Crying in front of children due to bereavement

CathyMoran

My mum died last Saturday and I have been trying to be strong but now that the funeral is over I am finding it more upsetting (especially as I have a 22 day old daughter and my mum and I did not really get on and she never saw her). Sorry rambling, we have a son who is over 14 months old who while he may have remembered playing with his granny I do not think that he notices that she is gone but I am starting to get upset over mummy's death and cried in front of our son and also while I was on the phone to my daddy (am trying to hide my upset from daddy as I know that he is finding it very hard). I am also still exhausted after the birth (c-section), my husband is helping as much as he can but he has bad health (as do I). We do not have family support. Sorry, just a very tough time.

Ayla

Oh, so sorry to hear of your loss. It is completely natural that you're grieving, but I can understand how this on top of everything else is becoming overwhelming. What should be a wonderful time for you & your family has instead become a struggle.

Unfortunately I can't offer any suggestions, just support & encouragement. I hope you find peace in this, but in the meantime, it's ok to cry in front of your child. Sometimes a child's comforting embrace can cure even the worst hurt.

January

Cry as much as you need to, it's not going to affect the kids, just explain to baby Shane if he looks at you questioningly that Mummy is upset right now but she'll be alright...

The day my uncle died (a month ago), I cried with shock in front of both girls and Addison came over and asked me was I sad, I just said yes, but that I'd be ok and she gave be a big cuddle (to be honest, that just made me cry even more) but it's ok to cry and it's a natural grieving process for us.

Just look after yourself first and foremost, recover from your section and grieve for your loss. Shane and Helen will understand, and you already know they get as much love as they can

Thinking of you all x

tinkerbell

Oh Cathy *hugs* Sending tons of big hugs to you. It's ok to cry, let it out. You're grieving. Your children will sense you are upset anyway so even if you don't cry, they'll probably know you are upset anyway. Take each day one at a time and I'm so sorry for your loss

And I didn't realise you had your second baby, many many congrats on the new addition to your family.

lynski

Cathy, sorry for your loss. it is a tough time.
My dad died 2 months ago and with a 4.5 yr old a 2.5yr old and baby it is hard to get through the day without extra stress.
We explained to the children that grandad had died and mommy is sad sometimes and it is ok to be sad. I have generally managed not to cry too much in front of them, but it is hard.
Take plenty of time to do everything and I mean everything, I find there are days when the grief just catches me unawares and knocks me down again. I just try to roll with it as much as possible.
Be so gentle with yourself, and take it easy.

Tigerbaby

I'm sorry for your loss.

aint nothing wrong with crying. I lost my Mam last year, and cried off and on for months in front of anyone.

I'm 51 and a dad of two lovely twins 21 years old.

let it out.

tears are the pressure valve of the heart.

byhookorbycrook

Cathy, so sorry to hear it. I agree with others,let it out.

username123

Cathy - Im very sorry to hear of your loss.

Definitely dont beat yourself up for expressing grief in front of your children - or anyone else. Its a perfectly natural and indeed, healthy thing for you to do.

It was be far worse for children to sense you were upset but hiding it. Kids are tough, and learning about life and all it entails - sometimes in life we need to cry and its ok to do so. To not do it causes all sorts of other pressures and stress - so please let it out and as another poster said - just say that Mummy is upset right now but will be ok.

Again, Im very sorry to hear of your circumstances. Best of luck.

bulmersgal

Cathy

Sorry for your lost, my grandmother died in Feb and i've often cried about it in front of Elisha, She does come over and give me a hug or sometimes does something silly to make me laugh. Its a hard enough time and sometimes you just need to cry as its really helps. Don't be worrying about them seeing you upset, it will give them a chance of empathise (sp) with you and thats a great skill for them to have.

Orion

Deepest condolences on your loss Cathy. I have to agree with the rest - don't hold it in. Kids understand some things instinctively and it won't harm them seeing you upset - just make sure they know it's not them your crying for. Holding it back would only be bad for you in the long run.

lolli

I am sorry for your loss Cathy.

I think you should just let it out, I don't think you should hide your emotions from your children. I think its important for them to know when Mammy feels happy, when mammy feels sad etc.

