Overweight child - how to avoid eating disorders

gym_mom

I have a 10 year old girl who is quite overweight. Her problem started from a small baby when she could never be satisfied and was put on the "hungry baby" formula on the advice of the health nurse. This quickly piled on the pounds and she has always craved food since. Although we watch her food intake as much as possible and she is quite active and relatively fit in comparison to many of her peers, she is well overweight for her age and height. She is a tall girl with a large bone structure as well. My younger kids are a normal weight and don't have this problem.

She does lots of activities including swimming, dancing, gaelic, trampolining and after school games and we are always out in the garden as much as possible. She walks to and from school. She loves her food but loves healthy dinners and we eat lots of veg and cook healthy meals. But she is always thinking about the next meal and looking for something else to eat. She definitely needs to diet and try to lose about 2 stone.

My dilhemma is this. Although I know she needs to diet, I just can't find the right way to enforce this because I am terrified of forcing an eating disorder on my child. I tell her all the time how important it is to be healthy and that she is beautiful and kind hearted etc.. She is aware of the problem because she has mentioned it so many times. But how do I make her diet without pushing her down the road to eating disorders. Is 10 to early for this ? I really need some good advice so please everyone else.. I dont need lectures.. Im quite aware that it's my fault and she needs to lose weight. I know the health issues, lectures wont help me. Can anyone please offer some real advice on how to tackle this issue with a young girl on her way towards puberty when body image is going to take over her life. I need to sort this out and I need to make sure Im doing it the right way because I've seen the damage that bulimea and anhorexia can do to people.

Thanks in advance...

January

I think your best bet would be to bring her to the GP and ask for a referral to a dietician or nutritionist

RedXIV

Two things OP,

Number 1, there's a good chance that in puberty that this may just disappear through a series of growth spurts, thats what happend to my brother who was chubby until he hit 14 and then when he added about a foot in height, he looked correctly proportional.

Number 2, it'd be a far better idea to ask this question here where you would get a good response on how to deliver low calorie food while still providing plenty to eat. Some great advice there and read the stickies at the top of the forum

It sounds like something that will be sorted out naturally. If as you say, she's as active as all that and physically fit and able to run around, I'd be surprised if its not just the prelude to a growth spurt

All the best!

gym_mom

Not sure Im getting the point across right. The point is this..

Im extremely worried that forcing this issue on a 10 year old will force her into an eating disorder as she gets older. I really think I could handle the diet myself because I love to cook, have my own vegetable garden and all, I cook healthy meals etc.. and I've had my own battles with weight and know how to do it once I put my mind to it.

I just feel that I have sort of avoided the problem up to now because Im terrified of the phschological impact it will have on her if I put my foot down and force her to actually diet to lose this weight. Will it be devastating for her to learn that mam and dad think I'm too fat ?

I agree that there's a possibiity that she will lose some of it as she grows taller and she is a tall child for her age already. However she has lots of cousins who are the very same shape as her and they didn't lose their weight and are still heavy.

RedXIV

Sorry OP, the point I was trying to get across might not have come across as well as I hoped. When I recommended the Nutrition and Diet forum, it was so you could still give good size portions but of healthier food with less calories.

If you think you are already giving healthy food and are simply considering cutting food out of her diet, then as posted above, I'd recommend a visit to a GP or Dietitian first

gym_mom

So can anyone please help with the phschological issue of forcing a 10 year old to face the fact that she's fat and how to avoid long term damage and eating disorders ?

coolabula

I dont think its possible to put your daughter on a diet and not have some negative effects down the line. I still remember hurtful things said to me as a child and they have affected me in certain ways to this day.

If your daughter is active (and she sounds more active than kids I know)and eats a healthy diet then how can she lose weight without going hungry?
This is where the problem is for me, if she goes without and suffers hunger pains but in the end loses some weight and receives positive feedback from you, she might see the "hunger pain" as a way to get positive attention.

