Miscarriage and an unplanned pregnancy.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same boat as yourself OP, in that I had a miscarriage. Next week would have been my due date if things had to go to plan, unfortunately they didn't. Life is never easy, eh?
My pregnancy wasn't planned. I still don't know how it happened to be honest as I'm on the pill & never had an issue with it. I didn't even realise I was pregnant until I had miscarried. It was a lot to take in.
My fiance was supportive at the start but doesn't mention it now. He doesn't realise that next week could have been one of the most important events in our lives.
I haven't been coping too well the last few weeks tbh. It's now it is starting to hit home for me what I have missed out on.
The one line that really stood out for me out of all your posts is when you describe your conversation with the taxi driver 'yes I am a mother'.
Even though things didn't work out for me I realise that I am a mother. I'm a mother without a baby to hold.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,
Just wanted to say how glad I am that you have come on so far in your personal life, I have followed your thread and responded before with my own experience of abortion, anyway I can completely understand when people say that you are doing great because you put on the tough exterior, especially when you are an emotional wreck inside. I lost my brother suddenly last year and I feel that I am putting on an act a lot of the time although this is improving after 8 months.

You sound like a true inspiration, especially with the running, I have tried on numerous occasions but never made it more than 3K....

I just want to wish you the very best of luck for the future, Keep up the good work!!

LegacyUser

hey guys

drinkin too much wine again so I'm on boards!

'in the same boat' - just read your message and I'm so sorry for your loss. I am dreading with a double D the due date of my precious and gorgeous baby. It's December 11th and God knows there will be a Noah's Ark of tears that weekend. Even though it makes other people uncomfortable, I will not apologise. Rant here 'In the same boat' if you need to.

Proudofu: Thanks thanks thanks... your message was beautiful. I'm so sorry about your brother. I was out with my wonderful brother tonight (not that I'd ever tell him he's woonderful). 3k is brilliant! Keep it up and keep going x

My letter (for now) for December

My baby won't be there on 11th Dec to the general public. But she is still a strong presense in my life. You see, she's been with me since Marchl. I have been grieving for her since the moment I was told 'I can't see a heartbeat'.

I went back to the doctor yesterday for the first time. I've had two periods since the pregnancy so I know I'm healthy and ready physically! She told me I'm doing really well. Great ! I don't need anti- depressant tablets. I'm a strong woman apparently!

Yeah - I look and talk like a strong woman and that is brilliant (good for me) but hey, I'm melting inside. My heart is broken guys. For me and for all of you who have posted on this thread with similar stories. People keep telling me I'm really strong, like its a good thing, but I would never have had to be strong if I didn't have to go through such **** in the first place.

Any people out there, considering cheating, don't do it! But narcissists wouldn't have time to read threads like this anyway.


Hey baby,

Apparently mum is being really strong, and everyone is really proud of me! You know I'm not that strong though, you see me crying. I love love love everything that you have done for me so far. I still want to dance with you. Your dad is staying in touch. I'm so sensitive and vulnerable, I hope he is still contacting me for the right reasons. Who knows with your dad? lol? Does he regret that we can't hold you like I do?

I had a dream last night. I had my baby with me in a blue jumpsuit and my ex came home from work ....it was nice.........followed by a random text from my ex.........

My baby is beautiful. God this is still so hard.

girlygirl1989

Hi Sad111,

I have read your thread and am very sorry for your loss words cannot express how hard it is to go through a miscarriage and only people who have been through it truly understand the loss and heartache.

I myself went through a miscarriage at 11 weeks baby only showing 6 , at the end of June the pain is still there, I am still wondering was it my fault anything I did or did not do. I am wondering what my baby looks like etc.

I am sorry about what happened between you and your ex partner, that perhaps put more of a dampener on your situation. I am not going to say stay away from him or anything cause you will always share a unique bond with him, that is a baby. But is perhaps best you's are apart you are too good to be lied and cheated on. I had my partner with me every step of the way which I am grateful for, and if anything it has made me stronger. I cant imagine going through it alone. I am glad your friends were there for you.

I am here if you need to talk as I know what your going through, take care xxx

theg81der

Really sorry girlygirl.

marley123

sad111 please pm me . my heart goes out to you <SNIP>

LegacyUser

Well I got a letter from Holles Street during the week. It said 'dear parents'...It advised me of a memorial mass for all the babies who were lost in Holles Street during the year. I cried for many reasons. Most of all, I cried for my baby. I cried for all the other parents who must be receiving these letters. I cried when I read the word 'parents'. I am grateful that Holles Street acknowledge my ex and I as parents. I cried because I can't go to the mass. My parents don't know and I would worry that I could meet somebody that might know my parents. The chaplains offered to light a candle for my baby at the mass. I think I'll ask them to do this. I'm also going to ask them to remember my baby, my ex and I in the book of remembrance. It's been almost 4 months now. I still get sad and cry sometimes. But I'm not as heartbroken as I was initially. I can't believe how much I had to deal with! My ex and I have contact, buy very limited, the odd text here and there. Tonight he sent me a text and said he loves me. I don't know how I feel about him or how I would react if I met him. He did not treat me well when I was pregnant. But he was wonderful once I had the miscarriage. I really miss him. But I made the right decision to break up with him. I still wonder could we be together again. I'm back at work after the summer holidays and I'm really busy. I find the sadness and grief hits me really quickly nowadays, and then I'm fine again. Don't have as much time to think about things.

Anyway RIP to all the babies who were lost this year and thoughts for all their parents.