Overweight child - how to avoid eating disorders

gym_mom

She eats toast or cereal for breakfast. Generally weetabix, rice krispies or cornflakes. She has a ham sandwich on brown bread and an apple for lunch, diluted black current juice to drink. She eats dinner at the inlaws and this would sometimes be meat, potatoes and veg or could be unhealthy frozen food type stuff, stew, pasta, something with rice etc.. She doesn't eat with us in the evening but might have toast, or crackers or cereal, something light about 7.30. The unknowns I suppose are the amount of extra stuff she might have before she comes home but we limit biscuits etc in the house. Out of 6 easter eggs she got, she still has two unopened so she doesn't gorge on this stuff. At the weekends, we have similar type breakfast, usually cook decent heatlhy dinners and could have anything for tea like a roll, soup, sandwich, sausages, pasta. Weekends could be a problem with being out and about and getting too much treats like icecream or maybe crisps etc. We're not a takeaway family apart from the odd time if we've been out all day and we might get one on the way home, this would be a few chips and one sausage.

Portion size is a problem, one plateful is never enough, she always wants seconds, complains that she has a small plate while we have large ones and is always willing to finish her sisters' food.

Although she is involved in a lot of stuff, the excercise she is getting is not enough. The dancing is one hour a week as is the swimming and the football. Winter can be hard too because it's dark early and not a lot to do in the evenings. I walk regularly but can't get her to come with me, she's terrified of the dogs in the neighbours garden and this is the excuse not to come. (in fairness an alsation came at us the last time she came walking with me and frightened the life out of both of us).

I know what a lot of the problems are and I know I could develop a healthier diet for her... it's how to deal with it the right way without making her feel that her weight is a major issue.

LegacyUser

Op can she cook with you? Can you buy her any child's cooking book, or healthy eating book?

There's such a massive focus on weight in today's society, that it's an absolute minefield to navigate. I will say one thing though. I started piling on pounds a bit around the age of 10/11. My mum, while the best in the world, used to say a lot that we couldn't eat biscuits and sweets because they were bad for you. She never put anything sweet in our lunches either. In theory that's fine, but I remember from when I was 10/11 or so upwards, if I got a little bit of money - anything - I would gorge myself on sweets. Literally, I'd buy a pound or 1.50 worth of penny sweets, ice cream cones, 2 or 3 chocolate bars at a time. I even remember taking family packs of chocolate bars from the presses and eating them all in one sitting. When I look back, it's completely embarassing. Even from the age of 15 or so though, I used to wonder if I would have had such an extreme reaction to wanting sweets if she had just put a small bar in my lunch everyday.Maybe it would have helped and prevented me from eating the way I did in secret. I remember looking at other girls in my class and wondering how, if it was so bad for you, they could all have one small bar at the break time every day and not become fat or overweight.

I was never hugely overweight by any means - maybe a half a stone or so - but I remember always thinking that I was massive compared to everyone else. It didn't help that my mother frequently referred to it in somewhat couched terms, never directly saying "you're fat" - more just dropping into conversation endlessly about eating healthily, doing loads of exercise makes you lose weight, talking about cutting out biscuits and sweets...just small comments, that used to really strike into my heart, making me feel twice as bad. I hated clothes shopping,everything. Now I realise that much of my problem was actually my mother's way of approaching what was going on, because she didn't really know any better, but to this day, those feelings have stuck with me. I'm now 28 and it's only in recent years that my attitude to food has changed somewhat - and that I've realised that my mother's attitude to it is not that healthy and is certainly not the same as mine. Which I'm ok with. I'm a smallish size 12, which seems pretty ok to me.

Ok, so I've probably scared the crap out of you, which I didn't mean to do. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that dressing it up as something else, or constantly talking about (directly or indirectly) it is not really the way to go. I'll try and throw out a few ideas that just occur to me, that I might consider if it was my child - I don't know whether or not they'll work but I'm sure you could let us know...

Does she know about the food pyramid? Maybe you could sit her down and have a chat about puberty and what can happen in puberty (or is she a bit young?). Suggest that sometimes people can put on a lot of weight during puberty, and to prevent against it, show her the food pyramid. Maybe use it in conjunction with a food diary or log, in a notebook that she choses herself. Maybe look at focusing on just eating less of some things and more of others - not weighing things out or anything - just "I had 1 biscuit today, but I also had brown bread/this much veg/this much yogurt - here's how it fits into the food pyramid.

