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How much is too much ?

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    #62
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    BostonB wrote: »
    TV is not a special interest. :)


    Funny you should day that, my lady how outgoing and fun loving and sporty she is, she even won a gold medal in yesterdays sports day ;) loves watching the discovery channel, especially stuff to do with egyptology, her special interest........

    the tv itself is not a special interest but certain programmes are, mine being serial killers, csi and 10 mins to disaster.


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    #63
    LadyMayBelle
    Registered Users Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭LadyMayBelle


    But grindelwald this isn't about defending what you or your children do,the question the OP asked was did anyone have any advice for him because his two daughters would spend all day if they were let on their computers, or if anyone was in a similar experience; obviously he does not want them to be glued to consoles/screens all day but would rather they spend some time online and some time in the real world. I don't think it was about running the risk of stopping them becoming computer whizzs, but rather because they spend their time on social networkng sites etc:confused:

    How I'm running the risk of derailing.


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    #64
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    LadyMayBelle wrote: »
    But grindelwald this isn't about defending what you or your children do,the question the OP asked was did anyone have any advice for him because his two daughters would spend all day if they were let on their computers, or if anyone was in a similar experience; obviously he does not want them to be glued to consoles/screens all day but would rather they spend some time online and some time in the real world. I don't think it was about running the risk of stopping them becoming computer whizzs, but rather because they spend their time on social networkng sites etc:confused:

    How I'm running the risk of derailing.


    My above post was to point out tv is not all bad, it can be very educational. The original poster has not gone into detail of what the kids watch on tv or what they do on the computer or exactly how long they are at it for.

    Most people are presuming the worst case scenario, im saying its not all bad! I didn't see where the original poster said that they are on social networking sites 8 hours a day with no break!


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    #65
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    lecorbeau wrote: »
    How much is too much ?

    Daughter 14 and daughter 12, all they want to do is

    1. Play Wii
    2. Spent their time on Laptop (facebook)
    3. Watching tv

    Im talking from the time they get up until the time they go to bed.

    Any other parent out there with similar experience ?

    My wife has limited their Wii and Laptop usage to wednesday afternoons and weekends. They will now spend the entire weekend doing either 1,2 or 3.

    We encourage them to go out with friends, go to the cinema etc. We also bring them out. Yesterday we brought out our son and 12 year old. 14 year old kicked up a fuss to stay home so we let her. We went out at noon and came back at 8pm. 14 year old was still in pyjamas and was still on laptop.

    Its too much and i fear it will get worse as the summer approaches.

    Similar experiences ? or advise ? thanks

    (BTW, I have another post regarding daughter (12) in another post, feel free to post).

    thanks

    Original post!


    The person wasn't in the house, he was gone for 8 hours. The kid could have done anything in that 8 hours, the only way to know what she was doing is to check the computer history, and how long computer was used for. She could have had a walk, had a shower, got back into pjs and gone back on the computer at 19.30. the child could even be checking facebook here and there i doubt very much 8 hours is spent on facebook in one sitting.

    Parents spend a lot of time presuming what their kids are up to.... without being there they cant be 100 % sure what they are doing. The original poster seem to have lost interest in this thread too.

    Seems all were doing is playing cat and mouse.


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    #66
    LadyMayBelle
    Registered Users Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭LadyMayBelle


    LadyMayBelle wrote: »
    But grindelwald this isn't about defending what you or your children do,the question the OP asked was did anyone have any advice for him because his two daughters would spend all day if they were let on their computers, or if anyone was in a similar experience; obviously he does not want them to be glued to consoles/screens all day but would rather they spend some time online and some time in the real world. I don't think it was about running the risk of stopping them becoming computer whizzs, but rather because they spend their time on social networkng sites etc:confused:How I'm running the risk of derailing.

    As you'll see in my quote, is based on 'I think' and therefore is an assumption.
    All day is not to be taken literally, however some may consider noon to 8pm to be 'all day'.

    Sure, TV can be very educational, no denying that, but a special interest imo it is not


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    #67
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    The OP said
    It is too much
    He is their parent, he knows best what is going on in his home and he is looking for ways to reduce the amount of time his children spend on tv. consoles and internet. He is also looking for ways of enforcing it.

