How much is too much ?

cynder

Ayla wrote: »

Again, case & point example of you taking half of what I say & twisting it about. Look at the second half of the same quote you just put in there. :mad:

Now, can we please get over this & get back to the OP?

Just like I didn't say they should be on the comp all weekend, I said they could use their interest in the comp and get them into programming something productive, yet you seem to jump down my throat, And twist it to mean that they should be in their pjs 24/7 and and on the computer all day.

an example I could just let my lady do horse riding yet I'm expanding her interest by letting her get into the tough stuff the mucking out and up keep of the animals, she has started show jumping. Same could be done with computers expand on what the child does on them, get them into programming or something like that on the comp, since that's where their interest lies.

Ayla

grindelwald wrote: »

Just like I didn't say they should be on the comp all weekend, I said they could use their interest in the comp and get them into programming something productive, yet you seem to jump down my throat, And twist it to mean that they should be in their pjs 24/7 and and on the computer all day.

Could you please check your facts and the names of the posters on this thread? I'm sure (if you do) you'll see that I never said anything even remotely on this. In fact, I haven't posted on this thread at all since yesterday afternoon.

cynder

Ayla wrote: »

Could you please check your facts and the names of the posters on this thread? I'm sure (if you do) you'll see that I never said anything even remotely on this. In fact, I haven't posted on this thread at all since yesterday afternoon.

apologies!


You seem to agree with the ones who did though, as your thanking their posts!

Ayla

I know we've had our disagreements, but come'on. That's nuts.

If you want to argue with the posts being posted, then fine. But address the specific poster, not only those who "thank them".

For the record, I do agree with the other posters. I think moderation is the only way. And as I told the OP, until his children can learn to moderate, then they have to do without. And as for encouraging computer programming: yes, of course, encourage by all means - if that's what the kid's into. But very few 14 year old girls are interested in how a computer works...they're far more interested in the results (i.e: facebook) that they get because the computer does work.

cynder

Ayla wrote: »

I know we've had our disagreements, but come'on. That's nuts.

If you want to argue with the posts being posted, then fine. But address the specific poster, not only those who "thank them".

Ive apologised i mean it, i should have addressed the posters' i got the names mixed up especially as you like the comments and your name is more familiar too me, that's why i remembered it, sorry again!

Justask

I think the OP came here to ask for some advice from other parents experiances!!

Not to open a debate on whats right or wrong!

Justask

grindelwald wrote: »

apologies!


You seem to agree with the ones who did though, as your thanking their posts!

I really dont see how you disagreeing with everything Ayla says is good advice?

charlemont

My 13 yr old is allowed use his computer or video games whenever he wants as long as his school work is up to scratch and so far it is.

bbam

charlemont wrote: »

My 13 yr old is allowed use his computer or video games whenever he wants as long as his school work is up to scratch and so far it is.

my parents took this attitude with my younger brother..

Now he's 24, 19 stone, plays the wii, PS, iphone or laptop all the time and wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she fell onto his lap...

Create limits... most children need them..

liliq

charlemont wrote: »

My 13 yr old is allowed use his computer or video games whenever he wants as long as his school work is up to scratch and so far it is.

bbam wrote: »

my parents took this attitude with my younger brother..

Now he's 24, 19 stone, plays the wii, PS, iphone or laptop all the time and wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she fell onto his lap...

Create limits... most children need them..

My parents did the same with myself and my brother- my brother is 24 now as well, and is seriously fit and into sports and health. He plays the playstation and stuff as well, but trains nearly every day...

It depends on the child as well, and how they react to being pushed into something etc... if my brother had been forced into sports rather than supported when he showed an interest, he probably would have resented having to do them and ended up hating them. Same for myself I think, although my brother is a better example of my point with his super fitness

Most children do need limits, as said above, but make sure you don't push to hard at anything or a child will naturally push the opposite direction, even if just to rebel for the sake of it!

cynder

bbam wrote: »

my parents took this attitude with my younger brother..

Now he's 24, 19 stone, plays the wii, PS, iphone or laptop all the time and wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she fell onto his lap...

Create limits... most children need them..

I have a cousin who's 48 who wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she fell on his lap, that's just who is his, no computer games in his generation.

His not gay either, his not interested and still lives at home with his mom and dad, gell i find it odd, but if his happy then why force a girl on him?

charlemont

bbam wrote: »

my parents took this attitude with my younger brother..

Now he's 24, 19 stone, plays the wii, PS, iphone or laptop all the time and wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she fell onto his lap...

Create limits... most children need them..

