Finally, an Inquest.

My mam died in Hospital last year, during a 'routine' procedure. She should have been in and out in an hour, but she never came out of the room alive.

Hospital refused to answer my questions, hiding behinf legalitys, so for the last year, I dont really know how she died 100%. I got the call from Coroners office, the inquest will be held soon, and for some reason it really upset me.
I want the inquest, but Im afraid of it too. I think I know in my head it will be graphic and hard to hear, and i wonder should I put stones in my pockets to keep me from running from the court .

Im beginging to wonder now, if I can ever cope with this.

I just know you all are going through the same pain as I am, and just wanted to put my feelings down here. Bit of a ramble really.

Ickle Magoo

Hi there Jake1,

I've moved your post over to the Bereavement forum as I think you'll get good advice/empathy here.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Ickle Magoo

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Hi there Jake1,

I've moved your post over to the Bereavement forum as I think you'll get good advice/empathy here.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Hi, thank you so much :0 I didnt even realise where I had posted it. head a bit all over the place ye know.
Thanks again

J

mud

God that sounds rough. Will there be other members of your family with you?

Deepest sympathies.

mud

mud wrote: »

God that sounds rough. Will there be other members of your family with you?

Deepest sympathies.

Thanks so much. Yeah, ther'll be quiet a few with me.Thank god, Ill need holding up. Aunts and Uncles cousins. Im an only child. It was just Mam and Me.

banie01

First off, Sorry for your loss and good luck with the inquest!

Its one of the problems with the system in Ireland is that it often takes 6 months + before the inquest is heard and death certificate is finalised

I was waiting just over 6 months for my partners inquest, and I'll be brutally honest here....
Sitting through the inquest, hearing everything explained(Despite already knowing everything) to hear the process's and actions taken to save her life on the day....
Pulled the rug from under me and brought me right back to square one as far as the grieving process goes!

I was lucky in sofar as I had our Family there to support me through the inquest(and ever since ) and christ did I need them

I hope the inquest can help you to find the answers that you need, and bring you some peace form the myriad of 'what if?' questions that crowd your mind after a sudden and unexplained death.
But much as it pains me to say it....be prepared for the grief and the emotional rollercoaster that will come with reliving the day of your loss all over again...
Be strong and good luck!

banie01

banie01 wrote: »

First off, Sorry for your loss and good luck with the inquest!

Its one of the problems with the system in Ireland is that it often takes 6 months + before the inquest is heard and death certificate is finalised

I was waiting just over 6 months for my partners inquest, and I'll be brutally honest here....
Sitting through the inquest, hearing everything explained(Despite already knowing everything) to hear the process's and actions taken to save her life on the day....
Pulled the rug from under me and brought me right back to square one as far as the grieving process goes!

I was lucky in sofar as I had our Family there to support me through the inquest(and ever since ) and christ did I need them

I hope the inquest can help you to find the answers that you need, and bring you some peace form the myriad of 'what if?' questions that crowd your mind after a sudden and unexplained death.
But much as it pains me to say it....be prepared for the grief and the emotional rollercoaster that will come with reliving the day of your loss all over again...
Be strong and good luck!

Im so sorry for your loss, losing a partner is hard. My heart goes out to you.

I am expecting everything you mentioned, I think ?? Im just trying to toughen myself up now, so I can speak and represent my Mother well on the day. I can somewhat understand how you must have felt listening to all the life saving attempts on your partner, thats the part that I am dreading, becuase to be brutaly honest, my Mother had a terrible death. When I left her in their hands that morning, she looked like a normal human being, that was not the case when I saw my Mother an hour or so later.
I was left with an image, that haunts me every night before I sleep. I only thought I knew what grief was until that day. Now I really know.


The inquests do take so long to come about, it will be over a year, when Mam's comes. It's so long for greiving family's to wait for answers. Cruel in a way. But I guess there are reasons for the delays.
My Mams family will be with me on the day, as will my own partner and daughter. I was an only child, so no brothers or sisters to accompany me.

I am so grateful for your response.

Thanks so much. I wish all the best for you, I cant even imagine losing my other half.

J

ziltwo

Jake1 wrote: »

My mam died in Hospital last year, during a 'routine' procedure. She should have been in and out in an hour, but she never came out of the room alive.

Hospital refused to answer my questions, hiding behinf legalitys, so for the last year, I dont really know how she died 100%. I got the call from Coroners office, the inquest will be held soon, and for some reason it really upset me.
I want the inquest, but Im afraid of it too. I think I know in my head it will be graphic and hard to hear, and i wonder should I put stones in my pockets to keep me from running from the court .

Im beginging to wonder now, if I can ever cope with this.

I just know you all are going through the same pain as I am, and just wanted to put my feelings down here. Bit of a ramble really.

Hi all and Jake1; well I am glad you had a ramble,because I have my husbands inquest next week and I have to say my heart is in my mouth. it has only been 4 months since he died and there is still a huge question mark in my head and of course all the what if's. I am dreading it, but feel, I need to be there; his family are not able to go, as they think they would not be able to cope; 2 members of my family are going to support me, but there will be a person there, who I don't particularly want to see or be in the same room as this person, but they have to be there as they are a witness.

