Typical Teenage Troubles

SkyDancer91

I'm new to boards, but that's because I need some advice on a problem I'm having, and it's a bit of an embarrassing one. I put it here rather than in the laides lounge, because I'd like a guys perspective on the problem too.
My problem is that I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of months, and everyhting's going great, at least until he brings up the topic of sex. To be honest I'm quite scared at the thought of having sex (late bloomer I know) because of the whole 'will I be a mammy?' aspect of things. I've explained to my boyfriend the reasons that I don't want to, and he says that he understands, but I'm not sure if he really does. Just him even mentioning sex has me tensed up and sitting ramrod straight in my chair.
I'm just wondering if the (very wise) users of this have any advice for me?

AceHi

Well you can use contraception?

SkyDancer91

AceHi wrote: »

Well you can use contraception?

We've talked about it, but I'm still terrified, and still would be even if we used condoms and i was on the pill. I don't know why I'm freaking out so much to be honest, and I think my boyfriend is getting pissed off with me...

Insect Overlord

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

We've talked about it, but I'm still terrified, and still would be even if we used condoms and i was on the pill. I don't know why I'm freaking out so much to be honest, and I think my boyfriend is getting pissed off with me...

How long have you been seeing him?

And is this your first relationship?

No two relationships are the same, so it's hard to give general advice without knowing a bit more.

SkyDancer91

about 4 months, and it's not my first relationship, but my first decent one...as in first one that lasted longer than a month

Grindylow

If you don't want to/don't feel comfortable with it, then don't.

You'll know you're ready when you are! And if he can't wait around then he's not the one for you!

jumpguy

Take it easy. Don't feel pressured, if you're not ready, you're not ready (and you don't sound ready). 4 months is not *that* long like. You'll know yourself when you're ready for it. Don't ever feel pressured into it, anyway.

Condoms are very reliable, but make sure he knows how to put a condom on (NOT like putting on a unfurled sock :P). There's plenty of resources out there on the internet to find out how to do this.

What age are you, if I may ask?

AceHi

Well, you don't really need to worry about pregnancy as you can take precautions. If you're not ready then it is sensible that you don't do it. It doesn't matter if your boyfriend is getting pissed off with you. If he loves you he won't want to push you. Take your time

SkyDancer91

jumpguy wrote: »

Take it easy. Don't feel pressured, if you're not ready, you're not ready (and you don't sound ready). 4 months is not *that* long like. You'll know yourself when you're ready for it. Don't ever feel pressured into it, anyway.

Condoms are very reliable, but make sure he knows how to put a condom on (NOT like putting on a unfurled sock :P). There's plenty of resources out there on the internet to find out how to do this.

What age are you, if I may ask?

19, very mature in some ways, but like a 5 year old in others...

And thank you, I think you just made me feel a whole lot better...I'm a basket case

Desire.

What age are you?

If you use a condom and take the pill, you can be pretty confident in the knowledge that you won't get pregnant.

Insect Overlord

Desire. wrote: »

If you use a condom and take the pill, you can be pretty confident in the knowledge that you won't get pregnant.

There's one important word missing from this post.

Properly.

gypsy_rose

Definitly use the pill if you're worried about getting pregnant, reading the leaflet on it you'll see that you have a very, very low change of getting pregnant when you use it, and with a condom too the chance is almost negligible. But like the other posters have said, if you're not ready you're not ready, both people are supposed to enjoy it and there's no particular age when you're naturally ready for it. Do you trust him to be gentle with you and not mess around or do anything you don't want?

Pygmalion

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

To be honest I'm quite scared at the thought of having sex (late bloomer I know)

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

I think my boyfriend is getting pissed off with me...

I'm trying to think of a way to say "**** that guy" without the ambiguity here :P.

If you don't feel ready for it he has no right to feel annoyed, it's not a duty you have to him, if he sees it that way he obviously doesn't respect you very much.

SarahBeep!

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

19, very mature in some ways, but like a 5 year old in others...

Don't fell like just because you're 19 you have to do anything

There are somethings that can only be done when you're young (like having blue hair and pulling it off :cool:) and somethings that can wait, and this is one of them.

gypsy_rose

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

19, very mature in some ways, but like a 5 year old in others...

And thank you, I think you just made me feel a whole lot better...I'm a basket case

This doesn't make you immature at all, in fact quite the opposite, I know a lot of people who were too afraid to say no and now regret it. It's much more mature to wait till you feel comfortable

SkyDancer91

gypsy_rose wrote: »

Do you trust him to be gentle with you and not mess around or do anything you don't want?

I do, but i just guess the whole idea of it is completely overwhelming me...

SarahBeep!

C&H sex discussion thread

gypsy_rose

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

I do, but i just guess the whole idea of it is completely overwhelming me...

Hm, well, I may be given out to for saying this, but really, once you do it it doesn't feel like all that big a deal. But maybe that was just me. Have you done other things, (don't feel the need to specify here) :P That's why there's bases, as in first base, second base (sorry I sound like a 10 year old here) but I suppose you kind of do things in stages and get comfortable, don't just have to jump into it all at once.

SkyDancer91

gypsy_rose wrote: »

Hm, well, I may be given out to for saying this, but really, once you do it it doesn't feel like all that big a deal. But maybe that was just me. Have you done other things, (don't feel the need to specify here) :P That's why there's bases, as in first base, second base (sorry I sound like a 10 year old here) but I suppose you kind of do things in stages and get comfortable, don't just have to jump into it all at once.