Well, We trust his judgement, In fairness due to his computer/video games, He knows a huge amount of computer stuff, Programs, Maintenance etc As for the video games, He could tell you almost everything about the programming etc, The only thing I worry about is his eyes so he is not allowed too close to the screen, BTW His schoolwork is so good, He is off to DCU on a course for children in July.
Im giving him the love and respect I never got in childhood and so far he is very close to me and has no problems in school. Yes, There are boundaries, He knows not to bully others, or steal.
He has also climbeb Galteemore, Slievenamon and Slieve Kimalta with me so he does get some exercise.

cynder

thats great charlmont.... seems like a well clued in kid.

Daisy M

Ayla wrote: »

.

To me, it's an easy solution. Unplug the things, take them away completely (hide them, even out of the house if necessary). Yes, of course they'll raise a mighty fight about it, but you're the parent. Until they can learn to manage their own habit, and until they can balance their usage against other (more sociable & active) activities then they don't get them back. Easy as.

Ayla wrote: »

For the record, I do agree with the other posters. I think moderation is the only way. And as I told the OP, until his children can learn to moderate, then they have to do without. And as for encouraging computer programming: yes, of course, encourage by all means - if that's what the kid's into. But very few 14 year old girls are interested in how a computer works...they're far more interested in the results (i.e: facebook) that they get because the computer does work.

Ayla it makes no sense to unplug everything, they are not going to learn to balance their useage if its an all or nothing senario. We have limited our 13yr old to a set amount on laptop and set amount on game console, if he breaks that amount on any day then he has no access for the next day, believe me he wasnt long learning. Taking these things away only causes huge conflict and rows not good for family life.

Justask

is mise astra wrote: »

Ayla it makes no sense to unplug everything, they are not going to learn to balance their useage if its an all or nothing senario. We have limited our 13yr old to a set amount on laptop and set amount on game console, if he breaks that amount on any day then he has no access for the next day, believe me he wasnt long learning. Taking these things away only causes huge conflict and rows not good for family life.

It works for some did for me.

Its amazing how quick they learn.

Daisy M

Justask wrote: »

It works for some did for me.

Its amazing how quick they learn.

Thats great, its great to find something that does work!! I suppose all kids are different, and have to be treated that way!!!

Justask

is mise astra wrote: »

Thats great, its great to find something that does work!! I suppose all kids are different, and have to be treated that way!!!

I think its trial and error for us parents!! Pity teenagers dont come with handbooks

As you said each child is different and what works for one wont for another

cynder

I can still remember what is like to be a teen, had my lady at 19 so there is no generation gap.

Ayla

is mise astra wrote: »

Ayla it makes no sense to unplug everything, they are not going to learn to balance their useage if its an all or nothing senario... Taking these things away only causes huge conflict and rows not good for family life.

I agree with this, to a point. However, in the OP's case, the kids have zero interest in anything else. Until they are forced to get out there & establish other interests, all they will do is sit around & whine that they're bored. That's why I suggested a complete withdrawal, during which time they can remember/learn there's a life out there. Once they then establish other activities it will be possible to reintroduce the gaming; then a balance can be created.

johnmcdnl

bbam wrote: »

my parents took this attitude with my younger brother..

Now he's 24, 19 stone, plays the wii, PS, iphone or laptop all the time and wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she fell onto his lap...

Create limits... most children need them..

my parents took that attitude with me and now I'm in university studying computers... still play PS3 laptop and whatever other thing I can get my hand on but hasn't stopped me being in a great relationship for well over a year... weight 11-12 stone as well so not too bad in the health department...

maybe it was just your brother...

tbh I think i'd have ended up way worse if I hadn't been allowed do what I liked in my spare time... computers and tricking about with them and gaming have always been a big part of my life and now I have somewhere to go with my life... without them I'd probably have ended up doing some dead end arts course or something like that and be going no where with my life...

don't understand why so many parents seem to have issues with there kids "wasting" all there time tricking with computers and games and the likes... what's so different with being mad into technology compared to say playing the guitar for hours on end or reading books for hours on end... is it because it's somehow more acceptable to be into music and literature or something "classy and refined" compared to being a nerdy geeky kid that spends there time playing games... everyone to there own??? seems that only goes for people who's hobbies aren't based on technology...


and before I get dogs abuse for this post... yes I know everything in moderation... but seriously like for all the parents out there who'd tell there children your only allowed 1 hour on the computer - well would you tell your child that they're only allowed to read a book for 1 hour a day too.. exactly..



and for the OP - if your going to take the wii and laptop and tv away... just have something lined up for the kids... don't expect them to find something to do themselves... help them get involved in sports or whatever... yeah they probably should do something else with there time but don't force it on them... bring them to some local sports club or whatever they might have an interest in... and they'll want to go themselves without you ever having to impose your bans on them...
then it's a win win situation... kids aren't watching so much tv/facebook.. you haven't had to be strict with them and they kids are out of the house because they want to be.. not because there forced to be out of the house...

might take a bit of effort to find something for them.. and don't expect them to spend the whole day away from the tv and laptop.. but even if it's only for a couple hours a few times a week well there out meeting new people or whatever.. all is good... and as long as they're at something else every once in a while how bad is a bit of facebook/tv/gaming...