    It's not about what each of us choose to do with our kids, it's about what he feels is excessive in his own home and with his own kids.

    Some parents don't allow any tv, others allow it all day every day. It's each persons call.

    But in the OPs case he isn't happy with "all day" whatever that happens to mean. he isn't happy that his daughter didn't get dressed and he isn't happy that they spend that amount of time doing inactive things.


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    #68
    BostonB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,056 ✭✭✭✭BostonB


    grindelwald wrote: »
    ...
    Parents spend a lot of time presuming what their kids are up to.... without being there they cant be 100 % sure what they are doing. ...

    I'd put my money on the parent knowing their own kids best.


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    #69
    BostonB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,056 ✭✭✭✭BostonB


    grindelwald wrote: »
    My above post was to point out tv is not all bad, it can be very educational. The original poster has not gone into detail of what the kids watch on tv or what they do on the computer or exactly how long they are at it for.

    Most people are presuming the worst case scenario, im saying its not all bad! I didn't see where the original poster said that they are on social networking sites 8 hours a day with no break!

    I think if a parent says its too much, and too much rubbish. They are probably right.


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    #70
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    ash23 wrote: »
    The OP said
    He is their parent, he knows best what is going on in his home and he is looking for ways to reduce the amount of time his children spend on tv. consoles and internet. He is also looking for ways of enforcing it.

    It's not about what each of us choose to do with our kids, it's about what he feels is excessive in his own home and with his own kids.

    Some parents don't allow any tv, others allow it all day every day. It's each persons call.

    But in the OPs case he isn't happy with "all day" whatever that happens to mean. he isn't happy that his daughter didn't get dressed and he isn't happy that they spend that amount of time doing inactive things.


    If your child is playing outside and you want them to come in you call them in. I don't see any difference with the computer or tv you say enough now and turn it off, why devote a whole thread too this.

    If your child is reading a book and it's time for bed you yell them enough reading bed time, why start a whole thread of my kids on the computer too much, if they really thought that they would have stopped it before it got too much.

    1 day the child spent in her pjs, come on it's a bit much to run to a parenting forum to ask for help. He left at 12 so why did he not tell her to get dressed at 11? If he leaves her in her pjs till 12 then why not till 8pm. Half the day has gone already at 12!

    He also asked if anyone had experienced it. Have any of ye? Besides the ones that were in the kids shoes but they got condemned for approving/defending it............


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    #71
    BostonB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,056 ✭✭✭✭BostonB


    Isn't that the point of the parenting forum, to discuss such things?


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    #72
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    BostonB wrote: »
    Isn't that the point of the parenting forum, to discuss such things?


    It was a once off she stayed in her pjs, its not like she was doing it every day. I dont see the big deal in a once here n there pj day.

    The mother already has the only on the wii once on a weekday and at weekends (thats hardly anything) if they dont want their kids to use the stuff, why the hell to they buy them in the first place?

    And as for parents knowing thier kids the best, well that's not the case in many families.

    you cant tell me the parents of teens who have gone on to murder knew they were planing it?

    or the ones who have gone on to kill themselves?

    or some of the kids who are/were bullied ?

    or the kids who who steal without their knowledge or skip school or have boyfriends and girlfriends, have sex, take drugs, drink and so and and so on. A lot of this is done behind the parents back, without their knowledge.

    These days parents hardly know their kids (same could be said for many generations before us) . Parents are only kidding themselves if they think they know all the ins and outs of their kids lives. Not too many parents will know their kids 100%.


    Also the original poster never responded to any of the thread so why start it, 10 days ago this thead was started and no more input or information.


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    #73
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    grindelwald wrote: »
    It was a once off she stayed in her pjs, its not like she was doing it every day. I dont see the big deal in a once here n there pj day.

    The mother already has the only on the wii once on a weekday and at weekends (thats hardly anything) if they dont want ot kids to use the stuff why the hell to they buy them in the first place?

