How much is too much ?

lecorbeau

How much is too much ?

Daughter 14 and daughter 12, all they want to do is

1. Play Wii
2. Spent their time on Laptop (facebook)
3. Watching tv

Im talking from the time they get up until the time they go to bed.

Any other parent out there with similar experience ?

My wife has limited their Wii and Laptop usage to wednesday afternoons and weekends. They will now spend the entire weekend doing either 1,2 or 3.

We encourage them to go out with friends, go to the cinema etc. We also bring them out. Yesterday we brought out our son and 12 year old. 14 year old kicked up a fuss to stay home so we let her. We went out at noon and came back at 8pm. 14 year old was still in pyjamas and was still on laptop.

Its too much and i fear it will get worse as the summer approaches.

Similar experiences ? or advise ? thanks

(BTW, I have another post regarding daughter (12) in another post, feel free to post).

thanks

Ayla

Ummm. Seems to me you're answering your own question. They are definitely on the things too much, and they're not developing any life outside of it. Just like anything else, these games are habit-forming and this habit has to be nipped in the bud.

To me, it's an easy solution. Unplug the things, take them away completely (hide them, even out of the house if necessary). Yes, of course they'll raise a mighty fight about it, but you're the parent. Until they can learn to manage their own habit, and until they can balance their usage against other (more sociable & active) activities then they don't get them back. Easy as.

lecorbeau

Thanks for the reply,

Any other parents out there with same problems ?

How do ye deal with it ?

LadyMayBelle

You are the parent, the adult. You feel your kids on spending too much time on the laptop/games console, YOU take the control.

There'll be tears, there'll be tantrums, but be honest, clear and concise in your explanation. Negotiate. At the end of the day, they are not the adults.

Wantobe

We limit tv etc to one hour a day- which is between 5-6pm. This allows them time to relax and we get time to make dinner.

It's what my parents did when I was a child and it works for us.

If one of them were sick we would relax the rules but otherwise...

Lucyfur

My son is crazy about technology. He has a DS, DSi, playstation, wii, ipod touch, ipod classic, ipod nano and a shared PC.

He's allowed one hour per day. If he acts up or answers back, his one hour is taken off him. If it's not raining, he doesn't get to use his hour unless he's spent time outside playing in fresh air.

He doesn't get to start his time until his bedroom is clean and he has done his jobs.

I don't do whinging. They're the rules, if he breaks them, he doesn't get any time.

Shekira

I have a 12 year old boy who could spend the day on the ps and a 9 year old girl who could spend the day watching TV IF I allowed them.

They both gave up ps & daytime telly for lent....the first few days were difficult enough as they said they were bored! After that they found other activites instead. I think in general kids seem to depend on technology too much to keep themselves amused...it's an easy option. Once the summer holidays come, I'll be taking away the games and TV won't be on until at least 6pm. There's so many more options instead it's just a matter of finding them.

old hippy

Aged 12 I read books and begged mother not to dress me up in tweed. You people have it lucky.

Orion

My two 7 year olds have discovered Moshi Monsters. While we haven't set actual time limits on them playing it we do restrict their time. By how much depends on the weather tbh. But even on a crap day they are told to turn it off after a certain length of time and go do something else. Their fine with that and go off an play some made up games or read a book.

That said we are discussing time limits among ourselves - we haven't decided yet what the limits will be but probably a max hour a day with more at the weekends depending on weather. I don't think it will become an issue for us at this stage as they love playing outside with other kids or even going for a cycle. But now is the time to set a limit as I can see it becoming a problem in the winter.

ash23

My daughter is allowed to watch tv/use laptop in the evenings for an hour or two before bed but only if the weather is bad. If it's good she's made go out and play until bed time. So when we get in and I'm cooking she does her little chores and then it's dinner time. After that she watches tv or goes on the laptop for 1 to 2 hours and then it's up to bed for half an hour reading or listening to music.

At weekends she's allowed get up and turn on the tv and watch for a few hours (I get a lie in) and then it's up and dressed and no tv until after 6pm unless it's a really dreary day and then we might watch a movie during the day.

