Could you go out with someone who doesn't drink?

Biggins

If your seeking to find a long lasting relationship, the use of drink acting as an aid to judging a person full personality character might be putting you on a unsolid foundation or helping to show a false/not full picture.

If your looking for a life time relationship, you have to acknowledge that in real life when ye are together, for most of the time ye are going to be sober, be it at home, work, rest or play (- and it goes without saying but I'll say it, that if ye are drunk all the time, its a recipe for disaster).

My point is that OP, if you meet someone (wherever) that don't drink, the chances are higher that as you seem them is what you will get long term-wise.
If you meet a person that is drunk, half way there or intoxicated just enough to be 'merry' - what are the chances you really seeing them as you would fully during the rest of a dry working relationship?

So they don't drink?
Are they still fun?
Are they still attentive to your words, moods and mannerisms?
Are they still giving you more time than to anyone else?
Are they still treating you nice?
Are they still willing to occasionally spend time and money on you/with you?

What's the problem in all honesty?

Look at it another way, if they are not spending large (or any) amounts of money on drink, it must mean (a) they are possible tight-fisted and a few dates will warn you of that or (b) they will have even more money hopefully instead to spend on you instead! Happy days!

J_E

NTMK wrote: »

Trust me as someone whos gone through this. It wont be a problem most people are mature enough to realise this isnt an issue.

The only comment i get about it is Oh you dont drink, how the **** do you put up with nightclubs?:pac:

Anyone that has a problem with it isnt worth being around

Thanks, in all honesty it was making me really worried.

Butterfly25

Aurum wrote: »

I know that I'm probably in a tiny minority here. I'm in my mid twenties, I've been at Uni for the last six years (I'm just finishing up my Postgrad degree) and I've never been drunk. Ever. The most that I've ever had to drink is a glass and a half of wine or champagne. Excessive drinking is such a strange thing to me, I just don't get it. Having a drink or two during a meal or after film/gig/play etc. is perfectly fine but spending a whole evening, drinking to just get drunk, is such a weird (and bloody boring) thing. And OP, you're quite lucky. Try finding a friend or partner in their twenties in Ireland who either doesn't drink or who only drinks moderately. Trust me, it's difficult.

Me too!! I'm 26. We are a minority!

I hate when I hear friends of mine saying they've spent almost all their wages on drink, I'd prefer to buy more additions my wardrobe!

Larianne

ballsymchugh wrote: »

she's already berating him for not drinking.

i'm teetotal, and have been on the other side of this a few times in the past couple of years, where i've been chatting away to someone for a while and when it came to getting a drink, their face would drop when i'm not ordering alcohol for myself. it's retarded that people have the attitude that they can't trust a non-drinker.
thankfully, the OP and others like her are in a very very small minority.

Do you think so?

My friend regularly gives up drink for a few months of the year as it doesn't really agree with her and the amount of hassle she gets for it. She says people treat her totally different when she's out sober.

I've been out twice recently where I haven't drank (I was broke/still hungover!) and my friends kept trying to buy me drinks even though I said I wasn't drinking. It was like a challenge to try and break me.

There's a guy in my class who doesn't drink and the amount of whispers that go around as to why he doesn't drink is ridiculous.

The King of Moo

VodkaShot wrote: »

Whether people like it or not though in this country, drinking is the norm. At the weekend people go out drinking, so i'd be wondering why an Irish person born and raised here would choose not to, that's all.

It's probably precisely because it's unquestioningly the norm that some people have a critical eye about drinking and then choose to drink or not.
Though I do drink, I saw all my older siblings and plenty of other people get into the usual drunken shenanigans (and saw a few people really mess up their lives) so I was able to step back and ask myself why I would throw myself headlong into this culture (though I did a little anyway). But that critical distance meant I was always able to see the bad side. When I was younger I did get very drunk sometimes, but being so drunk that you're embarrassing yourself, and the resulting hangover, were never fun to me, so I never deliberately tried to get completely hammered, though it happened occasionally anyway. But I know so many people who convince themselves that getting locked and having a horrible hangover are good things, and aim to achieve that, though many more are of course responsible drinkers. But I can't understand the doublethink going on in people's minds who convince themselves that deliberately seeking a bad experience is a good thing. I'll happily admit that to get a bit drunk can be fun, but I'd never try to get badly hungover, and then wear that hangover as a badge of honour.

