A Pregnant Woman is Public Property

Rosy Posy

Hello ladies, I'm fairly new to this forum, just coming into my third trimester with my third child, and needed to get something off my chest...apologies in advance for the rant, but... Has anyone else noticed how people- both acquaintances and strangers- seem to think its ok to cross boundaries with a pregnant lady that they never would with her non-childbearing sisters?

For example- commenting on your personal appearance... how many of you have heard- 'you're very big' or 'you're looking tired' in the last couple of days? IMO, telling someone they look tired is the equivalent of saying 'you look like a steaming heap of sh1te', which may be true and all but is it really necessary. I mean no one feels the need to tell someone who's put on a few pounds that they're looking very fat today, they'd be mortified, but a pregnant woman is fair game.

Also, the belly gropers...old ladies are a prime culprit here, but also friends and family, who think that an adequate greeting is a rub on the belly making me feel like I'm supposed to be some kind of benign buddha, when I'm feeling anything but. I guess we're all protective of the growing sproglet inside but when someone (other than my partner) puts their hands on my growing womb without asking permission it makes the maternal lion inside roar.

But I don't. I never snap back 'Oh, I'm looking big am I, well at least in three months I'll have a baby and stretch marks and you'll still be ugly', nor do I fondle a sensitive part of the gropers anatomy in response. I just smile tightly and agree with their pontification on the miracle of human reproduction.

So tell me ladies- am I insane? Is anyone else bothered by this? And does anyone have a more appropriate response than the above?

thanks for listening!

Ayla

OP - I completely understand. I had to roll my eyes at all the opinions on how I was carrying my babies (and how none of these opinions ever matched!). A GP even took a look at me (when I was sitting down) & said "I think your baby will be born on Sunday, and, oh, I think you're having a girl." What?? :rolleyes:

Anyway, you are completely right - your body is still your body, even if someone else is borrowing a part of it for awhile. I was lucky that no one ever tried grabbing or rubbing the bump. I'm sure everyone knew how I'd react (I'm not the best at being one to just suck it up). I would love to be a fly on the wall if you snap tho!

'Oh, I'm looking big am I, well at least in three months I'll have a baby and stretch marks and you'll still be ugly'

:D:D

One thing I did like, however, was when I was preg with #1, I noticed that everyone looked after me a bit more...like I had somehow earned a respected position in society. Funny, then, that the same thing didn't happen when I was preg with #2!

Rosy Posy

...also, when you meet someone you haven't seen in a while, they always look first at the bump before they meet you in the eye... like you're no longer a person in you're own right

...similar feeling to when you have to ring up one of the other parents from kindergarten and introduce yourself as (child)'s mother...

Hannibal Smith

Your post made me giggle so much...particularly the 'benign budda' bit :D

nicowa

Rosy Posy wrote: »

... like I'm supposed to be some kind of benign buddha, when I'm feeling anything but.

Never mind the old ladies, sometimes I feel that way with my partner - espicially when morning sickness is rearing it's ugly head.

I'm not even showing yet (1st pregnancy) so I don't have any references other than people talking to my older sister during any one of her 5 pregnancies (2 girls, 3 boys!). But no one (afaik) went so far as to rub her belly. I didn't even do it and I'm her sister! Maybe it's the fact that we're out the country that people kept the personal distance?

Toots

The 'benign buddha' bit made me laugh too!

So far I've not had anyone coming up randomly and feeling my bump, 2 of my colleagues have felt it but they asked me first, and I'd consider them friends so that was grand (obviously my husband has felt it also lol). I think I'd be very put out if some randomer came up and started having a grope, and I'd probably say something to them (hopefully in a nice way but they wouldn't want to get me on a hormonal day!!) I mean you wouldn't come up to a non-pregnant woman and start rubbing her tummy, you'd probably be arrested!! I wouldn't mind if my immediate family did it, cos we'd be quite a huggy family anyway, but I reckon I'd feel a bit awkward if my in-laws did, purely cos they're not a 'huggy' family at all, and it would probably be more of a shock than anything else!

I'd never think it was ok to just go up and feel someone's bump. Funnily enough, my mum said that she got 'groped' a lot when she was expecting me and my sisters, and it used to drive her mad, so it's obviously not a 'modern' thing!!

It does crack me up the way people think that they can guess what you're having because of the shape of the bump. Two other girls I work with are 100% convinced I'm having a girl because my bump goes more to the front than out at the sides. Of course I've neglected to mention that I'm actually having a boy because I think it's funny to see them act all smug around everyone else when the others ask what it is!

