Birth Fathers possible address

lynsalot

Hi guys,
I met my birth mother 10 years ago and for 4 years things were ok. I was only 18 when i met her and didn't know what I wanted from it. Didn't understand where to put her in terms of friends/family/long lost aunt etc. my mam was a great support to me during this time. Unfortunately my birth mother told me a lot of lies, one story one minute and another the next.

During that time we went to my father's home town for a weekend away. Her idea. I had no interest in finding him then because she led me to believe he was the biggest b0llix going etc. Anyway we looked through the phone book and spoke to a local taxi man who knew his family. Explained that my birth father moved to a new housing estate but still in the town.

So she tried to phone him and a young child answered the phone. She hung up twice and he himself phoned back (She used my mobile phone) So I took the bull by the horns. Made an excuse said it was bad reception and asked him a question which I knew would identify him. He confirmed and I knew it was probably him. Made my excuses and got off the phone.

That was 8 years ago, I no longer see my birth mother. She's really let me down. I posted here a while ago about what happened with her. My brother whose also adopted recently got onto me about finding his birth parents. Helped him out by explaining about the agency etc. I enquired about my birth father approx 3 years ago with the agency and they assigned a social worker about a year ago. I tried contacting my birth mother for more info but she made it clear she doesn't want to know.

Anyway I gave the soc worker the details I had - 3 persons with the name in the area and the one I phoned. She was reluctant to phone him. Since my brother is now interested its sparked my interest again. The soc worker hasn't found any leads and because its a ridiculously common name she's having trouble. In fact she couldn't find his records of birth within 5 years either side of his birth (Working out from age provided by bm at the time) in his county or neighbouring county.

Ive thought about phoning but far too nervous. Wouldn't know where to begin. Don't know what I even want from him. If I want a relationship or not etc. I read someone suggested sending a registered letter and I'm wondering if I should do that.

Would welcome any thoughts you might have on it

Thanks
Linds

kathy finn

hi, im so sorry things did,nt work out with ur birthmother, i would send a registered letter. do u know if ur birthfather knew about u, did he know u went up for adoption, if so it won,t come as a big shock to him.
good luck whatever u decide to do....kathy

garhjw

good morning, i agree with kathy. if you are unsure if your father wants any contact send hi ma registered letter with your contact details. this will give him the option of contacting you.

good luck. really hope it works out for you.

lynsalot

Thanks guys. Not sure if he knows. BM said he knew she was pregnant but offered money to get rid.

When this happened she refused to talk to him and never spoke to him again. But they had mutual friends so they must've said she'd gone through with the pregnancy. If he thinks she's gone through with the pregnancy then he thinks I live with her but she's never heard from him. Unless she's lying about that too. So i could possibly be turning this man's life upside down. As I said I'm unsure of what I want from him.

If I could see him in a shop across the aisle and just have a nosey and suss him out without him knowing who I am that'd be great lol so I can then decide if I want to get involved. And once the letter's done, its done and there's no going back. Still on the fence. Told my brother the best advice I could give was to really straighten his head out and work out what he wants from the situation before getting into it all.

schoolmouse

lynsalot wrote: »

Hi guys,
I met my birth mother 10 years ago and for 4 years things were ok. I was only 18 when i met her and didn't know what I wanted from it. Didn't understand where to put her in terms of friends/family/long lost aunt etc. my mam was a great support to me during this time. Unfortunately my birth mother told me a lot of lies, one story one minute and another the next.

During that time we went to my father's home town for a weekend away. Her idea. I had no interest in finding him then because she led me to believe he was the biggest b0llix going etc. Anyway we looked through the phone book and spoke to a local taxi man who knew his family. Explained that my birth father moved to a new housing estate but still in the town.

So she tried to phone him and a young child answered the phone. She hung up twice and he himself phoned back (She used my mobile phone) So I took the bull by the horns. Made an excuse said it was bad reception and asked him a question which I knew would identify him. He confirmed and I knew it was probably him. Made my excuses and got off the phone.

That was 8 years ago, I no longer see my birth mother. She's really let me down. I posted here a while ago about what happened with her. My brother whose also adopted recently got onto me about finding his birth parents. Helped him out by explaining about the agency etc. I enquired about my birth father approx 3 years ago with the agency and they assigned a social worker about a year ago. I tried contacting my birth mother for more info but she made it clear she doesn't want to know.

Anyway I gave the soc worker the details I had - 3 persons with the name in the area and the one I phoned. She was reluctant to phone him. Since my brother is now interested its sparked my interest again. The soc worker hasn't found any leads and because its a ridiculously common name she's having trouble. In fact she couldn't find his records of birth within 5 years either side of his birth (Working out from age provided by bm at the time) in his county or neighbouring county.

Ive thought about phoning but far too nervous. Wouldn't know where to begin. Don't know what I even want from him. If I want a relationship or not etc. I read someone suggested sending a registered letter and I'm wondering if I should do that.

Would welcome any thoughts you might have on it

Thanks
Linds[/QUO

schoolmouse

schoolmouse
As you are probably aware the fathers of adopted children have little or no say in what happens to their children when the mother decides to give them up for adoption.I can tell you this as the father of a child that did everything in his power to keep the child.I live in the hope that some day he will contact me and after 36yrs I still have that hope.I think you should make the call again but to the local priest and ask him if he will make the necessary inquiries for you discreetly and then you will know one way or another what lies ahead and what you can do.

Yours Sincerely,
schoolmouse.