Its very tricky for you, and i dont envy your situation but if it were my child I would wait until she was a teenager at least

good luck with whatever decision you go with

sealgaire

Maybe you should post exactly what she eats in a day?

Lots of people are misinformed about what exactly "healthy" foods are. . . .

gym_mom

coolabula wrote: »

I dont think its possible to put your daughter on a diet and not have some negative effects down the line. I still remember hurtful things said to me as a child and they have affected me in certain ways to this day.

If your daughter is active (and she sounds more active than kids I know)and eats a healthy diet then how can she lose weight without going hungry?
This is where the problem is for me, if she goes without and suffers hunger pains but in the end loses some weight and receives positive feedback from you, she might see the "hunger pain" as a way to get positive attention.

Its very tricky for you, and i dont envy your situation but if it were my child I would wait until she was a teenager at least

good luck with whatever decision you go with

Thanks for that. This is the kind of conversation I am looking for. I would be perfectly happy to take her to a nutritionist or whatever I need to do but it's the phshychological impact that Im worried about. I have wondered whether she is too young but can't seem to find the right answer. Taking her to a GP is a step further down the line, after a decision has been made whether or not it would be damaging for a young mind to have to face this reality. Does anyone else have experience of dealing with weight issues at a young age ? Yourself or your child ?

Rosy Posy

You are in a tricky situation, OP, but I would suggest that you try to deal with it now, before your child hits puberty, when she is already on an emotional rollercoaster. If you sow the seeds now you can tackle the problem gradually rather than putting her on a strict diet.

Maybe you could introduce a new healthy eating regime for the whole family- I know you already eat well but maybe try little things like switching to low fat dairy products or introducing a 'no second helpings' rule?

Also you could encourage her to drink lots of water, especially before a meal, or maybe introduce natural foods that support weight loss, such as grapefruit juice or acai berries.

Best of luck, and well done for approaching the matter in a sensitive way.

LadyMayBelle

I am not convinced there is an easy way around this OP. Clearly you yourself are very conscious of ‘triggering’ anything in your daughter, which I can understand and fair play to you for seeking advice.

Post her daily intake here or on the nutrition forum; you’ll get some great feedback. If she is eating more than her recommended calorie intake etc, you’ll get some suggestions and ideas to try.

You say she is always thinking about the next meal and where its coming from..this is something I think needs to be looked at more indepth..why is this? Is it genuine hunger or is is comfort eating? Are you feeding her as it is satisfactory to see her satisfied (every mother loves their child to have full tum!!). What’s the meal time routine at home and what’s her portion sizes like in comparison to adults/peers? Are 'treats' offered or food as a reward for good behaviour?

I do feel you would benefit from a nutritionist visit or even the school nurse if there is one; as I said I a previous thread..YOU are the adult and have the power to manage her intake etc..she isn’t going to starve

The emotional side of things is trickier, granted, but you can make the changes practically and subtly. Avoiding words like diet and low fat etc, but rather by adopting a positive approach to healthy eating, family exercise etc..

Also, does she herself comment on her size?

pickarooney

gym_mom wrote: »

She is aware of the problem because she has mentioned it so many times.

And what happens when she does? Do you tell her not to worry about it or say nothing...? This sounds like the perfect opportunity for you to help her with a problem she is acutely aware of, as long as it's clear that she wants to lose the weight and you're encouraging, not dictating.

Rosy Posy

Just saw your last post, OP, and I did have the experience of a parent who was constantly trying to slim me down as a prepubescent child, with the result that I did suffer from eating disorders in my teens. The crazy thing was that looking back on photos I was completely fine yet I thought (and was told) that I was overweight. Things to avoid include, the weighing scales, calling your child or others 'fat', banned foods (they will only crave them more and go mental on them as soon as they get their own money), making comparisons with their peers...I think the fact that you are aware that you want to protect your child from this problem and that you are approaching it in a sensitive way goes a long way to preventing it becoming an issue. However, it sounds like she is already aware to some extent of the problem and if it gets to a stage where her peers are bringing it up then she will be more at risk, so best to try and do something about it asap.

