Am I wrong here?

Splendour

My fourteen year old son went away with his friend last year for a weeks holidays. A few days later as I was hanging out my son's jeans on the line a condom wrapper fell out of the pocket. I broached him later about this and he said that himself and his friend bought them while they were on holidays, blew them up as balloons and held them out the car window-while the parents were driving the car. Two fourteen year old's buying condoms I is one thing but being allowed to hang them out the car window with parents knowingly allowing it, in my mind is just wrong.
My son was asked again to go away with this family again this year and I was apprehensive, told the mother I'd think about it and she has harassed me about the holiday since she mentioned it last Saturday. Basically, she said they can't go away without my son and need to know if he's going or not so they can book the holiday home-a lot of pressure on me.
I'm not too keen on my son going away with them as their son is extremely badly behaved and treats his mother like dirt.They are very free with their parenting and want to be their son's friend. Apart from this, since last year the 'condom' incident has been playing on my mind and I felt I had to say something about it.
I answered an email the mother sent me about the holiday and told her my concerns bout being allowed to buy them and use them as toys. She left a message on my phone saying she was very upset about my mail and that her partner (child's father) would call around and talk to me face to face.
I don't want her partner calling around as it was the Mom who made the contact with me about the holiday.
Was I wrong with voicing my opinion?

Moonbeam

Maybe your son made up the story to cover his own ass?
I wouldn't worry too much about a 14 year old carrying condoms the optimism of a super model turning up in his bedroom while his parents happen to be out could cause that on its own.
I would sit down and talk to the other mother though.

RedXIV

well look at it this way, if they are coming around to talk about it, if they can explain what happened in a satisfactory way and reassure you, let him go. If they blow up with accusations etc, don't.

Personally (and it kills me to admit this) I bought a pack of condoms when I was 13 and never opened them. didn't need to till i was 17 (by which case they weren't any good ). A friend of mine was marched to tesco's by his dad when he told him he had a gf at 14 and we ended up using all those as a practical joke on a guy, again harmless.

He may have discovered where to get condoms, but on the same token, he may be as immature as we were too which would mean you've nothing to worry about

Teyla Emmagan

No you weren't wrong in voicing your opinion, you were dead right in fact.

I think it's a bit odd that she would send her partner round and not come herself, but maybe she's just not available. Even if her partner denies the condom incident entirely, I think it's a bit much that they have been putting you under pressure to decide on the holiday in such a short space of time.

Also, their kid, and his attitude to his mother, sounds like a bad influence for your son.

Justask

I think the biggest problem here is that your not this kids biggest fan.

14 year old do these sort of things i think

Did you ask the parents did they know about the it?

Did your son enjoy the hoilday?

Does he want to go again this year?

Splendour

I don't have a problem with my son's friend at all nor do I have a problem with the lads buying the condoms (at their age it's totally natural). What I do have a problem with is the fact that the parents allowed them to use the condoms as balloons and fly them out the car window. I also want my kid to realise the seriousness of condoms and their use and don't want him treating them as toys.

I spoke with the mother this afternoon and she said she did have a problem with the boys doing this and told them to stop but her partner told her to chill out and not be concerned-hence, I presume, her sending him around to talk to me.

Anyway, she rang me this afternoon to explain this to me and I respect her for that. Kicker is, I agreed my son could go away with them but when I said this to him he wasn't over enthusiastic about the idea! When I asked him why he said he didn't feel comfortable with them last year. The Mom is constantly putting comments on my son's Facebook page so I understand where he's coming from.
Thanks to all for your comments and thoughts...

Justask

Splendour wrote: »

I don't have a problem with my son's friend at all nor do I have a problem with the lads buying the condoms (at their age it's totally natural). What I do have a problem with is the fact that the parents allowed them to use the condoms as balloons and fly them out the car window. I also want my kid to realise the seriousness of condoms and their use and don't want him treating them as toys.

I spoke with the mother this afternoon and she said she did have a problem with the boys doing this and told them to stop but her partner told her to chill out and not be concerned-hence, I presume, her sending him around to talk to me.

Anyway, she rang me this afternoon to explain this to me and I respect her for that. Kicker is, I agreed my son could go away with them but when I said this to him he wasn't over enthusiastic about the idea! When I asked him why he said he didn't feel comfortable with them last year. The Mom is constantly putting comments on my son's Facebook page so I understand where he's coming from.
Thanks to all for your comments and thoughts...

Why is she putting comments on his page????

I find that very strange :eek:

Splendour

Justask wrote: »

Why is she putting comments on his page????

I find that very strange :eek:

So does my son!
She also asks my son for advice as to how best to treat her own son as she finds him difficult to deal with. Very odd indeed...

Justask

Splendour wrote: »

So does my son!
She also asks my son for advice as to how best to treat her own son as she finds him difficult to deal with. Very odd indeed...

Oh good god no wonder he doesnt want to go away with them :eek:

My son is not alowed have adults on his facebook page unless they are related... maybe you coud put that in place to save him lol

maringo

The parents dont sound too mature. The facebook stuff sounds weird to me so I'd be wary of my boy being in their care away on holiday but maybe that's me being too protective. But better to be safe than sorry - if the lad isn't dying to go maybe he is uncomfortable about them and senses that they are a bit off the norm.

jmbkay

I think your son has solved your dilemma here, he doesn't want to go away with them this year. That's all you have to tell them. The mother seems to be relying on your son to keep hers in line. And if you don't feel happy about her contacting him on facebook, advise him not to reply to her, and she will soon get fed up. He will probably be relieved.

Splendour

Thanks to all for your thoughts and opinions. My son has decided he wants to go on holiday with the family. There's another friend going too so this made the decision easier for him.

sparkling sea

You are your sons' parent - its your decision - it seems these people may see you to be a bit of a walk over and don't have a problem pressuring you or your son to placate their own son.

If you don't want your child to go say NO -don't let people bully in to doing something that you feel may not be in your childs best interests.

You are the parent and its your job to act in your childs best interests, your are there to watch his back and to make sure he is not being taken advantage of or bullied in any way

magrat

I would be wary of an adult leaving comments on my 14 year old son's facebook page. have you read these comments.

I would have to say that I would take very very seriously the fact that my son said he was not comfortable with an adult.

It's good that there is now 3 of the lads going to be on the holiday - more safety in numbers. I would ensure my son had credit on his mobile, that I was available to go get him if need be, or that he had a way of getting himself out of the situation and back home.

I would seriously have a talk with him about how to keep himself safe here.

gaeilgegrinds1

Those parents sounds terribly odd, I'd be setting up days with other children instead, I know it's not the child's fault but I really don't like the sound of this...