When is the age gap too much?

MsAmerica

I have friends of all ages both male and female. I don't even notice someone's age. In matters of personal preference and attraction? I tend to be attracted to men that are 10-15 years older than me. I don't know why it happens to be that way. Men my age just seem like "men" and don't pique my interest naturally. On the rare occasion that I feel overwhelmed by someone or intensely attracted to them, they just happen to be older.

I am only asking out of curiosity because I would like to understand what someones objection to it may be. My friends and I were talking about this and I didn't realize that they had such strong opinions or views on other people's lives.

When is the age gap too much? Why?

CoolGirl101

It really depends on what age you are.

I mean obviously if you were like fourteen or something there would be a problem, but if you're an adult, it's your choice who you go out with, not anyone elses, so you shouldn't worry about it.

Justask

I was always told "its better to be an old man darling then a young mans slave"

Pinklady11

Just from personal experience there is 18yrs between me and my OH and it's never been an issue for us or anyone else (well not that I know of!) We've been together for 6yrs and couldn't be happier. If anyone did have a problem, it would be THEIR problem. Don't see how it would bother people, so long as your happy who cares? I know it's been said many times but age is just a number!!

Permabear

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Red Hand

Permabear wrote: »

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Breaking it down into cold hard cash, then he may have accumulated wealth in his extra years on this earth which may be passed onto his wife, supplementing her income.

You may say that that is no guarantee of that actually happening, but then there is no guarantee that he will die before her at that age in your scenario.

MsAmerica

Money and death shouldn't be our first thoughts at all.

If I love someone, I wouldn't waste a day without them. If they die in week, that is one week of bliss that I would never regret. If I am broke? Who cares? I would gladly give everything I have for the blessing of finding something so precious, many are never even lucky enough to find at all in their lifetime.

I know many men in their 50's and well above that have much more to love about them than their bank account. They are the same men they were when they were 20 so how do things change? They grow up, they get smart, and hopefully they are more confident about who they are on the inside and not care so much about the superficialities that the world parallyzes us with.


As far as them dying first? I think that is an assumption that we shouldn't make ahead of time. Some older men are so sexy that they could certainly throw me into a heart attack in the bedroom; so, the odds of me outliving a man like that would actually be very small.:)

greenprincess

If your both adults I really dont think there is a problem at all! Age is just a number once you are over 20 I think

MsAmerica

MsAmerica wrote: »

When is the age gap too much? Why?

OP the age gap becomes too much only when it impacts negatively on what you yourself want from the relationship you are in.

That means that no one else can answer this question for you other than you and the person (or people) you are entering into the relationship with.

The problem is people will know what is good for them and they will answer with that. If for example someone wants kids and they want to be as sure as it is possible to be in this world that the partner will be there for the kids as long as possible then the greater the age of that person in relation to them is going to be important.

What you have to do is sit down and map out for yourself what you want from the relationship both in the short and long term, and from your life with that person as long as it possibly can go on. You can make such a map alone and make it with the partner too. The partner should also do this.

When you have that map then decide for yourself if the difference in age will negatively impact that map, or any point on it, in any way. If it does not then you are fine! If it does then you need to ask how much it will impact and whether the impact is big enough to be a “show stopper” or not..... or are compromises available.

Again, this is a question only you and your partner can answer together. The correct answer for people on here will not automatically be the correct question for you. You will find there are many people for whom a big age gap is not what they want… and so they will be very passionate in telling you that it is wrong for you too. It is a dangerous area of intense subjectivity and as such there are those who will feel that what is right for them is right for everyone.

maglite

Half plus 7.

If hes 50, you should be 32 etc.

slowburner

Permabear wrote: »

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"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
Surely?

Corsendonk

Depends too if you want kids. I know a guy who met his present partner after the break up of his 30 year marriage. He was 58 at the time and she was 35. After a year of dating they decided to have a child together and had a second baby the following year. Even do he is very fit he has a tough time keeping up with the kids. His son and daughter have kids older than their new stepsisters and this also caused some trouble in the family.

slowburner

So he'll be pushing 70 when the younger child is 10. A hefty consideration.