So while drinking is certainly the norm in Ireland, and I agree most people would expect an explanation from a tee-totaller, it's only the norm because so many people can't conceive of anything else. We need to develop a more questioning attitude towards drinking as a culture, and then we might live in a society where people don't have to explain why they don't drink.

flutterflye

Dare you to post this thread in the Non Drinkers Group forum! (not really though!)

Biggins

I can tell you now that for a long time I didn't drink and right now still, its a very rare time that I do.
NOT drinking was never a hindrance to me - if fact it was the opposite - meanwhile those I chatted to who knew I didn't drink for the most part, never did it bother them in the slightest.
They knew what they saw and heard is what they would get a lot more of the time.
Not a persons characteristic/mannerism/habits enhanced sometimes by the regular intake of alcohol.

Anyone that is lucky enough to find someone that don't drink or drinks very little, should equally count their blessing - for there are many advantages (if not more) to such people as there is to those that also take a sip!

ballsymchugh

Larianne wrote: »

Do you think so?

My friend regularly gives up drink for a few months of the year as it doesn't really agree with her and the amount of hassle she gets for it. She says people treat her totally different when she's out sober.

I've been out twice recently where I haven't drank (I was broke/still hungover!) and my friends kept trying to buy me drinks even though I said I wasn't drinking. It was like a challenge to try and break me.

There's a guy in my class who doesn't drink and the amount of whispers that go around as to why he doesn't drink is ridiculous.

from my experience anyway. the few that have had issues with it have stood out though. i agree with you on the trying to break a person though, i used to get the odd person who would buy me a pint when they thought i was messing, but then it'd be just passed on to whoever else wanted it.

the whispers are sad though. why does someone have to justify why they don't drink? there was a guy in my class who told a few people that he hit it hard when he was a teenager and gave it up, while i just told people that i didn't want to. found out later that the other guy just didn't drink either, but he had enough of trying to explain himself, so if he told people he was a recovering alcoholic, they left him alone.
although it didn't help with me being called the recovering alcoholic because of him then.

puffy the panpipe player

I don't drink anymore. Tbh, I'd like to meet someone who can handle their drink if they are a drinker. Not someone I'd have to be minding!

I also gave up smoking and would really hate to end up with a smoker.

I still have great fun when I'm out and it's nice to be sure that I can get myself home from a night out without worrying about being knocked down while walking home!

VodkaShot

Aurum wrote: »

Excessive drinking is such a strange thing to me, I just don't get it. Having a drink or two during a meal or after film/gig/play etc. is perfectly fine but spending a whole evening, drinking to just get drunk, is such a weird (and bloody boring) thing.

It's strange to you because you've never been drunk, dont knock it until you try it. There's no point only having one or two, you may aswell be drinking coke/7up etc it's cheaper.

flutterflye

VodkaShot wrote: »

It's strange to you because you've never been drunk, dont knock it until you try it. There's no point only having one or two, you may aswell be drinking coke/7up etc it's cheaper.

I haven't tried heroin, should I try it?

Honestly, what a stupid comment!

(I do drink btw)

The King of Moo

ballsymchugh wrote: »

from my experience anyway. the few that have had issues with it have stood out though. i agree with you on the trying to break a person though, i used to get the odd person who would buy me a pint when they thought i was messing, but then it'd be just passed on to whoever else wanted it.

the whispers are sad though. why does someone have to justify why they don't drink? there was a guy in my class who told a few people that he hit it hard when he was a teenager and gave it up, while i just told people that i didn't want to. found out later that the other guy just didn't drink either, but he had enough of trying to explain himself, so if he told people he was a recovering alcoholic, they left him alone.
although it didn't help with me being called the recovering alcoholic because of him then.

I can't imagine anyone in any other country choosing to pretend to be a recovering alcoholic to get people off their back! It's so sad that he had to do so.

Biggins

I should mention that is is another reason why I don't drink.

As night-life (and day too) is dodgy at times, I take the personal choice to stay sober more so as to retain all my senses in picking up messages of possible danger, suspicious people, hazardous areas, etc.
If I'm out with the wife (and kids occasionally) I'd be increasing be more careful to stay sober - if only to do the above and be able to watch their backs to the best of my ability (its what I have been trained in but thats another story).

She can drink all she wants. Me? I have no problems what so ever in staying sober.
I know then that she can enjoy herself totally and without worry - and she will still know, she will get home safety.

