Am I being bullied at work?

Rhalliord

I work in a high profile place where there isnt enough desk room for everyone so we have to share desks on shift work. Recently there was a bit of an upheaval and alot of us swapped desk partners. We are allowed to have a few personal items on our desks, so I have a few things as does my new desk partner . However every day when I come in, my desk partner has turned all my stuff around, so the photos are facing the partitions not outwards. After several requests to him to stop he did not do so, so I reported him to the SO. They said they would have a word with him and that I should report it if it happens again. Needless to say he has not stopped. On another occasion he brought in a picture of a cat hanging over a cauldron with a caption that says so few cats , so many reciepes , which upset me greatly as I am a huge cat lover, and have a picture or two of my cats on my desk. I believe he did this delibritely to antagonise me. now I have had run in with this guy before , so much so that he played a major part of me asking for a shift transfer which I got. The SO's and EO's are aware of some of the issues I've had with him but not all as I felt that I was telling tales. The immaturity of the person involved is getting beyond a joke at this stage. The people in charge seem to be doing nothing, they did say that if it contiunues then both of us will have to remove all our personal stuff from the desk. I believe I have done nothing wrong, and feel like that would be punishing me for his immaturity . I approached our union official who told me that it was a local matter not a union one. I am coming here for advice as I honestly dont know what to do.

LegacyUser

How small a space are you talking about? If you have to share this space why not set out the boundaries, and the put your stuff within that boundary and he the same. IMO he shouldn't touch your stuff at all. It's not his. But if the stuff is on a a space which he uses, then he can easily say he moved the stuff to make room for himself to do something or some similar excuse.

Re. The cat thing, It sounds deliberately antagonizing. Which is why I hate sharing small spaces with people I don't know/Hate.

UGH .

I feel your pain.

It's in the realm of psychological warfare. Hard to prove, without looking like your telling tales and being petty. Equally hard to concentrate on the work involved if your occupied with retaliation or playing him at his own game.

InReality

could you swap desks with someone else ?

Zulu

He clearly doesn't like the pictures of cats you have at your desk.

Put them in the drawer when you're finished your shift.

Esoteric_

Not to be bad but you're taking this way too seriously. If this is what you consider bullying, god help you if you ever encounter a really nasty piece of work in your job. He doesn't want your pictures there when you're not there, it's not that big a deal. Just put them away when you go home and take them out again the next day.

The cat thing - really? You think he's doing it to annoy you because you love cats? I'm sorry but that is ridiculous. He probably thought it was funny. I love cats but I still find it funny.

You're seriously over-thinking things IMO.

Bandana boy

I would ask to swap desks ,in fact insist on it as they did not curb his behavior

While what he is doing might seem innocuous to some ,he is doing it to get this reaction from you ,which is not innocuous.

Do not sink to his level and in any dealings on the matter try stay unemotional.

Bandana boy

Bandana boy wrote: »

.........
While what he is doing might seem innocuous to some ,he is doing it to get this reaction from you ,which is not innocuous.............

Most definitely, this lad is a weasel and trying to needle you.

Rhalliord

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Not to be bad but you're taking this way too seriously. If this is what you consider bullying, god help you if you ever encounter a really nasty piece of work in your job. He doesn't want your pictures there when you're not there, it's not that big a deal. Just put them away when you go home and take them out again the next day.

The cat thing - really? You think he's doing it to annoy you because you love cats? I'm sorry but that is ridiculous. He probably thought it was funny. I love cats but I still find it funny.

You're seriously over-thinking things IMO.

As I said in my original post, there were other factors involved, why you might find that cat picture funny, I do not as many times he has said to me that if he ever saw a cat in the middle of the road he would swerve to run it down. I know of at least three times when he has come into work crowing when I'm around about running over cats at the weekend.Also there was a time when he got trained in on something I had been trained in a few weeks before and and he said that at least he wasnt as dumb as the last person who got trained in on them since they never got them since. I could list out more things he has done to me in the past

Zulu

So it's indirect threats to cats that's got you riled?

Clearly bullying.