She has no real interest in the games consoles though she will play her DS if we're going on a long journey.

If she were to kick up then there'd be NO tv/laptop that day.

cynder

I have all of the above, tv in every bedroom and in the sitting room, laptop, computer (facebook skype), ipad, ds, dsi, x box, wii, eldest age 11 has a phone.

my 11 year old is out of most of the day, horse riding or just outside with friends or making jumps for her to jump over, loves jumping hurdles and running, on Saturdays she helps out at the equestrian centre and mucks out stables and feeds the horses, computer time is around 1 hour she goes on facebook and you tube, the amount of time she spends on it is her own choice and she very rarely goes over 1 hour a day (could be broken up in to sporadic moments or 1 hour solid) . she might hop on for 5 mins to check any face book messages and not go on it for 24 hours. very rarely she will spend up to 2 hours on but that's like once a month, tv she watches mtv or something like that for around an hour, she reads books and watches a film before bed at night, most of her day is spent outside. She never plays wii, xbox or ds/dsi.




2 boys love tv they are only 4 and 5 they love the xbox they go out side when its not raining if it is they love playing games on the ipad or dsi or xbox, a bit of a mixture is in there, they did play the wii but that broke about a month ago and i have to take it to get it fixed. they do love playing with cars and the imaginext toys and could play with them for hours, along with blocks and lego sword, fighting/boxing and harry potter.

Im quite happy with the amount of time they spend playing on the games consoles/computer and tv time. sometimes the tv is on and they aren't watching it they are playing games yet still like having it on in the background.

cynder

lecorbeau wrote: »

We went out at noon and came back at 8pm. 14 year old was still in pyjamas and was still on laptop.

Prehaps thats his thing, you never know he might end up a computer technitian / software developer / computer programmer and so on and so on.

if his found he calling then whats wrong with it?

perhaps you could get him a beginners guide to c++ or visual basic or more so JAVA!

ash23

grindelwald wrote: »

Prehaps thats his thing, you never know he might end up a computer technitian / software developer / computer programmer and so on and so on.

if his found he calling then whats wrong with it?

perhaps you could get him a beginners guide to c++ or visual basic or more so JAVA!

It might be his "thing" but probably not too healthy for him to spend all day undressed on the sofa. Nothing wrong with him showing an interest in it but I doubt any doctor would recommend a 14 year old sit on the sofa for all their spare time.

LadyMayBelle

ash23 wrote: »

It might be his "thing" but probably not too healthy for him to spend all day undressed on the sofa. Nothing wrong with him showing an interest in it but I doubt any doctor would recommend a 14 year old sit on the sofa for all their spare time.

Agreed. Even if it is his 'thing' he still needs to develop all sides of his self (social/interpersonal/sense of self) not just the gaming side We all need a 'duvet' day now and then but not all the time.

cynder

how long do computer programmers spend on the computer 8-16+ hours a day, every one has pj days now and then. Did the origainal poster say that she/he was in pjs 24/7 no, the poster said they came back and the girl was still in pjs, i would presume that its a here and there thing and that they dont go to school in pjs. i presume the child is just off school for holidays (x1 week), give the child a break, stuck in the house can get very boring!

He/she may be a nerd (saying that in a good sense, my husbands a nerd but not a stereotypical nerd). if he/she is on facebook/you tube then try and introduce a new area of computing ie. computer programming. Also social/interpersonal/sense of self can be done during school hours as well as on the internet, its not as if he or she is locked in a room 24/7, they have plenty of time to develop other skills at school, he/she has found something he/she loves.

Im not saying do it 24/7 as its nice to get some air once in a while, its hard in irish weather. Its also great to meet up with friends, if they are local, its hard if you live in the middle of knowhere, out in the sticks, easier if you live in town. what else is there to do when you live in the sticks? chat with friends on the pc/laptop.

Justask

lecorbeau wrote: »

How much is too much ?

Daughter 14 and daughter 12, all they want to do is

1. Play Wii
2. Spent their time on Laptop (facebook)
3. Watching tv

Im talking from the time they get up until the time they go to bed.

Any other parent out there with similar experience ?

