Crime & Punishment

ash23

Its so frustrating when you tell them over and over and over and over again to do something or not do something and they do it anyway.

When my daughter was about 4 she drew on her sofa(despite being warned not to colour anywhere but the table/floor) I took her markers off her and she had to ask when she wanted to colour and had to be set up at the kitchen table in order to colour. . In time she got them back and was able to colour at will again.

At the moment it's the lunchbox. She's 8 and one of her chores is to empty her lunch. I don't go near her bag anymore as she gets annoyed when I find notes her and her friends have been writing (innocent stuff about nothing really) so I told her that her room and her bag are now her responsibility.
For a few months there, every other week I'd get a whiff from the bag, have to go into it and would find a half eaten mouldy sandwich or a mushed up banana. I started with warning her and then grounding her.

OP, we're all human and on occasion we lose the plot. I have lost it with my daughter and shouted at her. However, once I calm down I usually go to her and apologise for shouting. I will say "It was wrong of you to leave your lunch in your bag for 2 weeks and you know that I've warned you loads of times about it so you are still grounded, but I shouldn't have lost my temper and shouted at you and for that I am sorry".

The punishment still stands but personally, I don't want her thinking it's ok to go around screaming at people who annoy her. But at the same time, sometimes she frustrates me so much it's all I can do to hold back from really letting rip.
Also I think it's really important to trust them to do things. We can't stand over them all the time watching every move/ At some point you have to let them do things, access things or go places without hovering over them and you have to trust them to do what they should. And if they don't and you KNOW they can, then they have to be punished/reprimanded for that.

bigneacy

sparkling sea wrote: »

newkie wrote: »

Came home from work yesterday to find our oak kitchen table scratched up. My son is 4.5 and used his metal cutlery to leave nice scratches behind. No malevolence intended and he has been told many many times not to do this. I've practically been hammering this in since birth and was as strict when he used just plastic cutlery.

He was promptly yelled at and sent to bed. This morning one of his favourite toys has been remanded into custody for a week.

So... what "consequence" (I'm not allowed to say punish apparently) would you have dealt out?

Yep the way to go, shout at him and send him to bed. Don't take the time to teach him, in a calm, loving and controlled way - repair the damage to the table, don't send the time on the child.

Anyone can lose their temper with a child and be careless but acting as if the child is the one at fault is just weird in this situation, in my opinion.

He is 4.5, he was sent to his room, fairly drastic to send a 4.5 year old to his room, who was supervising him. By the way why was he left unsupervised with metal cutlery for long enough to damage a table, this is fairly dangerous, he could have had an eye out with a fork or knife.

I am sure you know the rule but culpability should equal punishment - 4.5 minutes on naughty step or what ever seat you use, keep it going until they are sorry, then leave it go - and be a bit more vigilant yourself the next time. Too long a time spin and they no longer realize why they are there. They don't learn anything if you make the punishment to long, they forget the reason and why wouldn't they, its a learning curve and it takes a long time to get it right, a bit like parenting really

Why have you taken his toy for a week - you didn't supervise or step in, in time to stop him scratching your table - you didn't do your job properly so you are punishing him for a week. What punishment have you afforded yourself for your mistake, I bet it wont last a week.

Maybe a table mat or even a table cloth, or old sheet would stop this happening when he is at the table and you can't give him your full attention.
Otherwise don't leave him there because if he acts like a normal 4.5 year old he will be left on his own in a room and punished in some other way for a week. Your reaction to the actions of a child are really over the top - what would you have done if he was ten - I dread to think.:mad:

I had to log in to express my shock at your over the top comment.

Get Down off your high horse.

OP, I think most of us (in the real world) would have reacted the same way. And 4.5 isn't too young to use cutlery and be left unsupervised with.

Children need a little indepence.

cynder

My guys been there and done that only he hasn't only scratched the table he has taken the knife and scratched the new 48 inch tv as his comprehension was really poor at the time we could only say no and take the object off him (he has used a knife/ screwdriver and alum keys) and put them out of his reach now 2 years later aged 4 and a half he no longer attacks the tv, he may over use a pen on the table, but hay its only a table cant keep things in tip top condition with kids around, will have to wait another few years before we replace anything.


painted the house a few times as it was covered in the kids drawings, but now the drawings have stopped a few hand prints here and there, but im quite chilled out about it, nothing stays new forever. It is disheartening when they ruin something new but that's kids for you, a firm NO dont do it again, (even though the chances are that they will do it again) but there will come a time when they realise that they are not supposed to do it and they will stop. Ive had not drawings on my walls for the last 8 months and my lads are 4 and 5 (almost 6). so it does work. If their favorite toy has gone to prison for a week, and that works great.

Glinda

Seeing as he's done this before, I'd have taken the metal cutlery, told him that he couldn't have it any more until he could be good and use it properly, issued him with his old plastic cutlery and refused to give the metal stuff back until he said sorry and promised to be a big boy and not to scratch the table if I gave it back (of course if he doesn't care, so much the better, let him use the plastic for another while - less capacity for damage).

Meanwhile I'd probably be having a long think about having 'good' furniture and whether it's worth it when kids are small

sparkling sea

bigneacy wrote: »

I had to log in to express my shock at your over the top comment.

Get Down off your high horse.

OP, I think most of us (in the real world) would have reacted the same way. And 4.5 isn't too young to use cutlery and be left unsupervised with.

Children need a little indepence.

Not on a high horse, just giving my opinion

Everyone is of course entitled to their opinion - I don't agree with yours - (in the real world) would be distressed by the actions of these parents.
Not spur of the moment but a continuing loss of control resulting in the type of ongoing punishment that a child of 4.5 is not capable of understanding - but hey as I said, we are all different

Children need lots of things - positivity being a priority - again in my opinion.