Definitely, definitely, definitely have a chat with the inlaws. It's your child, they need to stick with what you ask, especially if you have concerns.

Could you talk to your GP or a dietician yourself, without your daughter, and ask them for suggestions? Is there a school nurse you could go to? Literally explain your problem and tell them you didn't want to bring her along the first time, because you're afraid of the effect it might have on her. Ask them for the best ways to address this.

I know you say you eat healthily, but you do need to review her diet. Are there a lot of snacks between meals? Is she eating a lot of white bread? Is there a lot of sugary foods there? What are the portion sizes? Nutrition forum might be good for that.

I can't think of anything else right now.It's hard, but you should address it, because she'll feel very awkward about her weight once she is a teenager and it'll be an extremely sensitive issue then.

Zamboni

gym_mom wrote: »

She eats toast or cereal for breakfast. Generally weetabix, rice krispies or cornflakes. She has a ham sandwich on brown bread and an apple for lunch, diluted black current juice to drink. She eats dinner at the inlaws and this would sometimes be meat, potatoes and veg or could be unhealthy frozen food type stuff, stew, pasta, something with rice etc.. She doesn't eat with us in the evening but might have toast, or crackers or cereal, something light about 7.30.
At the weekends, we have similar type breakfast, usually cook decent heatlhy dinners and could have anything for tea like a roll, soup, sandwich, sausages, pasta.

Everything in bold is heavy in sugar and will cause insulin spikes which will assist fat gain.
Trade all of them for more vegetables,eggs, meat/fish.

gym_mom wrote: »

Portion size is a problem, one plateful is never enough, she always wants seconds, complains that she has a small plate while we have large ones and is always willing to finish her sisters' food.

Say no.
Done deal. Be firm.
If she wants big portions give her tons of veg.

gym_mom wrote: »

Although she is involved in a lot of stuff, the excercise she is getting is not enough. The dancing is one hour a week as is the swimming and the football.

Again, exercise is not the issue here.
The diet is.

LadyMayBelle

I really feel OP that you have gotten a lot of suggestions and advice from this thread and you have to take that step and put them into practice. I agree the longer term effects of your child being overweight may be devastating for her in the future so you ened to act now.

1)I'm no nutritionsist but I reckon you could pop some more fruit in there, as a snack as opposed to treats and chips. Her diet seems very carb heavy...

2)Take control of what food your inlaws give your daughter. It is your responsibilty.

3) Get her exercising some more, not as 'exercise' but as a family. Can you drive to a spot nearby so you can avoid that dog and get a fast paced nature walk in? Can you ask your neighbour to keep the dog in for the few minutes it takes to walk past the house?

4) Portion size is also your resonsiblity. Your child will not starve once she has the right nutritious amount of food and as said, portion size can be large with lower calories.You have the power to say 'No'.
Give her plenty of fluids; often hunger is confused with thirst.

5)Ease up on the 'treats' for ALL the family..is there a need for eveyone to have treats, why not some fruit or healthy snack instead? Introduce new fruits; Lidl and Aldi often have great selections and varieties if the cost is an issue.

6) Ban weighing scales, trashy magazines with stcik thin models from the house. You cannot protect your child from exposure to such nonsense but you can limit what may be harmful.


7) Focus on the health, not the weight. Think about your own attitudes to weight..is there eating disorders, unhealthy attitudes to weight, are overweight in your home/family? Are there people who 'diet' etc and has she been aware of this?

8)Seek support from the school, her GP and consider a referral to a nutritionist. I guarantee you however, that the first thing they will tell you to do, is to try what has been recommended on this thread. Emotional health wise, boost her self esteem and do not shame, don't be critical (I see you don't and aren't. that's super) and maybe do some reading on that topic. I am sure the school has come up against this before and can point you in the direct of a PHN perhaps

9) Be concsious that your anxieties about weight etc can be sensed by your daughter. She is hitting puberty, where weight can become a issue, so be supportive and take the windows of opportunity that come to you to talk face to face about this stuff.

You're her Mum and judging by a lot of the posts on this thread, it is much better to sort this out now than wait years down the line.

I'm EDITING after reading that anon posters suggestions..fantastic post and ideas...so much of what you need to do is about educating her..knowledge is power, at any age.

