Is there a right age?

tinacam

Hi everyone i was just wondering is there a right age to start your family?
im 24 and my oh half is 25 we have been together 8 years now, and babies seem to be most of our conversations lately.. we are living in rented accommidation and curreently im not working but he is!

So was just looking for some advice on what people think is there ever a right time? ect !!
I look forward to hearing from ye:D and thanks in advance !!!

Enright

Its always good to start your family young, especially when your body is able for the strains of giving birth. Just make sure that you are doing it for the right reason and not just cause you are not working. The fact that you are in rented accommodation isnt a major factor unless they dont allow children.

Consider the options, make an informed decision and best of luck

tinacam

Enright wrote: »

Its always good to start your family young, especially when your body is able for the strains of giving birth. Just make sure that you are doing it for the right reason and not just cause you are not working. The fact that you are in rented accommodation isnt a major factor unless they dont allow children.

Consider the options, make an informed decision and best of luck

Thanks so much for your reply !! Im 100% ready some days for a baby and then other days ive second thoughts, my partner says its natural and of course every one gets anxious about the whole been pregnant for 9 months and the labour!! its nice to hear from other people and how they felt ect!! thank you again x

January

I don't think there's ever a right age I'm 24 and I have two children, neither of them were planned but I wouldn't change having them for the world. I was (and still am) in a stable relationship when they were conceived so it was a little different to having to "go it alone". We live in rented accommodation and other than having to move to a bigger place it hasn't affected us at all.

I was working when I conceived number 1 and went back to work when she was six months old, but I gave it up when number 2 came along because we couldn't have afforded to have both of them in a childminders. I enjoy being a stay at home mother, and love being around my little girls watching them grow and learn, we go to parent and toddler groups etc to keep us occupied during the day and my eldest will be heading off to pre school in September 2012. I plan to return to studying when she does.

If you can afford it, and would like to have a baby then go ahead, but I wouldn't just for the sake of it... it can be stressful with a newborn especially if you are isolated from your family (if you don't live near them). I'm fortunate enough to have both my and my partners family close enough that if a break is needed we'll head off for a meal or to the cinema and the grandparents will look after them for a little while...

tinacam

January wrote: »

I don't think there's ever a right age I'm 24 and I have two children, neither of them were planned but I wouldn't change having them for the world. I was (and still am) in a stable relationship when they were conceived so it was a little different to having to "go it alone". We live in rented accommodation and other than having to move to a bigger place it hasn't affected us at all.

I was working when I conceived number 1 and went back to work when she was six months old, but I gave it up when number 2 came along because we couldn't have afforded to have both of them in a childminders. I enjoy being a stay at home mother, and love being around my little girls watching them grow and learn, we go to parent and toddler groups etc to keep us occupied during the day and my eldest will be heading off to pre school in September 2012. I plan to return to studying when she does.

If you can afford it, and would like to have a baby then go ahead, but I wouldn't just for the sake of it... it can be stressful with a newborn especially if you are isolated from your family (if you don't live near them). I'm fortunate enough to have both my and my partners family close enough that if a break is needed we'll head off for a meal or to the cinema and the grandparents will look after them for a little while...

Thanks for you reply you sound to be a brill mum, 2 lucky kiddies!! we could afford a baby and i do have friends and family very close to me! i think my issue is been afraid of the unknown:o how to you deal with that for 9 months?? ive loads of neices and nephews and would love to have my child grow up with them too!! i guess its just nerves and im trying to get my head around it all!

Moonbeam

When you have traveled,are financially secure,in the olden days I would have said when you have a house, and of course are in a happy stable relationship and finally I will admit you are better off married first.
For some people that happens when they are finished college,for some people they are in their late 30's ,I would definitely do it before 30 though but it all depends on circumstances.

SarahJ

Like others said, I don't think there's ever a right age, it's scary no matter what age, planned unplanned, I'm sure! I turned 26 in march, due on Sunday, totally unplanned, but can't wait now. When I found out however, I was in an awful state, just cos it's so scary, and I still felt like I was 16 when I was going to tell my parents!

tinacam

congrats sarah j not long to wait, thanks for your comment its nice to hear from people who are actually going threw it, hopefully ill pluck up some courage and be joining you in motherhood soon!

