Shocked of my life

La frog fairy

Hi

Well, i managed to spot crying so thats good, so i can actually write here

I have been a regular on board.ie but for sure not in that section.

Anyhow, I found out yesterday i was pregnant...I am still in shocked so please bear with me.
See, i am 38 and had an emdometriosis when i was 21 and was told then that it was mild and that if i wanted children i should have them before 30.
then throught the years each gynecologist, during random visit, also mentioned i would have maybe issue conceaving.

I dont want to offend anyone on here but i am not one of those people that always felt i have to have children, and never really thought of having any so i never was worry, of course i still took birht control pill cos i never want to have an accident pregnancy, always thought if i ever want any that i would see what age i am then and if it happens it happens and if it doesnt it doesnt.
I always been a younger mind than my age enjoying the freedom of going or doing things i want when i want.

so after i was 36 years old the doctor said with my family history of blood clog i should not take the pill anymore..etc.. so i stoped. then of course took precautions whenever needed and knowing i wouldnt concieve easily i never worry.

Now i 38 i fond 6 months ago the msot amazing guy, truely amazing, im the luckiest person honestly. Still having met him the desired of having kids didnt kick in, but the act he is 10 years younger than me made us talk about it and we came up with the decision that 2 years from now we would see how my health is and maybe do some test (always thinking it wouldnt be easy to conceive) and then we would go from there.

Yes i have to admit that i didnt always be careful since we are together but again, never i thought in my life this would happened at all to me, at my age even!

So today is the 2nd day after finding out, my boyfriend doesnt live here so the whole idea of moving to his country, only an hour flight rushing now ( i was meant to move there next january and we had plans to get engaged then)

Anyhow, I am sorry to write such a long post but i am clearly mentally in shoked, i dont even know what im supose to eat or not eat, do or not do..i never really care to know those things before and now it seems that all is changing and im scared to hell about the future, my life being different, the freedom of my life as it is and developing my relationship with my boyfriend still new, giving birth or not loving the baby...

Please don't judge me, i know its my fault, right now if i could hear from anyone who maybe is around my age and found themself in similar situation i would appreciate.

Thank you for reading

La frog fairy

Moderator it's op here, please close/delete my thread, sadly this doesn't seem to have been a good idea to post here, for me anyway.


Thanks

lolli

Hi op,

First of all congratulations on your pregnancy.

Have you told your partner how did he react?

I don't think there ever really is the perfect time to have children. Most of us end up with surprises but they are definately a nice surprise. You probably just need time to get your head around things. I was in shock when I found out I was pregnant but after a few days I was really looking forward to having a baby.

I never really planned children either but she is certainly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

My mammy had a baby at 43 when my brothers were 21 & 12 and I was 18. She was in such shock as she thought that her child rearing days were over. It took her a while to adjust, my sister is 8 now and none of us would change her for the world.

You really need to sit down and talk through this with your partner my dear. As for eating, just eat healthily, start taking folic acid and mind yourself.

Cat Melodeon

Hi frog fairy,
sorry this is such a difficult time for you. It's a shock when you find out you're pregnant at any time, even if it is meticulously planned, never mind with all the stuff you have going on.

This really is something you need to think about first on your own and then with your partner. As having babies is something you have actually already considered doing together, this may not be as complicated as you think it is. First, look to your own response. Forget about the crying, that's just shock and fear. How do you actually feel about the prospect of becoming a mother? Can you picture it? Is there some part of you that is excited rather than terrified? Take your time with this - you have thought for so long that having children would never happen for you that you may have prepared yourself psychologically for that eventuality, so of course it's going to be difficult to come to terms with the new reality. But get a rough idea of all the positives and negatives sorted out in your own head before you tell your boyfriend so that his reaction doesn't become yours by default. You need to know your own mind on this first, before you tell him. And give him time to think it over too. I don't want to be mean, but with your history and your age, this may be the only chance you have to have a baby. I'm not saying that is the only reason to have one, but it is a hell of a compelling argument if there are any positives to becoming a parent for you at all. Your partner is younger, he may not feel the same urgency as you or he may be pure thrilled, but really what happens next is mostly up to you. It's a life-changing decision one way or the other, just take your time. Good luck.

La frog fairy

dear ladies its the op here,

I want to thank you very much for your replies, I know this was an epic, sleeping like, post but sadly i could not make it shorter or clearer.

I have spoken to my boyfriend who couldnt be anymore amazing. He wants us to be happy and start a family, for sure he is as shoked as me and for sure we talked about it before but this was not plan for now, but it happened so we are having the baby and im hoping after things get settled in my head of panicking left and right, that i will start to relax and not be so nervous.

Is it normal to over-think about it all, the future, being a good mom, everything!

Again thank you girls to replying, i was starting to think i was the only one in that position as all the post are happy girls and all and its not that im unhappy its just that im numb at the moment and need time.

all the best,
Froggie

Cat Melodeon

Congratulations! So glad that your boyfriend is supportive, it makes everything else so much easier to manage! Yes, it is completely normal to overthink every little detail and to be anxious about the future, but all you can do is take it one step at a time. First, look after your health and get some antenatal care - your diet, lifestyle, everything that you do well now will give your baby the best start. I really recommend the book 'What to expect when you're expecting' by Heidi Murkoff. There's a whole series of these books for every stage of pregnancy and child-raising and while they are not exactly perfect manuals, they do give you a rough idea that whatever you are feeling is normal and that every mother-to-be has fears and doubts and crazy anxieties. After that, like I said, it's one day at a time. Pregnancy (and parenting) is full of good and bad days, days where you can't stop crying over absolutely nothing, days where you can't stop yourself from grinning from ear to ear, and every colour in between. I don't think there is any prescription for what it means to be a 'good parent' - we all do what we can and hope we don't mess our kids up too much. Some manage to produce perfect little angels, others have demons and most of us have something in between. If you and your child survive the next 21 years and still are on speaking terms, I reckon that's a sign you've done alright!
Good luck with everything OP, it's a big change and you have ahead of you what with moving country and everything. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

deeduck48

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

Congratulations! So glad that your boyfriend is supportive, it makes everything else so much easier to manage! Yes, it is completely normal to overthink every little detail and to be anxious about the future, but all you can do is take it one step at a time. First, look after your health and get some antenatal care - your diet, lifestyle, everything that you do well now will give your baby the best start. I really recommend the book 'What to expect when you're expecting' by Heidi Murkoff.

Exactly, couldnt agree more. we planned bump and tried and tried and were still very shocked when the test was positve (i actually drove like a lunatic to the nearest shop to get more tests as i didnt think i was pregnant!!)
im 31wks, and have the books and very supportive OH and family but still feel soooo under prepared. that book aka WTEWYE, was a godsent for me as its in plain english and its witty and sensitive too, but gives all the facts out straight.
Congrats again and keep us all up to date.