I would also suggest you educate yourself on causes of eating disorders so you are aware fully of the facts and the many factors that can influence and also what can be done to help prevent.

www.bodywhys.ie

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/WhatCaus.pdf

gym_mom

Thanks for all the great advice folks. I'll be sure to update this thread when I tackle the issue and let you know how it's going. I think it could be my own fear that's holding me back from really tackling it.

LadyMayBelle

gym_mom wrote: »

Thanks for all the great advice folks. I'll be sure to update this thread when I tackle the issue and let you know how it's going. I think it could be my own fear that's holding me back from really tackling it.

If you think it is, then you did a great thing by seeking out support and not 'ignoring' the issue and there is a lot more out there if you look for it. Best of luck and do keep us posted; I for one am very interested

titanium feather

I can understand your concerns about avoiding causing psychological issues for your daughter.

As the parent, you need to take responsibility for your daughter's food intake. By all means, be open to discussion with her about it. But when you're discussing it with her, don't refer to it as a "diet", or as something she has to do. Instead, just gently (but firmly!) introduce healthier alternatives to some of the food that she's currently eating.

I think it's important that, firstly, any changes you make should be to your family's diet as a whole, so that she doesn't feel "victimised" or left out. Secondly, you should emphasise that any changes implemented are permanent, lifestyle changes, which are going to make the family healthier - not a "diet" to make her lose weight.

It may be an idea to gradually change one meal at a time. Begin with breakfast - Weetabix isn't the worst (although it's not great), but Rice Krispies and Cornflakes are full of sugar! And toast is no way to start the day either, especially for such an active child. Simply don't buy any more cereal once what's there runs out. And look into healthier, more filling alternatives (perhaps eggs, porridge, yoghurt, fruit, wholegrain bread, etc.) And be firm and consistent - your daughter and her siblings may kick up a fuss at first, and may even refuse to eat it, but once they see you're not giving in they'll accept it as the new "norm". Involve them in the decision - ask the night before "what will we make for breakfast in the morning" and you can discuss what they'd like and why this would/would not make a healthy nutritious breakfast.

Just to emphasise again, this is something that all of your children should be involved in - your eldest should not be treated any differently because of her weight. I believe that this is the best way to avoid creating "issues" for her.

When you have a good breakfast routine sorted, you can start looking at the other meals.

Also, introduce new rules for the family which everyone must follow. For example, create a "snack" shelf of healthy food, and this is the only food that anyone is allowed have outside of mealtimes. Avoid the issue of her looking for "seconds" by making only enough to feed everyone a normal sized meal - it's all about portion control (particularly with things like pasta, potatoes, rice - no need to eliminate them completely, but read up online about appropriate portion sizes for these foods, and stick to them.) Offer a healthy dessert instead of seconds. Strictly limit the diluted drinks, and introduce healthier alternatives. Then maybe have one slightly more relaxed day a week, say on a Sunday, where the family is allowed some "treat" food (don't make it an all out binge day though!)

There is no reason for her (or for any of you) to ever go hungry or to feel "unsatisfied" after a meal - just start making healthier choices as a family, and you'll help her lose the weight without her even realising that it's a problem.

Sleepy

Any chance you could convince the kids the dietary changes are for your or "Dad's" benefit rather than their own. Might make it easier to deal with if they think they're having to eat healthier to stop Daddy getting fat than as a means of improving your daughter's diet?

How Strange

I think a nutrionalist is a great idea. It would be good to keep a food diary of the whole family so they know what you're eating and maybe bring a dinner plate to show what your portion sizes are.

I honestly can't see a gp being equipped with the skills to deal with such a delicate issue effectively yet tactfully. That's what a nutrionalist is qualified to do.

I agree that there's alot of refined carbs in her diet and while it may not affect her siblings her system can't process them. It's also very important that she learns about portion sizes now especially for carbs.

Yes it's a possible minefield but take the focus off her eating badly and start changing how the whole family eats. Protein for breakfast is a much healthier way to start the day so eggs or yoghurt and fruit. This will keep her more full for longer. A good portion of meat or fish at dinner with lots of veg and a small portion of carbs. Again, it's about changing a mindset but once she and the whole family start eating like this she should feel more full. I always do the 20 minute ule. It takes 20 minutes for my brain to tell my stomach that I'm full so if I'm still hungry after 20 mins I'll get something else up eat but usually I'll feel full.

