is it that bad?

chloek

Dudess wrote: »

The overwhelming feeling of love for the ickle one must be pretty amazing. Watching the child grow, witnessing them do funny stuff, when they reciprocate their parents' love, knowing that this mini person came from you, etc.

it is the most amazing feeling when you see your baby for the first time.
you just get an overwhelming feeling of love for them and you want to protect them. Something inside you changes the moment they are born, you just become protective, like a lioness with her cub.

CathyMoran

Dudess wrote: »

The overwhelming feeling of love for the ickle one must be pretty amazing. Watching the child grow, witnessing them do funny stuff, when they reciprocate their parents' love, knowing that this mini person came from you, etc.

Yes, it is out of this world in terms of niceness - we would not be without our little family for anything.

tbh

I'm sure it's different for everyone. my son is 3.5 months old so we're only a small bit down the road, but my wife (32) and me (37) are always remarking about how surprised we are about how much we love him. I mean, we really, really really love him. It's honestly like nothing I've ever felt before and I had not idea about how much I could love someone till he came along. I could sit looking at him for hours, literally, and not get bored. And when he opens his eyes and gives me a big gummy grin....it's better than an drug, any hobby, any holiday, any car.



you know I get that people don't want to have kids, and that's cool. Like I say, I'm sure it's different for everyone. For me, he is, without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing that's ever happened to me by a million miles. And every day I love him more.

Dudess

^^^^

Aw jeez... that's especially wuvwee...

tbh

Thanks

kalihar

When I was pregnant initially all I could think about was how my life was going to change and not in a positive way. I thought that everything I liked to do - going out, being free , shopping was over.

In a way that part of my life did end but what I was not prepared for was the absolute and total love I would feel for my children. Yes they drive me up the wall sometimes and the washing never seems to end but when I look at them my heart feels like it will burst with happiness and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I know it isn't for everyone but I have never been so happy or fulfilled. My life hasn't ended either just changed. I have gone on to do a hdip and masters in the last four years at night so I still have some focus on myself and haven't lost the goals I wanted for myself.

I have just come back from a weekend away without them and I couldn't wait to get back

stovelid

Father of two boys: 3 years old and 1 year old next month.

No point in saying that it's not hard work because it really, really is.

Is it worth it? Beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I cherish the time I get alone even more these days but if they were ever taken away from me, my life really would be bereft of colour and meaning.

Cat Melodeon

username123 wrote: »

Ive never really been able to understand this - as Ive never been able to see what the good bits are.

...
I do wonder do other people feel this way or am I just weird.

Yeah, I used to feel like this. I was never into babies, never played with baby dolls when I was a child, didn't like babysitting infants, never cooed over baby cousins or had any interest in other people's kids, often lost touch with friends who had kids young etc. This lack of interest meant I saw children as a bit of a nuisance who butted into conversations and wailed on buses and in restaurants, who smelled of wee, had sticky fingers than could ruin a good top and whose conversational skills were very limited. I was in my 20s/early 30s then and had no interest in having kids myself, so why would I have had any interest in other people's kids?

Then something shifted. I didn't 'get the goo' as such, it was more that I met my husband and could suddenly imagine becoming a family of more than just the two of us. It wasn't children that appealed to me as much as the idea of a family, an extension of us. I don't know where that came from but it was enough to get us started.

Since then, I've learned that the good bits are things like receiving and giving more love than you can imagine, being completely depended upon and trusted by another human, becoming immortal in a way as your genes will continue for at least another generation, the privilege of being able to watch and contribute to the growth and development of another human, being able to return to childhood and being legitimately allowed to play with lego again, rediscovering memories of your own childhood, rediscovering fish fingers and spaghetti hoops for Saturday dinner, relearning how to play, realising that there are very few things in life worth committing yourself to completely but that family is definitely one of those things, then all the basic tv moment stuff like cuddles, first steps, first words etc - all small milestones but they become as important as world events when it's your own kid.

Unless you are actually ready to have kids, I can imagine that looking at that list will cause a yawn and an ongoing lack of comprehension. If you don't get it, either you're not ready (like I wasn't ready until I was actually pregnant) or you just don't get kids and maybe never will.

LegacyUser

I don't think you would have to give up your career or hobby when/if you have a child. They may be put on hold for a while after you have a baby but its up to you to decide for how long. ie a friend of mine went back to work 2 weeks after giving birth, another went back 2 years after as she wanted to be with her child and could afford it.

I have an almost 3 year old and while I wasn't very young having her (20 when I go pregnant), I was young enough and tbh it was so scary when I found out and then when I realised that I couldn't go out with my friends at the weekend anymore as they went to pubs/clubs and I didn't want to be in that environment when I was pregnant, I was devastated. But I stuck to it, always said I'd do the best for my children no matter what. When I had her, I got post natal depression although looking back I think I was depressed through out the pregnancy. I battled with the PND for a year without getting help and it was seriously hard, I loved my daughter with all my heart it was everything else that upset me. I was doing the majority of childcare (which most mothers would agree is the way it kinda has to be for a while at least) but this was getting to be big time. Once I went for help I have never looked back but anyway now I am back in college and loving it. And I would never have had the guts to do this course if it were not for my little girl, it was having her that made me go for it to make a better life for her. I love spending time with her she is amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world. Having my daughter made me grow up and leave the selfish 20 year old behind.

I think you can have children and still follow your dreams etc.

Oh and I have a great social life now although alot of that is because we have such a great support network, without family and friends it would be a lot harder. But I've never looked back since having my daughter altho it hasn't been easy but worth every minute of it.

Good luck with any decision you make