Storminateacup

There isn't a right age, as long as your in a position to financially and emotionally support a child. Age doesn't determine whether you're going to be a fantasic parent or a write off.

It's a scary process, watching your body change, realising you'll never live the same kind of life as you had. No more going out on Friday and crawling home on a Sunday afternoon.
But holding your child in your arms is so much more fulfilling.

cynder

Agree with storminateacup. one person could be ready at 19 the other at 39. its down to the individual and their circumstances.

Rosy Posy

I think its easier if you start your family when you're younger. I had my first child at 25 and am expecting my third now at 29, none of them planned. I see friends who are older- in their mid to late thirties- starting a family and I think its hard to totally change the perameters of your world, as having kids will do, when you're used to having all of your time and all of your income to yourself for so long. Also the physical side of carrying a child and giving birth, as well as the sleepless nights aspect of things is easier when you're younger. There's less of a feeling that your life is over as well cause when you're family is grown and flown the nest you'll still be young enough to travel, and to enjoy your grandkids. Saying that, if you've got any burning ambitions to swim the channel or climb everest, best get them out of the way before you settle down if you can.

tinacam

Thanks very much everyone from your comments i really appriciate it
This website it soo helpful

Mary28

I'm 37 and I've 2 sons, 2yrs 9mths and 9mths and I am exhausted with them. Kids are hard going. Definitely I wish I was 5 or more yrs younger having them as I'd have way more energy for them and sometimes I feel it's a little unfair on them. I'm planning on a 3rd child and I was just thinking this morning that I need to seriously get fitter or I'll be miserable.

Then there's the increased chances of things going wrong the older you get as your eggs are older. I have a pregnancy book and it gives a chart of the likiness of Downs in relation to your age and it gets a lot higher after 30 and takes a leap after 35 and 40. Downs isn't the worst of it either, least you know what you're getting into with Downs and there's so much support & so much known about it.
So the younger you are having kids from a health aspect the better for you and for the baby.

I read recently that Irish women are the oldest mums in Europe, having their first child at 31 I think it was. It's become a huge trend to have less children and have them later. This is all across Europe and it's mainly for financial reasons. We have all become used to a certain standard of living and are not willing to give up certain things. Plus childcare costs are astronomical and education costs can only get more expensive too.

I would advise not wait to have a baby if you know you want one and you aren't trying to finish a college course or have any major agenda like that.
We waited for various reasons and it's something I regret now. There will always be a reason not to have a baby. The main reason to have one is if you want one in my opinion.

Do realise the impact it's going to have on your life and your finances.
The only advantage of being older when having children was that I had my fill of going to the pub/clubs and socialising. I was absolutely ready to move on to this next phase of my life.

Having our first child was an amazing experience. Having our second has been a lot more stressful. A lot more work and it has strained our relationship a bit. 5 mths of sleep broken nights, a child with very bad reflux that could hardly be out of my arms took it's toll on me and I never stop cleaning...but I'm still up for a 3rd!

Best of luck.

tinacam

everyone stories are amazing, its like mother nature takes over and mammy mode kicks in isnt it???

Rosy Posy

tinacam wrote: »

everyone stories are amazing, its like mother nature takes over and mammy mode kicks in isnt it???

not so sure about this, but you do have nine months of pregnancy to get your head around being a mammy (and not being able to drink or smoke or stay up late)

I think the assumption that you will naturally take to motherhood like a duck to water is responsible for a lot of post natal depression...a lot of aspects of motherhood from breastfeeding to changing a nappy take hard work and practice to get them right, but once you have the baby there's no giving them back so you have to muddle along as best you can. I look back having two kids under 2 and can't believe how I got through it but its probably the greatest achievement of my life

Mom2Be

No right age as far as im concerned.. I know people say its whenever you feel ready but to be honest, its hard to be ready for something you know nothing about.