My wife has limited their Wii and Laptop usage to wednesday afternoons and weekends. They will now spend the entire weekend doing either 1,2 or 3.

We encourage them to go out with friends, go to the cinema etc. We also bring them out. Yesterday we brought out our son and 12 year old. 14 year old kicked up a fuss to stay home so we let her. We went out at noon and came back at 8pm. 14 year old was still in pyjamas and was still on laptop.

Its too much and i fear it will get worse as the summer approaches.

Similar experiences ? or advise ? thanks

(BTW, I have another post regarding daughter (12) in another post, feel free to post).

thanks

I was in the same place with 14 yr son. Facebook was my nightmare, morning noon and night.

I had enough so the internet came with me, (i have one of those hotspot things) told him no signal, forgot to pay the bill etc. 3 weeks of that the habit kinda wore off. Now he goes on it maybe an hour a nite if that.
Now my problem is him always out lol
Teenagers....i lost my intructions

cynder

Justask wrote: »

I was in the same place with 14 yr son. Facebook was my nightmare, morning noon and night.

I had enough so the internet came with me, (i have one of those hotspot things) told him no signal, forgot to pay the bill etc. 3 weeks of that the habit kinda wore off. Now he goes on it maybe an hour a nite if that.
Now my problem is him always out lol
Teenagers....i lost my intructions

Thats it could be worse they could be going out partying and coming back full of drink and drugs!

one extreme to the other!

LadyMayBelle

grindelwald wrote: »

how long do computer programmers spend on the computer 8-16+ hours a day, every one has pj days now and then. Did the origainal poster say that she/he was in pjs 24/7 no, the poster said they came back and the girl was still in pjs, i would presume that its a here and there thing and that they dont go to school in pjs. i presume the child is just off school for holidays (x1 week), give the child a break, stuck in the house can get very boring!

He/she may be a nerd (saying that in a good sense, my husbands a nerd but not a stereotypical nerd). if he/she is on facebook/you tube then try and introduce a new area of computing ie. computer programming. Also social/interpersonal/sense of self can be done during school hours as well as on the internet, its not as if he or she is locked in a room 24/7, they have plenty of time to develop other skills at school, he/she has found something he/she loves.

I disagree with you Grindalwald, the individual in question is a child, she is only 14. Developmentally they has a long way to go and I do not believe allowing children to carry on spending long periods of time hooked to a computer/games console, without limits, and clear rules as to when they can use it and for how long.

I understand from the original post that it is a girl and that the time spent on the laptop is on facebook or perhaps some other type of social network type thingy not on a computer programming package.

ash23

Op said they spend all weekend on tv, wii or laptop.

Justask

grindelwald wrote: »

Thats it could be worse they could be going out partying and coming back full of drink and drugs!

one extreme to the other!

Im hope that wont happen for another few years to come yet, The drinking part!, the drugs i hope to god it never happens!

He has to be in at a certain time in the evening and touch wood hasnt come in late YET!!

Now I know what my mother meant when she said "just wait till the teenage years arrive" :eek:

cynder

not just drink and drugs but sex too, suppose there are some out there that wish thier kids were glued to the tv, wii and laptop rather then sex, drugs and drink!



could even add joy riding to that list! or even crime........

cynder

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

I understand from the original post that it is a girl and that the time spent on the laptop is on facebook or perhaps some other type of social network type thingy not on a computer programming package.

I said they should get a computer programming package! spread the childs interest, i loved typing in dos commands at the age of 10 on my zx spectrum. Better than playing games.... if your child has an interest you try and develop it.

If she is just on facebook then she is catching up with friends, ones she probably hasnt seen since school was out. who knows where they live, if there in the sticks its hard to meet up with friends and get out n about, not much for teens to do in town or out, if there in town people complain they are hanging around, you cant win!

cynder

ash23 wrote: »

Op said they spend all weekend on tv, wii or laptop.

did the op also say that she was in her pjs all day at the weekend? or just that one time when they got home at 8pm?

Im also sure they go to bed at some point and that they eat and go to the toilet! could be worse, there is a bit of variety in there.