I think she wants to change things because you say she's mentioned her weight to you so now you as the parent have to initiate that change. The focus if the change should be on healthy eating not on calorie counting or dieting. If it's done in a positive way to benefit the health if the whole family even the slimmer members (to avoid cholesterol etc) then she won't feel singled out as being on a diet for being fat or overweight.

_ariadne

Definatley deal with this asap before she is a teenager!
As has been said, have an open conversation with her about how she feels about her weight, relationship to food etc and keep it centred around being healthy, not about image. Its great to give other people the heads up and get them to comment to her about how good and healthy she is eating etc.

The food with the in-laws does seem to be a problem, would it be possible for you to make healthy meals at weekends and then freeze them for them to use during the week? also provide a smaller plate (you can get plates made with pictures etc, maybe get all of your children to design a plate each) for your daughter to use.
also keeping her involved with food diaries, dr visits etc will be good for her to take direct control on her eting habits.

Eating disorders are awful and you, like all parents, will need to keep a good eye out for the signs. But really, being owerweight is a huge health problem and you owe to to your child to tackle this.

gym_mom

Yes the food at the inlaws is a bit of a minefield. We've had the conversation a few times over the years and yes they are always willing to help but after a while it slips back. To be honest, they actually dont understand what healthy eating is. They are all very overweight themselves and eat badly. I have fought with myself about making the meals and sending them up but I suppose a combination of not having the time to do that and a bit of laziness on my part in terms of cooking all that food in advance on the weekends as well as being afraid of insulting them. I have decided Im going to do this more though, Im going to start sending up dinners for a few days of the week, especially for the summer months when they will be there a lot more. It's not there fault though, Im not saying it is. It's all down to us to sort out.

Anyway, we had a chat last night (the hubby and I). I tried to coax her to come walking with me and she kept saying No. Then her dad just told her to get her runners and they were going walking and there was to be no argument. Once she was out the gate she stopped complaining and enjoyed the walk. I told the three of them when they returned that we were all going to get a lot more excercise from now on and that they could choose what it was. So I think small steps is the way forward. We've been cutting out the bad food bit by bit. Last evening I avoided taking the kids to an event where there would be a lot of bad stuff because they've had a couple of these already this week. The portion sizes are next on my agenda and then another chat with the inlaws. Im still thinking about the nutritionist but it will be more in terms of finding out if she has an intolerance to any certain foods. Im not sure how she will take this so I'll research it a bit more.

Thanks again for all the advice, Im reading every little bit and although Im not commenting on everyone's points, I've taken a lot of good things from this so keep them coming if you have any more. I'd like to hear from anyone who has a similar story (hopefully with a happy ending but any story will be great).

cynder

gym_mom wrote: »

.

Anyway, we had a chat last night (the hubby and I). I tried to coax her to come walking with me and she kept saying No. Then her dad just told her to get her runners and they were going walking and there was to be no argument. Once she was out the gate she stopped complaining and enjoyed the walk. I told the three of them when they returned that we were all going to get a lot more excercise from now on and that they could choose what it was. So I think small steps is the way forward. We've been cutting out the bad food bit by bit. Last evening I avoided taking the kids to an event where there would be a lot of bad stuff because they've had a couple of these already this week. The portion sizes are next on my agenda and then another chat with the inlaws. Im still thinking about the nutritionist but it will be more in terms of finding out if she has an intolerance to any certain foods. Im not sure how she will take this so I'll research it a bit more.

).

Good work!

kaa

gym_mom wrote: »

So can anyone please help with the phschological issue of forcing a 10 year old to face the fact that she's fat and how to avoid long term damage and eating disorders ?

wel i was chubby as a child and my parents where like you...we had healthy dinners and all that and i was exactly like your daughter. i was always out playing and i played sport and was able to keep up with d skinny kids like. but when i hit puberty the weight just fell off me....maybe that will happen to your daughter. because my brothes where totally different body shapes....they were skinny and active and we had the same dinners like.

and im going to be honest when i did loss the weight i did not eat alot because i wanted the stay the way i was....i only ate once r twice a day...and i do know thats what your worried about and i dont blame you because looking back it was stupid of me.