Dudess

Nice one Red for trying to be helpful - pity it was met with such dismissiveness. Focusing on positives rather than negatives would surely be the approach.

LadyMayBelle

gym_mom wrote: »

Thanks for that. This is the kind of conversation I am looking for. I would be perfectly happy to take her to a nutritionist or whatever I need to do but it's the phshychological impact that Im worried about. I have wondered whether she is too young but can't seem to find the right answer. Taking her to a GP is a step further down the line, after a decision has been made whether or not it would be damaging for a young mind to have to face this reality. Does anyone else have experience of dealing with weight issues at a young age ? Yourself or your child ?

I'm currently working with two children who recieved letter from the health service after a routine check up in school which stated, in bold they were 'clinically obese'. I was outraged, as both children read the letters as they were addressed to 'the parents of xxxx'. One girl 11 was devastated, however her Mum, I found was even more outraged, so I had to suggest to Mum to ‘settle down a little bit because all that stress, tension and anxiety is filtering through to your child, whether you mean it to or not. I am currently working on self esteem issues with the said child now, and working through those painful feelings having read that letter. We’ll continue to look at positive steps we can take. Other difficulties is that at that age there is a lot of puppy fat, which some kids don’t shake off for a bit.

It's not ignoring the act, but going about it in a positive light, and checking in with the child constantly to see how they are doing emotionally. I woudl be inclined to seek specialist advice nonetheless, esp if there is a history of ED or a culture of focusing on exercise in the family (I am not suggesting there is at all, but it's good to keep in mind and think back in the family line)

LadyMayBelle

Just re read.. the fact she is talking about it is fantastic..she is leaving the door open to you to talk to her, reassure her, support her..it is down to you to use those golden opportunities before that door closes again..which hopefully it won't, but sometimes it can.

Maybe I have missed something, correct me if I am wrong..there is no medical reason for her being overweight is there? Thyroid, on medication for anything?

Rough story Rosey x

gym_mom

Rosy Posy wrote: »

Just saw your last post, OP, and I did have the experience of a parent who was constantly trying to slim me down as a prepubescent child, with the result that I did suffer from eating disorders in my teens. The crazy thing was that looking back on photos I was completely fine yet I thought (and was told) that I was overweight. Things to avoid include, the weighing scales, calling your child or others 'fat', banned foods (they will only crave them more and go mental on them as soon as they get their own money), making comparisons with their peers...I think the fact that you are aware that you want to protect your child from this problem and that you are approaching it in a sensitive way goes a long way to preventing it becoming an issue. However, it sounds like she is already aware to some extent of the problem and if it gets to a stage where her peers are bringing it up then she will be more at risk, so best to try and do something about it asap.

She is very aware. She has been called fat by some kids in school, she has tended to watch the "fat families" programs on tv etc.. There is also one other problem. She is looked after by my inlaws after school, They are wonderful loving people who are fantastic with the kids but not really aware of nutrition etc. Kind of old school ideas of giving kids as much as they want. We've had conversations about limiting treats and not giving white bread, too big portions etc but it seems to work for a while then lapse back again. Its a lot to ask someone else to watch everything she eats.

I definitely dont call her fat, quite the contrary I am always re-affirming what a lovely child she is, she is quite beautiful and has a lovely personality and is really kind hearted. She is good and popular in school and generally enjoys life but definitely feels the strain of being over weight. We can't buy her nice clothes, I have to get small adult sizes for her so she never has a nice dress or can't wear jeans comfortably. I do admit that there seems to be always occasions where there is a lot of food consumed in our family which is very large and full of parties for this and that. She used to go horse riding and it was heartbreaking to see she couldnt get up on the horse herself and the helper couldn't lift her up. When her dance group has a show, she always needs a larger outfit etc.

I actually booked a nutritionist visit this time last year but cancelled at the last minute because I couldn't figure out how to tell her without it becoming a major issue. All along I've been trying to reassure her that when she grows taller she'll grow slimmer but she's almost 5 feet now and not getting any thinner.