Shekira

grindelwald wrote: »

not just drink and drugs but sex too, suppose there are some out there that wish thier kids were glued to the tv, wii and laptop rather then sex, drugs and drink!



could even add joy riding to that list! or even crime........

Grindelwald, I think you're taking the point to the extreme.

Bascially it all comes down to parenting - whether it be your child on the laptop for hours on end or your child eating junk all day. Just because they love to do either doesn't mean they should or that it's healthy. In the end of the day its up to the parent to take control.

Grindelwald, I live out 'in the sticks'. What else is there to do if the weathers bad - what wrong with gettin a good rain coat?

ash23

grindelwald wrote: »

did the op also say that she was in her pjs all day at the weekend? or just that one time when they got home at 8pm?

Im also sure they go to bed at some point and that they eat and go to the toilet! could be worse, there is a bit of variety in there.

I said

I doubt any doctor would recommend a 14 year old sit on the sofa for all their spare time.

Dressed or not, a 14 year old and 12 year old shouldnt be spending all weekend sat around playing consoles, watching tv and being on a laptop. I'm sure they go to the toilet etc, obviously, but a childs spare time shouldn't be spent sitting. They should be as active as possible and that means limiting the amount of time spent sitting around which is what they are doing now according to the OP.
If the only reasdon the child gets off the sofa all weekend is to go to the bathroom, eat and sleep, that's not good for them and no, I'm not a doctor but exercise is encouraged by all healthcare professionals. If the kids are spending their spare time indoors on laptops and have to be persuaded to go and hang out with friends and family, it's not healthy.
Plus, the OP is looking to change this behaviour, they aren't defending it so I don't see why you are.

cynder

ash23 wrote: »

I said

Dressed or not, a 14 year old and 12 year old shouldnt be spending all weekend sat around playing consoles, watching tv and being on a laptop. I'm sure they go to the toilet etc, obviously, but a childs spare time shouldn't be spent sitting. They should be as active as possible and that means limiting the amount of time spent sitting around which is what they are doing now according to the OP.
If the only reasdon the child gets off the sofa all weekend is to go to the bathroom, eat and sleep, that's not good for them and no, I'm not a doctor but exercise is encouraged by all healthcare professionals. If the kids are spending their spare time indoors on laptops and have to be persuaded to go and hang out with friends and family, it's not healthy.
Plus, the OP is looking to change this behaviour, they aren't defending it so I don't see why you are.

The wii is active! what are they to do send the kids for a 30 mile walk to keep them active from 8am to 8pm?

rain coat sound like my dad go weed the garden in the pouring rain..... 3 hours of it, no wonder i was a stick insect!

I'm not saying they should be on the on the comp 24/7 i said they could harness their interest in a productive way. Also tv isnt that bad, not when you watch discovery or animal planet. i did go to the other extreme of sex, drugs, drink, crime...... its there, push your kids out of the door for 8 hours a day who knows what they will get up too! exercise could end up sexercise........


original poster is there any summer camps you could put them into?
Do they have bikes? tampoline? what hobbies do they have?


Everything in moderation!

LadyMayBelle

Grindelwald, I do think you are going a bit OTT on this and going off topic. The OP asked for similar experiences or advice because

They will now spend the entire weekend doing either 1,2 or 3.

with 1,2 and 3 meaning

1. Play Wii
2. Spent their time on Laptop (facebook)
3. Watching tv

Basically and correct me if I am wrong OP, your two daughters 12 and 14 are spending their weekends, any free time they get doing 1,2 and 3..and your efforts to 'unplug' them have been met with tension and resistance.

Many posters have suggested practical tactics and shared experiences. I acknowledge that if a child expresses and interest in something then parents should endeavour to support them (be it a child int computers, suggest a programming package) however I don't think that is the issue.

The issue is how to 'wean' the kids off hobbies where they are glued to a screen. Social interaction online (as we do here!) is not the same as meeting face to face. For children who are developing their social skills and learning their place in the world it is important that the only 'world' they are exposed to is not just an online one.

Granted, they could be out dabbling with

sex, drugs and drink!