so my advice maybe visit your gp and ask his opionion. or maybe when your daughter brings up here own weight maybe you step in and disscuss your own weight issues and struggles to make her feel better and maybe attack this together and ask her what she would like to do about it and tell her what you did and all that or maybe ye decide on seeing a dietican together. hope this helps and good luck

cbyrd

I have the same issue with my eldest but i don't sugarcoat it with her. She tends to put on over the winter when exercise is limited. I have no hesitation in telling her that the 6 crackers she eats is full of salt and fat and she'd be better eating an apple or banana.
I switched to a smaller plate size for dinner. I limit treats to 1 a day took her off all sweetened drinks not just fizzy ones.

She drinks water now and lots more than she used to. It wasn't an overnight thing it took about 3 months but it was well worth it. Her self-esteem shot up and she can now fit into 'fashionable' clothes like her friends, its difficult, but the joy when the pounds started falling off was great. I've educated her in the difference between different foods, the effects longterm of too much sugar and salt and the difference between sugar from fruit as opposed to sugars in sweets.

She's 12 now going through puberty and is a complete bitch somedays,:D but i don't think a day goes by that she doesn't pay attentiion to what she eats.
Portion size is the most important. then exercise, we have a trampoline and she spends ages on it. Don't get me wrong there's times i wonder if i'm doing the right thing by making her aware of how big she was getting, the alternative was turn a blind eye and watch her get bigger and more miserable. She's by no means skinny, but a size 8-10 in grown up sizes fit her grand, she's about 5 foot now and she's a 34B . Eat less exercise more...:) Good luck with it.

LegacyUser

OP, your daughter's problem may be a little more complicated than simply diet.

If she is constantly hungry as you describe, it could be that she has metabolic abnormalities, such as leptin deficiency or thyroid issues - which might mean that no matter how much she eats, she will still feel hungry, because the hormones from her body that tell her brain that she has had enough to eat don't work properly.

I think what other posters have suggested about maintaining a focus on health rather than image is important, and you seem to be doing a great job in terms of being sensitive and aware, so I think you've already won half the battle.

A GP referral to an endocrinologist might shed some light on any metabolic abnormalities - which, if present, are quite treatable and will result in normalisation of appetite and weight. It might also make her feel better about herself (ie that she's not "weak" or "greedy" for being hungry all the time, because it's not her fault). It's only a thought I had after reading your descriptions but it's definitely worth checking out.

gym_mom

kaa wrote: »

wel i was chubby as a child and my parents where like you...we had healthy dinners and all that and i was exactly like your daughter. i was always out playing and i played sport and was able to keep up with d skinny kids like. but when i hit puberty the weight just fell off me....maybe that will happen to your daughter. because my brothes where totally different body shapes....they were skinny and active and we had the same dinners like.

and im going to be honest when i did loss the weight i did not eat alot because i wanted the stay the way i was....i only ate once r twice a day...and i do know thats what your worried about and i dont blame you because looking back it was stupid of me.

so my advice maybe visit your gp and ask his opionion. or maybe when your daughter brings up here own weight maybe you step in and disscuss your own weight issues and struggles to make her feel better and maybe attack this together and ask her what she would like to do about it and tell her what you did and all that or maybe ye decide on seeing a dietican together. hope this helps and good luck

Did you lose the weight just by hitting puberty and growing taller or was it coupled with a definite plan of eating less and excercising more ? Im hoping that this will happen but when I look back on photos, the older she has got, the fatter she has become so the height hasn't dont anything yet.

I think portions is going to be my biggest help. I'll really focus on this for starters and try introduce different things each week as we get used to each one.

cynder

cbyrd wrote: »

I have the same issue with my eldest but i don't sugarcoat it with her. She tends to put on over the winter when exercise is limited. I have no hesitation in telling her that the 6 crackers she eats is full of salt and fat and she'd be better eating an apple or banana.
I switched to a smaller plate size for dinner. I limit treats to 1 a day took her off all sweetened drinks not just fizzy ones.

She drinks water now and lots more than she used to. It wasn't an overnight thing it took about 3 months but it was well worth it. Her self-esteem shot up and she can now fit into 'fashionable' clothes like her friends, its difficult, but the joy when the pounds started falling off was great. I've educated her in the difference between different foods, the effects longterm of too much sugar and salt and the difference between sugar from fruit as opposed to sugars in sweets.