You've got it bad, better go to HR. I reckon you've got a few months stress leave there.

TheBunk1

Well if he is consistently bullying you, need to take a firmer stance and insist on either you or him being moved to another desk.

This issue with the cats is ridiculous imo. If the "cat over the cauldron" picture upset you greatly as you say, it appears you are over sensitive to the point where any little comment or action could be construed as bullying toward you.

If he is the type of sadistic individual he says he is, who goes out of his way to mow down cats and then feels the need to brag about it, well it shows you he is a moron.

While his actions are immature your reactions are equally so. Could this not have been settled with a one to one talk?

I think both of ye should grow up and realise that there are bigger problems in the world.

sambuka41

Hi OP I'm a huge cat lover and would be offended by the picture also, but don't let that get to you. Ignore him, he is doing it for a reaction, dont give it to him.

I think there is a line between childish behaviour and bullying and this falls on the childish side. I don't think it can be classed as bullying, not the pictures thing thats just a disagreement between staff. But comments to other people about you, in front of you IS bullying.

Like others have said, insist on changing desks. Make it clear that there were issues between you too previously and this is not going to work sharing a space like this.


I would say that your employer has a duty of care to you BUT you are also an adult. If you are having a disagreement with someone you need to try and rectify that yourself before going to your manager.

Im Only 71Kg

why would you bring cat pictures into a place of work? it's inappropriate. the office is not a place for pets or family..its a place of buissness. you are the one who is out of order as far as i can see. you are trying to provoke a colleague with these silly props..grow up.

sambuka41

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

why would you bring cat pictures into a place of work? it's inappropriate. the office is not a place for pets or family..its a place of buissness. you are the one who is out of order as far as i can see. you are trying to provoke a colleague with these silly props..grow up.

What are you talking about?? Loads of people have pictures on their desks of family. If it were inappropriate her/his boss would have said to them when they complained, its obviously not a problem.

Rhalliord

TheBunk1 wrote: »

Well if he is consistently bullying you, need to take a firmer stance and insist on either you or him being moved to another desk.

This issue with the cats is ridiculous imo. If the "cat over the cauldron" picture upset you greatly as you say, it appears you are over sensitive to the point where any little comment or action could be construed as bullying toward you.

If he is the type of sadistic individual he says he is, who goes out of his way to mow down cats and then feels the need to brag about it, well it shows you he is a moron.

While his actions are immature your reactions are equally so. Could this not have been settled with a one to one talk?

I think both of ye should grow up and realise that there are bigger problems in the world.

How are my reactions immature, I asked him several times to stop he did not. It only came to the SO's and EO's attention after he reported that I left nail clippings under the desk (which turned out to be proven that he left his own clippings there and was trying to blame me).

Ironman76

Its ridiculous that posters are accusing the OP of overreacting over the cat over cauldron pic. Thats not the issue, the issue is the other person is doing this purely to get at the OP. Yee seriously need to look up what bullying is all about. Im starting to wonder why people even bother coming on here looking for advice.

Having said that i dont think its anywhere near as bad as some bullying cases. My friend is leaving his job now as hes getting chest pains because hes been treated like sh*t so much by his boss. His doctor disgnosed him with depression an all over it. This is a bloke thats 6"4 and could probably fight a bear. His partner also just had a baby.

The good thing about your situation is your in a good position to do something back. Seriously, if it was me Id find out what he dislikes and have pics or whatever smeared all over my desk. Youre just making yourself an easy target.

westies4ever

Bottom line - the OP is feeling miserable - there's nothing as bad

Ironman76

Rhalliord wrote: »

I asked him several times to stop he did not.

You are being bullied.

mikemac

He's just begging for a reaction. He knows your buttons and how to push them.

Did you ever get in an argument with a brother and sister and when you go to your Mam she says "you're worse for letting them upset you"

Demand a desk move and forget about it, it's not bullying but it's very childish.

The guy is a waster and he won't try this one with a more confident person or he'll get a reaction back tenfold. He'd only try this with an easy target and you do seems to be a sensitive soul OP

LLU

I think it's fair to say this does sound like bullying and it is your managers responsibility to address it, which they seem to have failed to do.