I too just wanted to put my feelings down, just to take the power out of it.

ziltwo

ziltwo wrote: »

Hi all and Jake1; well I am glad you had a ramble,because I have my husbands inquest next week and I have to say my heart is in my mouth. it has only been 4 months since he died and there is still a huge question mark in my head and of course all the what if's. I am dreading it, but feel, I need to be there; his family are not able to go, as they think they would not be able to cope; 2 members of my family are going to support me, but there will be a person there, who I don't particularly want to see or be in the same room as this person, but they have to be there as they are a witness.

I too just wanted to put my feelings down, just to take the power out of it.

Hi, Im sorry Im so long in getting back to you, I was away with my son in london.

Im so sorry for what you have to go through. I can only imagine how you feel. The fact someone you dont want to be there will be, must be adding terribly to your distress. Glad you wrote it down, and shared.
What can i say, only the very best of luck, I hope its not too traumatic for you, and you get through it.My prayers are with you.

J.

ziltwo

Jake1 wrote: »

Hi, Im sorry Im so long in getting back to you, I was away with my son in london.

Im so sorry for what you have to go through. I can only imagine how you feel. The fact someone you dont want to be there will be, must be adding terribly to your distress. Glad you wrote it down, and shared.
What can i say, only the very best of luck, I hope its not too traumatic for you, and you get through it.My prayers are with you.

J.

Many thanks for you very kind words.... my very best too you as well; please God it will all go well for both of us

Hi Ziltwo, just wondered how things were going for you? Hope you are coping. Prayers are with you during this difficult time.

ziltwo

Jake1 wrote: »

Hi Ziltwo, just wondered how things were going for you? Hope you are coping. Prayers are with you during this difficult time.

many thanks Jake1, for your concern and prayers; found the whole thing very daunting, but in the same breath, am relieved. At least now we no and we can stop worrying and our minds are now at rest.

cheers Zil

I have to say , my head is melted at thought s of this inquest. I know all the medical stuff is going to come up, and Ive been flooded with images. Plus Ive been on the internet for months googles certain medical terms etc. Learning what the right questions to ask would be.

Every night before I sleep I see my Mam as she was that morning. Its take every bit of will power to try and get rid of that image.

Jesus, I never knew things would be this hard. I really had no idea.:(

ziltwo

Jake1 wrote: »

I have to say , my head is melted at thought s of this inquest. I know all the medical stuff is going to come up, and Ive been flooded with images. Plus Ive been on the internet for months googles certain medical terms etc. Learning what the right questions to ask would be.

Every night before I sleep I see my Mam as she was that morning. Its take every bit of will power to try and get rid of that image.

Jesus, I never knew things would be this hard. I really had no idea.:(

Hello Jake1, I no our situations are totally different, but if I can try and give you a little comfort and ease your pain... I will... the first thing you will hear the coroner say, is this court is not for blame, I no that will be a tough pill to swallow but the reason for the inquest, is to find out what happen in your Mothers case. There was a person as my husbands inquest, that I so wanted to blame and shout at, but what this inquest is going to give you, is fact. you don't have to no all the questions or be expected to understand, but what you will get is fact, in black and white. Once you have all that, you can obtain a full report from the Corners office, and then you can, if you want bring it to an expert, who can help you. it may be a good idea, too bring a Solicitor with you, but you must inform the Coroner's office first, brief the Solicitor and let them ask the relevant questions. Please be gentle with yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers...
ziltwo

ziltwo

ziltwo wrote: »

Hello Jake1, I no our situations are totally different, but if I can try and give you a little comfort and ease your pain... I will... the first thing you will hear the coroner say, is this court is not for blame, I no that will be a tough pill to swallow but the reason for the inquest, is to find out what happen in your Mothers case. There was a person as my husbands inquest, that I so wanted to blame and shout at, but what this inquest is going to give you, is fact. you don't have to no all the questions or be expected to understand, but what you will get is fact, in black and white. Once you have all that, you can obtain a full report from the Corners office, and then you can, if you want bring it to an expert, who can help you. it may be a good idea, too bring a Solicitor with you, but you must inform the Coroner's office first, brief the Solicitor and let them ask the relevant questions. Please be gentle with yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers...
ziltwo

Thanks Ziltwo,

I think Im scared that I wont get the answers I need, or even the time frame to ask them. Ive been having a word with myself, because I know I probably wont get all the answers, so I have to learn to be happy with some. There will be someone there I am angry at, I know exactly what you mean, but I wont let my Mam down by screaming and shouting However much I may want to.

Thanks Ziltwo, nice for me to get some inside knowledge.

J

ziltwo

Jake1 wrote: »

Thanks Ziltwo,

I think Im scared that I wont get the answers I need, or even the time frame to ask them. Ive been having a word with myself, because I know I probably wont get all the answers, so I have to learn to be happy with some. There will be someone there I am angry at, I know exactly what you mean, but I wont let my Mam down by screaming and shouting However much I may want to.

Thanks Ziltwo, nice for me to get some inside knowledge.

J

hi Jake1, there would be something wrong with you if you weren't scared; for me it was the fear of the unknown; not known what I was going to hear, what I was going to say, how was I going to react; but I surprised myself; I was ok. Don't worry about the people that you are angry at; or you want to shout at; I can tell you I had a few sleepless nights imagining what I was going to say and do and how I was going to do it; I basically tortured myself, and for what. The morning of the inquest, I said a few prayers, been honest, as I was sick to my stomach, I kept the focus on myself and dont worry about you not having enough time to ask your questions, the coroner will give you all the time in the world. I am sure your Mum will be with you on the day, so again try and be gentle with yourself.
take good care
ziltwo