She's 12 now going through puberty and is a complete bitch somedays,:D but i don't think a day goes by that she doesn't pay attentiion to what she eats.
Portion size is the most important. then exercise, we have a trampoline and she spends ages on it. Don't get me wrong there's times i wonder if i'm doing the right thing by making her aware of how big she was getting, the alternative was turn a blind eye and watch her get bigger and more miserable. She's by no means skinny, but a size 8-10 in grown up sizes fit her grand, she's about 5 foot now and she's a 34B . Eat less exercise more...:) Good luck with it.

SHe is perfect , size at 8-10 in adults clothes is perfect. My lady (age 11) is 5 foot 1`(29 inch leg) and she is in size 6 - 8 clothes, however she does have a few size 10 clothes (chest size 32aa), she is one of the skinniest in her year at school (out of 90 kids). my problem is keeping the weight on her, as when she gets sick her blood sugars go haywire and she can loose over 1/2 a stone in 2-3 days. she is now almost 7 stone now after loosing weight there about 2 months ago.


My lady thinks she is fat, its i have a fat belly or i have fat legs, i have to convince her she is normal.

Ayla

grindelwald wrote: »

SHe is perfect , size at 8-10 in adults clothes is perfect...

I have no official guidelines, only my own experience here, but I am 31 yrs old, almost 5'7" and I wear a size 10. According to the "Stop the Spread" campaign recently launched (where women are considered overweight for having over a 32" waist) I am just on the fence (ie: I'm 32").

Personally, I wouldn't think having a 12 yr old who's only around 5' wearing size 8-10 is "perfect." There is a reason they call them adult clothes.

Zamboni

usergoinganonym wrote: »

OP, your daughter's problem may be a little more complicated than simply diet.

If she is constantly hungry as you describe, it could be that she has metabolic abnormalities, such as leptin deficiency or thyroid issues - which might mean that no matter how much she eats, she will still feel hungry, because the hormones from her body that tell her brain that she has had enough to eat don't work properly.

A GP referral to an endocrinologist might shed some light on any metabolic abnormalities - which, if present, are quite treatable and will result in normalisation of appetite and weight. It might also make her feel better about herself (ie that she's not "weak" or "greedy" for being hungry all the time, because it's not her fault). It's only a thought I had after reading your descriptions but it's definitely worth checking out.

Why are you creating problems that are not more than likely not there?
Google Occam's Razor when you get a moment.

Ayla

Out of fairness, though, the OP did state in her original message that her daughter's weight & constant feeding has been a lifelong issue. And one that her siblings do not share. Considering she does have a (comparitively) healthy lifestyle and (generally) healthy diet, maybe it's not out of line to do some simple physiological tests to make sure there isn't something else gong on. Won't hurt to rule that out as a possible trigger anyway.

careca11

gym_mom wrote: »

I have a 10 year old girl who is quite overweight. Her problem started from a small baby when she could never be satisfied and was put on the "hungry baby" formula on the advice of the health nurse. This quickly piled on the pounds and she has always craved food since. Although we watch her food intake as much as possible and she is quite active and relatively fit in comparison to many of her peers, she is well overweight for her age and height. She is a tall girl with a large bone structure as well. My younger kids are a normal weight and don't have this problem.

She does lots of activities including swimming, dancing, gaelic, trampolining and after school games and we are always out in the garden as much as possible. She walks to and from school. She loves her food but loves healthy dinners and we eat lots of veg and cook healthy meals. But she is always thinking about the next meal and looking for something else to eat. She definitely needs to diet and try to lose about 2 stone.

My dilhemma is this. Although I know she needs to diet, I just can't find the right way to enforce this because I am terrified of forcing an eating disorder on my child. I tell her all the time how important it is to be healthy and that she is beautiful and kind hearted etc.. She is aware of the problem because she has mentioned it so many times. But how do I make her diet without pushing her down the road to eating disorders. Is 10 to early for this ? I really need some good advice so please everyone else.. I dont need lectures.. Im quite aware that it's my fault and she needs to lose weight. I know the health issues, lectures wont help me. Can anyone please offer some real advice on how to tackle this issue with a young girl on her way towards puberty when body image is going to take over her life. I need to sort this out and I need to make sure Im doing it the right way because I've seen the damage that bulimea and anhorexia can do to people.