Ayla

johnmcdnl wrote: »

what's so different with being mad into technology compared to say playing the guitar for hours on end or reading books for hours on end...well would you tell your child that they're only allowed to read a book for 1 hour a day too..

Valid point.

johnmcdnl wrote: »

...but even if it's only for a couple hours a few times a week well there out meeting new people or whatever.. all is good... and as long as they're at something else every once in a while how bad is a bit of facebook/tv/gaming...

Also true. I suppose the alarm bells started going off in my head about the OP's situation b/c the kids are on the computer/tv/whatever non-stop. Take, for instance, the day the OP mentioned where the daughter was on the laptop all day. In this day & age god knows what she could've been seeing online. Sure, facebook can be harmless, but with enough time to explore the site & anything else online, who knows what's actually being seen? And if the OP has cable/sky, who knows what the kids could be watching on the tv?

Also, I think there is an important distinction b/w being a "techie" because you enjoy technology vs. being hooked on the computer/tv/whatever b/c you've nothing else to do. The fact that the OP's children are on facebook & social sites (at the detriment to even going to the cinema) says - to me - that they're substituting these activities for real face-to-face interaction with peers. Facebook is not a "techie" fascination - unlike some gaming - it can be a replacement for real live friendship. That's what would concern me the most as a parent.

BostonB

Let them do chores to earn the time. Up to a limit.

You can read books and play the guitar excessively too.

nice1franko

I know what I'm going to say will probably be met with considerable disagreement but I'll say it:

I've been a technology nut since I was about 12. I was always playing games on Nintendo and later on a PC. My parents gave me a fairly free reign and only ever imposed rule when I had exams coming up or was trying to make staying up til the wee hours a norm.

Now in my thirties, I'm very, very grateful to them for giving me that freedom. I really enjoyed that time and I learned an awful lot. I knew I wanted to work with computers and it set me up well for a career doing that- in a variety of ways: constant exposure to new technologies and devices (both successful and unsuccessful), familiarity with conventions and terminology and trends, some knowledge (programming, html, etc), ideas... and confidence in general.

There were times when I might have been doing nearly nothing else- but then others where I'd be more out with friends getting up to the usual no-good.

As johnmcdnl pointed out, if it was some other activity like playing guitar or reading or would it be met with the same response.

Most Renaissance painters began their apprenticeships at age 12 or even younger - is it better to be brilliant at something than average at everything?!

Ayla

Again, if the OP's kids were showing any interest in how a computer works, or how programs are designed, that would be one thing. I would also try to encourage my kids that that's what they were doing.

But the OP's kids were not doing that - they were on social networking sites (ie: facebook) which have little to no "techie" benefits. They are not "learning" anything about computers as such.

BostonB

nice1franko wrote: »

...Most Renaissance painters began their apprenticeships at age 12 or even younger - is it better to be brilliant at something than average at everything?!

Thats like comparing a rock and the space shuttle.

Ayla

OP - Have you anything to say to this thread? Haven't seen you on here since your initial post...Any thoughts/comments on some of the suggestions?

nice1franko

BostonB wrote: »

Thats like comparing a rock and the space shuttle.

I was joking but just trying to make the point that its ok to have special interests and spend most time on them

ash23

I am and was a big gamer when I was younger (less time now what with the pesky job and kid) but I see the benefits in gaming and the internet etc. However, it is a very inactive hobby and that's why it shouldn't be done for very long periods of time.
Same as reading, guitar etc. A few hours a day but not all their spare time. My daughter loves reading and would spend the day inside reading if I let her. But she's a child. And she needs friends and exercise so I make her go out to play even though I love that she reads and enjoys reading. But I don't want her to be lazy and friendless.
So she goes out on her bike and her trampoline (begrudgingly at first) and she enjoys that for a few hours and then she can come back in and read for the evening if she wants.

In Ireland, kids get plenty of opportunity to pursue indoor activities (like gaming, reading etc) because the weather is so bad. So while the weather is good and the evenings are bright, in my opinion, they should be out enjoying it. They'll have all Winter to spend inside when it's dark before they even get in from school.

LadyMayBelle

Would like to hear that the OP has had some success; it's a shame the thread was derailing fromt he original topic to one defending people using computers all day.

BostonB

nice1franko wrote: »

I was joking but just trying to make the point that its ok to have special interests and spend most time on them

TV is not a special interest.