LadyMayBelle

I think you need to see a nutritionist if there is nothing medical wrong here..even go yourself first and talk to them and keep a food log, diary of exercise. If you cannot be open and honest and positive about weight then I don't know if she can.

I also don't think it is too much to ask the people who look after her to do as you equest..bring a lunch with her when she goes, and sit down and explain to these people how she is your child and you need to take steps to prevent her from gainig more weight, however you can only do it if they are on board. I understand it is difficult if they are old school, but talk them through how you don't want food to be a focus, an issue and again, she is your child, you have every right to protect and nuture her.

While you want her to have a love of food, it has to be a good love.

Do keep a log, and let us see it, I really think that will help.

gym_mom

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

I think you need to see a nutritionist if there is nothing medical wrong here..even go yourself first and talk to them and keep a food log, diary of exercise. If you cannot be open and honest and positive about weight then I don't know if she can.

I also don't think it is too much to ask the people who look after her to do as you equest..bring a lunch with her when she goes, and sit down and explain to these people how she is your child and you need to take steps to prevent her from gainig more weight, however you can only do it if they are on board. I understand it is difficult if they are old school, but talk them through how you don't want food to be a focus, an issue and again, she is your child, you have every right to protect and nuture her.

While you want her to have a love of food, it has to be a good love.

Do keep a log, and let us see it, I really think that will help.

So do you think she's mature enough at 10 to face up to the problem without it becoming a major issue ? It's the fear of this that is holding me back from really tackling the problem head on.

cynder

gym_mom wrote: »

I We can't buy her nice clothes, I have to get small adult sizes for her so she never has a nice dress or can't wear jeans comfortably.
I.

My lady is 11 and 5 foot 1 and i buy her small adult sizes, what size is she?

My lady is diabetic so her diet is monitored and her carb intake, she was diagnosed at 7. So 1/3 of her life has been revolving around what she can and cant eat.

LadyMayBelle

My concern (blindly, but considering you haven't suggested there's a medical reason, and I have to assume her food intake is within a healthy calorific range and she is getting sufficient proper exercise) is that the issues may not only be around food.
I don't know her emotional capacity etc so impossible to say if she is 'ready'..at her age children are pre teen and some develop emotional faster than others.

CrazyRabbit

Just a quick comment as I have little time (I'm in work...sssh...don't tell me boss).

Have you considered the long term psychological impact of NOT tackling this issue now? If her weight increases, how will that affect her self image in the long run?

I don't think you need to worry too much about eating disorders. So long as your daughter knows that how much she is loved/liked is not related to her weight, then it shouldn't be an issue. Just ensure that the focus/reason for the weight loss is purely for health reasons and not to improve her image. This will need to be constantly re-inforced, by several people.

LadyMayBelle

Totally agree with Crazy Rabbit on this one.

Remember to focus on health, not weight.

paperclip2

If she is aware of the fact that she is overweight she could develop an eating disorder even without you broaching the subject of diets with her.

The fact shes spoken to you about it is great. You could use it as a starting point to help her take control of her weight in a constructive way so her size doesn't become the focus for dealing with other issues.

I developed bulimia at about 10 years of age. I was a large child and no-one ever spoke to me about dieting I was overweight and I made trying to control my weight the focus for other difficult things that were going on on my life at the time, nothing outrageous, just the usual stuff puberty throws up. What might have made a difference to me would have being taught how to manage my weight in a healthy way rather than having it ignored when it was obviously a problem.