Had my first daughter the day of my 21st birthday and my other daughter 9 weeks ago.. 7 yrs and 3 months of a gap.. Im sorry now that i didnt have them closer together but my first daughter was so cross that i just didnt think i could cope with another cross baby..
Got that one wrong coz my little one is a pure angel.. Sleeps and eats. Thats about it,ha! Goes down about half 9, wakes at 4ish and not till 7 some nights.
It was a massive decision to have another and so many times i had second thoughts. Such as: My daughter is 7 now, am i mad, i have my life back etc etc but dya know what.. I wouldnt change my girls 4 the world and there is no amount of vodka or nights out that would make me swap for the "I love you mammy" that i hear every night before bed.

I will have to disagree somewhat with Moonbeam though ~ I dont think you should be married first. Im with my partner 9 yrs next week and have no intention of getting married. ont get me wrong, I love him to bits but i dont believe in fixing what isnt broken.. (sorry moonbeam, just my opinion)

God i took off there a bit,ha! Sorry..

But basically if you have it in your head and are asking the question then you sound like you alreadyknow the answer

Whatever decision you make, I hope it all works out :)x

Moonbeam

Only reason I mention marriage is -
Inheritance,guardianship,and tax.
I maybe a bit bitter about them;)

Orion

They're all being addressed Moonbeam. You don't even need civil partnership to avoid inheritance tax now if you're together 4 years iirc. Guardianship is just a form to be notarised. Tax is the last one and that should be sorted within the year.

Anyway - back on topic

tinacam: there's no wrong age. The right age is when you and he are ready for a child. I know a woman who had two kids before she was 25 - now she travels the world at the age of 45 with her kids grown up. I know another who's 47 with a 3 year old who enjoyed her 20s and 30s with no kids. We're 41 & 45 (I'm the toyboy ) with two 7 year olds and have no complaints.

There is no real answer to your question - it's up to you and your partner.

deeduck48

when i was younger i was terrified of getting pregnant, then at 21 i was told i had PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome), and my hormones were in the completely wrong ratio to conceive, and i should take the pill until i wanted kids, and they would review the hormone situation then. I left the hospital in a trance.I suddenly realised that i had always wanted kids. when i was 23, i met a man, told him the kids situation and he was fine. we were both in college, very poor but happy.
We got engaged, and last July (both 25) we got married in west cork, we both had jobs, but were renting. we had started trying for kids but nothing so we decided to relax about it and think about adoption, suddenly in Feb i realised I'd had a cold/flu for 5 weeks. did a test, positive!!!!
im currently 29 weeks, married , jobless and renting, nervous as hell but excited too. somedays i wonder if its a good idea, some days it feel completely natural.:D
just because you stand in a room and say words at each other doesnt prepare you to be a parent any more than not married.:)

freudiangirl

being honest I was of the mindset that I would prefer to be married before starting a family.
However, we got a little suprise in march when we found out I was pregnant, I am 27 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together for almost 7 years.We are still in rented accomodation and a lot of things will have to be put into place next year after lo is born

The thing is I am so in love with the miracle that is my baby already and I wouldnt change this for the world. I am now 20 weeks gione
I am delighted to think that when I get married hopefully about 18-24 months after baby is born, that baby will be part of our commitment ceremony.

This pregnancy was a suprise for us , but a lovely one so I think that whether a baby is planned/suprise it shouldnt matter, as long as baby's (sp???) needs are met and the baby is loved and feels safe.

I wonder is there any right age for having kids. :cool:
haven't travelled apart from holidays and recently got permanency in my job (just last month) and it might not have been the right time for me to have this major change but I welcome it with open arms.

apologies for long post

How Strange

In my opinion it's never the right time because there's always something you still want to do, achieve, see etc. There's no right age either. You can be a fantastic mother at 21 or 45; it's up to each individual.

For me I knew I was 'ready' when the thought of having a little person in our lives didnt terrify me. I used to think
having kids meant my life was over so
I knew I was coming around to the
idea when I didn't see it like that anymore and I got excited at the
thoughts of the things our little family
would do together. I still cried in shock
when I got the positive sign on the pee stick though because I knew from that moment everything would change.

A year later it's great and I couldn't imagine our lives without our little son.