(bear in mind that if he happens to dislike cats it's reasonable for him to put away pictures of cats on the desk, but it sounds like he's just doing this to antagonise you which is a different matter)

TheBunk1

Rhalliord wrote: »

How are my reactions immature, I asked him several times to stop he did not. It only came to the SO's and EO's attention after he reported that I left nail clippings under the desk (which turned out to be proven that he left his own clippings there and was trying to blame me).

It's immature if you're telling EO/SO's without sitting down one to one like adults and discussing it. I don't mean asking him to stop, but firmly explaining your point of view and your reasons. It may be that he doesn't realise he's upsetting you so much.

Complaints about pictures of cats and nail clippings are immature.

Are you saying that someone actually held an investigation into who's nail clippings were under the desk? How was this proven, out of interest? Trawling through hours and hours of CCTV? DNA analysis perhaps? Christ :rolleyes:

ABajaninCork

Sorry, but I'd find nail clippings on a desk beyond gross. Immature it is not. And very unhygienic

Personally, I'd done something about it. I can't say what as I'd probably be told off...

gline

I dont know if what he is doing is bullying (a HR person would be a better judge), but it sounds annoying. However I have seen previous situations in work and to be honest not many managers would do anything about this, they wouldnt see this as a serious enough issue. You can try and ignore him, over time this will proably work, or ask to be moved to another desk if possible. If you dont like the poster he had up then I think the only option is what your manager suggested that both of you will have to take down any pics etc, it will keep the space "neutral", dont see it as your being punished for doing nothing, just see it as a small compromise for "peace". If it continues you could go to HR (or similar) and say you are frightened to work with him as he has talked about killing animals etc and it makes you very uneasy and that maybe suggest he is violent:p But that is the last resort I suppose if nothing gets done and it possibly gets worse and you just cannot work with him and you dont mind him possibly getting into some trouble. I have to say Ive worked with people before that would also recoil if someone talked about running over cats for fun, that is a pretty strange thing for him to talk about in a work situation, even if it is only a joke.

Though one thing I'd like to know is, has anyone else had a smiliar problem with him and is there a big age difference between the 2 of you?

LegacyUser

When you say you are on shift work and share a desk, do the pair of you actually share a shift and sit and work alongside each other each day, or are you on separate shifts and each use the desk alone on your shifts?
It's just that you seem to see him everyday because you keep saying it to him everyday to stop turning your pictures,and you are also working when he is making his running down cat remarks, so I'm a bit confused as to whether you just see him as he is leaving his shift everyday, or if you share and start the shift together.
If you are sharing the actual shift together then you should both be allowed have your items out, and he shouldn't touch them.
If you have separate shifts then maybe BOTH of you should just take out your personal items when it is your shift.
You keep the cat pics only for your own shift, and he only takes out his things when it's his shift. Each could both keep your items separate in a drawer until it is your's or his shift.
It might be a simple way around the problem.

I think there could be a few different issues at play here.
A.- He just really dislikes cats and resents the fact that he has to look at them all day whilst he's trying to work, so he simply turns them away from view.
B.- He still holds a grudge from the falling out you both had before, and is deliberately trying to piss you off simply because he doesn't like you. I would say due to his poster it might be a mixture of this and not liking cats.
C.- It could be a power struggle.
Everyone likes to have their own work space, and in a way it could be like marking possession of the desk as "his desk", by pushing your stuff out of the way.
You might possibly be guilty of this too.
How many pictures and personal items have you got exactly?
Maybe he feels that you just have too much of your stuff on the desk, and he feels that you are taking it over and that he is sitting at "your" desk rather than his own work station, whilst he is on his shift.
Maybe this irks him, and he retaliates by moving your stuff so that he can feel like he is at his own desk during work.
I wouldn't feel very comfortable working at a desk that was covered in other people's family and pet photos. It wouldn't make me at all angry, but it would bug me in a making me feel less comfortable type of way.
I would prefer just my own pics, or else none at all so that I wouldn't get distracted from work, and so I could feel I was working in my own personal space for my own shift.
Maybe you would be tolerant if he has family pics and stuff, but it might just be something he is not comfortable with.

