Niece hyperactive

LegacyUser

4 years old is hyperactive , bold and aggressive with her siblings, won't do what she's told and say's she 'can't and won't'. Had to be taken home from play school recently.

Is this likely to be something that she can or will grow out of ? or is it likely to be a personality trait that will last a lifetime?. Sanctions don't appear to be working.

Could she have adhd? although I know that there is no chemical test to determine this?.

At what point should professional help be sought if she doesn't change?.

Parent's are concerned about when she starts primary school?.

Any thought's appreciated.

LadyMayBelle

What have ye looked at so far?

Her diet would be one of the first things I would suggest looking at. Cutting out the bad stuff and complimenting with the good. Are there patterns to her behaviour; is it at certain times, like dinner time, bed time, break time, during class? I think it is important to understand that stuff before running off to get a diagnosis of something as the first thing the doc will say is check diet/routine/pattern/triggers etc.

That’s the ‘hyperactivity’ part.

The ‘boldness’.. she’s testing boundaries and seeing how far she can go. Young children are egocentric and she should be moving on to developing empathy..how much is shown to her? There’s a reason she’s acting out. She is using ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’ as she doesn’t have the words to indicate anything other than that.

A useful thing I started doing was giving age appropriate choices; for example, instead of saying ‘go wash your hands’ or ‘tidy up those toys’, offer her the choice. ‘You can wash your hands here in the kitchen sink or upstairs in the bathroom, which are you going to do?’.. ‘You can stop hitting your brother over the head and tidy these crayons up or you can stop hitting him and give dolly a bath, either way, you have to stop hitting him’.. Indeed it involves some creative thinking on the spot from you, but it leaves her with no option. If she refuses and says ‘No’, offer again, and then there will be a consequence.

‘Aggressiveness’. Rule out that she is seeing this kind of stuff at home or on telly. Even cartoons have it, so keep an eye. Watch communication between her and adults..are they speaking to her or are they shouting down at her? She’s expressing her frustrations about something, and using powerful actions like hitting to get attention. Has she got quality time 1:1 with her folks? is it just her siblings and other chidren she hits or is it adults too? What calms her down?

Behaviour can change. She needs consistency. There are suggestions on some other threads like the bed time nightmare one that might help too.