If I was in your shoes OP I'd talk to your daughter about it in a positive way and as far as possible let her be in control of dealing with her weight with your guidance and support. Ignoring it out of fear may backfire on you in the long-run.

gym_mom

paperclip2 wrote: »

If she is aware of the fact that she is overweight she could develop an eating disorder even without you broaching the subject of diets with her.
The fact shes spoken to you about it is great. You could use it as a starting point to help her take control of her weight in a constructive way so her size doesn't become the focus for dealing with other issues.
I developed bulimia at about 10 years of age. I was a large child and no-one ever spoke to me about dieting I was overweight and I made trying to control my weight the focus for other difficult things that were going on on my life at the time, nothing outrageous, just the usual stuff puberty throws up. What might have made a difference to me would have being taught how to manage my weight in a healthy way rather than having it ignored when it was obviously a problem.
If I was in your shoes OP I'd talk to your daughter about it in a positive way and as far as possible let her be in control of dealing with her weight with your guidance and support. Ignoring it out of fear may backfire on you in the long-run.

Thanks for this. . I think you are right and how horrible for you to develop bulmia at such a young age (im so terrified of this as I really dont know what i'd do if I caused this).. I think we will have the chat about doing something positive and cutting down on calories in a big way. I know that she knows she is extremely lucky to have such a good and loving family, she appreciates all she has and knows shes really loved. I think she may be able to handle it in a mature way. I'll keep you posted on how we get on... It wont be easy !!!

cynder

is there anyway you could encourage more exercise, as in: im going for a walk come with me!

portion size can be an issue (i dont know your childs portion size!) its not what you eat its the amount you eat, sort of thing. Dish out smaller portions.

If there are no other kids in the house limit the amount of junk food bought in. Dont deny treat just limit portion sizes. If you buy fizzy drinks cut down on them.

All these things can be done without direct dialog with your daugher, however there will be a time where you will have to talk about weight/health. how to handle that sentivesly i dont know. I dont know your daughter or how she will handle it, but you cant ignore it either (prehaps you could bring it in, in the big girl talk and how as puberty hits you have to watch what you eat, sort of thing)

Chuchoter

I think if you get the GP to say it to her as opposed to you it might be better, but I think you'd be doing the right thing getting her to lose the weight now as opposed to when she gets into secondary school and then theres a whole host of other issues that get involved.

gym_mom

grindelwald wrote: »

is there anyway you could encourage more exercise, as in: im going for a walk come with me!

portion size can be an issue (i dont know your childs portion size!) its not what you eat its the amount you eat, sort of thing. Dish out smaller portions.

If there are no other kids in the house limit the amount of junk food bought in. Dont deny treat just limit portion sizes. If you buy fizzy drinks cut down on them.

All these things can be done without direct dialog with your daugher, however there will be a time where you will have to talk about weight/health. how to handle that sentivesly i dont know. I dont know your daughter or how she will handle it, but you cant ignore it either (prehaps you could bring it in, in the big girl talk and how as puberty hits you have to watch what you eat, sort of thing)

That's a good idea about the puberty talk. There are two other younger kids who are thin and normal for their age, they are not as much in love with food as their older sister is. Portion size is defniitely an issue but fizzy drinks don't exist in our house and sweets/treats/etc are limited.

gym_mom

crayolastereo wrote: »

I think if you get the GP to say it to her as opposed to you it might be better,

yes that's true, they do seem to listen to others rather than to us don't they.

Zamboni

These points are meant as constructive but it will probably sound harsh so take it as you wish.

You are feeding your child too many calories.
Take the kid gloves off with the In-laws if they are not adhering to your dietary requests whilst she in in their care. She is your child not theirs.
Exercise is clearly not an issue here.
You have not answered sealgaire's request to post your child's diet.
This should be your first port of call before requiring professional assistance through a dietician or GP.
Going to a GP/dietician will only reinforce to your child that there is an issue.
There are ways of increasing portion size and reducing calories at the same time.
The nutrition forum is full of posters who could provide ideas on how to reduce calories more than willing to help.

silverharp

There are plenty of good threads on the nutrition forum about low carb diets. A lot of people who crave food are actually craving carbs as their system reacts badly to too much sugar and carbs in general. A low carb diet tends to reduce appetite and reduces the amount of calories stored as fat.

I would be curious to see the current range of food of the child?, many people are badly mistaken about what is healthy.