Whatever the case, I think he is reacting to his annoyance or dislike of you in a very childish way with the whole nail clippings thing, and the cat poster that he knew would piss you off.
Maybe because of your past falling out, and your recent reporting of him for moving your items, he sees you as a "rat" who ran to the mangers instead of sorting things out with him. It might explain his immature getting back at you attempt with the reporting of you over nail clippings that were his incident.
He's also using his allowance of personal items as another way to annoy you. He can just say, "well I'm allowed have personal items too, so I choose this 'funny' cat poster"
It's all very petty, is definitely done to wind you up and is working perfectly because of the reaction he's getting from you.

I think the people in charge have the right idea that maybe you should just both be banned from having personal items on the desk you share.
Or better yet just give you or him a different desk partner. It can't be that difficult for them to do so!
Don't think of it as you being punished, as he would also have to remove his family photos and cat thing too.
If you are separate shifts then I think the best thing is a compromise in that you both put away your items at the end of your shift.
If you share a shift and desk together, then either you both get rid of your items, or the manger makes it clear that you are not allowed to tamper with each other's belongings.

It is hard to judge whether the moving of the cat pictures, and his joke picture is bullying in itself, or just a very immature one upmanship thing, however when it is paired with this

Also there was a time when he got trained in on something I had been trained in a few weeks before and and he said that at least he wasnt as dumb as the last person who got trained in on them since they never got them since. I could list out more things he has done to me in the past

it definitely does seem like a form of bullying in the form of digs, and belittling you.
The above quote should be reported also to give the managers some more context of the situation when they are figuring out the issue of the moving of belongings, also the deliberate antagonizing remarks about swerving to run cats over on purpose. They need to hear your full story, because otherwise they are just going to see it as one petty little issue.

Did he move around the belongings of the last person he shared a desk with, or is it just with you?

I really think you should demand that you or him get different desk partners.
Try your best to not let him see you getting upset, as he is looking for a reaction. If having a serious conversation one on one with him over his digs remarks doesn't resolve it, then just remain professional and follow the office guidelines about resolving the issue.
Hopefully this will be stopping you being desk partners with him.
Good Luck.

Neyite

So you have 2 (or more?) photos of cats on your desk that you share with someone else? Someone who hates cats? He is entitled to hate them as much as you are entitled to love them, and equally your pictures could be seen as taunting him. Neither of you are in the right here.

Put your personal photo on your computer desktop as wallpaper, and remove them from your desk.

mikemac

Good advice above. Lose the photos and set your wallpaper for cats.
You can even take 30 seconds every morning and add a new cat photo if you want.

looksee

It seems rather silly to allow personal items on desk space that has to be shared. If I were coming in to work I would expect a clear space to work at. I would leave it clear for the next person and would expect them to do the same for me.

I do not think that this is so much bullying as childishness, put your pictures away at the end of your shift, or take them home, leave a completely neutral space for your partner.

If you are on different shifts how can he have so much opportunity to make smart remarks to you? Again its childishness, but don't allow yourself to be riled by it, let it go 'over your head'. There is no point trying to rile someone who does not react.

Bock the Robber

He's probably thinking very bad things about you too. Have you considered hiring a mindreader?

ceadaoin.

I too work in an environment where we share workspaces and noone brings in any personal items to place on desks. I would feel a bit uncomfortable working whilst surrounded by pics of someone elses pets and family and would most probably turn them around or put them away when I was sitting there.

Is it really necessary to have these items? Fair enough if the area was for your own exclusive use but it's not. As was suggested above, using your pics as your desktop wallpaper or a screensaver is a much better idea.

u2thepale

Just replace the cats with pictures of him , that'll soften his cough

John Mason

tbh if i shared a desk with you, i would also turn the photos of cats around.

i hate cats and the last thing i would want is them staring at me with their beady eyes.

OP, lose the cat photos, a work desk is no place for photos and knick knacks, its a place of work