Thanks in advance...

the slimming world diet program might be the way to go ,
its actually not really a diet at it really mostly common sense
like using frylite spray instead of oil when frying ,
cut down on breads ,
you can study the program and just tweek her meals to suit.
Other than that , you should write a dairy of exactly what she eats in a week , and from you you should be able to spot things that are possible problems (you could even post them her and sure we can at least offer an opinion)


My wife is at slimming world and as i am the cook of the house I have introduced some of their meals to my 2 year old child . he loves them

or perhaps she has some sort of food allergy that is actually bloating her (a dietition or nutritionalist would be the best to see ), because she sounds very active indeed .....................many kids wcould take a leaf out of her book in terms of activities

cynder

Ayla wrote: »

I have no official guidelines, only my own experience here, but I am 31 yrs old, almost 5'7" and I wear a size 10. According to the "Stop the Spread" campaign recently launched (where women are considered overweight for having over a 32" waist) I am just on the fence (ie: I'm 32").

Personally, I wouldn't think having a 12 yr old who's only around 5' wearing size 8-10 is "perfect." There is a reason they call them adult clothes.

Picture of my just turned 11 year old wearing an adult dress, to me she is perfect, she is not fat, she is not over weight, at age 11 she is the height and weight of a 13 year old, she is in no way abnormal.

If you think that is fat and she shouldnt be wearing adult clothes that fit her frame then im lost........ i couldn't imagine a better picture of health.


I looked up next directory and a 32 inch waist by them is a size 16!

Ayla

I do not think (under any circumstances) that your child is overweight. All I'm saying is that I can't figure out how someone who is 7" shorter than me and 20 years younger can (or should) wear the same size clothes. I have gone through puberty, I have a woman's hips/thighs/chest. An 11-12 year has not and does not.

And as per Next, well that doesn't make any sense. I'm currently wearing a pair of Signature Next trousers marked 10P, and they're a couple inches too big around everywhere...I can only imagine what a 16 would be. Guess it goes to show the irregularity of the fashion/clothing industry!

gym_mom

Ok let's not turn this helpful thread into a fight. You might want to remove the picture of your (very pretty and healthy looking ) daughter from the thread as you wouldn't know where the picture would end up.

The food intolerance thing is certainly a possibility as I said she was a hungry baby from the get-go. She was breastfed for about 6 weeks but I just couldn't keep up with her and when she was on the bottle it was more like every 2.5 hours that she started to cry for another feed. Then from about 3 months old the pictures I have are of a chubby baby and she's never been anything but chubby since. However, her BMI now would indicate she is in the obese range for her age and height. It's probably a combination of a lot of stuff but Im sure she's getting too many calories now and not enough excercise to balance it out. My girl is a very big build also and if she had no weight on her at all she would still be quite big for her age.

Anyway, I've done a lot of research today and I reckon that she knows how loved and how special she is and she would be able to handle being helped to lose weight without it becoming a major psychological issue for her.

cynder

Yep I know what you mean my lady was 9pm 1 oz born 1 week early, she was always bigish. Everyone comes in different shapes n sizes. If you were to take 1/2 a stone off my lady she would be skinny, a size 8 suits her. As you could see. I planned on taking the photo down as it was just to illustrate that size 8 adult clothes can fit 11 year olds and still look good.

Your lady might be destined to be a size 12, just encourage her to do the best she can to be healthy. Not everyone was or is meant to be a size 8 or a size 10. Your doing the right thing, focus on health rather than dress size.....

cynder

Ayla wrote: »

I do not think (under any circumstances) that your child is overweight. All I'm saying is that I can't figure out how someone who is 7" shorter than me and 20 years younger can (or should) wear the same size clothes. I have gone through puberty, I have a woman's hips/thighs/chest. An 11-12 year has not and does not.

And as per Next, well that doesn't make any sense. I'm currently wearing a pair of Signature Next trousers marked 10P, and they're a couple inches too big around everywhere...I can only imagine what a 16 would be. Guess it goes to show the irregularity of the fashion/clothing industry!

Have you seen the horrid clothes they have for 11 and 12 year olds? they are was to childish for 11 and 12 year olds, next adult range is trendy. Have to watch low cut tops but other stuff is grand, name it has nice dresses for young teens, my lady wore one 2 the Taylor swift concert.