...could even add joy riding to that list! or even crime......

however that is a completely different ballgame and it would be pointless in the OP viewing it in the same category. These things are called 'risk taking behaviour' and are almost always accompanied with social, emotional and behavioral and environmental difficulties and strains, poor problem solving abilities and lack of empathy and ability to cope...things which should be learned in an appropriate healthy and challenging lifestyle. And I'm sorry but this is ridiculous:

exercise could end up sexercise

You do have a good point however about summer camps. Maybe the OP can find something that harnesses their children's interest in a manner that is self developing and fun.

ash23

grindelwald wrote: »

The wii is active! what are they to do send the kids for a 30 mile walk to keep them active from 8am to 8pm?

rain coat sound like my dad go weed the garden in the pouring rain..... 3 hours of it, no wonder i was a stick insect!

I'm not saying they should be on the on the comp 24/7 i said they could harness their interest in a productive way. Also tv isnt that bad, not when you watch discovery or animal planet. i did go to the other extreme of sex, drugs, drink, crime...... its there, push your kids out of the door for 8 hours a day who knows what they will get up too! exercise could end up sexercise........

What are you talking about? The OPs issue is that the children want to be on the laptop or in front of the tv all the time. not for an hour but ALL weekend. That when the 14 year old was left alone, she spent all day in front of it.
Where did I suggest any of the stuff in the above post? where did I suggest the kids are sent our from 8am to 8pm? Why are you trying to twist what those of us encouraging moderation are saying?
My child watched tv in moderation. If someone has a child who only wants to watch tv and laze around, then they HAVE to moderate the childs tv time. Much the same as if you have a child who wants to eat junk food all the time. It's the parents job to make sure they eat healthy food and not junk all the time.
I really don't know why you think that means the child is going to be put on the street and end up at risk of drink, drugs etc. Just because a parent wants their child to be active and go out and see friends, doesn't mean there will be no supervision and no discipline. Why the complletely OTT analogies over a fairly simple and common parenting issue???

Edited to add : not one poster has said the kids shouldn't watch any tv or not go on the laptop at all but have said to restrict the amount of tv and encourage more active pursuits aswell.

cynder

Ayla wrote: »

Ummm. Seems to me you're answering your own question. They are definitely on the things too much, and they're not developing any life outside of it. Just like anything else, these games are habit-forming and this habit has to be nipped in the bud.

To me, it's an easy solution. Unplug the things, take them away completely (hide them, even out of the house if necessary). Yes, of course they'll raise a mighty fight about it, but you're the parent. Until they can learn to manage their own habit, and until they can balance their usage against other (more sociable & active) activities then they don't get them back. Easy as.

Ayla

grindelwald wrote: »

Again, case & point example of you taking half of what I say & twisting it about. Look at the second half of the same quote you just put in there. :mad:

Now, can we please get over this & get back to the OP?

cynder

Do your kids like horses, our lady goes to an equestrian centre 5 miles away its 20 euro for a lesson, with 3 kids thats 60 euro a week, if they find a love for it like she did it would get them out of the house.

My 11 year olds goes Fridays from 6-9.30pm and Saturdays from 10am to 7pm. she loves it, plenty of exercise and she has made great friends. its her choice, we dont force her to go. We give her the opportunity even though it can prove costly, she was thrown from a horse head first and into a brick wall put a 5 inch crack in her horse riding helmet which cost 90 euro to replace, she also has a spine protector, (the same week a 17 year old girl was killed during a hunt only 15 miles away) a girl in her class the horse fell on her and she spent 5 nights in hospital, another broke her wrist another broke her foot, samantha also sprained her wrist on another fall, thats all part of it. She does what she loves even if one day it does kill her, accidents happen, horses are her life.

It gets her out the house, she not too tech savy so we have no issues with 5 hours non stop on the computer she will watch tv, as much or as little as she likes, she never watches more than 3 hours a day even at weekends, never uses the games consoles but loves her phone and filming and taking photos all uploaded to facebook. All the gadgets we have and she has little interest in them. suppose if my lady was on the comp from 10 am to 8pm i would have an issue, i just could not imagine any child being on that long! are they really on the comp non stop for that long?