Third....at least I think I'm right with the bases (you get the picture). To be honest things started quite quickly as we were both a bit drunk at a house party, but then they slowed back down again, as we don't get the chance to be alone (like that) very often...

Lawliet

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

We've talked about it, but I'm still terrified, and still would be even if we used condoms and i was on the pill. I don't know why I'm freaking out so much to be honest, and I think my boyfriend is getting pissed off with me...

Besides the pregnancy issue, do you actually want to have sex? This fear could something you've latched onto because you don't want to have sex, or it could be an actual phobia. If this fear is the only thing putting you off sex, then it might be worth talking to someone about.

But if you just don't want to have sex, then that's normal; some people need more time and some people just aren't into having sex, and it's all totally fine because it's your body and you're not obligated to do anything with it that you don't want to.

SkyDancer91

SarahBeep! wrote: »

C&H sex discussion thread

I wanted to 'thank' this and your last post, but boards doesn't seem to want to let me...
But, thank you!

AceHi

Maybe you're convincing yourself that it is because you're scared of becoming pregnant but maybe theres really other reasons. Like you don't love your boyfriend in that way?

SkyDancer91

Lawliet wrote: »

Besides the pregnancy issue, do you actually want to have sex? This fear could something you've latched onto because you don't want to have sex, or it could be an actual phobia. If this fear is the only thing putting you off sex, then it might be worth talking to someone about.

But if you just don't want to have sex, then that's normal; some people need more time and some people just aren't into having sex, and it's all totally fine because it's your body and you're not obligated to do anything with it that you don't want to.

to be honest it's a mix of both

Insect Overlord

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

Third....at least I think I'm right with the bases (you get the picture). To be honest things started quite quickly as we were both a bit drunk at a house party, but then they slowed back down again, as we don't get the chance to be alone (like that) very often...

Whenever you do have your first time, it'd probably be best to be sober for it! Minimises the chances of anything going wrong.

The first few times will probably be a bit underwhelming, but you have your whole life to find experiment and find out what works best for you!

SkyDancer91 wrote: »

I wanted to 'thank' this and your last post, but boards doesn't seem to want to let me...
But, thank you!

You'll be able to "thank" posts after you've made 10 posts yourself.

gypsy_rose

Can you talk to him about it? Yeah, drink definitly does help things along, but it isn't a good idea for obvious reasons. I lost my virginity when I was drunk (mature I know :rolleyes:) and didn't do it sober till I met my current bf, and I admit that the first few times I did feel slightly freaked out sometimes, but I was never afraid or anything. If you're on the pill and using a condom, you can at least rule out being afraid of getting pregnant, which just leaves him. You should wait as long as you feel comfortable and like it's "right", but whenever you do decide to do it, I recommend you talk it through with him first, and make sure you let him know that you're calling the shots, when you say "stop" or "don't do that" you mean it and he is to listen to you. If he has any problems with this or doesn't do what you ask, tell him to take a hike, cos you don't need that rubbish. I'm sorry if I'm freaking you out a bit, guys are not monsters and I've never met one that did anything bad to me during sex, just outline at the start what you're comfortable with and what you're not and it should be fine.

Bottom line is, you should be comfortable and happy with it, if you're not, don't do it

Ginja Ninja

don't feel pressured or let him push you into it.There's a huge amount of people who wish their first time was different.Make sure you are comfortable with it and relaxed.
Like IO said every relationship is different,its only too soon if it feels that way to you.Talk about it,talk about contraception and use it PROPERLY just look up online,it's what makes the difference.Sober would probably help with the above and it's something you'll want to remember,it's special.

basically,relax and don't worry about it.It'll happen when it happens,don't push yourself,there's no such thing as a right time or a right age to do it,just make sure you are comfortable with it and don't be afraid to hold off if you don't think he's the one[i don't know anything about you,but sometimes they just aren't the right person]

make sure you use contraception and enjoy yourself

ItsAWindUp

If you do it when your not fully ready you won't enjoy it.

SkyDancer91

Ginja Ninja wrote: »

don't feel pressured or let him push you into it.There's a huge amount of people who wish their first time was different.Make sure you are comfortable with it and relaxed.
Like IO said every relationship is different,its only too soon if it feels that way to you.Talk about it,talk about contraception and use it PROPERLY just look up online,it's what makes the difference.Sober would probably help with the above and it's something you'll want to remember,it's special.

basically,relax and don't worry about it.It'll happen when it happens,don't push yourself,there's no such thing as a right time or a right age to do it,just make sure you are comfortable with it and don't be afraid to hold off if you don't think he's the one[i don't know anything about you,but sometimes they just aren't the right person]

make sure you use contraception and enjoy yourself

Well one thing's for sure...I was definitely right to come here looking for advice. Thanks so much, you're completely right...I think the problem might be that I was pressuring myself into wanting to want to (if you get me, I'm not sure if I'm making much sense) because I sort of thought that it was expected of me. But I now completely understand that I was being completely stupid and that I need to wait until I'm totally comfortable with the idea etc. and on the pill! (My mother would not be impressed at being a grandmother! :P) And I definitely want to be sober and for it to be special. And if anyone has a problem with that, good luck to them! :cool: