Some advice please

LegacyUser

Hey everyone

Im lurking here a bit tonight reading posts etc and Im a bit relieved its not just me who is confused about this whole pregnancy thing.

I am just 29 and my partner is 30, he already has a child from a previous relationship who is now 10. We have been kind of trying for a baby for about a year now but as of yet nothing has happened. I am trying my best to tell myself I dont want a baby but I am not sure if lying to myself is working

He reckons we arent having enough sex (dont all men haha) and in truth he is probably right I have read on some sites that it needs to be at least 4 times a week and we are probably at 2 but then some weeks its at 0 due to me working so much etc,

Whats really worrying me more than anything is when I was 19 and VERY VERY stupid I got pregnant and had a miscarrige at about six weeks, I didnt go to the doctors or tell anyone I just kind of got on with things could this be the reason Im not having any joy???

I have a feeling in my heart that because of my stupity back then and not going to the doctors etc that I have damaged myself and now will never get pregnant

Honestly what do ye think???

Thanks guys I really appreciate the comments

caprilicious

Please don't beat yourself up about not getting your previous miscarriage checked at the time. To give yourself peace of mind it may be no harm getting things checked with your gp.

You partner is half right on the sex end of things, though its not necessarily a case of doing it every night during the month as much as he might want it to be
You need to do the deed when you are ovulating. on a ideal cycle of 28-30 days, ovulation is normally half way through your cycle.
That being the case, its recommended to do the deed from day 11 for a bout a week.

If you're only managing to do it once a week/fortnight (which I know can be the case when you're shattered with work etc!), then it is absolutely possible that's nothing wrong but that you're missing the fertile period.

If you're not sure when you're ovulating, the best thing to do is buy yourself some ovulation tests.
Personally I found the clearblue digital one's the easiest and most reliable to use.
They're pricey enough at €25 odd, but worth it if it helps you pin point when to do the deed.

If you don't want to go down the route of testing for ovulation, my gp recommended doing the deed every 2-3 days (:eek:)for a month, that way even if you ovulate after you've done the deed, there should be sperm still inside ready to fertilize the egg.

It might be no harm anyway scheduling an appointment with your gp if you have concerns.


The best of luck, hope you get your positive soon

Neyite

Like Cap said, dont beat yourself up about your MC - if something stayed behind inside, I would imagine it would cause an infection or something at the time and you would probably have had to go to a doctor. But, its a good idea to get a checkup anyway now. Trying to conceive is stressful anyway so if you resolve your fears on this issue its one less thing to worry about.

As had been said, its when you do it that counts. You can use the digital ovulation predictors which are excellent, or if you prefer cheaper options, you can order online - ebay shops do ones that are pennies per test, and I get mine from www.accessdiagnostics.co.uk.

Start tracking your cycle, I use a simple calendar - marking the days of period as "AF" (Aunt Flo) little hearts for doing the deed (aw) and a smiley face when the ovulation predictor kits show a positive. If you are fairly regular, you will start to see a pattern. Also your cervical fluid becomes more plentiful, clear and slippy when you ovulate (like egg white). This is your fertile period.

We have a chat thread where lots of ladies compare symptoms and so on so if you have any questions along your cycle pop in and ask

antiskeptic

Icoulddowithsomeadviceplease wrote: »

Hey everyone

Im lurking here a bit tonight reading posts etc and Im a bit relieved its not just me who is confused about this whole pregnancy thing.

I am just 29 and my partner is 30, he already has a child from a previous relationship who is now 10. We have been kind of trying for a baby for about a year now but as of yet nothing has happened. I am trying my best to tell myself I dont want a baby but I am not sure if lying to myself is working

He reckons we arent having enough sex (dont all men haha) and in truth he is probably right I have read on some sites that it needs to be at least 4 times a week and we are probably at 2 but then some weeks its at 0 due to me working so much etc,

Whats really worrying me more than anything is when I was 19 and VERY VERY stupid I got pregnant and had a miscarrige at about six weeks, I didnt go to the doctors or tell anyone I just kind of got on with things could this be the reason Im not having any joy???

I have a feeling in my heart that because of my stupity back then and not going to the doctors etc that I have damaged myself and now will never get pregnant

Honestly what do ye think???

Thanks guys I really appreciate the comments

'We' got pregnant on our first targetted attempt - the reason being:

a) the basic reproductive machinery was in good enough working order in both our cases.

b) we had educated ourselves on the correct operation AND maintenance of that reproductive machinery.


It would appear, for instance, that the egg survives (for fertilisation purposes) for as little as 24 hours and the sperm (effectively) for perhaps as little as 2 days. This gives a very narrow window in any cycle for fertilization and renders the vast majority of non-targetted sex pointless (if fertilization is the aim ).

Knowing when you have ovulated and being prepared for that will obviously increase your chances of pregnacy no end - compared to firing away randomly with a blindfold on.

That's just one of the basic steps that would make the difference between getting pregnant and getting nowhere. There are a few others (involving his side of things too).

Get a decent book on the subject, one that takes account of the fact that a persons cycle can vary quite dramatically yet be perfectly normal.