for growing up.

I looked at her and remembered the big pink dolls house I made for her when she was four. Jaysus, twas like yesterday.

‘They do, don’t they,’ I said.

Daemos

Robert leaned against the wall of the pharmacy, waiting for his bus to arrive. In the cold of the winter morning, he couldn’t feel the freezing wall behind him through the multiple layers of insulation he was wearing. He made this journey five days a week, the same routine every day, but he knew that the harsh weather conditions meant that this was one of the harder days he would have to endure.

Five minutes later, the bus rounded the corner and pulled up at the bus stop. Robert trudged up the same three steps he always did, gave the driver a weak smile, showed him his travel pass, and sat in his normal seat: 4th row back, window seat on the left.

Following him onto the bus were his regular travel companions; people who, like him, waited at the same bus stop every morning. Robert knew everything, and nothing, about them. He had never bothered to talk to any of them, but was able to construct life stories about them, based on snippets of conversations he had overheard them having.

Take, for example, the young redhead who always wore a green jacket – except for the two consecutive days after she had spilt a cup of coffee on herself, because the bus entered an unexpected pothole. Her name was something beginning with M… Mary, perhaps. She once had a long and heated conversation over the phone with someone named John, evidently a brother. The conversation was about John’s habit, and how it would destroy him if he didn’t do something about it. Given the neighbourhood which she sometimes asked the bus driver to drop her off in, Robert could make a safe assumption about what exactly John’s habit was.

Then there was Vince. An intimidating, overweight man with a hint of body odour, he would always smoke a cigarette before boarding the bus. Occasionally he would ask his fellow bus stoppers if they had one to spare. Given the responses, it would seem he was the only one of them who smoked. Even though he often sat near the back of the bus, Robert had once caught a glance of a text conversation which he was having with his girlfriend, Julie. In this intimate exchange, they attempted to arrange a meeting at an expensive restaurant to celebrate the anniversary of their first meeting. Appearances, Robert concluded, were not all they seemed to be.

Finally, there was the man that Robert had dubbed Hat Guy, because he always wore a fedora, rain or shine, for his entire journey. Although he would remain on the bus when Robert would get off for work, he guessed that Hat Guy may be a student because of the laptop bag which he always carried. The college was only another four bus stops away, so it was possible. What fascinated Robert about him was his absolute consistency. Most Thursdays he would not show up at all, and on the Thursdays that he did make the journey, he would make a poor attempt at hiding his bloodshot eyes beneath the narrow peak of his hat. Robert was sure it was no coincidence that the closest night club had free entry every Wednesday night.

As the bus was about to pull away, Robert glanced around at the sea of faces, many of which he recognised, but none of whom he knew. They, along with him, were joined together by random chance, travelling along in this tin box on wheels. All of their lives had led them to this singular point. Many were making the same pilgrimage they did every day. Others, faces he didn’t recognise, might be going on holidays, based on the number of bags they put in the travel compartment.

Fate had transpired that this random collection of people, living totally separate lives, would all be gathered in this one place at the same time. Robert knew that because of the choices they had made in their lives, they were all taking the same journey but headed in different directions.

coffee_cake

Jaysus lads ye like going over the word count limit

Liked both for sure, but Daemos' is that kind of reflection I like from time to time, nicely captured

Daemos

I'm new, sir. I just did what all the other boys did :pac:

--Kaiser--

I liked the voice of alfa beta's tale, but I didn't really like the mawkishness of it all, just not my thing.

Daemos' story was a nice observational piece, a good slice of what people infer about each other on a daily basis

echo beach

As usual it was hard to choose. Two very different pieces in very different styles meant having to go with gut feeling in the end and alpha's won out because it had a certain narrative, a conclusion, while Daemos didn't take us to the end of the journey. That may have been intentional and it read more like an introduction than a complete piece, but the writing is strong and the characters could form the basis for a longer story.
Well done to both of you.

Agent Weebley

alfa beta wrote: »

. . . where his dad was putting batteries in a new remote control car.

Remote control? You've got to be kidding me. Great story, and nicely done colloquialisms; it got my vote.

Daemos wrote: »

. . . They, along with him, were joined together by random chance, travelling along in this tin box on wheels. All of their lives had led them to this singular point.

The Singularity? You've got to be kidding me. Nice story, but the speaker must have had Elastic Indian Rubber Eyes* to reach the back of the bus to see what the text maniac wrote.

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

I liked the voice of Weebley's tale, but I didn't really like the mawkishness of it all, just not my thing.

Mawkishness? You've got to be kidding me. I'm a pretty sensitive chap, so why did you say that? I wasn't even in the contest! Oh, and the name's Epstein . . . Brian Epstein

---

PS: Happy Summer Solstice, everyone! Today, we go phishing in the rivers of light.

*yes, I know "elastic" was not required, and possibly redundant, but it made a nice acronym.

Turtwig

I can't decide. This is my second reading of both too. Will hopefully read them again later. Hopefully then I'll have a decision. Great stories by both.

alfa beta

It's a close call this time.

Only a couple of hours left to vote.

Daemos got off to a flying start, but Alfa took the lead overnight.

Now Daemos is making ground again, closing the gap.

As they enter the final straight it's anyone's race.

Which way will your vote go? It could make all the difference.

Daemos

Looks like alfa beta retains the title

Well done, it's a good story and very true to how quickly children grow up

FudgeBrace

So is there room on the ring for another challenger ? Haven't written in a while and would love to have another go haha