Its just another aspect to think about, thats all.

NuMarvel

Rocket19 wrote: »

I don't think its insulting to non-drinkers to suggest that they may not have as much fun as drinkers on a night out that mainly revolves around alcohol.
I certainly wouldn't find a club as appealing if I hadn't had a couple of drinks beforehand. Maybe that's just me? I can see how going to the pub for a few (and not drinking) would be fine, for example, as there's more of a social aspect to it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with him. We all know the damage alcohol does to our bodies, but I guess he chooses to do something most don't and give it up altogether. As I said, he is a personal trainer, so that's probably why he takes his health more seriously than most.
I think he's a fun guy anyway. When we met on the weekend, he was full of banter and a great laugh (and obviously sober) so its not like I'm afraid he's dry or something.

ALSO, I'm not embarassed by my drinking at all. When I go out I'll have like 4 or 5 drinks but I won't be knocking back a shoulder of vodka or anything (like some of my friends do). I like to be in control of myself
Even if I did drink more more, I don't see why I should be embarassed about it anyway.

So, to summarise:

You don't have a problem with him not drinking.
He presumably doesn't have a problem with your drinking.
You don't have a problem with your drinking.


So.... what's the problem again?

Spread

Why don't adult non drinkers regularly go to village halls etc (and places that don't have drink licences)? Possibly because the rest of the cast would be similiarly as boring. Most non-drinkers (I don't mean former drinkers that gave up for any reason) keep too much of a tab on their emotions and are afraid to drop their guard. You know ....... at weddings, the ones who are always looking and even if they seem in deep conversation .... are too aware of everything around them

Wine is a constant proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

What is better than to sit at the end of a day and drink wine with friends, or substitute for friends. - James Joyce

Eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart. - Ecclesiastes 9:7

It's your turn. Now up to the counter or fcuk off - Brendan Behan

Noodleworm

In college I've actually met a lot of people who don't drink, its actually way more than you expect but most these people just don't mention it to avoid controversy.
Their not totally against every drop of alcohol, but usually just drink one cider and thats it. They dislike either the taste or the feeling.
I kinda agree with them really.

Guill

I've been designated Dessie a few times, found it very hard as i like to drink. Usually because i was working next day, broke, had to drive home etc. The amount of people that try and buy you drinks and say stuff like 'Wadaya mean your not drinkin?!?!? have one! Hey, Guill's not drinking' etc etc blah blah.

Annoying.



Cider Ftw btw!

VodkaShot

flutterflye wrote: »

I haven't tried heroin, should I try it?

Honestly, what a stupid comment!

(I do drink btw)

Do you think heroin is a fair comparison with alcohol?
For a start it's illegal.

So i think your comment is stupid

Da Shins Kelly

It would depend. I enjoy a drink, so if drinking and occasionally being drunk was going to be an issue with him, then it wouldn't work for me. If he's a massive health freak, then it really wouldn't work between us. Those kind of people annoy me a little bit. However, if he chooses not to drink but doesn't mind me drinking then it would be fine. The other extreme is pretty sh*t though - the person who doesn't know how to have a good time without being sh*tfaced.

The King of Moo

Spread wrote: »

Why don't adult non drinkers regularly go to village halls etc (and places that don't have drink licences)? Possibly because the rest of the cast would be similiarly as boring. Most non-drinkers (I don't mean former drinkers that gave up for any reason) keep too much of a tab on their emotions and are afraid to drop their guard. You know ....... at weddings, the ones who are always looking and even if they seem in deep conversation .... are too aware of everything around them


It's your turn. Now up to the counter or fcuk off - Brendan Behan

That's such a generalisation, how can you prove it? What about people who don't like the taste of alcohol?
People can have fun without alcohol, and just because someone doesn't drink doesn't mean that they're boring.
I hate that attitude, it's why so many people in this country are passively and subtly pressurised into drinking.

Ellis Dee

It's a good idea to give up the drink completely for a while every now and then; whiten the nose, so to speak. And give the liver a bit of a rest. I haven't had a drop since Easter Monday, but may splash out on a nice bottle of wine at the weekend, or the one after that.:)

As for going out with someone who didn't drink, even if I was drinking myself at the time, it wouldn't be a problem if the lady in question had other features that endeared her to me.;) I suppose I needn't paint a picture.:cool:

walshb

Rocket19 wrote: »

I met a guy in a club over the weekend, he took my number and we went on a date last night.
It didn't take me long to discover that he doesn't drink (he's a personal trainer). Kind of embarassing that I didn't realise this when we met (I was pretty drunk, he must have been sober), but oh well.