Just thought what if you were both at a concert and my girl was wearing the same dress as you :eek: lol,

Dress sizes differ from store to store. That's why my lady goes from an 6 to a 10.

Zamboni

Ayla wrote: »

Out of fairness, though, the OP did state in her original message that her daughter's weight & constant feeding has been a lifelong issue. And one that her siblings do not share. Considering she does have a (comparitively) healthy lifestyle and (generally) healthy diet, maybe it's not out of line to do some simple physiological tests to make sure there isn't something else gong on. Won't hurt to rule that out as a possible trigger anyway.

You want to do a physiological test?
Give the child less calories and see what happens.
So what if the child exercises and eats 'healthily'.
If she is consuming in excess of her bodies requirements she will store the energy as fat. End of.
The fact that her siblings have different bodyshapes means absolutely nothing!

So far there have been suggestions of going to a GP, a nutritionist, a dietician, and an endoncrinologist on this thread.
It's no wonder this country has high levels of obesity when people refuse point blank to deal with the fundamental and obvious causal factor of consuming too many calories.
Why on earth would the OP seek any professional assistance without trying to reduce the calorie intake of the child first?
Why seek to apportion blame on some potential medical condition?

OP you can take on board the advice of all the PC brigade on this thread and pay money to seek professional help, spend months worrying about allergies or 'metabolic abnormalities' or you can do something direct and free which starts now. Reduce your child's calorie intake.

World has gone nuts.

Dudess

The OP says her daughter eats well and exercises a lot though. I don't think people are being PC at all, just considering that it might be one of those exceptional cases where she gains weight more easily than average.

As for the 11-year-old kid wearing adult size clothes - probably because some adult size clothes are absolutely miniscule. I know there are women who are extremely tiny, but most aren't, and some of the clothes in high street shops that are meant for women would easily fit a child.

LegacyUser

OP - I'd refrain from discussing this with your daughter in terms of a "diet". A diet sounds short-term, like a temporary solution to a weight problem. This means that in her mind, one day she will no longer be "on a diet", which means reverting back to her previous eating patterns. As soon as you label a different eating pattern as a "diet" it sounds limited.

Instead, you need to talk in terms of healthy lifestyles for the entire family. Over the summer, see if there's a family or children's cooking class. Get her and your other children involved in preparing meals; talk about ingredients and where they come from and what they build in the body. Having conversations about food, health and lifestyle for the whole family is more effective than telling your daughter she's going on a diet. Your goal should be to teach your children how to eat, not just to get one of them to lose weight.

I agree with PP that there are a lot of unnecessary sugars in your daughter's food intake at the moment and juice and the like can be eliminated, as they only have empty calories and very few nutrients. A piece of fruit fills you up more than juice.

One issue that I don't think has been mentioned is water intake. It may be that she is mistaking thirst for hunger. This is common in children and a lot more common in adults. Given she is doing a lot of physical activity, it may be that she is not drinking enough water, so make sure she has her water bottle with her and is regularly taking sips. This is NOT to suggest that she ignore genuine hunger and substitute water for food, just that she may need to increase how much she is drinking.

The other thing to look at is how fast she is eating. It actually takes time for the body to register being full and if she's a quick eater, she might be getting through all of her dinner before her body registers it's had enough, which means she really does still feel hungry. In this case, offering a glass of water or making her wait at least 30 minutes before she could have more to eat (sometimes kids are genuinely hungry) means that she might not feel as hungry as she did straight after the meal. During this time, you can also get her focussed on something else - homework, getting ready for bed etc. If she really is still hungry, then offer her vegetables, protein or slow-energy releasing carbs, but not more refined carbs (white pasta, bread, fruit etc).

I also agree about not banning treats altogether, but make sure they really are only sometimes, and don't make treats a reward for good behaviour or anything. A treat should just be something to eat that tastes nice - it shouldn't be associated with giving your approval.

cynder

Dudess wrote: »

As for the 11-year-old kid wearing adult size clothes - probably because some adult size clothes are absolutely miniscule. I know there are women who are extremely tiny, but most aren't, and some of the clothes in high street shops that are meant for women would easily fit a child.

Think thats down to models who have a size 0, Victoria becham has the waist of a 7 year old, is the 7 year old fat or is VB to thin????