How does one get over husband cheating ?

newmommy38

Im having a hard time getting past my husband sexting and making plans to meet up with another woman to have sex about a month ago. I know men do this because they are'nt happy in their current relationship but we have only been married for 2 years and have a 2 year old. I am not that happy either but would never cheat. I cant seem to get past the resentment i have toward him prior to the cheating. We have no privacy in the re;lationship as he blabs our problems to his parents! We're 38! I resent him for having a fun carefree life while Im at home because I have a baby. My son is more important of course but hes travelling to NYC, and is away this week on a trip eating gourmet food and attending museumsetc... and again Im home alone. Im a new mom and still adjusting to this life- I quit my well paying full time job, travelling, shopping dining out etc... to raise my child but he has not changed a thing in his life. He blames me for "putting my life on hold" after the baby. He doesnt get it. Life changes after a baby and you have a new life. My husbands art career comes first. Hes home late nites, so the baby and I eat alone most nights- I have to work now 3 nites a week because my husbands salary wont cover all the bills and I spend whatever I have on the baby and household stuff. My husband on the other hand spend his on the nude models, wine, and sculpture supplies. F'd up. If I had money to leave I would. We need to work this out but Im afraid my husband is too selfish. How do I get through this life?

A Plague On Both Your Houses

Sadly it seems your relationship has become toxic and only one person truly cares about it.

You confront him calmly. You discuss how you need some time away (It sounds like you need to relax a little), and how he needs to take more responsibility. He's a father. He needs to act like one, not just for a little while, but permanently.

If he doesn't see your points, or agree to make more of an effort. Then your marriage is as good as over, and it's only a matter of time before he cheats again. If you have any close friends or family you should probably talk to them, just in case you need to create longterm plans.

squonk

Op it sounds like you're living with a child! Incidentally, one thing that struck me here is that you quit a well paid job but now can't afford to live on his salary. Could you have afforded to live on yours had he been the stay at home parent? I don't want to sidetrack the issue at hand but I'd have thought that he should have at least spoken about being the stay at home parent given that, as an artist, his salary would vary I'd imagine. Also, wouldn't he be able to continue his work at home? I know he mightn't be able to do it full time but it'd be a better solution.

He sounds like a very selfish man and a bit of a child to be honest. He'll have to either grow up and take responsibility for his own life or else lose you and his child. I think you could do way better for yourself by the sounds of it. Best of luck!

newmommy38

Yes, he is selfish and his whole life is his art career- he teaches college and an extra two classes on top of that, then community art projects. Then he want s studio time so hes not around until late at night after the baby goes to bed. I work evenings so this is the first time in 2 years he has to out he baby to bed and get him meals ready- Now hes 2 hours away with my son for 5 days staying at my Mother in laws doing an art competition. I havent been away from my son for this long and I hate it. I had to stay behind because I work too and have no family around here. I probably could have been a better provider financially but Im also the better mother and I dont want to miss the opportunity to be with my son as primary caregiver. I think he wants to be with another woman who is an artist as well so they can talk about it constantly. 80% of all conversations we have end up being about his career. Hes out mingling with these other women right now at fancy dinner and cookouts. He makes me feel like crap. I am a nurse and thats not interesting to him so we dont really talk about wht I do. If i left now I would have to work full time and dump my son on someone else 40 hours a week. I can t afford daycare anyway its really expensive , like 200$ a week if you put your kid in full time- If I were well off I would leave in a heartbeat. Im going to try and stick it out until my son starts school then I can work full time. My son and I are the ones that would have to find a new home as this is HIS house. He bought it before he met me and its too broken down for me to maintain myself. Maybe its better hes not home as often, then I can have calm and peace in my and my sons life.

A Plague On Both Your Houses

That's not exactly a solution though. You're just avoiding the problem. This will eat away at you until something is done. You can't hide from it and expect to be 'Calm' and at 'peace'. You've already spoke to a message board for advice. Clearly something is wrong.

I am a friend

You are enbling him act this way. You let him talk about himself 80% of the time, you let him avoid putting his child to sleep and yea it is his house if he had it before you came along...

There must be a second side to this story.

LegacyUser

newmommy38 wrote: »

...I havent been away from my son for this long and I hate it...Im also the better mother and I dont want to miss the opportunity to be with my son as primary caregiver...He makes me feel like crap...If i left now I would have to work full time and dump my son on someone else 40 hours a week...Im going to try and stick it out until my son starts school then I can work full time...

It sounds to me like you made the wrong decision in giving up your job and that's why you're in this hole.

You decided too that you were to be the main person in your son's life and now you can't stand where it's left you.

Your child is PART of your life. Having a child shouldn't break apart everything else you have.

How about trying to get back into full-time work? You've minded your son for two years already. With a creche minding him part of the time and your husband and yourself the rest of the time, life would be so much more interesting for you and your husband could have a better role as father.