While I totally respect that he chooses not to drink, it was admittedly unchartered territory for me. While I have other hobbies, I'm college age and a lot of my social life revolves around alcohol (like most people I guess).

He seems a lovely guy and is great craic but I couldn't help thinking he would feel somewhat removed from my social life. (Although I did meet him in a club, so I can assume he still does the 'normal' things, just without the drink). Aren't drunk people really annoying and unattractive when you're sober though?
Also, I think I'd feel weird getting drunk and acting the fool, while he soberly watched this unfold. :pac:

Could you go out with someone who doesn't drink (assuming you are a regular drinker).
I'm aware our dependence on alcohol for a good time is awful in Ireland, and I really don't get very drunk ever, but at the same time, I couldn't help thinking "what the hell am I gonna do with him!!?

Is he sound, interesting, attractive and funny?

If so, what the **** has alcohol got to do with it?

I think a girl who doesn't drink is more appealing, to me anyway.

I rarely ever drink, and still can have a good night out.

ballsymchugh

Spread wrote: »

Why don't adult non drinkers regularly go to village halls etc (and places that don't have drink licences)? Possibly because the rest of the cast would be similiarly as boring. Most non-drinkers (I don't mean former drinkers that gave up for any reason) keep too much of a tab on their emotions and are afraid to drop their guard. You know ....... at weddings, the ones who are always looking and even if they seem in deep conversation .... are too aware of everything around them

so you believe that nights out don't really revolve around the people you're with but more the alcohol intake?
the situation you post about most non-drinkers i would argue applies more to the person who's not drinking for one night due to antibiotics or whatever, and really misses the sauce, but is out of their comfort zone. it doesn't apply to people who just don't drink or who can function fine in a social situation with little or no alcohol.

starlit

I'd have no problems going out with someone who doesn't drink. I be fine with it once they aren't shy to go out and socialise at a pub environment and likes going out even where there is a drinking culture. If they are shy about that then that might put me off once they aren't boring and into doing fun things ya I'd go for it. If it makes them happy not to drink and not to have taken it up then thats fine or they just not drinking anymore thats cool with me. It's their choice in the end of the day!

So giving someone a chance whether they drink or not shouldn't be an issue when it comes to relationships!
I wouldn't put them under pressure to try it or anything, just might wonder why they hadn't but that wouldn't bother me. I have a couple of friends who are teetotal and I'm cool with that. Their personalities, fun attitude and the fact they go out makes up for the fact they don't drink. They are great friends of mine too which makes it special. Whether they drink or not doesn't matter to me. :cool:

DWCommuter

Butterfly25 wrote: »

I have no problem going to a pub or night club and still do all the usual things, in fact i'm probably the first one on the dance floor!

Oh...you're one of them.

Big Nasty

DWCommuter wrote: »

Oh...you're one of them.

Probably has one of those mugs with the 'you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps' slogan!:pac:

ballsymchugh

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Probably has one of those mugs with the 'you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps' slogan!:pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rj1SFtxRTg

Spread

The King of Moo wrote: »

That's such a generalisation, how can you prove it? What about people who don't like the taste of alcohol?
People can have fun without alcohol, and just because someone doesn't drink doesn't mean that they're boring.
I hate that attitude, it's why so many people in this country are passively and subtly pressurised into drinking.

1) A generalisation yes. But how can you prove ther is a God. If you don't like the taste it gets nicer after a few.

2) Drink is a social lubricant. I wouldn't say Nuns (although very interesting - if you like that sort of thing) are the life and soul of the party.

3) Or people in England are pressurised into eating Fish 'n Chips/people in Germany presurised into eating Bratwurst/people in Saudi pressurised into drinking Mint tea or in Mexico, being pressured into drinking Tequila.

Only your inhibitions are stopping you going with the flow.

Spread

ballsymchugh wrote: »

so you believe that nights out don't really revolve around the people you're with but more the alcohol intake?

Why do you think that most people who are out for a night congregate in pubs and not in carparks or other such places?

starlit

If anything if I had to choose between a guy who drinks too much or who doesn't drink at all or who drinks but not that much or that often. Who would I choose? I be between the guy who doesn't drink or doesn't drink that much/that often!