Winnie

Yeah that is one thing that does annoy me a bit which is people telling me I am a particular shape so it means a particular thing regarding the baby's sex etc! How could they possibly know. Also another new thing that has started to annoy me a bit now is that I am now 38 weeks and looks likely Ill be having a c-section because the baby is breech and when people ask when Im due now and I tell them I may need section, they all say "ah sure thats nearly better, it will be a breeze for you then" !! They seem to think because I may not have to go through hours of labour then it will be no bother I am getting the easy way out.

Hannibal Smith

Winnie wrote: »

Yeah that is one thing that does annoy me a bit which is people telling me I am a particular shape so it means a particular thing regarding the baby's sex etc! How could they possibly know. Also another new thing that has started to annoy me a bit now is that I am now 38 weeks and looks likely Ill be having a c-section because the baby is breech and when people ask when Im due now and I tell them I may need section, they all say "ah sure thats nearly better, it will be a breeze for you then" !! They seem to think because I may not have to go through hours of labour then it will be no bother I am getting the easy way out.

Oh I hate all the....oooh you're carrying very high it must be a girl...my mother and sis in law told me that for 9 months...I ended up having a boy!

The thing I hate about pregnancy is when you're telling people and they're like 'oh I knew it!' Eh at 12 weeks how on EARTH could you have known! :rolleyes:

cbyrd

I obviously just look fat cos when i say i'm expecting people look surprised .. :eek::(
I saw a great teeshirt that says' hands off the bump .. ' with 2 hand prints where the bump is. .. . funny
i'm 24 weeks now on my 4th and i work in a men's hairdresesers so nobody really touches the bump. .

Rosy Posy

cbyrd wrote: »

I saw a great teeshirt that says' hands off the bump .. ' with 2 hand prints where the bump is. .. . funny

lol
found this site http://www.cafepress.com/evilgeniusstore/1993389 with a whole lot of snappy comebacks...it must be a well documented phenomenon then. Still don't think I'm brave enough to use them though! Will have to stick to fuming inside and raising my bp...

Ayla

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

The thing I hate about pregnancy is when you're telling people and they're like 'oh I knew it!' Eh at 12 weeks how on EARTH could you have known! :rolleyes:

When I was preg with my second, apparently my father-in-law "knew." He told a brother-in-law that he thought I was preg...and you know what? I was.

I was, at the time, 2 weeks pregnant.

Geez, he's good. :rolleyes:

Hannibal Smith

Ayla wrote: »

When I was preg with my second, apparently my father-in-law "knew." He told a brother-in-law that he thought I was preg...and you know what? I was.

I was, at the time, 2 weeks pregnant.

Geez, he's good. :rolleyes:

lol, bet you'd wished you'd saved money on the pregnancy test, ey?:D

Somekindanut

My hairdresser thought it was ok to rub my belly as he dried my hair! Made for a very uncomfortable visit :eek:

freudiangirl

http://evilclomid.com/2008/08/13/dear-non-pregnant-person/


found this on another site when my mil told me i was looking pregnant at 6 weeks!!

its true
i am not showing too much yet despite being 21 weeks but I plan on slapping people if they touch my baby without permission!!!

wmpdd3

I had a customer rub my belly when I was over 30 weeks. I nearly floored her.

All my friends were warned, 'hands off'.

And discussing how my boobs are bigger now than they every were and how flat I used to be is not even slightly funny.

Can killing someone while pregnant be classed as a crime of passion?

The Big Red Button

Rosy Posy wrote: »

...also, when you meet someone you haven't seen in a while, they always look first at the bump before they meet you in the eye... like you're no longer a person in you're own right

A good friend of mine is pregnant at the moment, and whenever we meet up with other friends who don't see her too often, it's just a beeline to the bump! They haven't seen her in months, but they'll immediately start hugging and kissing her tummy before even saying hello to her?! What makes it worse is that, although she'll be the bestest mammy in the world, it was a very much unplanned pregnancy, so she's doing her best to focus on the fact that she'll still have a life after baby is born. It doesn't help when her friends disregard her as a person, and meet up with her just to gawp/grope at the bump/ask her a million questions about her pregnancy. :rolleyes:

She gets a LOT of people groping the bump. She says she doesn't mind "friends and family" doing it, but she's gotten several randomers - including a very drunk man! - coming up groping it too. Have to say, I'd be very weird about even friend and family touching it, if I were pregnant. Would find it very uncomfortable!