I am really sorry this happened so soon after your baby was born. I wish you all the best. xx

Daisy M

Sorry for your loss Cathy, take care of yourself and let your hubby take care of you as much as he is able. Allow yourself to grieve and understand it is probably going to be a little bit harder on you than a normal bereavement due to having recently given birth and your hormones adjusting, and also as your relationship was strained the grieving process is more complicated. Take care.

metrovelvet

Gosh Cathy, you certainly have a lot on your plate. You are only human and going through so so much right now, the loss of your mom, a new baby, recovery from a section. I think you need to give yourself permission to go through the human process of whatever form your grief takes you through. It's kind of like you have no choice, because if you dont gireve the way your grief demands you to, then the conseuences of that are pretty bad for you and your family. It's kind of like asking is it ok to have the flu in front of your kids? Of course it is, you have no choice about it.

Deepest condolences to you and you have gotten through so much already, life keeps throwing you curve balls Cathy, and you make your way through them.

titanium feather

Well maybe think of it this way - would you rather if your children grew up feeling that it was OK and normal to cry and to express how they are feeling, or if they felt that if you're feeling low you should bottle it all up inside? Because children do learn by example, and I think it's good for them to see that it's normal and healthy to share your feelings with loved ones.

Very sorry for your loss.

cbyrd

Cathy, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. . i know how you feel having just gone through it.. i get embarrassed crying in front of anyone..(comes from growing up with 6 boys) Shane is young and emotion can be easily explained.. they notice but once you're honest kids will adapt. Something like 'mammy is crying cos she's sad. .'
I tend to cry more when i'm alone but i've been rumbled a few times and i just tell them honestly that i miss my dad. They're older i know and it's easier for them to understand the whole death/gone away thing. It a whole lot harder to try to explain something like that to a baby, so the sad thing just kinda covers everything..
Don't hold it in.. you just make yourself ill doing that..

cynder

Sorry to hear that cathy, *hugs* must be very hard for you at the moment, dont keep it in though, that does more harm.

Saturday was my dads 56th birthday (Sunday fathers day) only my dad wasnt here to see it he died 2 years ago this August. It does get easier, you never forget them.


*hugs*

angelfire9

Cathy I only just saw this thread today

You have been through more in the last six months than most people go through in a lifetime

Huge ***hugs***

Don't bottle up whatever you're feeling, it will only make things worse in the long term, baby Shane won't even remember a few tears from mammy in June 2011 by the time Christmas comes around, but if you bottle it all up it will take you alot longer to get your emotional strength back and you will need that for yourself as well as Helen, baby Shane & Daddy Shane!

Having a baby is emotionally draining at the best of times, but with all the stress you were under pre Helen's arrival and now with this bereavement and your apparent feelings of guilt over your relationship with your mother its a miracle you aren't having a complete nervous breakdown! :(

My heart goes out to you, I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, I hope you are minding yourself physically as well & not trying to be wonder woman after a C-Section! :rolleyes:


Make sure you get lots of hugs & kisses from your two Shanes!
And remember every time you hold Helen, no matter what your relationship was with your mother, a little bit of her lives on in you and in your daughter!

Hope you feel better soon honey!

Squiggler

Others have said it better than I can. So sorry to hear about your loss.

As to children seeing you cry, I don't think that it is a bad thing. If anything it lets them see that it is a normal outlet for emotion, something that is healthy.

*Big hugs*

doubletrouble?

first of all cathy, sorry to hear about your mom. i know what i'm about to say wont mean much. but time is a good healer. but to get back to your thread. it's never bad to cry if front of children in times like this. i know you might think differently ,but in time they'll understand and T.B.H. in a way your letting them know it's alright to cry and they should never be afraid of doing it in front of others. theres not many people like you . most tend to bottle their emotions and carry it inside them for a long time. my mom died 5 years ago next month and i wish i could've been like you. fair play to you i say.your doing the right thing.

RachaelVO

Life can certainly deal out a rubbish hand!

I so sorry you're going through this, if I'm frank, it sucks big time!

I think alot of us who have lost our mothers can relate to you (my mam dead 3 years, I was 9 weeks pregnant on my son with and I had a toddler).

You are very much entitled to your tears! Your children are not going to be freaked out, hurt or damaged in the long term by your tears! Nor will they think any less of you. You are their mammy and that's that! You are giving them the chance to comfort you. They get cuddles from you when they are upset, now it's their turn, it's their nurturing side coming out, that can't be a bad thing can it?

*hug* to you, and I hope you can find some comfort through these pages, there are some very smart posts ahead of mine!