    And as for parents knowing thier kids the best, well that's not the case in many families.

    you cant tell me the parents of teens who have gone on to murder knew they were planing it?

    or the ones who have gone on to kill themselves?

    or some of the bullied ?

    or the kids who who steal with out their knowledge or skip school or have boyfriends and girlfriends, have sex, take drugs, drink and so and and so on. a lot of this is done behind the parents back, without their knowledge.

    These days parents hardly know their kids. they are only kidding themselves if they think they know the ins and outs of their kids lives. Not too many parents will know their kids 100%.


    Also the original poster never responded to any of the thread so why start it.

    Jeeze, the man asked how to enforce the rules without the kids screaming bloody murder. Most teens and kids for that matter will whinge and moan when told not to do something. They will buck against the rules and try to assert themselves. And sometimes it's hard to get them to do these things and some people are better able than others or may have novel ideas to get them to do as they are told.
    It's ok for someone to ask advice from other parents :rolleyes:

    And yes, a few of us have said we experienced it. Where we felt the kids were watching too much tv/on laptop too much , put a halt to it, got the "awwww mom!!!! that's like, so unfair, I'm like, so deprived, you are like, so mean" and dealt with it.

    As for this nonsense again about suicide, murder, bullying, sex, drugs......digress much! :eek:


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    #74
    BostonB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,056 ✭✭✭✭BostonB


    grindelwald wrote: »
    It was a once off she stayed in her pjs, its not like she was doing it every day. I dont see the big deal in a once here n there pj day. ....

    That was just an example. The impression I got was that its an on going problem and getting worse.
    grindelwald wrote: »
    Also the original poster never responded to any of the thread so why start it, 10 days ago this thead was started and no more input or information.

    Who knows. Many posters only visit infrequently.


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    #75
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    ash23 wrote: »
    Jeeze, the man asked how to enforce the rules without the kids screaming bloody murder. Most teens and kids for that matter will whinge and moan when told not to do something. They will buck against the rules and try to assert themselves. And sometimes it's hard to get them to do these things and some people are better able than others or may have novel ideas to get them to do as they are told.
    It's ok for someone to ask advice from other parents :rolleyes:

    And yes, a few of us have said we experienced it. Where we felt the kids were watching too much tv/on laptop too much , put a halt to it, got the "awwww mom!!!! that's like, so unfair, I'm like, so deprived, you are like, so mean" and dealt with it.

    As for this nonsense again about suicide, murder, bullying, sex, drugs......digress much! :eek:


    Rules were enforced Wednesday afternoons and weekends, and he even said that was too much! which to me hardly anything, im sure the kids are not on the laptop from 8am to 9pm or that they are just on the wii from 8am to 9pm or just watching tv from 8am to 9pm, they probaly bounce from one thing to another. But of course no word from the OP on this so its all down to presumptions.

    you've experienced it with a 12 year old and 14 year old?

    Also my point being in the last post is that parents do not fully know their kids, whatever you or they might think. Parents who delude themselves into thinking they know everything about their TEENS will have a shock in years to come when they are all grown up and start telling their tails......


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    #76
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    BostonB wrote: »
    That was just an example. The impression I got was that its an on going problem and getting worse.



    Who knows. Many posters only visit infrequently.


    If he was that serious about it we would have had a reply ages ago. Must not be that serious..... or no longer a problem....... perhaps the weekends/Wednesday afternoon thing worked.... who knows except the original poster.


    certainly kept me busy for a while....

    If the original poster would reply at least then we can all stop presuming and get some definite info.

    Think we've worked though the negatives and positives, all he needs are 2 words yes and no, yes you can go on the computer or no you cant.


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    #77
    BostonB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,056 ✭✭✭✭BostonB


    My own experience is kids tend to less content if they spend to long on TV and other media, games etc. Maybe its related to endorphins when you exercise, or the lack of them if you don't. TBH I'm the same, its a bit weird to see your own traits in your kids. We operate a chores = PC time. Seems to work ok.

    Of course I'm the house admin, so I can just lock them out of the router.


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    #78
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    grindelwald wrote: »
    Rules were enforced Wednesday afternoons and weekends, and he even said that was too much! which to me hardly anything, im sure the kids are not on the laptop from 8am to 9pm or that they are just on the wii from 8am to 9pm or just watching tv from 8am to 9pm, they probaly bounce from one thing to another. But of course no word from the OP on this so its all down to presumptions.

    you've experienced it with a 12 year old and 14 year old?

    Also my point being in the last post is that parents do not fully know their kids, whatever you or they might think. Parents who delude themselves into thinking they know everything about their TEENS will have a shock in years to come when they are all grown up and start telling their tails......



    Again it's your personal opinion that wednesday and weekends are hardly anything. OP didn't feel that way and wanted to curb it more and asked for opinions on how to do this.

    I've experienced it with my own child and I've experienced disciplining my neice and cousin who are teens and stay with me regularly. Not so much tv but getting them to tidy up, do chores etc, same principle. Discipline, restrictions .......most parents have experience with it. Some handle it differently and it's ok to ask about others and the methods they use. Parenting advice and all that.

    Parents don't have to know their kids inside out but they do have the right to decide what the rules are for their own homes, their own kids and they have the right to implement them and enforce them.


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    #79
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    ash23 wrote: »
    Again it's your personal opinion that wednesday and weekends are hardly anything. OP didn't feel that way and wanted to curb it more and asked for opinions on how to do this.

    I've experienced it with my own child and I've experienced disciplining my neice and cousin who are teens and stay with me regularly. Not so much tv but getting them to tidy up, do chores etc, same principle. Discipline, restrictions .......most parents have experience with it. Some handle it differently and it's ok to ask about others and the methods they use. Parenting advice and all that.

    Parents don't have to know their kids inside out but they do have the right to decide what the rules are for their own homes, their own kids and they have the right to implement them and enforce them.

    As I've said before it's my opinion, you have yours. I don't however go round disciplining my nephews and neices, think that's up to their parents. Think I learnt that one when my uncle used to go over to my nans house and beat my brother black n blue, for minor things.

    I also did not say parents have no right to set rules.....

    Discipline and restrictions also differ with age, you would not treat a 12 year old like a 2 year old, also what works for one 12 year old will not work for the next.


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    #80
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    grindelwald wrote: »
    As I've said before it's my opinion, you have yours. I don't however go round disciplining my nephews and neices, think that's up to their parents. Think I learnt that one when my uncle used to go over to my nans house and beat my brother black n blue, for minor things.

    What?? :eek: You equate me disciplining my younger relatives when they stay in my house (sans parents) to your uncle beating your brother. you really do draw the most extreme examples and comparisons possible. Jeeze if I didn't discipline them when they stayed they might be off joyriding, having sex and taking drugs after all (according to your earlier examples) :rolleyes:
    You asked if I had experience with teens, I do and somehow you find something a way to criticise that too. :rolleyes:


    Anyway, OP, simples really. You have to make the rules that suit you and your family. And if they complain and kick up (which they most likely will) you just have to stand your ground and accept that for the teen years most likely nothing you ever do will be seen by them as anything but cruel and unusual punishment. You just have to be the bad guy for a few years. :P


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    #81
    BostonB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,056 ✭✭✭✭BostonB


    Thats not discipline. So if you learnt that lesson...


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    #82
    cynder
    Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    ash23 wrote: »
    What?? :eek: You equate me disciplining my younger relatives when they stay in my house (sans parents) to your uncle beating your brother. you really do draw the most extreme examples and comparisons possible. Jeeze if I didn't discipline them when they stayed they might be off joyriding, having sex and taking drugs after all (according to your earlier examples) :rolleyes:
    You asked if I had experience with teens, I do and somehow you find something a way to criticise that too. :rolleyes:


    Anyway, OP, simples really. You have to make the rules that suit you and your family. And if they complain and kick up (which they most likely will) you just have to stand your ground and accept that for the teen years most likely nothing you ever do will be seen by them as anything but cruel and unusual punishment. You just have to be the bad guy for a few years. :P

    Too many rules and too much discipline can push the child over the edge and away from you, they then start to rebel. Which in fairness i would not blame them, its down to the parents being too regimental. You dont have to be the bad guy if you have a good relationship with them. I think a little give n take goes a long way rather than ' its my house you live by my rules if you dont like it leave'.

    Different parenting techniques i guess.


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